Do you know what's awesome? Really frickin' awesome? Nachos. Seriously. They are delicious. I can't get my mind off of them for long, which is a big fuckin' problem when fighting crime. I cannot stress how much of a problem that is. Hell, those police guys) stuff their faces with donuts and coffee, and just look at how much they get done. Of course, they can get their shit during the job while I can't. You don't know how dissapointing is is to eat nachos when you're bigger than a building.

Wait, you don't care about the nachos? You want to know who I am? Are you stupid, or something? Who hasn't seen that (rather flattering) picture of my ass in the news? Or the footage from when I swallowed that news reporting lady whole?

Hey! Don't look at me like that! I spat her out! And we're best buddies... I think.

Any way, my name is Beth. Of course, everyone calls me either "The Cuddly Giantess" or "Fatass", which are both rather hurtful. Unless you like big, chubby butts, in which case: call me!

"Derr, wait, Beth!" you might be asking, "Why don't you tell us what your superpower is!" Well, it's an extremely wierd story. Like, really fuckin' wierd. You know those wierd porno stories that you find online that make no sense at all? Like, my story is wierder. Shocking, I know.

Well, I was just chillaxin' in my dorm, veggin' out and watchin' TV. I was just flipping channels, stuffin' my face with popcorn, silently crying because I realized that no cute boy will ever love a miserable fatass like myself. Y'know. The usual.

So, I was laying down on the only bed in my room, which I have to share with my roomie. She just loves sending mixed signals. Most of the time she's insulting my weight, but then there's those rare times when she tells me that I'm actually quite attractive. Now, that normally wouldn't worry me, but I swear, she ogles my ass. A. Lot. I bet that she looks at my ass more than I look at a TV. Hell, one morning, I woke up with her face buried in my ass. My ass. And she had this perverted smirk on her face. I'm fine with her being into girls, but she should really be more honest with her feelings.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the part where I was watching TV. I had my tummy lightly spilling over the edge of the bed (which will totally nab me some cute boys, right?), and I was flippin' through the channels. All that was on at the moment was the news and a really stupid movie about a guy in a rubber suit attacking cardboard houses. Now, I'd admit that I'm a nerd, a geek, an otaku, and all sorts of similar stuff, but at least I still have some class. I normally wouldn't watch one of those wastes of time, but something in my body wanted me to watch it. So I watched it.

This is where the freaky shit begins. So, as I was watching the movie, I started to talk about incoherent things. Like, when the monster crashed this fake looking limo, I said, "Watch your step." And not like, "OOP, U STEPPED ON COWZ, LOL", but like I was noting it. Like with a grocery list. So I did more of that stuff, saying such creepy little one liners like "Don't put on too much pressure" and "Don't rub against the buildings to reach a scratch unless it is necessary." It was like I was drunk and sober at the same time.

A half-hour into it, I said (against my will), "I've learned of potential hazards, the time will soon come" and turned the TV off. Freaky shit. I then started to feel really horny. Like, super horny. So horny that I was too willing to break the unspoken "Don't masturbate on a shared dorm bed" rule. But I couldn't. I couldn't move at all. Like my body was letting this orgasmic feeling reach its absolute peak.

This is when my roomie walked in. She was all, "Hey Beth, I'm back, you can stop stuffing your face," like she normally is. I normally would have been offended. I wish I had been offended, but in truth, I just got hornier. I turned my face toward her, my eyes fully dilated and spit dribbling down my chin. A soft moan escaped my throat. "B-Beth..." she said, "What are you-"

She was cut short. I ran up to her, pinned her against the wall and...

You promise you won't tell anyone, right? No one? Nobody? OK, good.

I kissed her.

Not a friendly cheek kiss either. I was going to town in her mouth. She would have shrieked and called the campus police, but my tongue filled up her mouth space. She tried to punch me, to get me off, but dear lord, that made things worse. If I had any control over my body, I would have just orgasmed right there, pass out, wake up, and apologize for raping her. Instead, I grabbed her other hand rubbed it against my ass. I normally taunt her with my ass (in the hopes of her getting a sex change operation), but this was beyond taunting. I was fuckin' purring.

I eased myself off of her after turning around and fuckin' bumped her with my butt, and just ran out to the nearby woods. In my undies. Yeah.

My body and mind couldn't take it any more. I let out the loudest orgasm scream in the history of mankind and passed out. In the middle of the woods.

I've heard of "body horror" before, but this just brought it to its absolute limit. Probably because it was fuckin' real.

Oh, look, you don't believe me anymore! I told you that is was gonna be wierd! And that isn't even the wierdest part! No, shit got real once I woke up...

So I woke up. That's what anyone does, anyway, except for that one stor. You know which, the one where that one guy fell asleep and didn't wake up for a long ass time because of some magical jackasses who like bowling. At least I think that's how it went. I'm not really the smartest girl out there.

Anyway, I was laying down outside wearing only my undies. The first thing I noticed wasn't that I became really, really big, but that it was freakin' cold. I was genuinely afraid that I would get frostbite, which (all things considered) is better than bein' worried about how I tried to rape my roomie. I remember some stuff I saw on TV that said that moving around moves the blood through the body, which is really handy when you're freezing your ass of. I started to sit up so I could do some leg excersizes, when I felt a lovely crunching sensation beneath my butt.

Okay, on my campus, there was this legend about an old, abandoned shed in the woods near our college. A bunch of sophmores decide to go to this place for some serious orgy action, or something like that. But there was some sort of demonic force in that very shed, and it stole their souls, and the sophmores' bodies became zombies, doomed to walk the earth as long as the cabin existed. I think that this story was just some stupid little joke the seniors made up to explain why sophmores act stupid all the time. Looks like they'll have to make a new legend...

I picked up the pieces of the old shed, and inspected them. They were, without doubt, the remains of the shed. My heart beat faster and faster, and my car sized belly roared with the ferocity of a mythical dragon.

At this moment, two great and terrible truths revealed themselves to me. The first was that, through some unknown manner of science, magic, evolution, or sleep induced imagination, I became huge. The second was that I had the munchies. In particular, I was craving nachos. Obviously, I put two and two together, got four, and decided to go to the city to get as many nachos as I could. It was obvious that it was a dream at the time, why couldn't I just go and have fun with it?

I walked over to the silhouette of the nearest city, several trees being felled with each of my mighty steps. I chose not to surpress the giggles that rose out from my lungs when the trees' leaves tickeled the soles of my feet. I kinda regret that; it freaked out a few campers, they probably thought I was some sort of evil thingy that spends her spare time stealing childrens' toys.

As I walked out of the woods and into the city, the reaction from everyone was obvious. I don't want to go into detail. I don't like talking about how everyone looked up to me with fear in their eyes and screeched, hoping that their individual cries will be heard above the cacaphony, while others tearfully stopped moving, expecting my feet to come cr- GOD DAMMIT! SORRY ABOUT THAT.

So, while most of the people fled, others just stared at me, too shocked to accept my existence. Well, I thought at the time, they look like reasonable people, so maybe they could help me out. I decided to go onto my knees and bring my face down to them, so that I would intimidate them less. I asked them in the sweetest way possible, "You got some nachos?" as I wagged my bottom in the sky for added cuteness, and my belly rumbled in a way that would have been cute... If I were normal sized, of course. Instead of pampering me with spicy delights and a few cute virgin boys for me to date, they got the completely ridiculous notion that I was in the mood for some nachos con humanos. They ran away.

I got back on my feet, and I have to say, it was shaping out to be a terrible dream. With a sigh, I headed toward Main Steet in the hopes that someone would recognize my woes and give me the biggest batch of nachos ever. As I took a step, my mind went back to when I was watching that movie and how I noted to "watch my step". My foot came crashing down next to a fleeing woman, who fell on her back as she screeched in terror, and another opportunity to make myself look friendly arose. "Sorry about that, Miss," I giggled as I leaned down, "I totally should have looked. Can you point out where the nearest nacho place is?"

"N-n-n-n-nach-ch-chos?" she asked. Why is everyone good at being cute except me?

"Of course, nachos!" I repeated, salivating at the mere thought of nachos. Some of the drool must have dribbled on her. My belly grumbled as I asked, "If you tell me were some are, I'll give you a fun ride!" She ran away, tears of terror streaming down her face. This did wonders for my self esteem. Fighting back my own tears, I continued toward Main Street.

At Main Street, a nice little newslady named Sarah O'Ghoff was informing any potential viewers about the sightings of a giant woman in the outskirts of the city and the chaos that was erupting because of it. She was talking about how there might not even be a giant woman when I tripped on an empty car and landed on my ass several feet away from her. She stared up at me, in awe and in terror, as I rose onto my knees and started to rub my sore butt. This is when the camera gave everyone in the nation an up-close-and-personal view of my hiney that they commonly associate with me.

"Oh... My..." Sarah started.

I turned around and gave a cheery "Hello!" to her. "Don't run away, please," I said, "I would really like to-" Sarah started to run away.

Thinking quickly, I snatched her up and placed her on my shoulder. "P-please put m-me down!" she begged.

"Oh c'mon, miss!" I said, "I'd like to talk to at least one tiny person before I wake-"

I stopped. I was frozen, staring at a sign that made my stomach go crazy. It read "Joe's Nachos". I crawled toward it, completely ignoring poor Sarah, who had a bit of a tumble once I shifted toward the restaurant. She was holding onto my left breast, something that would have made me embarrassed if I weren't under this spell. If only I had paid attention to Sarah's hollering, the following little mishap would have been avoided.

The rest of my memory on this is fuzzy. I remember that I was scarfin' down chips like the world didn't exist, and I have a feint memory of Sarah making a safe landing. The only reason I know what happened was because the people at the news building sent me a free copy of the recording. Free. As in "I didn't have to buy it!" Awesome, right?

"This is Sarah O'Ghoff," she said, looking strait into the camera, "And the giant woman appears to be eating a bunch of Mexican chips." Oh Sarah! You are so funny! "So far, she's completely harmless, and we're trying to get an intervi-" She was at the wrong place at the wrong time, to put it bluntly. I scooped up not only a bunch of chips, but Sarah and the camera as well. I remember that there was a... sweet flavor in my mouth at the moment it happened, but I swallowed too soon for me to notice Sarah's cries of distress.

Sarah, I feel wicked bad about eating you, Okay? I was hungry and stupid, you weren't paying attention, but no one was to blame. You hear me? No one. Besides, I wouldn't have left you in there to eventually go out the bad way, even if I didn't gobble up the camera with you. C'mon, you have to forgive me sooner of later, right?

... Right?

I know that my existence is nothing but a half of an atom to your universe, and that you may never know of my firey passion for thee. There is no such lady with skin more fair than thine, or with anatomy comparable. You are the pinnacle of species in mine eyes. One could not request a gift better than knowing of thee on their mortal anniversary.

I knew of thee when you first trod upon the concrete, striking terror most unforgivable into the hearts of the common man. Had they any amount of respect, they would have lauded thee with the highest of ecstasies, as I wish I could. But I cannot even hope for my efforts to sate your infinite lusts. For you are an indestructable Goddess, even to the lower folk. What am I to thee? If they are naught but ants, what whould an ant's ant be? A mite? No, a mite's mite.

Forever burnt into the folds of my cortex are the images of thine haunch. When it began to shake with power that gods would envy, I felt the deepest longing across my entire self. When it spared the lady of the television, I saw your unending benevolence. Ah, but said benevolence will never reach a mite's mite, for it is doomed to only gaze but to never meet. The closest I may reach to thee would be an ending most tragic that even thee may shed a tear if thou knew of it.

Even among the ants, I am still in the threat of obliteration. Heidi, my dearest friend, and of the exclusive three that know of my existenve, is a great threat to my mortality. Her bosom is massive, even to my betters. But to mineself, they are vast fields of living flesh. I only survive around her because of her improved hearing; she is a work of sciences, with the body of a woman and the horns, pinna and tail of a bovine. She is an idiot, but an honorable one.

Among the threats is my dearest mother, who is completely human, unlike dear Hiedi. She needs a device to be able to even register my voice. But still, she is kind and loving, despite her use of the common language. Her cooking is considered the best of the city, and she was preparing me the finest cake around when that lady wound up in thine saintly stomach. But, in danger of her offense, no cake made by anyone would replicate the joy of seeing thee.

Which brings me to my current matter. I would be honored if you were to allow me in your Olympian residence. If thou hast accepted my lowly presence to thy home, I would kindly advise keeping hard watch upon thine toes. And, if you'd be O.K. with it, I'd talk normally like this. But speaking in this flourent tongue is habitual when thou hast my mind as a miniscule throne.

Awaiting Thy Grace,

"Is this good, Heidi?" I asked, holding up the letter that took hours to write.

She leaned in, squinting her eyes to focus on the delicately written text. "Mmmoooo," she said, "I dun get it."

"No," I said, placing the massive sheet down to give my arms a rest, "I just want to know if you can read it."

"Yeah," she said as her head bobbed up and down, "I can." Her nodding upset the jiggly flesh of her breasts, knocking me from my balance. "Whoops!" she exclaimed, holding me up with her index finger, "Sorry 'bout 'dat."

"No problem," I said as she lowered me down. After landing on the bed, I peered up at her face. I never get over the dizzy feeling I get when looking up at someone, especially if they are an intimidating individual like Heidi. If I can't even keep my guts in line around my best friend, how can I even show my face around Beth?