“Do you have to hover so close?” Denied his delusions of normalcy, a note of irritation drifted into John’s voice at the towering blue face looming above him. This close, Tug’s perfect feminine features made him seem like a monument to some goddess of beauty rather than a living breathing being. His flawless skin, glistening lips, and delicate features formed a preternatural beauty that went beyond attractive and instead felt alien. Dyed in the fairy’s azure haze, John could have believed the winged creature illusory had it not been for the saccharine breath regularly washing over him.

                “But you’re so cute like this…” Like a chime, Tug’s voice resonated within John’s skull with inhuman perfection, his lips moving and revealing a set of pearlescent teeth, each as big as the shrunken human’s head. Despite their proximity, the azure fairy’s voice was neither loud near soft, produced through magic rather than actual vocal cords. John still didn’t understand why fairies moved their mouths when they spoke.  

                “I know, right?” At Airy’s crystalline voice, John couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Next to the towering blue face, a golden head vied for space, the two fairies pressing cheek-to-cheek as they fought to get the best view of the naked human before them. Like Tug, Airy’s feature were also inhumanly perfect to the point of disquiet, though seeing the two side-by-side John was able to pick out some differences.

                Whereas Airy’s perfection was that of spring, Tug’s was that of winter. The golden fairy’s face was rounder and more cherubic while the blue’s was longer and more elegant. Though both their eyes shone with innocence, the former’s  was that of a curious child while the latter’s was that of a kitten staring at a mouse. Even their auras contrasted, Airy’s bringing a warm glow to his surroundings while Tug’s dyed the world in a cold pallor.

“And why are you hovering so close? You’ve already seen me naked.” And then some… Shivering at the memory of being in Airy’s mouth, John raised his voice as he addressed the nosy fairy.

 “I can’t hear you like Tug, so I have to get close. Besides, I didn’t get a good look at your butt before.” Unlike his friend, Airy wasn’t capable of using subtler magics such as those required to listen in on his smaller ward. It would have been a plausible excuse were it not for the happy hum that had left Airy’s throat every time John had bent over while bathing, leaving no question that the former was an excuse for the latter.

“It’s so weird how it doesn’t glow, right?” Raising his eyebrows in amusement, Tug turned his cerulean eyes towards his friend, his lips twisting into a smirk.

“Yeah, but it’s kind of cute. I wonder if it works the same?” Realizing that “butt” didn’t refer to his glutes, John felt himself blush, clenching his cheeks together in embarrassment.

“Anyways, you said you could help keep me a secret.” Eager to change the subject,  John brought up Tug’s earlier offer for help, his voice breaking in embarrassment as he spoke. In truth, he didn’t particularly care about finding the fairy village anymore. No, it was more accurate to say that the thought of going somewhere with even more of these winged degenerates filled him with dread. Still, it was the pretense with which Tug had offered to help…

                “Right!” With the change of subject, Tug unexpectedly hopped up, taking a step back with a dramatic flourish to address the two before him. As he moved, the rusted jewelry on his wrists and ankles clinked like the bells of a jester.

“Okay, so you can’t just fly into the village with a human in hand, right?” Pointing a finger upwards while striking a serious pose, Tug began what John could only describe as his best impression of a teacher.

“Right…” Airy stared at the Tug with rapt attention, nodding along at the blue fairy’s words. Seeing the capricious fairy’s serious expression and tone, even John found himself paying attention to Tug.

                “So obviously you’ve got to hide him, right?” Tug drew out his words as he spoke, building dramatic tension.

                “Right…” Once more, Airy nodded at the other fairy’s words, as if they weren’t the most obvious thing in the world…

                “Soo…” With a flourish of his hand, Tug waved towards the nearby strawberry where it rested in the chair, his blue aura flashing along the tips of his fingers. With an azure haze, the head-sized fruit flew through the air to land in the fairy’s palm before Tug took a delicate bite of the berry.

                “My strawberry!” Seeing Tug eating the fruit, Airy let out an anguished cry before leaping forward to rescue the sweet treat. With an exasperated expression, the blue fairy held his palm out against his golden friend’s forehead, keeping the struggling fool at bay as he hastily gulped down his mouthful.

                “Quit it, dummy! I’m not eating it!” A trail of juice ran down Tug’s chin as he cast a disapproving frown towards Airy.

                “It sure looks like you’re eating it…” Sulkily, the golden fairy withdrew from Tug’s palm, eyeing the blue fairy with a distrustful glare.

                “Look…” Letting out a small sigh, Tug waved his free hand towards the table. John had only a moment to appreciate that he wasn’t the only one to sigh at Airy’s antics before a blue glow seized him, wiping away Airy’s own aura. Moments later, he found himself flying through the air, hurtling face-first towards the bite in the strawberry.

“You aura’d him AGAIN!” As John crashed into the spongy, sweet flesh of the fruit, the shrunken human could hear Airy let out a petulant whine.

“That’s not the point. Look! Like this, we can hide him inside the strawberry.” As Tug spoke, John instinctively reached out to the fruity walls around him, afraid to slip from the mouth-shaped crater. The fairy’s bite had been truly shallow, tearing away a piece barely deep enough for John to stand on. However, between the juices and the slick flesh, there was no way for the shrunken man to get a grip. With an ominous sensation, John braced himself for his impending fall.

                “Oooh!” However, as the seconds passed by and Airy let out an astonished cry, John failed to slip. Glancing at his arms, he noticed the blue aura around him adhering to the fruit like water at the edge of a glass.

                “Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT!” Realizing that he was magically held in place, John attempted and failed to turn himself around, finding himself stuck loosely in place. Although his limbs were free to move, he was unable to pull away from the fruit or move his torso more than a wiggle. However, that wasn’t important. Having experienced first hands the consequences of being slow to object to a fairy’s harebrained ideas, John frantically struggled to get the fairies’ attention.

                “Hiding me inside of fairy food sounds like a VERY bad idea!” Unable to look behind him, John screamed out his objection blindly, hoping at least Tug was paying attention.

                “How?” Thankfully, Tug answered the shrunken human.

“What did he say?” Unable to hear his tiny friend from this distance, Airy let out an annoyed whine.

“He says hiding in food is a bad idea.” As Tug relayed the human’s message, John watched as the fruit around him was suddenly bathed in a golden hue. A warm breath against his back confirmed that the Airy had moved within earshot.

“Why not?” John swore he could almost feel the golden klutz’s lips brush against him as he spoke.

“Because I don’t want to be eaten.” The was a note of desperation in John’s voice.

“Oh come on. My magic would protect you.” However, Airy’s response caused the human’s brain to stutter at the implications. Exactly how strong was this aura’s protection…

“That’s... besides the point.” Unable to tell whether he felt reassured or horrified by the idea, John let out a hesitant voice.

“Hmm… Then I guess we won’t be needing this.” Before John could react to Tug’s words, the fairy moved, pulling both the berry and the shrunken human towards his own face. Once, twice, thrice John heard the click of teeth and the wet tearing of strawberry followed by a nearby gulp, until by the fourth time he felt Tug’s warm lips wrap around his feet. Feeling the shuddering of the fruit as it was rent mere inches beneath his toes. John felt suction tugging at his feet as the mouth withdrew, causing a scream to catch in John’s throat, transforming into a choked cough.

“Hey!” Airy’s voice rose in betrayal.

“Okay, fine.” With a slight giggle, Tug tossed the strawberry to his friend once more. The world flashed by as the man sailed through the air, still attached to the fruit.

Disoriented as he was by the jostled movement, it took John a moment to realize something was wrong. Once more, his surroundings were bathed in golden light as Airy drew close, but even as the fairy’s breath brushed against his back, the golden idiot still didn’t make a motion to remove John from his binding. His attention was solely on the fruit his friend nearly eaten by himself, completely forgetting…

“AIRY!” John let out a shriek of panic.

“Oh yeah! Sorry John.” As the winged disaster peeled the shrunken human from his sweet treat and tucked him possessively against his chest, John couldn’t help but swear in his heart. A moment of excitement over a strawberry had nearly led to his worst nightmare becoming a reality. Hearing the familiar rending of fruit above, John glanced upwards, watching as the last of the strawberry slid its way down Airy’s slender esophagus, reminding him of what had nearly come to be. Almost absentmindedly, Airy’s fingers surged with a golden light, dying John with his aura once more.

“Hey John, are you going to want another bath?” Noticing the once-again sticky human in his hands, a note of exasperation crept into the golden fairy’s voice.

“Forget it. This isn’t that bad.” Realizing that taking another bath would likely prove pointless in just a few minutes, John let out a sigh of defeat as he spoke. At lease he didn’t reek of shit.

“Well, if you don’t like the fruit, there is somewhere else I could hide you…” After giving Airy a moment to enjoy his piece of the strawberry, Tug interjected once more.

“Where?” John chose his words carefully. There was a hint of mischief in Tug’s voice that caused the man’s scalp to tingle.

“Let’s see… it’s warm, safe, and there’s absolutely no way you would be eaten by accident… probably“ Sure enough, instead of a straight answer, Tug began to dance around the subject, seemingly trying to entice John into agreeing to something before he fully understood what the capricious brat was talking about. As the weaselly words continued to snake their way from between the blue fairy’s lips, John immediately saw through the mischievous fairy’s intentions.

“It’s your butt, isn’t it?” John spoke with a deadpan, catching on to Tug’s attempts at mischief.

“Hey, if John’s going up anyone’s butt, it’s mine!” At Airy’s outburst, hopefully more from possessiveness than any actual intent, John felt the conversation slipping in a dangerous direction once more.

“I’m not going up anyone’s butt!” Before things could get out of hand, John set the record straight with a shout, much to the fairies disappointment.

“Aw, come on. It’s a cute butt… Right?” Tug spoke with a hurt voice. Presenting his ass and hovering in the air so that it rested mere inches away from Airy’s chest, it was all John could do to not to recoil in horror as the meaty cleft that had nearly devoured him minutes earlier once again encompassed his field of view. However, casting his gaze over the massive hills before him, John caught sight of two azure eyes staring down at him in amusement.

“Sure, it’s… cute… but it’s not about how it looks. It’s dirty.” Recognizing Tug’s antics as another attempt at mischief, John answered carefully, even going so far as to compliment the fairy’s butt so as to placate the blue bastard.

“I keep it clean!” Once again, Tug let out a hurt voice, but his eyes said otherwise.

“Not on the inside…” John had to fight down a gag as he spoke as memories of earlier resurfaced.

“Hmmm…” Once again, Tug’s hurt expression melted away into nothingness as a pensive one took its place. Drifting back to the floor, the fairy paced away for a few steps before turning to face John and Airy once more.

“Well, I guess he’ll just have to stay here forever?” Licking the remaining strawberry juices from his fingers with an nonchalant attitude, Tug delivered his verdict in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Wait, what?” At the unexpected response, John felt his heart jump up into his throat, nearly choking.

“If you don’t want to hide, you’re going to get caught. Or what, do you want to try the gnome trick? You seem a bit small for that at the moment…” Tug rolled his eyes dismissively at John.

“No, not that. The part about never leaving!” John’s heart began to race as he realized he’d overlooked a very important point. Airy was an idiot, and John’s entire understanding of the consequences of a human visiting the fairy village was based upon that idiot’s testimony.

“Yeah, didn’t you hear? Human’s aren’t allowed in the village.” Tug’s tone suggested he was speaking with a child, but John didn’t care. He needed information.

“Yeah…” John leaned in closer towards the blue fairy, urging him to continue.

“So, what do you think would happen if a human does wander into the village?” Tug drew out his words as he spoke in an ominous tone, leaving the question hanging in the air.

“Err… Nobody will share their sweets with me?” Unable to withstand the lingering silence, Airy spoke with an uncertain tone.

“For a whole week! But, what do you think would happen to the human?” The blue fairy’s voice spoke to emphasize the severity of the punishment before dropping to an ominous tone once more.

Crap! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! Suddenly, John realized that in all of his conversations with Airy, the damned dumb fairy had only ever talked about the consequences that would befall HIM if he were to bring a human back to the village. He’d never once asked about the intruder.

“They also don’t get any sweets?” After spending several moments scrunching his face up in confusion, Airy spoke up uncertainly.

“What happens to the human?” However, before Tug could continue his games and drama, John cut to the heart of the matter.

“We keep them.” Tug shrugged as he spoke, suddenly speaking nonchalantly once more. Several long seconds of silence passed as the fairy’s azure eyes gazed intently at the shrunken human in Airy’s hand, but John hardly noticed.

Him… With the fairies… Can’t leave… These idiots… These vulgar, vile, perverted…The smells… The sweets… the… the… the… John couldn’t help but take a terrified glance at Tug’s butt. Noticing the human’s gaze, the blue fair placed a hand on his rear-end before winking at John.

“Well, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.” As Tug bit his bottom lip, John’s mind started working once more.

“What? Why?” So many questions entered the human’s mind at once that he could barely squeeze out the two words.

“Well, the whole point of hiding the village is so that bad humans can’t find us. So obviously we’d have to keep them so they couldn’t tell others.” Horribly enough, at Tug’s words, John realized another terrible truth. Although Airy was a hopeless idiot and although Tug only had a modicum of intelligence,  that didn’t mean all fairies were stupid. Somewhere, there had to be a fairy with at least average human intelligence to keep their entire race from being hunted to extinction all this time. Else, the fairy village would have been discovered ages ago…

“Wait, Airy. I’ve changed my mind!” Raising his voice and turning his face skyward, John shouted towards his golden guardian.

“About what?” Airy tilted his head as he spoke.

“About the village! I don’t need to see it.” By this point, John had lost any and all interest in fairies or fairy hunting. It was one thing to capture dump, helpless creatures that couldn’t fight back; It was another to risk leaving yourself at the mercy of their degenerate whims should you fail. By this point, if he ever made it back to the village, he wouldn’t even bother to capture Airy. He’d simply pack up and skip town.

“But what about your drawings?” A note of concern crept into the golden fairy’s voice. It took a moment for John to remember the excuse he’d been using in order to get here in the first place.

“Forget about the drawings. I don’t want to risk being stuck here forever.” John shivered at the mere thought.

“Why not? The village is very fun…” Airy tilted his head once more, not understanding.

“Yeah, but how would I get you sweets?” Realizing he needed to change his tactics, John reverted to the one thing he could use to reliably motivate Airy… Food.

“Don’t you need to drawn new fairies to get more sweets?” However, John’s sure-fire method fell flat as, for once in his life, Airy seemed to think beyond his stomach. Caught off-guard, John was forced to come up with a solution on the fly.

“Wait! I know. We can invite fairies to come to me. That’s right! That way, I can drawn new fairies without having to see your village.” John felt like a buffoon as he gave his clumsy excuse, but he didn’t care. As if even a complete moron would only think of inviting more fairies over AFTER spending weeks and a small fortune courting Airy. Thankfully, both of the fairies were idiots, so the shrunken human could just barely get away with it without question.

“That’s right! Why didn’t I think of that?” The solution to their supposed problem was so obvious, even Airy wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before.

“But I really wanted to have a sleepover with you…” Airy’s voice grew remorseful as he spoke, a look of longing in his eyes.

“We can still do that. Why don’t we camp out? I still have some snacks in my bag. We could crawl inside, eat until our bellies hurt, and then nap until morning. What do you say?” As John revealed the existence of more food, Airy’s eyes grew wide and he began to drool, all but screaming his answer.

John felt a wave of relief wash over him, leaving him lightheaded. Somehow, he had just barely managed to avert disaster. A lifetime with the fairies would have been the worst imaginable hell for John, and he’d been THIS close to walking blindly into it. However, before the human could fully relax, a nearby pout caught his attention.

 “Aw well, that’s too bad.” Sensing that today’s entertaining would be adjourning early, Tug let out a slight tut of disappointment before walking over towards the pile of grass that served as his bed.

“I was hoping to play with you all day long, but I guess I’ll have to settle for a quick game.” Kneeling down on the ground, the blue fairy began to fluff the plant matter as he spoke, working up its volume in preparation for use.

“Right! I almost forgot.” After a few moments, Airy began to make his way over as well, carrying his human ward with him.

“Hold on a minute!” Not sure what was happening, John shouted up at Airy once more, stopping the lumbering fairy.

“What is it John?” Airy looked down at the human against his chest with a confused expression.

“What do YOU mean what do I mean? What are you doing?” Something was happening; something he didn’t understand. John wasn’t about to let things continue without some sort of explanation.

“Going to play with Tug?” Airy arched an eyebrow as he spoke. Clearly, he thought the explanation was sufficient. John disagreed.

“Playing what?” With his eyes pinned on the winged titan above, John pressed his current caretaker.

“You know? Playing!” However, at the human’s continued questioning, Airy looked at John as if he were stupid.

“What kind of game are you playing?” Bristling slightly, John kept himself calm as he continued.

“Sex, duh.” Airy’s answer was matter-of-fact, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. John felt a chill go down his spine.