Miles above the jungles of the Soviet Union, a lone soldier leapt from a Combat Talon in the world’s second HALO jump. As he plummeted through the sky, he received a call from his commanding officer over the COD-EC.
“This is Major Zero. I’ll be debriefing you on this operation. We’ve received reports that the Soviets are developing a new nuclear weapon. According to our intelligence, the weapon is a bipedal tank, standing at one foot tall. Despite its diminutive size, it’s capable of deploying nuclear warheads from anywhere in the world. Your mission is to infiltrate the research facility its being held, gather as much information regarding how such a weapon was even developed, and destroy it before it can wreak havoc on the world.”
“Understood,” the soldier replied. “But I have one question.”
“What’s that?”
“Why am I so small?” The soldier was half an inch tall, making his descent take way longer than it should.
“It’s imperative that you leave no trace of your presence within the Soviet border. At your current size, your camo index will never drop below 95%. This operation doubles as a field test for the U.S. Military’s new shrinking technology. And you can breathe easy; Para-Medic will restore you to your normal height upon completion of the mission.” After several minutes of slow-falling, the soldier released his parachute which was no bigger than a cocktail napkin. He drifted past the trees and slid cooly along the ground, sending blades of grass flying in all directions. Once he made landfall, the soldier stood up and removed his flight helmet. He had a bandana wrapped around his forehead and an eyepatch covering his right eye. “For this mission, your codename is: Tiny Snake.”
hlkl4;m1;m5;l0;l1;
Dremuchij
Brng-brng *click*
“Let’s go over the basic controls,” Major Zero continued. “To read further along, press the down arrow on your keyboard, or scroll down with the slider on the right side of the screen. To go back and reread a prior section, press the up arrow or scroll up with the slider. To close out of the story, click on the red [X] in the top-right corner of the screen. Good luck, Snake.”
Snake rushed through the dense thicket. Even though he ran at full speed, his camo index stayed at 100%, completely obscured by the foot-tall grass around him. As to be expected, the mission was procure on sight, meaning Snake was going in unarmed. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, but given that he was too small to even hold a water pistol, he wasn’t likely to find any suitable arms. CQC was out of the question too. All he could do was run to his objective.
He passed a few guards along the way, but none of them noticed him. Even if he got within line of sight, he was indistinguishable from a bug. Snake’s familiarity with the region helped him get through it, though it took significantly longer at his current size.
hl6;l3;l0;l5;l6;k4;l6;k6;l5;l6;
Dolidnovodno
Snake made it to the valley. A long wooden bridge connected two distant cliffsides over a river far below. Snake walked onto the bridge, bypassing the posted guard with ease. He was disappointed he couldn’t shoot down the beehive hanging just above the guard as a distraction, but now that he was the size of a bee, it was probably best to leave them undisturbed. Snake made his way across the bridge, leaping over the gaps between each plank. Near the center of the bridge, the wind from the valley was intense. Snake gripped onto the wooden boards and inched his way across, having to crawl along the rope siding at every gap. It took a long while, but he eventually made it across.
i6;k2;l9;l9;k4;km0;
Rassvet
Nightfall was approaching as Snake reached the outskirts of the abandoned factory. He sidled up against a big rock and peered around the corner. The coast was clear. Snake took a breather and decided to rest up behind the rock. As urgent as the mission was, even the greatest soldier in the world needed to take breaks, and Snake’s stamina gauge was damn near empty. He found a spider crawling around near the rock and performed a chokehold on it, allowing him to feast on its corpse.
“Mmmm, tasty,” he said, gorging on spider meat. His meal was interrupted though by the sound of oncoming footsteps. Snake tossed the spider aside and went into a combat stance. Two black boots the size of buildings crashed down before him. He panned up to see a woman looming over him. She wore a tan jumpsuit unzipped to her waist and biker goggles around her neck.
“EVA!?” Snake exclaimed. She glanced at her surroundings, not thinking to check the ground for bugs or snakes.
“All clear,” she remarked. “I’ll rest here.” EVA sat down on the rock, forcing Snake to roll away to stay clear of her boot.
She must be after the nuclear device too, Snake thought. He knew he couldn’t trust her, but she could prove a useful ally on his mission. But for that he’d have to get her attention. After ogling her breasts for a bit, Snake approached one of her boots. He climbed up to the top of the toe and walked along her foot. The laces strapped around the tongue formed a ladder for the one-inch soldier, making his ascent somewhat easier.
~What a thrill~
Snake reached the tip of the tongue and clung onto the jumpsuit’s fabric.
~With darkness and silence through the night~
The loose fabric was hard to climb as it shifted around within Snake’s clutches.
~What a thrill~
With enough effort, he reached the top of her knee. He caught his breath on the edge of her kneecap.
~I’m searching and I’ll melt into you~
He was at the easiest part, simply walking across her leg until he reached her waistline.
~What a fear in my heart~
The open zipper was less wieldy than the boot laces, but still made an adequate ladder.
~But you’re so supreme!~
He passed by her belly button.
~I give my life~
He crawled up her abdomen.
~Not for honor, but for you~
Snake had to stop at her chest and take in the view.
~In my time, there’ll be no one else~
The mountains in Russia were beautiful this time of year.
~Crime, it’s the way I fly to you~
He was almost past her clavicle.
~I’m still in a dream, Snake Eater~
Finally, he reached the top, climbing onto her shoulder.
~I’m still in a dream, Snake Eater!~
Snake jumped up and down trying to get the giant EVA’s attention. Despite the close proximity to her ear, his low, gravelly voice couldn’t reach her. He even changed into brightly lit camo, but she still didn’t notice him. EVA pulled out a hot bowl of water and set it in her lap. Then she brought out a package of instant noodles and tore it open over the water. Her sudden movements caused Snake to lose his balance, teetering off the edge of her shoulder. He bounced off one of her breasts and fell into the warm bath below. EVA was still unaware of his presence as she stirred the noodles and broth with a pair of chopsticks, trapping Snake in a soup whirlpool. There was nothing the tiny soldier could do as he was ensnared in noodles. Once her food was ready, EVA grabbed a helping of noodles, pinning Snake by the waist against the chopstick, and brought them to her mouth. Snake stared into her dreadful gob and did the only thing he could: call for help.
Brng-brng *click*
“Para-Medic, EVA’s going to eat me!”
“Don’t worry, I’m already on it,” she replied.
“On it? On what!?”
“I’m looking through the guide to see how you taste. That’s what you were going to ask me, right?”
“Para-Medic, I’m going to die!” “…What does it say?”
“Sorry, Snake. It doesn’t say anything about you. I’ll just have to call EVA later and find out.”
*click*
Snake was slurped into EVA’s mouth, landing on her tongue in a pile of noodles. He managed to crawl out of them before they were mashed up by her colossal teeth. There wasn’t much time before she’d swallow, and Snake needed a way out, stat. The only item in his inventory were his cigarettes. That’s it! Snake lit a cigarette and crushed it against EVA’s tongue.
“Woah, that’s hot,” she muttered. “I guess they need to cool a bit longer.” Snake’s plan failed utterly. A wall of noodle collided into him as she swallowed, sending the tiny soldier down her throat.
“Aaaaaagh!”
S N A K E I S D E A D
“What’s going on!? Snake! SNAKE!!”