Reviews For MAJOR/minor
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Reviewer: Grandmaster B Signed [Report This]
Date: June 11 2018 1:39 PM Title: Chapter 1: A minor/Surprise

Great chapter was expecting Mei to try some stunts but did not expect them to bond and Brenda to go full Tier 3 on Mei. Wondering if Izzy can protect herself by going to her safe place and have her Mom protect her in times of crisis, was a great scene. Overall liked the ending to this story hoping to see more in the future.

Thanks for the stories, hope every ends up well for you NotSirk.

Reviewer: meereten01 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 21 2018 4:50 AM Title: Chapter 19: Tier 3

Damnit you are too quick with posting these chapters. I couldn't even complain about Izzy basically having no plan at all or Sabrina being outmatched.

But still, good quality chapters and I want to thank you for writing!

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 18 2018 8:34 PM Title: Chapter 20: MAJOR/minor

1c thoughts:

 

I kind of like the group ending, as shitty as some of them acted it was still nice to see everyone for the most part ended up somewhat friendly.

The dream sequence was tremendous, Izzy bested a tier 3 and the dastardly Mei.

Also you need to write more if you ever hope to catch up to folks like Jacksmith etc, RL Stine wrote like 900 books.



Author's Response:

Thanks for reviewing every chapter! 

Still plenty of drama to come I'm sure but ultimately I think they all learned something. Izzellah at least knows she has nothing to prove and maybe the biggies will give her some space?....Not likely.

Izzy deserved a victory but I think it cost her more than she'd wanted to give. These girls know very personal things about her now. How will they use that I'm looking at you Mei!!!

900 books! ö_ö . I don't know if I have that many ideas!

Thanks for all the great reviews!

 

 

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 18 2018 8:08 PM Title: Chapter 19: Tier 3

1b thoughts:

 

Lisa is a lot tougher than she gets credit for.

Mei and Jessica make a lovely duo of nerdowellers even if Jessica isn't really evil at all just loyal to a fault.

Poor Roro.

Mabel is pretty smart when she applies herself, I could see a fairly friendly group of her/Sab/Lisa and Izzy.

Holy fuck, god tier Bren.



Author's Response:

Tough...sure that's a good enough word. I'd say experienced. Mei's the only one with bond experience and that's with her brother. Lame. Brenda's a complete novice. She's only used her power on Mabel once or twice when they were really young and she got in trouble for that. Lisa used to bond three people a day just to carry her around. It's like putting up a super strong toddler against a trained mma fighter....actually I don't know if that analogy makes sense.......close enough.

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 18 2018 7:30 PM Title: Chapter 18: STARTING/line

1a thoughts.

 

Lisa's unfiltered mouth remains a joy to read.

I don't think anyone could take Jessica period, she's like a walking mountain of a woman.

I can since Mei trying to break Brenda early given that she is a tier 3 thus a greater threat than the fighter twins seem to be.

Good to see Izzy letting the beast loose on the roadways.



Author's Response:

That was actually highly illegal. Don't drive without a licence folks!

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 18 2018 8:43 AM Title: Chapter 20: MAJOR/minor

NotSirk, you rascal ! How can you end this story on such a high note ! Damn, it was awesome, the penultimate chapter was so great, I couldn't help but read it at work ! And I'll read it again and again and again and again and... well, you get it.

 

I loved all the characters. yes, even Mei, in the end, who seems to have some serious chip on her shoulder, considering what she said in Izzy's "mental fortress" when it came to other makig mistakes if she isn't here... but now I want to know why Izzy hinted that she was her first in the SPecial ! Damn it !

Seeing Brenda's loveable attitude was so great, I ended rooting for her seriously... I wonder if we'll ever see a glimpse of her future, she deserves to find happiness, after how great a character she turned out to be. Not like Romeo "I fall for boobies" Watermiene, or Rebecca "I can't distract anyone if I don't use sex" Swann ! Kidding, I loved them too, and Lisa was the best best friend ever. 

Don't worry for the Special, we have time, I want to explore the whole first day of school and afterward for Alejandro, so at least a mont and a half more of story, I8 would say, and then I would like to write some unrelated stories in ly Random Stories Factory, so I'm pretty sure you'll get to write some, don't worry :p. It's more important that you get healed and well on your feet. I need my dose of story by NotSirk and your drawings !

I noticed the little description Izzellah's perfect minor material for boyfriend, strangely, it reminded me of somone, but I wonder who :p ! 

Anyway, get well and thanks for the story !



Author's Response:

Well to answer your question about Mei. Not to tease but I had a bit of an epilouge planned involving the true results of the game if you paid attention. I was purposefully a little vague but there is a clear winner. I didn't have time to do it though sadly. I like the story being open ended on that though. I trust you to make inferences. Thanks for the support and reviews.

Reviewer: Grandmaster B Signed [Report This]
Date: May 04 2018 8:59 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Really liked this chapter showing what catches Izzys eye and the interaction of the girls around her. Sabrina seems to be getting really agressive but guess shes at that age guess its good if its to protect Izzy. Im kind of iffy on Mei she seems like a good girl trying to impress Izzy and make it seem like she wants whats best for her even mentioning the diet but feels like Mei is reading Izzys thoughts. Hoping for a chance Izzy ends up with her own Harem seeing how so many girls want to be with her showing how much power a Minor can actually have over Majors.

Also thats too much teasing with the sketch. Cant wait for the remaining chapters.



Author's Response:

Remaining  chapters are up pal! Thanks for the comment. 

Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 23 2018 5:30 AM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Okay, I have to say that I really enjoyed chapter 15...uh...the 16th chapter that is now number 15 but was ....uh...numberz r hard... anyway, a lovely character based chapter. 

I mean, I really shouldn’t like it.  I hate seeing Izzy vulnerable and leaning on biggies for help, but Linda’s sexy mothering was really endearing.   Lisa is still super flaky and rather shallow, but fun company.

Up to this chapter we haven’t seen Izzy be so deeply self examining.  Her tears and her trauma were rather heart wrenching and really gave her some softer depths, though her exterior has been soften a bit too much lately so it didn’t provide as nice a contrast as it could have.  Still, great chemistry and some surprising wisdom and thoughtfulness from Linda.  Great scene.

An Izzy/Linda thing did sort of clarify my hopes for Izzy’s romantic future.  I think she needs someone like her dad was for her mom.  Someone mature and serious about a relationship.  I know her dad isn’t the perfect model, he’s no mental giant and his clone wouldn’t stimulate her mind like she clearly needs/deserves, but he’s steady and loving and supportive and giving and attentive..  That feels like what she really should be seeking.   And in that sense she’s in a desert.  Not one of the biggies she’s encountered measure’s up. 

(And I did actually read the re-edited chapter 16.)

Overall chapter 17 was really enjoyable.  I liked seeing Mei and Sabby develop some empathy and self examine to the point that it possible caused some real character development.  Izzy doing one of the heroes are supposed to do: bring out the best in those around them. 

But, I have an issue.  We are losing the Izzy that we invested in.  It’s only been a couple of weeks and Izzy is being carried and she’s getting fondled by waitresses with no consequence.  I realize that her allowing herself to be picked up represents the growing trust and affection between her and Sabrina, but at what cost.  She’s surrendering her quest for dignity and independence for what?  Convenience?  She suddenly decides she’d rather not make waves?  To paraphrase: well behaved tinies rarely make history. 

She’s become a typical minor.  Gone is her sass, her fire, her rebel with a cause thing. 

It happens way too often in our genre.  There is too much biggie-centrism and it creeps into our work and it taints our protagonists.  Character’s like Spooky Taco’s Eli become these limp, passive observers in there own story when we invested in them as rebels, goal seekers and wave makers.  Their goals fall by the way side replaced with the boring biggie worship we’ve all seen before.  Clearly Izzy isn’t that bad yet...but she’s turned onto that path. 

That waitress should have had her curse word vocabulary expanded by at least two.  Though, as I’ve indicated before, I’d much rather have Izzy learning to be a better insulter.  I’d rather she cut her down a few than sit there and take it.  

This is your story.  Izzy is your character.  But as part of your audience, I have to say that it’s Izzy that brings me back, chapter after chapter, and the fun and conflict that she brings to the story is fading fast.  I can’t root for her in her quest for dignity and independence if she’s given up on them in favor of a high school fling with a yet-to-be-determined someone.

I know she’s been through a terrible trauma, but there is so much in this world that makes Izzy weak, if only by comparison.  I really am here to see her strength.  You’ve delivered so much in character development and great dialogue and humor and sexiness and drama...this is a wonderful and important addition to zize-lit (I made that up, just for this review...that’s how important your work is) but Izzy really the glue that holds it together.  But she’s also the primary source of conflict and dramatic tension.  It’s a shame to see her neutered in the interest of moving the narrative along. 

I’m not giving up on her story.  I love this story.  You are giving us one of the best works here and you do so with craft and originality.  You deserve all the praise and gratitude in the world of zize-lit (please catch on, please catch on...) and you can certainly be proud of your work.  It is amazing.

Oh, and I think I know what dad’s surprise is...it’s the car!  He finished her car...or he got her one her size.  Dang...I guess I don’t know.  Something with a car.  Oh, well, I like your surprises!

Peace


pix



Author's Response:

Sorry I left this one alone for so long Pix. All I can say now is I hope you enjoy the ending. Very interested in reading your thoughts. You'll probably tear it apart but I appreciate that level of critique. It helps me get better! 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 21 2018 11:57 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Is it wrong that I'm still rooting for Mei over Sabrina to win the game and have a real date with Izzy ? It is right ? Damn it. Anyway, another excellent chapter ! And that cliffhanger at the end... what will it be ? Or who !? Suspense is killing me !

Also, unrelated but... for the Third Interlude, I had in mind something for Lisa and Linda ? Can I get your greenlight for that ?



Author's Response:

I mean I think I hinted what Papa Ivory was doing pretty strongly. The only reason I didn't outright say it is for a surprise next chapter. But you can guess if you want. And yes. You are wrong for wanting Izzy x Mei. Your feelings are not valid! Mei was a complete dick this chapter. She's controlling, manipulative, and cold. Boo! 

I've already said you can write whatever you want. I don't mind fanfiction. I'd have to read it before I decide if it's canon, like if for some reason you decide to kill them or something. That'd be interesting to read, but an obvious no go. So if you need an official blessing than go for it.

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 21 2018 7:18 PM Title: Chapter 17: group/DATE

Don't eat her!

 

Is it wrong I'm still rooting for Irish wrestling Goddess to win the day? Also Izzy is right, McShakey's is not a place a well intentioned minor should be eating more than once or twice a month.

Mei is an excellent antagonist.

 



Author's Response:

MAJOR SPOILER!! : Yes! Somehow Jessica who has a committed boyfriend and who isn't even participating in the game will somehow show up at the last second to win the day, claiming Izzy's undying love and affection while simultaneously crushing her best friends hopes in the process! No need to read the last few chapters. This is what's happening!

Reviewer: Cojack Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: April 20 2018 4:37 PM Title: Chapter 16: DARK/age

First let me just say that i absolutly love the world/character building in this. The writing is smooth and is just overall fun to read. I absolutely love all of the characters especially Izzelah. You did an absolutely amazing job describing how dark and horrible the dark ages were. This series is the size of a full fucking book with over 180 something pages worth of story. I absolutely love this series but I write this reveiw to tell you the one thing that is very off putting for me in this story. The age of death in a major and minor. The fact that a major can live to be over 60 years older than a minor is just so baffling to me. It would make sense for the bigger species to live a little bit longer like 10-15 years like how most women live longer than men. But just the fact that Ignacio will live longer than Izzelah is heartbreaking, and while some may argue it’s good storytellig and more realistic that life is depressing like that, it almsot makes the whole romance thing between majors and minor obsolete. Whats the point in having Izzelah and Sebrina in love (because I know that’s most likely where it’s going) if Sebrinas just gonna live to be 150 when Izzelah dies at 90. Anyway, tangent over. I’m not trying to tell you how to write your story, just giving my opinion. Great story though for real, you have real talent.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the praise. While I completely respect your opinion on the age gap, I have to say I think it makes the whole love angle more potent. It's heartbreaking and tragic yes, but I think it really speaks to the characters that they're willing to go for it anyway. Not to mention it's just another element that shows the absolute superiority of MAJORS in this world and exactly what Izzellah's against. Not even time is on her side. I think that's also why minors are more prone to ingenuity in design, or at least they were. They strive to leave a mark on the world. Will it work out for Izzellah? Should she even bother? Thank you again! 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 13 2018 2:07 PM Title: Chapter 1: A minor/Surprise

Well, I've seen this one "A sickening pain buried itself in the pit of her dljdkdjdkjkdjjstomach." and that one : "

Yes,so much help. Didn’t you knock down all his tools trying to climb the shelf

ddyesterday?”

But I think it may be formating error or something.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the feedback. I'll be looking over all my chapters in the next week or so to make adjustments. 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: April 13 2018 4:22 AM Title: Chapter 16: DARK/age

I know that Iggy is against it but... I would really like Izzy and Mei screwing around, if only because I hope that we would get a glimpse of a less guarded Mei. That MAJOR probably need to let loose a lot from time to time, with how cold and composed she is all the time. Is it wrong that I want her screaming under Izzellah's caresses ?

Ps: I've noticed some strange mistakes in the form of the text, possibly because of an error on the site or something, you should perhaps change them NotSirk.

 



Author's Response:

Mei x Izzy is strangely popular, or maybe it's more like a few people commenting the same thing repeatedly. I do find it strange since I write Mei to be more robotic and blatantly manipulative. Spouting MAJOR propoganda, showing up at convenient times, basically threatening to beat the shit out of Sabrina! (That is what she originally planned btw. Mei's 10ft tall, Sabrina's 7ft and hasn't hit puberty. She was gonna destroy her! Y'know how Alaric punched Sab through a tree cause he's like 18 and buff and an adult? Yeah that would've been the second time if Meia and Sabrina had fought!) So I'm very interested that people like that pairing.

What mistakes? Besides my horrible American spelling and grammar? 

 

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 10 2018 10:52 PM Title: Chapter 15: broken/WALLS

Izzy is leaning so much!

 

It was nice to see her able to let out some of the sorrow from mother being gone. Also I understand Linda's concern for the Daren of... returns with his cronies.

 

As for her taking Izzy's cherry is it wrong that I am kind of pulling for Sab in that area...if Izzy is 100% ready and on board of course. 



Author's Response:

It's Darren the Winton in Winton Heights Winton" I've worked hard to establish that title. 

I have already decided who will win this game and yes that will bring them closer to Izzy. Will they get what they want? Who knows? Will they break her cherry? Probably not as she's only known these idiots two weeks and she just got molested by a wild pack of horny teens so is kind of on guard. But will winning this dumb contest one day secure a championship match with Izzy's panties like a WWE Money in the Bank contract?...The odds are above 50%!

Some people will be disappointed.

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 06 2018 4:57 PM Title: Chapter 15: broken/WALLS

I think you did a wonderful job explaining how fucked up the Dark Times were, people were not as advanced back then and it showed through with the movie.

Izzy showing her vulenerable/awkward side was something that was due for the growth of her as a person and character.

 

Also some nice family friendly casual racism from Lisa and brand awareness to boot! ;)



Author's Response:

Thank you. It's hard to find moments to make Izzy emotionally vulnerable since most of the time she's trying to compensate for her physical vulnerability.

I think Lisa's trying hard.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 06 2018 11:49 AM Title: Chapter 1: A minor/Surprise

You'll see how it goes with Alejandro and Waid... and SHannon's role in that. Waid is 8f2, so two feet and two inches taller than Alejandro and really old, but still somewhat strong. Alas poor Alejandro, had he his two arms, mayhaps ! But lo, here he rest, an unmarked grave. Or not. 

More seriously, Waid uses his money and influence, picking up young girls from very destitute backgrounds and basically pay them to have sex with him and bear his bastards, so they can get their families out of the slums to better lives... as long as they keep their mouths shut and their pussy open. But you shouldn't underestimate him, even with Shannon's around. 

And don't forget that he'll be with Joseph Mac Ferlan's older sister. Ominous, isn't it ?

Also, 100th comment ! Hell yeah !



Author's Response:

Comment 1.0.0.!!! I've finally hit the big leagues. Interesting fact this is my most reviewed story but not my most popular. I guess people really liked MrSirk's Tales of the New World story.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 06 2018 3:45 AM Title: Chapter 1: A minor/Surprise

Little spoiler : Waid and Alejandro will have a brawl in the future. We'll see how tough he is then ! And Shannon will be left... Well, you'll see.

Shannon, in my mind, became a billionaire because her teachers told her that she may have been big but that she would never leave a mark on the world, since she was kind of a low-grade student in high-school (something she dropped out, by the way). She just decided to prove them wrong.

Concerning a presidential run between Izzy and Shannon, Alejandro and me will vote for the Minor ! I mean, Shannon has good intentions, but forcing Minors to move to year-long warmy states so they have to show some skin 365/365 is a little too much !

I can't wait to see how you'll tackle Shannon and Izzy in your Special now. After learning so much about the past and life in a school full of biggies, Miss Ivory will totally be the mentor figure of Alejandro... If she doesn't get snatched by Sabrina, Mei or Lindsey !



Author's Response:

Waid v Alejandro? Hmmm. I mean Alejandro does work out and Waid is pretty old. Like he doesn't even seem stronger than the woman he takes to bed. (How is he pulling that off anyway? Money?) But then again you haven't really described Waid's appearance in depth. Is he spry? Alejandro's young and he does actually have a kill under his belt as horrible as that is to say. waid is still a MAJOR though. How tall is he? Al does only have one arm..how hard is is prosthetic one? Maybe he can put a bit of power behind it? It might actually be interesting. I mean until Shannon gets involved and beats Waid like a bad dog. Uhh...what was the point of this? 

I don't think Izzy's law that all MAJORS have to bare toned middrift in her presence would be seen as much better. Not like she'd win anyway. Even if every minor voted for her. Still a girl can dream! 

Shannon v Izzy: A conflict of ideals. Speed vs Power...and also speed, and size, and money, and even more size and power. I am excited to write though!

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 06 2018 12:06 AM Title: Chapter 15: broken/WALLS

And here I was, afraid that I had made Howard Waid too much of a monster even for the Dark Age... Turns out he was rather average ! Damn, that's pretty grim... But now I want to write Izzy chewing Shannon and Alejandro explaining why MAJORS kept Minors alive even before those horrible events. Which, I think, amount to them playing a kind social stabilizers : If even the poorest of the MAJOR was better off than a Minor, he had no reason to revolt against his situation, after all...

Overall, what an awesome chapter ! We finally learn a bit more about Izzy's past, her mother and her "friends" from back then. I would really like for the twin to make a come back in a sequel having turned their lives over when they'll discover that Izzy will become President ! :p

I really like how hurt she was by the movie. It must be so terrible to learn that your species was slaughtered because some members had the bravery to fight for their rights. Somehow, it makes Shannon's campaign all the more poignant and sad, because if MAJORS weren't so utterly devoid of empathy toward their smaller brethren, it wouldn't be needed. I wonder if Shannon realize that she is really gambling hard with her idea to have Alejandro and Izzy being intimate and "dating".

Onward to the art. It's really great, as always. I really like your Alejandro and can't wait to see you adding more cast members from your stories. 

Keep the great work man !

 

 

 

 



Author's Response:

Oh yeah definitely! Waid's an old asshole! How old is he? Let me go re-read that......137! Well good for him! He's not even a super MAJOR. What's he running on? Racism? He's probably on his last legs though. Summer could probably kick his ass! But ueah he lived through both wars, I imagine his family might have even owned minor slaves! Maybe he even participated in hunting them down?! Or maybe he's just a jerk for no reason. *shrug* People like that exist. 

Well Shannon's movement seems like a pretty big deal. She's probably not the first to try but being a very influential person on size alone I think she'd get traction even if she wasn't a billionaire. MAJORS respect strength afterall! As for Shannon vs Izzy? Well who do you think she's running against for the presidency you fool! MAJOR/minor 2! Who will win?!

And yeah Shannon's assuming a lot isn't she? She seems kind of excitable in general. The kind of person who gets an idea in her head and just rolls with it! That's probably part of how she became a billionaire huh?

Reviewer: pixl8ed Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 05 2018 8:39 PM Title: Chapter 15: broken/WALLS

It’s interesting that the film was earlier described as “pro-minor.”  The biggies are so completely ethically retarded that they want to make everything pro-tiny and/or anti-biggie (which describes me, not the movie.)  They are simply too morally incapable to recognize the film’s actual message which is ... you know...anti-murder.  It’s a good thing for them they’re strong...cuz they’re so stupidly shallow it’s kind of painful to watch.

It’s a complex scenario the film puts fourth.  Making the biggie’s evil seem almost justified as a act of self defense.  Kind of smells like a case of the history the winners write.  We could ask the other side...oh wait...they’re all dead. 

An interesting alternate history, I do have a complaint in that you didn’t do a very good job of explaining why the biggies kept the tinies around in the pre-bonding ear.  The occasional invention hardly seems to justify their preservation.

Also...Izzy’s car.  It was built well after the dark age.   If only 2% of the population is tinies and they’re all oppressed, who are they building a “transitional” car for?

That aside, this was a wonderfully realized chapter.  Izzy really pulled me in with her complex emotions and her sincere contemplations.  I, at first, felt a little jarred by the dark beginning and light ending of the piece.  But then I realized how Izzy and everyone else would be desperate for some lightness...some relief from the burden that such dark knowledge puts upon a person’s shoulders.  Lisa might be a little too light, but that’s very well established for her.

The biggies are still creepy and worthless.  Their notion of their own superiority even further undermined, now that their dirty laundry has been aired.  But the fact that they have never been challenged is even more glaring.  You asked me how Mabel could understand Izzy’s plight?  The same way your audience does; empathy and imagination.  But biggies are totally lacking in these qualities.  That’s how Izzy can beat them.  She can challenge herself more than the Biggies are capable of understanding.  She can make the contest about inventiveness and imagination...and leave the biggies standing around like the vapid, shallow creatures they show themselves to be time and again. 

Go tiny heroine, go.

Her memories of her mother are sweet are sweet and powerful.  I loved the complexity of her mother’s teachings. 

I have to say that most people would view it as a fault, but I appreciate Izzy’s ability to hold a grudge and stick by her decisions.  Breaking off her association with the twins shows determination and the ability to understand and live with consequences.  Something there’s not enough of in this world.  Yes, the image of two first graders, moping at losing their friend is a sad one, but what choice did Izzy have?  Relent and have them treat her worse next time?  That is exactly what would have happened with these monsters.  Maybe they learned a lesson (I doubt it.) But Izzy’s loneliness is also her strength.  She’s able to imagine herself as something other than a pet to these oversized losers because she kept them away.  Just think what years of having them around and subtly (and not so subtly) letting her know she was inferior would have done to her.  This world gives her no alternative.  She should not fear being alone.

And props to Ignacio...still such a loving and cool dad.  I really wish Izzy had spent her time after the movie with him...their heart to hear moments are magical. 

This is some excellent storytelling.  Provocative on many levels and a pleasure to read. 

Thank you. 

Peace


pix



Author's Response:

Now that I'm getting that sweet patreon money I should probably hire you as an editer..is it edit(er) or edit(or)? ....I think it's actually editor.....Anyway. 

Thanks for pointing out that car thing I actually noticed that after writing this and.....I got nothing. Brainstorming I'd say something along the lines of it being part of the first attempt of a minor rellief programin the years after the war. Maybe civil unrest amongst the few serviving minors that still remembered those who died led to media attention and political pressure to uplift the minority. Thus industry evolved to service them. That plus the growth explosion of MAJORS was slower among the first generation. Someone like Summer who is significantly older and shorter than say Ignacio could drive Izzellah's car just fine since she's around 8ft and part of the first generation. (As in the first MAJORS born after ww1. Lets check the math...She's in her ninties. 2018 minus 90 is 1928. ww1 ended in 1918. That works!) That's just off the top of my head and I didn't actually write that in chapter and it might contradict what I've already wrote but maybe it works? I'll workshop it. I've already accepted that there will be some plot holes and I'm definitly going to change some things with this chapter but after three drafts I decided it was better to post something than leave people hanging another week. Don't be surprised if I announce some edits soon. But then again who besided Kuro actually went back and re-read chapter 13? I don't know. Thanks for pointing it out anyway. 

Overall I think some of it worked. Maybe more focus on details and minor population going into more modern times would be beneficial. I don't really know if the whole history is really what people care about in this story or not. 

I was actually expecting you to be even more brutal on the MAJORS but maybe I'm just desensitized to it now. I wonder what happened to those twins though? I guarantee they still live on the block, but Izzy doesn't talk to them. They've not even been mentioned almost as if they were created just for this chapter. Izzy did cut ties or more accurately outgrew them, or should I say they outgrew her haha! Maybe they'll show up in MAJOR/minor 2: Izzellah runs for president! 

Honestly anyone could've come out to comfort Izzy. I ran scenarios where it was Sabrina, Mei, even Peter at one point! But ultimately I decided it gave too much of an advantage to whoever did and Lisa was a neutral party. It also gave me an opportunity to show a more indifferent perspective. Lisa has her own priorities and doesn't really care much about minor suffering. In a lot of ways she's just trying to catch up to Izzy whether she knows it or not. I should really write that Lisa chapter soon. It couldn't be dad though. I wanted to show that Izzy is still reeling from her experience with Darren even though she's been trying to tough it out. Don't know if it came through but I'm trying. 

Thanks for the support and critique! That latter especially. Congratulations on getting WAY more outta me than I probably should've said on this. I actually timed out but took your advice and typed this in a seperate file! YES!!!!

 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 05 2018 4:06 AM Title: Chapter 1: A minor/Surprise

I've finally read the updated chapter 13 and man, it was gross what happened to Izzy. Those MAJORS are the worst ! I'll probably end making use of that scene in Alejandro's school life, if inly as a mention, sooner or later ! I also really like the last chapter, with the way businesses make use of the scarcity of Minors to entice customers and all. Very underhanded !

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