Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Matt was an idiot who always found new ways to get in trouble and bring others with him, but that isn’t why Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with him. To tell you the truth it’s probably why they hung out with him in the first place. Things were never boring when Matt was around. Hectic? Yes. Infuriating? Yes. Exciting? Hell yes, but never ever boring.



On the day that Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt they were mounting projects in the spray mount station in the campus media arts wing. They had twenty minutes until class and should have at least finished mounting yesterday. While Kevin and Simon just finished their mounting and were getting ready to head to room 306, Matt came charging in to the spray mount room (he had just finished printing his project)



“You can’t borrow my Mega 88,” Kevin said before Matt could ask.



“Sorry, I’m out,” Simon said.



“Why do you both assume I’m going to ask for your spray mount?” Matt asked feigning indignance.



“Because you’re too cheap to buy your own,” Simon said. Matt pulled a spray can out of his backpack.



“Then what, pray tell, is this?” he said holding it up triumphantly.



“I don’t know. You tell us,” Kevin said. It was a black can with a green lid. There was no label whatsoever on it, not even a print that said MADE IN CHINA or HECHO EN MEXICO, or even the often rumored but never seen PROUDLY MADE IN THE USA.



“Beats me, I found it in Otto’s backpack,”



“Found it?” They both asked incredulously. Matt was always stealing things, but that is not why Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt.



“So what? I ganked it. I’m in a time of need here. If I get a zero on another project I’ll have to take Mr. Landon’s class again,” Matt shook the can and removed the top.



“Matt, if you don’t know what that is I don’t think you should,” Kevin started, but Matt cut him off.



“I know what I’m doing  man,” He said as he pressed the spray nozzle.



Within seconds all the three young men saw was green, and they began coughing and gasping as the air steadily became fumier. Covering their faces with their t-shirts they made a run for it, but were unable to reach the exit before blacking out. Spray mount rooms are designed to be safe places to spray adhesives that contain toxic fumes. There are vents and fans in the ceiling and there is no door in the doorway because some idiot would forget and close it potentially killing the people in the room, so shortly after they passed out the green haze was gone leaving three piles of clothes and the matte mounted art projects scattered on the floor with no explanation. Lupita, one of the custodians, found the stuff on the floor and stacked the artwork on the table. She shook out the clothes then folded them and put them next to the artwork so nobody would trip over them. If they were there at the end of the day she’d take them home. Most of them would fit her son, and it would be a shame if they were thrown away.



* * * 





When Kevin came to he couldn’t tell if he was flying or falling until the shiny black surface below came rushing towards him and rudely answered his question. Nothing was broken in the fall, but it still hurt and he was very disoriented from the fumes of that stupid stuff Matt had sprayed. Where is Matt? More importantly, where am I? Staring off into the distance he saw something that answered one question, but raised a hundred more. Lupita was shaking out his jeans and folding them. When she was done she placed them on the table right on top of his shirt. If the fact that the college custodian was sorting through his clothes wasn’t strange enough, the fact that she was massive and he was naked was enough to drive a normal man to madness, but Kevin, being an artist, was not a normal man. Enough of his senses were in order for him to realize that he was still in the spray mount room, on the table, and that Lupita was not massive, he was merely very small. I’m not saying he didn’t want to freak out, but for someone in that situation he was actually handling it quite well.



Lupita had finished with Kevin’s clothes and started working on Matt’s.  When she shook the shirt Kevin heard a scream. Matt was flying through the air, but unlike Kevin he landed on a soft pile of clothes.  Lucky jerk. He always seemed to come out of any mess he caused with the least damage of the group, but that is not why Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt.



“Matt down here!” Kevin yelled. He saw Matt poke his head out over the “ledge” of his shirt. He yelled a string of obscenities that Kevin took to mean, “What’s going on?”



“I think that stuff you sprayed shrunk us!” Kevin yelled up to him, “Now, get down here before she crushes you with your own pants!”



“Wha?” Matt started, then he saw the titaness shaking out the pair of pants in the distance. He didn’t handle this new information as well as Kevin had, but he did manage to scramble down before the pants came crashing against his shirt. He huddled on the ground in a fetal position while Kevin tried to get Lupita’s attention. He was unsuccessful. She shook out and folded Simon’s clothes and then left. Kevin was worried. He didn’t see Simon fly through the air, but as Lupita left he noticed his tiny friend running on the floor behind her waving his arms. She was completely unaware of the speck that was chasing her and he was no match for her stride. She was gone before he had moved the first foot. 



Shortly after she left, Tessa, a pink goth classmate of theirs came skipping into the room. Her pointy-toed shoe came down a hair’s breadth from Simon’s face. The impact from the step knocked him onto his back. Kevin and Matt waved their arms and shouted to her, but due to their size and the blaring metal music emanating from her sugar skull headphones she heard none of it. She skipped over to the table barely missing Simon again and placed her Joe’s choice soda on the far side so it wouldn’t get any Mega 88 in it. Kevin and Matt ran for their lives in opposite directions as she unceremoniously dropped her matte board on the table. The air cushion forced them both to fly for the second time that day. Kevin landed with a splash and Matt with a soft thud. He was lucky enough to hit the pile of clothes again.



Oh great! Kevin thought to himself as he realized where he had landed. He treaded soda, but was unable to climb the smooth edges of the can. His only hope now was that one of the others could get her attention before she decided to take a drink.



Matt climbed down the pile of clothes and onto the matte board knowing she would eventually have to look at it. He stood in the center and jumped up and down, but Tessa had her eyes closed and was dancing to the music.



“Put a stake, through my heart, and drag me into sunlight!” She sang as she dropped her backpack to the floor and turned to grab her supplies.



The backpack just barely missed Simon (if this kept up he was going to have a heart attack!) and blew him back between her feet. He stared up at her pink and black striped socks that went up to her knees. From there he saw pale flesh that led to her short black skirt. Maybe I shouldn’t be mad at Matt. He thought as he enjoyed the view. This definitely isn’t the reason Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt. Simon was so busy oogling that he didn’t react in time when Tessa lifted one foot and spun on the toes of the other in an almost ice skater like twirl. Before he could get out of the way a pointy shoe was bearing down on him. This time it wasn’t a near miss. What was left of him wouldn’t even be noticed unless you knew what you were looking for, but that’s still not the reason Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt.



Tessa unzipped her backpack and grabbed her X-acto case and her Mega 88. She sat the paper down on the mounting table to trim the borders instead of cutting it on a cutting board (so she’s the one that cuts those up), then, she began to shake the can of Mega 88.



“Wake up mow the weed you’d be nothing without me! Take my life if you have the heart! Heart to die!” she yelled as she sprayed down the matte board and quickly grabbed her project. She had exactly one minute until class started and one more half absence would drop her.



Matt gasped for breath. His entire body was sticky and after taking his first step his feet were sealed to the board by the incredibly strong spray glue.(I mean, really, this stuff is amazing) His lungs were burning, and his vision was cloudy. Before mounting her project Tessa downed the last of her soda (Mr. Landon didn’t like people to bring food or drinks into his class and she paid good money for it.)



Kevin didn’t know what was going on, but his world was filled with turbulence as the can was upset by outside movement. He looked out the hole in the top of the can with horror and saw Tessa’s open mouth, and then it was too dark to see anything and he found himself in a soda undertow dragging him towards a loud continuous gulping noise. He was a powerful swimmer, but eventually the soda started to run out and he was dragged into the warm confines of her mouth. Just as quickly as he was in her mouth he was forced down her throat. Being the only solid object in her esophagus he still felt it squeeze him tightly as he traveled down. The squeezing stopped and he splashed into liquid darkness. In his panic he had no idea, which way was up and just swam in a random direction until he hit a wall. The wall shook violently and he was unable to just follow along it to find some way out. This was the only time Kevin truly began to panic, but this was not why Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt.



Tessa burped letting out the excess gas that always builds up when you drink a soda too fast. This was the first time she ever remembered feeling a bubble go down though.  That was kind of weird. Meh, whatever. She quickly aligned the paper on the matte board hoping it wasn’t crooked. (Once you put something down on Mega 88 there’s no getting it back up. Really, this stuff is super strong.). She then smoothed it out with her index finger working out all of the bumps and wrinkles to make sure it was presentation worthy.



“Perfect,” she said after giving it a once over. She threw her soda can away and rushed off to class. Mr. Landon liked her piece so much he talked her into putting it up for exhibit in his gallery. And that my friends, is the reason Kevin and Simon stopped hanging out with Matt. Every since he’s become a gallery piece, he’s just been too snooty to even say hi.



This story was brought to you by Mega 88, available where all fine 4W products are sold.