Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed [Report This]
Date: October 17 2017 5:18 PM Title: Chapter 3: MAJOR/first step (part two)

Just to be clear, I didn’t bring up “laser blades” because it was dismissive, (which it was, kinda) I brought them up because hyper sharp, vibratory blades are next gen tech and would be readily available in common tool kits (and are something we might see soon) and laser blades are up there with gravitic manipulation so a longer ways off.  I write in both the sci fi and fantasy genres and love techinical stuff.  And it looked like Izzy did too.  Only point I was trying to make.

It would be pretty lame of me to issue a critique out of spite.  I’m pretty sure most readers here would quickly dismiss everything I said afterwards ...and I’d deserve it.

My reviews come from the assumption that lots of us are here for the same reason.  We want to be better writers and creators.  I would love to get an unflinching, detailed review of my work, so I can grow and learn as a writer.  No such luck so far, though I did get a complaint about my formatting.  But I really do want my feedback to be useful.  Though I do try to avoid being too mean and having a long stream of negativity, still, I can get pretty snarky.  Since you like it so much I’ll give you some “deleted scenes” as a blue ray extra.
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Peter has gone from timid and well...kinda sweet to full on simpering and vile.  A psychic intrusion and empathic attack makes you “real.”  Really?  How much biggie propaganda did he have to swallow to puke that up?  What other wisdom might he have to share?  Maybe next he can explain to us how war is peace, freedom is slavery and ignorance is strength.  Conformist Maggot.  I really hope he is not right...cuz that would just be ...well, the character has been fully revealed, I guess there’s no point in reading further.  I guess she wasn’t that interesting after all.
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I hate things like binding for two reasons.  (Spooky never hears this when I say it, he thinks theres two type of readers, those who hate binding and those who don’t.) 
As a reader of size fiction, I’m already being expected to invest in a character that is almost completely lacking agency within their story.  But when you add something like binding to the mix, then everything that’s left to like about the character, their brains, their ferocity, their stubbornness, their mystique, their courage, their world view, their attitude, their rebelliousness...in short...their character...now has an off switch.  So why would I bother to invest in a character when everything I like about them can just go away at any moment, especially when it most likely to be needed?  (I.E. when it’s most likely to be interesting.)  It’s like someone tells you Thor is gonna fight Dr Strange...but their powers won’t be working?  Uh...why am I supposed to care?  (Actually that still would be interesting, because I care about the characters and well, Steve is a martial artist who has gone hand to hand with thousand year old battle entities...and Thor is a thousand year old battle entity...okay...enough geek cred...)

As a reader/writer, I also like to see the antagonist do their job and be interesting too.  Lex Luthor takes on Superman with his brain...what a challenge...only...now he just has a magic button and he can make Supes...well...just not care whatever villainy he might perform... it seems to work on me too.  I guess Lex wins...hoo hum.
No conflict, no work on the antagonist’s part, no chance for the antagonist to grow or change or...well..do anything but non-conflict with the character we were supposed to care about.  Yeah...kinda hard to get into that.
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And I gotta say, I’m going to be terribly disappointed if dad doesn’t see the lingering effects on Izzy and know what has happened.  He’s supposed to be close to her, isn’t he?  He’s supposed to know her.  If all of a sudden she’s this giggly, pointless thing and it passes right by his attention...well, no consequences in biggie-ville I guess.   And it makes him pretty pointless too, except as yet another ultra passive enabler of the biggies.

END Special features

Not everything makes the cut.  I really don’t want to just grind someone’s work down as much as I can.  But as a creator I am desperate to know what people like and what they don’t like.  I think once you’re trying to expand past the “tiny in a cage” story, you are trying to elevate the genre.  To make it better for all of us.  And detailed, reviews help make that happen.

Back to your story, the bit about binding does make me wonder.  How come there are no biggies questioning the whole bound thing?   No one is asking, “is this right?”  They’re supposed to be smart, that usually goes hand in hand with questioning the world around you.  No one seems to be asking if this is good for the tiny.  I mean, if it’s so awesome why doesn’t Izzy’s dad just bind her all the damn time?  And why isn’t he looking for someone to get bound with?

So thanks for listening to my babbling...and thanks for creating and contributing.  And I will certainly give you and Izzy another chapter’s worth of my attention.

Peace

pix


PS, don’t bother with ST TNG...DS9 is lots better.

Author's Response:

Dammit! Now I want to see Dr. Strange fist fight Thor too! Marvel better make it happen in Infinity war!

Kinda don't know how to respond to this because I'm currently writing chapter 4 and don't really know if I have it in me....Here it goes.

First: Yeah I was being kinda dismissive with the mono blade comment mostly because it didn't appeal to me to have Izzy just cutting people up. But that's water under the bridge. Or maybe not. It will probably haunt my dreams! It is an idea with merit if Izzy finds herself in some extreme circumstance though. Who knows if this dumb story about a girl going to school will get that far.

Twosie: Yeah. Peter's a little bit of an asshole sometimes. That's all. Also MAJORS in general are kinda condescending pricks, but I think you picked up on that. I tried to make even Sabrina a character I want people to like seem like a bit of a jerk in this story. Not sure if people notice that but whatevs.

Third: You might be a bit disappointed in old Ignacio. Let's just say he's a bit......distracted right now.

Ummm what else?: Bonding is not binding. They share some similarity but that would be shamelessly ripping off SpookyTaco and that's a no go for me. Also as you get older there are some connotations to it. Like it's okay for a parent to bathe with their child up to a certain age before it gets creepy y'know. It's kinda the same thing here. 

Final: I din't think your reviews out of spite. I don't even know you. Any of you! Stay away from my story stalkers!!!....I mean it's no big deal. I value criticism harsh or kind and everything in between. I also put enough distance between my work not to feel bad unless someone starts throwing ethnic slurs at me which you didn't do! I not so secretly devalue everything I create. 

Uhhhh?....Thank you for the comment and see you in chapter 4 and who knows when after that.

Lates

NotSirk! I got it right this time! :D

PS-IT'S REAL!! IT'S REAL BECAUSE I CREATED IT!! I CREATED IT AND IT'S REEALL!!! (I really hope people got this reference so they don't think I'm crazier than I am.)

Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed [Report This]
Date: October 16 2017 9:37 PM Title: Chapter 3: MAJOR/first step (part two)

     I have to say that this was a well written chapter, with engaging situations and interesting characters.

     But, well, that was a lot of build up and investment for the payoff being Izzy has feet of clay.  If you wanted to show us she was all hat and no cattle you could have spared us a lot of build up telling us how different she was.   All that time spent talking about how she was different than “most minors," setting us up to believe we (and all the big jerks) were going to see something special, and then delivering a just another minor moment, makes everything up to that point a shaggy dog story.  Well, ya got me.  Ha ha.

     Speaking on personal tastes, amnesia is one of the most annoying devices ever.  Not only does it un-value everything that happened during the blackout period, because it didn’t happen as far as your main character is concerned, but it taints the rest of the story.  It just becomes arduous. Try to imagine grinding your way through Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and no one will tell Harry about Voledemort.  That’s every scene after an amnesia scene. 
    Plus, you are making it so the super advantaged characters now get to go through the story sans- consequences.  It’s like you found a big hidden stash of drama and tension in your story and said “what am I supposed to do with this?” as you tossed it out the window.  If Brenda is gonna interact with Izzy and it doesn’t result in any consequences for her, why is she even in the story?  And her crying is not a consequence...the only fallout was getting a stinking pile of affirmation and reinforcement from her galpal.  

     So far your interesting, individual, square peg character has become an example of “all minors are alike” and everyone knows “what they’re really like” but Izzy.  She fails as a pov character, she fails as a heroine and she fails as a rebel.  It’s like sitting through all those seasons of Star Trek TNG and they build up and build up that Riker guy and season after season he’s...well...that guy whose supposed to be awesome...you just never see it.
 
    The hints at some sort of eugengics war or forgotten genocide gives the world an interesting darkness.  I have to say, I’m a little confused as to why something like that would need to happen if this is binding.  Tiny people really are no challenge it seems.  You can render them harmless with a touch and a thought.  Seems like one more dose of “no effort, no consequences” for the biggies.

     I didn’t read the other story you wrote, and I am a long way from sold on the characters around Izzy and she’s looking more and more like she’s not going to be allowed to shine except in the terms that others set for her.  Which means basically, not at all. 

     Hey, you’re having a good time, obviously.   So don’t let me ruin your fun.  I am only one voice and you are clearly a hit with the others that have decided to take the time to review.  So, I’m probably wrong.  Enjoy writing your story and enjoy Mario.

Peace

pix

 

PS- I never said "laser blades."

Author's Response:

Hrmmmmmmm........Okay *cracks knuckles then accidentally breaks fingers* Oh dear! That did not go as I planned at all!

Where have you been all my life PIXL8ED!!??! I could've used you in "Small" you fool! Ummmm?!...sorry.

You actually said mono molecular blades or vibratory blades or mono molecular-vibratory blades. I hope I got that right I mean I'm literally reading it off the page as I type this so if I blew it that's super embarrassing. I just said lazer blades as a dumb replacement because typing that out is a handful and I'm lazy. Sorry for misrepresenting your words.....anywhoo!

I could try to defend myself here but all I can say is that story's not over! My closest comparison to what happened to Izzy is that she got drunk but not everyone who gets drunk forgets what happened. I wonder how she'll feel when she comes down. Notice how Mei didn't say Brenda was a front runner, just a candidate. Why is that when she was the one who nearly bonded (or at least tried) with Izzy. But like I said. Not gonna defend myself. Keep this coming sir or madam! Or drop off if the story is not what you expected. My feelings won't be hurt. *weeps softly in a corner*

I never watched much TNG actually. I was more a DS9 guy myself, but maybe I should go watch more of it. I don't know if I want you to go read "Small" or not now. I know it's not perfect and you might evicerate it. Which it needs so I can improve it's sequel. But enough about a crazy man's first completed story. All I'll say is I don't write stories where the "biggies" as you call them just get away with their shit too easy. That's actually the one trope that pisses me off in this genre of writing and I guess fetish or whatever you call being into giantess is. The small just gets ran over?! No that's too easy. 

Thank you again. This comment meant a lot and I will enjoy Mario! That meant a lot too. See ya around if you decide to still give this tale a chance or if not any story I write that might catch your eye in the future! I gotta go fix my hands!

Peace!

MrSir-I mean NotSirk!Dammit!!

Reviewer: AdamX Signed [Report This]
Date: October 16 2017 3:51 PM Title: Chapter 3: MAJOR/first step (part two)

To answer an early review, Izzy seems like the type of tiny that while small could fuck up a major enough to escape at least or let them know she won't go down easily.

 

As for this chapter, the meta powers of the majors is a game changer and the Dark Age I am guessing is pretty much every other story about mass shrinking on this site in terms of reasons for it being blacked like Freddy's history in FvsJ.

 

Great read once again.

Author's Response:

She'd put up a good fight. I don't know how far she'd get but Izzy's smart and resourceful. MAJORS are a big hurdle to jump though.

I do actually have an explanation for the dark age but I also know I can just leave as a mystery. I wonder if people are actually interested in knowing?

Reviewer: raskallion Signed [Report This]
Date: October 16 2017 12:19 PM Title: Chapter 3: MAJOR/first step (part two)

I really liked Small and all the sibling power reversal there, but I'm loving this story even more. There are some things I'm still not clear on, like the the average heights of MAJORS and minors, or even the heights of the main characters. While I like that you do not pull us out of the story by inserting the numbers within the narrative, I wonder if you'd be willing to put such data in your entertaining commentary before or after certain chapters. All that said, I eagerly await your next installment!

Author's Response:

Hmmm well I do try to keep a certain flow going in the story and keep a balance between descriptions and moving the plot forward. I'll try to add hard numbers and better details in the future. Until then I give you the height for the two main characters as they're the most clear in my head:

Izzellah's the same height she was in "Small" pre-shrink. 5'7 I believe. I'll actually go look later in correct it in a end note. She's seventeen a year older than in "Small" and still has her slim dancer's figure with maybe a little more muscle from working on her car..maybe.

Sabrina's the same but she's a MAJOR so that land's her at around 8 feet which is kinda small for them. She hasn't hit puberty though so that's not her max.

And sure I'll give you Ignacio who's an adult and a pretty tall guy. I imagine him near sixteen feet and almost half a ton. That might change but he's in the upper zone. He's like 6'5 in "Small".

Hope that satisfies you for now. I'll make a chart or something and actually hammer out some numbers. Thanks for the input!