So I woke up. That's what anyone does, anyway, except for that one stor. You know which, the one where that one guy fell asleep and didn't wake up for a long ass time because of some magical jackasses who like bowling. At least I think that's how it went. I'm not really the smartest girl out there.

Anyway, I was laying down outside wearing only my undies. The first thing I noticed wasn't that I became really, really big, but that it was freakin' cold. I was genuinely afraid that I would get frostbite, which (all things considered) is better than bein' worried about how I tried to rape my roomie. I remember some stuff I saw on TV that said that moving around moves the blood through the body, which is really handy when you're freezing your ass of. I started to sit up so I could do some leg excersizes, when I felt a lovely crunching sensation beneath my butt.

Okay, on my campus, there was this legend about an old, abandoned shed in the woods near our college. A bunch of sophmores decide to go to this place for some serious orgy action, or something like that. But there was some sort of demonic force in that very shed, and it stole their souls, and the sophmores' bodies became zombies, doomed to walk the earth as long as the cabin existed. I think that this story was just some stupid little joke the seniors made up to explain why sophmores act stupid all the time. Looks like they'll have to make a new legend...

I picked up the pieces of the old shed, and inspected them. They were, without doubt, the remains of the shed. My heart beat faster and faster, and my car sized belly roared with the ferocity of a mythical dragon.

At this moment, two great and terrible truths revealed themselves to me. The first was that, through some unknown manner of science, magic, evolution, or sleep induced imagination, I became huge. The second was that I had the munchies. In particular, I was craving nachos. Obviously, I put two and two together, got four, and decided to go to the city to get as many nachos as I could. It was obvious that it was a dream at the time, why couldn't I just go and have fun with it?

I walked over to the silhouette of the nearest city, several trees being felled with each of my mighty steps. I chose not to surpress the giggles that rose out from my lungs when the trees' leaves tickeled the soles of my feet. I kinda regret that; it freaked out a few campers, they probably thought I was some sort of evil thingy that spends her spare time stealing childrens' toys.

As I walked out of the woods and into the city, the reaction from everyone was obvious. I don't want to go into detail. I don't like talking about how everyone looked up to me with fear in their eyes and screeched, hoping that their individual cries will be heard above the cacaphony, while others tearfully stopped moving, expecting my feet to come cr- GOD DAMMIT! SORRY ABOUT THAT.

So, while most of the people fled, others just stared at me, too shocked to accept my existence. Well, I thought at the time, they look like reasonable people, so maybe they could help me out. I decided to go onto my knees and bring my face down to them, so that I would intimidate them less. I asked them in the sweetest way possible, "You got some nachos?" as I wagged my bottom in the sky for added cuteness, and my belly rumbled in a way that would have been cute... If I were normal sized, of course. Instead of pampering me with spicy delights and a few cute virgin boys for me to date, they got the completely ridiculous notion that I was in the mood for some nachos con humanos. They ran away.

I got back on my feet, and I have to say, it was shaping out to be a terrible dream. With a sigh, I headed toward Main Steet in the hopes that someone would recognize my woes and give me the biggest batch of nachos ever. As I took a step, my mind went back to when I was watching that movie and how I noted to "watch my step". My foot came crashing down next to a fleeing woman, who fell on her back as she screeched in terror, and another opportunity to make myself look friendly arose. "Sorry about that, Miss," I giggled as I leaned down, "I totally should have looked. Can you point out where the nearest nacho place is?"

"N-n-n-n-nach-ch-chos?" she asked. Why is everyone good at being cute except me?

"Of course, nachos!" I repeated, salivating at the mere thought of nachos. Some of the drool must have dribbled on her. My belly grumbled as I asked, "If you tell me were some are, I'll give you a fun ride!" She ran away, tears of terror streaming down her face. This did wonders for my self esteem. Fighting back my own tears, I continued toward Main Street.

At Main Street, a nice little newslady named Sarah O'Ghoff was informing any potential viewers about the sightings of a giant woman in the outskirts of the city and the chaos that was erupting because of it. She was talking about how there might not even be a giant woman when I tripped on an empty car and landed on my ass several feet away from her. She stared up at me, in awe and in terror, as I rose onto my knees and started to rub my sore butt. This is when the camera gave everyone in the nation an up-close-and-personal view of my hiney that they commonly associate with me.

"Oh... My..." Sarah started.

I turned around and gave a cheery "Hello!" to her. "Don't run away, please," I said, "I would really like to-" Sarah started to run away.

Thinking quickly, I snatched her up and placed her on my shoulder. "P-please put m-me down!" she begged.

"Oh c'mon, miss!" I said, "I'd like to talk to at least one tiny person before I wake-"

I stopped. I was frozen, staring at a sign that made my stomach go crazy. It read "Joe's Nachos". I crawled toward it, completely ignoring poor Sarah, who had a bit of a tumble once I shifted toward the restaurant. She was holding onto my left breast, something that would have made me embarrassed if I weren't under this spell. If only I had paid attention to Sarah's hollering, the following little mishap would have been avoided.

The rest of my memory on this is fuzzy. I remember that I was scarfin' down chips like the world didn't exist, and I have a feint memory of Sarah making a safe landing. The only reason I know what happened was because the people at the news building sent me a free copy of the recording. Free. As in "I didn't have to buy it!" Awesome, right?

"This is Sarah O'Ghoff," she said, looking strait into the camera, "And the giant woman appears to be eating a bunch of Mexican chips." Oh Sarah! You are so funny! "So far, she's completely harmless, and we're trying to get an intervi-" She was at the wrong place at the wrong time, to put it bluntly. I scooped up not only a bunch of chips, but Sarah and the camera as well. I remember that there was a... sweet flavor in my mouth at the moment it happened, but I swallowed too soon for me to notice Sarah's cries of distress.

Sarah, I feel wicked bad about eating you, Okay? I was hungry and stupid, you weren't paying attention, but no one was to blame. You hear me? No one. Besides, I wouldn't have left you in there to eventually go out the bad way, even if I didn't gobble up the camera with you. C'mon, you have to forgive me sooner of later, right?

... Right?