Cyndi's Birthday Party
by ennui



Cyndi sobbed.

"You said you'd remember my birthday!"

"But Cyndi..."

"You lied to me!!!!" As she cried, her tears splashed on the table next to him, and into his little face, nearly drowning him.

"Cyndi, I did remember your birthday! I've been writing a song, just for you. I've been working on it all day."

"You did?" She wiped away a tear with a kleenex, then dropped it on the table, where it landed with a loud thud that nearly jarred his tiny body.

"Yes. And I ordered you a birthday cake! It should be here any minute!"

"Yay! she exclaimed, suddenly much happier. She picked Benny up and kissed him on his tiny little cheeks and played with his long hair. Benny grinned, loving it. "You know, I've felt so insecure ever since you drank that gunk that made you tiny. I keep thinking you're going to leave me and run off with somebody shorter."

"Oh Cyndi, you know that's silly. There's nobody as short as me in the whole wide world, and besides," and he lowered his voice and looked up at her sincerely, "there's nobody as beautiful as you in the world either."

"Oh Benny!"

Suddenly there was a ringing at the door.

"Hello?"

"Cake delivery for Cyndi Hansen".

"Oh, that must be for me!" She tipped the delivery man and rushed back to the table, opening it.

There was a loud groan. Then, "Benny!!!!!"

Benny wrung his hands. "Um, Cyndi. What's wrong?"

"This cake says Happy birthday S-I-N-D-Y!"

Benny gulped, not sure of what she meant.

"WHO IS SHE???????"

"Who is who??"

"Sindy, you know who, S-I-N-D-Y! And don't act like you're so clever with me. You have a new girlfriend, don't you!"

"Cyndi, you know I never go out..." It took some explaining, about how there was more than one way to spell Cyndi. She was going off the deep end fast. "Oh come on, Cyndi, can we discuss this later? Let's blow out the candles and I'll sing a song for you!"

She still looked unhappy and skeptical. Change the subject, change the subject, he thought.

"Well, where are the candles?"

"No candles?"

"Yes. I distinctly recall that birthday cakes are supposed to HAVE CANDLES ON THEM!!!!!!!!"

"They didn't send any? What a bunch of jerks... Why I ought to..."

She was looking even angrier and more hurt. Obviously, she blamed him.

"Oh wait, I have a candle!"

"You do?" She brightened a little.

"Oh yes, believe me, I thought of everything!" He leaped from the table onto the broom, shimmied up it to the kitchen counter, heaved as hard as he could to open up the utensils drawer, and pulled out a red and green candle shaped just like Santa.

Cyndi's eyes were blazing. "That's not a birthday candle, you dingdong!!!"

"Look, Cyndi, I'm getting fed up with this. It's a candle, all right? A candle's a candle! Look!

He kicked on one of the burners on the stove, and tipped the candle over until the whick caught. Then he tipped it back up, leaned on it and yelled up at her, "See?"

"But it's not a birthday candle!" she shouted at him, blowing the hairs on his head back.

"Look, you have a better idea?"

"Damn right I do," she said with a venomous smile, reaching for him. Benny jumped and cried out. He started to turn and run but she was too fast for him, seizing him in her huge fingers and laughing.

"Cyndi!" his little tiny lungs tried to squeak out under the crushing force of her fingers.

She laughed demoniacally as she lifted the Santa candle and poured the hot wax onto his head. Benny's head burned under the terrible heat! The molten wax dripped down his face and neck and shoulders and covered one of his eyes. She worked it into his long black hair, then pulled it straight up in the air until it formed a nice black spike.

"Now we'll have a REAL birthday party!" she said, plunging him feet first into the birthday cake until only his head and shoulders stuck out.

"Cyndi, stop this!" he screamed. "I was trying so hard to make this a nice birthday party for you. I was going to sing a song for you and..."

He felt the heat as she lit his hair. The wax melted again and began to drip down to his quivering shoulders.

Cyndi's voice was sweet as candy. "Sing for me, Benny!"

His hair was on fire! He couldn't move, buried in the thick cake and frosting. The smell of the vanilla and burning hair permeated his fried senses.

"What?? Wha... What song? The one I wrote?"

"You know what song I mean! Happy birthday!!!"

"Happy birthday... to you!?"

"Yes! Keep going!"

Before his last eye was covered over and singed by the wax, he managed to see her face, happy at last, although not very tender, smiling and clapping her hands, then bending forward to blow him out.

He sang:

"Happy birrrrrrrthday dear Sindy..."

Haha, he thought to himself, as she blew out his hair. She doesn't know I'm really singing to my new girlfriend, Sindy. She's such a stoopid ditz! I'm going to be so glad to dump this bitch! I hate it when she gets her period and starts acting like this. How could they have got the two addresses switched like that???? Man, I'm going to complain! Sindy's birthday isn't even until tomorrow!! Quick! I gotta think of a good excuse...