Dilan stood on his teleporter ready to try out the newest model made.  It wasn’t something that anyone could get, it was a difficult and very advanced piece of machinery, and Dilian got lucky with his order.  Standing on the device he half constructed and threw together. Dillian decided there was no better way to test the device than to use it himself.  Preparing for the quick test run, Dilan tried to think of where to go, but he didn’t really have a place he wanted to go to.  

As Dilan tried to think of a good place to teleport to as a trial run, he got a text from his buddies.  “At Chad’s.  You should come over too.”  Dilan looked at Richy’s text and suddenly got an idea.  What if he teleported to Chad’s home and surprised his two best friends?!  Dilan laughed at the idea of his best buds just watching TV and Dilan arriving out of nowhere, spooking the two with his instant teleportation.  

Loving the idea more and more, Dilan smirked, “I’m on my way, might be a while.”  He texted with a grin from his lie.  Dilan was already punching in Chad’s home coordinates for the teleportation.  It wasn’t a long walk to Chad’s but if his buddies were thinking he would be there in fifteen or twenty minutes, then Dilan showing up fifteen to twenty seconds would be a big kicker.  Snickering at probably the best prank ever, Dilan did his best to narrow down the exact location to teleport to.  Judging by what his friends liked to do, he should teleport just slightly near where the couch and TV were.  

Dilan double checked his numbers and seemed to all check out.  “This is gonna be so hilarious,” Dilan snickered once again at his plan, prepared to see his buddies freaking out once he hit the button.  Slapping the teleporting button on the device he waited.

Nothing happened as Dilan’s grin slowly faded after a few seconds.  “What?”  Confused, Dilan was about to move when suddenly his room vanished and Dilan was sent tumbling onto the soft ground.

Dilan was disoriented by the sudden sounds of loud noises in the background and the strange lighting.  It wasn’t dark, but Dilan swore he was in the shadow of something.  Even worse was how unbalanced he was on this almost spongy material he landed on.  He struggled to get up and after a little while stood up on wobbly feet and looked around.  There were two massive walls of dark shadowy material running upward into the sky.  Looking forward the area got dark into what looked to be a wall of blackness and void.  No light could be seen deeper, turning around Dilan could see where the light was coming from.  It seemed like he was in a canyon of some sort.  Something he had no idea where or how he ended up in.  Deciding to head to what looked to be the opening, Dilan made his way forward, toward the opening of this weird terran.

“What the fuck happened?  This isn’t Chad’s house,” Dilan complained as he started to worry maybe he was sent to another country or maybe another world.  “And what is that noise?”  Dilan complained as he kept hearing rumbling and other noises but couldn’t make out the actual noises.  It was like there was a battle or war going on very far in the distance.  Confused, Dilan walked closer and closer till his vision slowly started to settle.  

“WHOA!”  Dilan shouted in shock as he nearly fell forward off an extremely steep cliff.  One that ran all the way down for thousands of miles.  Dilan pulled back and looked past the squishy firm edge and looked at the distant ground.  It looked to be an ocean or sea of tan land as far as his eyes could see.  That was till he noticed the large canyon walls to his left and right, didn’t stop, they also went down the side of the cliff?  Dilan followed his gaze of the dark blue like rocky material as it ran parallel to each other all the way down to… feet?!  

“WHAT THE HECK?!”  Dilan shouted looking at a large, enormous bare foot.  Jerking his head to the right he saw another identical foot only it was mirrored as it layed planted on the ground.  “How- what-”  Dilan babbled as he looked around and finally noticed something horrifying.  Way off past the horizon of the weird land, the sky, or where the horizon meets the sky there were large objects being shown.  Almost as if a god-like projector was playing in the air.  Human faces and explosions many times larger than they should be flickered through the air.  The noises were coming from what was now the mother of all TV’s.  Easily hundreds if not thousands of miles wide filling Dilan’s sight.

Dilan was about to repeat the question of what the heck was going on, when it all clicked from one voice that seemed to be all around him.

“Hey how long till he gets here,'' a bored booming voice called out.  It was Chad’s voice but much deeper and louder, something that shook the ground slightly under Dilan’s feet.  The ground seemed to shake, as one of the canyon walls, no Chad’s legs, parted more.  More light came in and Dilan was able to look up and watch as an enormous Chad move.  HIs body leaned forward and Dilan could see his friend not even looking at him and reaching well beyond him.  The sound of popcorn being grabbed filled the air as he pulled a handful from a bowl and started to return to his sitting position.  

Dilan felt his mind shatter at the revelation of where he was, and to prove his point another booming voice from further away answered Chad’s question, “Like fifteen minutes or whatever.”  It belonged to Richy.

Dilan didn’t fail, he succeeded.  He had teleported into his friend's house… but… now he was small.  Like freaking ridiculously small.  He was like the size of an ant or smaller.  Looking back at the canyon wall, Dilan studied it more, and found his hypothesis to be true.  These were Chad’s jeans.  The closer he examined the jeans the more he could make out the etches and markings of threads and not rock.  He was in Chad’s house, on his couch, between his legs, as his best friends watched a tv show or movie….

“HEEEEEEEEY!”  Dilan screamed with all his might.

Nothing.

“Freaking figures.  Now what?”

As if to answer his question a sound of a billion explosions filling the sky caused Dilan to look up.  Chad was stuffing a fist full of popcorn into his mouth as he bit into them like he was eating an apple out of his hand.  The sound of corn breaking and shattering under his bite filled the air and soon another chomp.  He was just shoving his hand into his face till it was empty.  As messy of a process this was, Dilan watched as broken pieces of popcorn rained from his hand and fell off to the side of his lap.  However, one popcorn kernel unharmed fell out of Chad’s hand.  It fell straight down and landed between his legs.  Dilan looked at the enormous size kernel, easily larger than he was.  The white slightly salty snack sat there on the couch in the dark with Dilan.  Curious, Dilan approached the nearly car sized object.  Before Dilan could actually touch the popcorn in front of him, the walls around him started to move.

Dilan froze as he watched them start to spread further apart, letting light in.  Dilan looked up and saw his best friend lean forward and look down between his parted legs.  His hand started to reach for the popcorn before it stopped.  “Oh, ew,” the sound of disgust was evident on Chad’s face.  

“What,” Richy called out.

“Nothing, just a dumb bug trying to eat my popcorn,” Chad said, never breaking eye contact with Dilan.  “Well, if you want it so bad, let me help you.  I got a ton of that shit in my belly already.  You can eat all you like while you're there.”  Chad grinned as he started to direct his fingers away from the popcorn and toward Dilan.  

Dilan couldn’t move.  There was no way Chad was being serious right?  It was him, Dilan, not a bug.  “Wai-wait!  CHAD IT’S ME!”  Dilan called out, but those fingers never slowed down as they were on him in a moment.   

“Didn’t even try to run away, damn you must really want to get eaten.”  Chad laughed.

Richy, who was now visible to Dilan, sat on the other side of the couch looking disgusted at Chad, “You're not really gonna eat it are you?”

“Why not?”  Chad asked, pulling Dilan closer to his mouth.  Dilan could plainly see all the chunks of kernel and popcorn littering his friend's mouth.  Some stuck in his teeth, others on his tongue or roof of his mouth as he talked.  A slight shine of greasy butter on his lips.

Richy brought Dilan’s attention to him as he spoke, “Because it’s a bug, that’s so disgusting.”

Chad snorted, “You act like you never ate a bug in your life.”

“Uh, cause I haven't,” Richy commented.

Chad’s face started to grin, “Well… maybe we should change that.”

“Huh,” Richy remarked, looking lost.  Suddenly Chad started to shove his hand with Dilan toward him.  Richy backed up, almost falling off the couch.  “HEY GET BACK!”  Richy shouted as Chad tried to shove Dilan into Richy’s mouth.

“Oh come on it’s not that bad,” Chad laughed, pushing Dilan with a jerking motion toward the protesting friend.  Dilan screamed the whole time afraid he would be dropped or shoved into Richy’s mouth to be devoured.

“Stop it, hey stop,” Richy complained as he kept jerking away but couldn’t find a way off the couch as Chad was practically pinning him down on.  “Stop it,” Richy said again and Dilan watched Richy’s eyes look at him.  It was an instant and then a spark of recognition came over Richy.  “Dilan??!  Chad stop it,  STOP IT CHAD!”  Richy practically yelled shoving at Chad causing him to stop.

“Jeez, I was just messing around,” Chad complained, seeming a little upset at Richy yelling at him.

“No, shut up you idiot… is that,” Richy pointed to Dilan.  “Dilan?”

“Huh,” Chad with a note of content in his voice for the bug in his hand. 

“Look at him you duffus.”  Richy ordered, still trying to see if it was really Dilan.

Dilan watched as both friends leaned in squinting and looking at him.  He tried to wave at them but they almost didn’t recognize it.  Finally Chad’s eyes went wide, “Holy shit it is him!  Oh my God.  What are you doing in my house, and so small?  And between my legs too?”

Dilan ignored Chad and saw Richy look more worried than Chad.  “How did this happen?”

“Maybe it’s like his thing,” Chad offered.

Dilan jerked his head toward Chad who seemed more set on that idea.  “His thing?”  Richy asked.

“Yeah,” Chad went on, “Like he wants to be tiny.  Like maybe he wants me to eat him, just like a bug?  Is that what you wanted Dilan?”

“NO!”  Dilan screamed.

Chad held Dilan between his fingers for a few moments then shrugged.  “See, he didn’t say anything.  I bet he’s too embarrassed to say yes.  Well if you want me to eat you so bad-”

Richy was already trying to stop Chad from putting his fingers in his mouth, “What are you doing?”  

“What?”  Chad asked, sounding confused, “He wants to be eaten.  He was trying to grab the popcorn that fell from my hand.  He was gonna hitch a ride to my gut,” Chad spoke, giving his rumbling belly a slight silent pat. 

Dilan was now trying to get out of his murderous friend's hand as he clearly only saw him as a piece of food right now.  

“Dude, that's so messed up.  Even if that’s what he wants,” Richy said.

Dilan couldn’t help but scream out loud, “IT’S NOT!”

“You can’t just eat a person.  That’s like murder.”  Chad thought about it, but before he could remark, Richy winced in discomfort.  “Look, just don’t do anything with him yet.  I got to use the bathroom.”

“I won't,” Chad spoke, however Dilan felt a sense of disbelief in those words.

Richy looked at Chad…

“Hand him over,” Richy told Chad.

“What?  I wasn’t going to do anything,” Chad told Richy.

“Just give Dilan to me.”  Richy told him again.

Chad was hesitant at first but rolled his eyes, “I wasn’t gonna eat him while you were gone,” Chad protested.

“Sure you weren’t, just like you wouldn’t eat the last brownie, or when you wouldn’t eat the last piece of pizza, or any other time i left the room and something vanished,” Richy complained.

“Well…” Chad muttered as Richy walked away with Dilan in his hands, “those were accidents, I swear.”

Dilan never felt more relieved and happy to be away from his best friend.  Richy held Dilan in his palm as he walked toward the bathroom.  Flipping the lights on Richy looked around and decided to set Dilan down on the sink by the toilet.  “Sorry about this… I know you probably rather not be in here when … I go…” Richy remarked as he let Dilan off.  As much as Richy was right, Dilan preferred listening to Richy use the toilet than being eaten by Chad while he was gone.  

“It’s fine, I think,” Dilan remarked as he looked at the god-like structure that would be used by Richy.  Dilan turned around to watch Richy head toward the door.  He quickly shut the door.  Dilan watched and heard the door slam shut… then he felt it.  A large gust of air hit him in the chest and lifted him off his feet.  Dilan was more confused than shocked as he was weightless for a moment.  That was until gravity kicked in and Dilan started to fall to the floor.  Freaking out Dilan spun around in the air screaming, that was till he saw the water below.  Dilan cried out as he landed in the pool of water.  It took just a moment to surface from the water, still stunned from what happened.  That was when he heard Richy.

“Sorry, I know this is weird… just don’t look at me and I promise not to look at you…” Richy offered.

“NO RICHY LOOK!  LOOK AT ME!”  Dilan screamed from the water.  Sadly Richy didn’t hear him.  Soon he saw his friend coming into view.  He wasn’t looking at the sink, and obviously not at the toilet below him.  Instead he seemed to be glancing off to the opposite side of the bathroom.  “RICHYYYY”

Dilan’s screams were met by a large looming moon.  A massive round object filling the rim of the toilet.  Sure enough, Richy’s ass closed off any space for Dilan to escape from, that was if he could even make it up there.  Dilan tried to think of a way to get Richy to notice him, but nothing was coming to mind.  It wasn’t till the almost silent sound of a fart filling the chamber, did Dilan realize he shouldn’t be wasting time.  There was a reason Richy came to the bathroom, and it wasn’t just to save Dilan.  Sure enough like a volcano suddenly erupting, a filthy flood of foul farts ripped into the toilet.  One after another, louder and harsher than before.  It was so intoxicating that Dilan wasn’t sure he could breath.  He was gasping for air, the only thing that he heard besides the farts was the continuous “Sorry,” coming from Richy as he blew his butt bombs directly into the toilet.  

“Almost done,” Richy announced.  Dilan wasn’t sure what he meant by that, until a sound of something sliding out of Richy’s butt filled the silence in the toxic toilet.  Dilan couldn’t see it, but the sound and the very sense of something massive approaching filled Dilan with dread.  As soon as he felt a little ripple in the water, the sound of a plop could be heard and a tidal wave hit him as something crashed into the water around him.  Dilan struggled to stay above the water but it was hard.  His back hit something hard, but soft.  Firm, yet malalbe.  He was stuck on something muddy.

Dilan didn’t know if his sense of smell was stronger now that he couldn’t see, or if he was close to the source of the smell.  All he knew was it smelled like horrible shit.  Foul, and horrendous.  If Dilan could move his hands, he would have covered his face from the smell, but they were stuck to something.  It wasn’t till Richy moved his fat ass a little to let light in, as he wiped, that Dilan saw what was going on.  A portion of Richy’s rancid rotten poop was arching out of the water.  That part had Dilan’s back pinned and embedded in the material.  The splash back had sent him into the very thing he wished to stay away from, and now he was stuck.

A meteor of white and brown splashed into the water, as a balled up toilet paper ball landed near Dilan.  Another, and another rain down as Richy wiped his butt.  Dilan knew what was gonna happen next, and he hoped he could get Richy’s attention before it was too late.  

“Ahh, much better,” Richy sighed, standing up from the toilet.  Out of habit Richy looked into the toilet.  Dilan waved and screamed while he was in such ashitty condition.  Dilan watched those eyes, the ones that spotted before look for a moment.  They locked in on him once again, spotting him in his need.  Dilan wept with joy as Richy recognized him.  

Richy smiled before chuckling, “Damn that’s a big one.”  

Dilan felt his joy vanished as he realized his friend was just appreciating the size of his shit.  Without another word, Richy flushed the toilet, sending Dilan screaming in horror as he was sent tumbling down the septic tank with a shit the size of the titanic crashing all around him.    

Richy quickly washed his hands, “Sorry about that.  Alright so how did…” Richy looked for the small ant sized Dilan.  “Dilan?  Hey Dialn, where are you?   Hey dude?”  Richy called out looking behind the hand soap and other objects on the counter.  It took him a few minutes to realize he wasn’t there.  “What the… where did he go?”

Hurrying back to Chad who was finishing up the popcorn Richy told him, “Dude, I can’t find Dilan.”

“What do you mean,” Chad asked confused.

“Like he’s not in the bathroom anymore.  He’s gone,” Richy said, sounding worried.

Chad just gave a shrug not looking too worried, “Maybe he went home?”

“How,” Richy asked, not believing him.

Chad again shrugged, “I don't know, probably the same way he got here.”  Richy seemed to buy this and went back to take a seat less worried.  “Right,” Chad said, putting the bowl of popcorn down, “Where were we… oh right,” Chad turned to Richy with a look of shock and confusion, “So you never ate a bug before?!”