William “Will” Wilson was walking home from work. This was a direct result of the fact that he hated driving home from work.

“But why would William ‘Will’ Wilson hate driving home from work?” You may ask. That’s a great question. The best question, probably. At least, it WOULD be the best question if not for my question for you: Why do you care?

        With that out of the way, we find Will walking home from work, singing a happy song as various woodland creatures run alongside him. After a solid 2 minutes and 33 seconds of walking, the clouds got dark, thunder roared, and the woodland creatures scampered away as the neighborhood teenager walked out of her house.

        Maya was your average 19 year old girl, just wandering the streets like an average 19 year old does, when she spotted Will on his walk home from work.

        “Hiya Will,” Maya said with an evil smirk because that’s what teenagers do (they smirk evilly).

        “Um, hey Maya. What are you doing, and did you notice how the clouds got all dark and stuff? What’s up with that?”

        “Good question. It’s probably because I’m a teenager. Did you hear that teenagers are evil nowadays?” Maya inquired.

        “No, I did not,” Will replied.

        “Anyway, because I’m evil, I have this list of evil things I’m supposed to do to you. Starting with this!” Maya stated as Will began to diminish in size.

        “Joinkies!” Will said, thinking he was quirky.

        When Will was about an inch tall, Maya picked him up and took him into her house.

        “So, I have this list of evil things to do to you (because I’m evil) and I’m gonna need you to just go with me on this.” Maya said, placing Will in an empty fish tank.

        “Wait, are we just gonna gloss over how you just broke the very laws of physics by shrinking me?” Will shouted.

        “Yes.”
        “Oh, ok. My bad,” Will responded.

        “Anyway, the first thing on this list of things to do to you is make you lick my foot. That’s at least sort of evil,” Maya said.

        “That’s cool, but I actually don’t want that to happen,” Will said after thinking for a moment. 

        “Hmm, yeah. Well I DO want that to happen, so we’re kind of at a minor disagreement here, I believe.”

        “I personally think this is more than a minor disagreement. You see, I REALLY don’t want to lick your foot. That sounds unsanitary and not very good,” Will replied.

        “Well of course it’s not good, it’s evil,” Maya said. “But I see your point. Unfortunately a wizard stole my ability to care what you think years ago.”

        “Really?”
        “No, I just could not care less what you think.” Maya said.

        “Why’s that?”

        “Because you’re small, and I’m big.” Maya peeled off her sock and stuck her nasty foot into the tank.

        “Lick it.” She said.

        “No.”

        “Fair, but I have previously stated that you should. Therefore, you should.”

        “No.”
        “Lick the damn foot or I’ll shove you so far up my ass that you’ll forget what daylight looks like,” Maya threatened, her tone changing. “I kind of own you now, so you are going to go and do all of the things that I say.”

        “How did you even shrink me? What is going on? I want my lawyer!” Will said.

        “I ate your lawyer,” Maya replied, rubbing her stomach. “And unless you wanna be next you’d better lick my fuckin foot!”

        “FINE!” Will yelled, and walked over to Maya’s smelly, overworked foot. He slowly stuck his tongue out and gave the big toe a tap. He looked up at Maya for approval.

        “No, you’re gonna have to do better than that. And also, don’t just stop licking for no reason. Wait until I tell you to stop, that would be funnier to me personally,” Maya explained. Will did not complain. He did understand how funny it would be to her. He stuck his tongue out and licked at Maya’s big toe for a good thirty seconds before Maya spoke again.

        “Cool. Now swallow all the stuff you just licked up.”

        “No.”
        “I personally want you to do that, so I think you should.”

        “Hmm, you make a good point. Fine.” Will said, licking up all of Maya’s foot funk and swallowing it this time. He continued for ten minutes until Maya switched feet, and ten more until Maya lifted her foot out of the tank and clapped obnoxiously. 

        “Good. Now there are other things on this list that I’m gonna make you do but I’m tired, so I’m going to go to bed for the night,” Maya said.

        “It is three PM. How are you-”
        “That’s it, I’m removing your proper noun privileges,” Maya said before jumping into her bed.

        “What?!” will said. “What does that even mean?!”

        Unfortunately for will, Maya was already asleep and not responding. He just had to sit there with the taste of her feet in his mouth. Which really sucked. At least I think it sucked. I’ve never been forced to lick a foot before, so maybe it’s an amazing experience.”

        “It isn’t,” will said. But the narrator didn’t believe will. Why? Because will had a single digit IQ.

        “I don’t have a–” will said before stopping himself. “Whatever, can you help me, narrator? I don’t want to be Maya’s toy.”

        The narrator was very much able to help will, but they chose not to because it would be funnier that way. Plus, I’d so be fired if I interfered in the story too much, so will remains at Maya’s mercy for now, folks!