Do you know what's awesome? Really frickin' awesome? Nachos. Seriously. They are delicious. I can't get my mind off of them for long, which is a big fuckin' problem when fighting crime. I cannot stress how much of a problem that is. Hell, those police guys) stuff their faces with donuts and coffee, and just look at how much they get done. Of course, they can get their shit during the job while I can't. You don't know how dissapointing is is to eat nachos when you're bigger than a building.

Wait, you don't care about the nachos? You want to know who I am? Are you stupid, or something? Who hasn't seen that (rather flattering) picture of my ass in the news? Or the footage from when I swallowed that news reporting lady whole?

Hey! Don't look at me like that! I spat her out! And we're best buddies... I think.

Any way, my name is Beth. Of course, everyone calls me either "The Cuddly Giantess" or "Fatass", which are both rather hurtful. Unless you like big, chubby butts, in which case: call me!

"Derr, wait, Beth!" you might be asking, "Why don't you tell us what your superpower is!" Well, it's an extremely wierd story. Like, really fuckin' wierd. You know those wierd porno stories that you find online that make no sense at all? Like, my story is wierder. Shocking, I know.

Well, I was just chillaxin' in my dorm, veggin' out and watchin' TV. I was just flipping channels, stuffin' my face with popcorn, silently crying because I realized that no cute boy will ever love a miserable fatass like myself. Y'know. The usual.

So, I was laying down on the only bed in my room, which I have to share with my roomie. She just loves sending mixed signals. Most of the time she's insulting my weight, but then there's those rare times when she tells me that I'm actually quite attractive. Now, that normally wouldn't worry me, but I swear, she ogles my ass. A. Lot. I bet that she looks at my ass more than I look at a TV. Hell, one morning, I woke up with her face buried in my ass. My ass. And she had this perverted smirk on her face. I'm fine with her being into girls, but she should really be more honest with her feelings.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the part where I was watching TV. I had my tummy lightly spilling over the edge of the bed (which will totally nab me some cute boys, right?), and I was flippin' through the channels. All that was on at the moment was the news and a really stupid movie about a guy in a rubber suit attacking cardboard houses. Now, I'd admit that I'm a nerd, a geek, an otaku, and all sorts of similar stuff, but at least I still have some class. I normally wouldn't watch one of those wastes of time, but something in my body wanted me to watch it. So I watched it.

This is where the freaky shit begins. So, as I was watching the movie, I started to talk about incoherent things. Like, when the monster crashed this fake looking limo, I said, "Watch your step." And not like, "OOP, U STEPPED ON COWZ, LOL", but like I was noting it. Like with a grocery list. So I did more of that stuff, saying such creepy little one liners like "Don't put on too much pressure" and "Don't rub against the buildings to reach a scratch unless it is necessary." It was like I was drunk and sober at the same time.

A half-hour into it, I said (against my will), "I've learned of potential hazards, the time will soon come" and turned the TV off. Freaky shit. I then started to feel really horny. Like, super horny. So horny that I was too willing to break the unspoken "Don't masturbate on a shared dorm bed" rule. But I couldn't. I couldn't move at all. Like my body was letting this orgasmic feeling reach its absolute peak.

This is when my roomie walked in. She was all, "Hey Beth, I'm back, you can stop stuffing your face," like she normally is. I normally would have been offended. I wish I had been offended, but in truth, I just got hornier. I turned my face toward her, my eyes fully dilated and spit dribbling down my chin. A soft moan escaped my throat. "B-Beth..." she said, "What are you-"

She was cut short. I ran up to her, pinned her against the wall and...

You promise you won't tell anyone, right? No one? Nobody? OK, good.

I kissed her.

Not a friendly cheek kiss either. I was going to town in her mouth. She would have shrieked and called the campus police, but my tongue filled up her mouth space. She tried to punch me, to get me off, but dear lord, that made things worse. If I had any control over my body, I would have just orgasmed right there, pass out, wake up, and apologize for raping her. Instead, I grabbed her other hand rubbed it against my ass. I normally taunt her with my ass (in the hopes of her getting a sex change operation), but this was beyond taunting. I was fuckin' purring.

I eased myself off of her after turning around and fuckin' bumped her with my butt, and just ran out to the nearby woods. In my undies. Yeah.

My body and mind couldn't take it any more. I let out the loudest orgasm scream in the history of mankind and passed out. In the middle of the woods.

I've heard of "body horror" before, but this just brought it to its absolute limit. Probably because it was fuckin' real.

Oh, look, you don't believe me anymore! I told you that is was gonna be wierd! And that isn't even the wierdest part! No, shit got real once I woke up...