Date: December 09 2017 9:46 PM Title: Chapter 6...The Alux Pt. 2
Another good sub-plot. I'm a bit confused as to how Elena will continue her music career. Without Gabi's cruel influence, I assume she won't be eating anyone else. But doesn't that mean her magic will fade and she'll shrink back down to Alux size? Will she be the world's smallest pop singer? That would be kind of cool actually, I was just unclear on whether that was the plan.
Aspen had quite a dark side in this. That guy that was hitting on her was an asshole but he didn't deserve to die. Aspen being shrunk is kind of karma. That said, I've seen enough spells with loopholes in fantasy fiction that I have some ideas on how that can be reversed.
Elena showed that she had talent to begin with but as Gabi pointed out in the dressing room her sacrifice maigc boosted it by several degrees. As the lore pointed out, the Alux have a natural ability to use magic on their own. They just need sacrifices to do stuff beyond their ability to change size. With Elena being exposed, I see her still trying to make it as a pop star on her own talent and yes tiny size.
Aspen has shown in the past a dark side especially when someone she loves is mistreated and worse yet threatened. For example shrinking that Save-Mart worker for judging Aspen and Claire's relationship. As for the guy, Aspen probably would have just gave him a punishment for touching her or moving Claire out of his way but when he casually tossed her lover in freezing lemonade Aspen saw that as a direct assault that could've killed her. All bets were off then.
As for karma it really is. Aspen has shown some carelessness to borrower feelings as to using them for her needs. Sure she says she understands but does she really? As for loopholes...well they say the cure can be as bad as the disease...
Date: November 17 2017 6:38 AM Title: Chapter 1...The borrowers
was to harsh eirlier so sorry.What is your reason behind this great story?
When I was still working on invasion, I wondered what my next project would be. I didn't want to do another Invasion Saga so soon so I ended up hitting a writer's block. When this happens I go to other things to help. In this case I was collaging as I also do giantess and shrunken collaging. As I was going over my old works, I remembered I did a set entitled "Tiny Women of the World". A picture with a included demographic for each species. Then it hit me. I could do a story about this. I thought about what it would be like if tiny people really did live in the world. Humans would be kind and cruel to them.
Now that I had a plot I need characters. My main character was going to be human. A human that would travel the world cataloguing and learning about all the different species of tiny people. My inspiration was Bindi Irwin. A bisexual girl fighting for the rights of Borrowers and for the right to start a life with one. Now I had Aspen.
The next character was going to be the borrower. The sexiness of Barbie mixed with the upbeat personality of Arriety. Now I had Claire.
For the supporting character he needed to be male for the audience and sexual tension. A kind and selfless guy driven by a dark past. Now I had Keith.
So that's how I came up with the story. :)
Date: November 14 2017 11:17 PM Title: Chapter 5...the Brownies Pt. 2
Great work. Very tragic that the Nirumbee went extinct. But like Titania, it seemed that Bentgrass had let bitterness consume her.
I'm surprised there was no mention of the original European brownie legends. That was no doubt what the white settlers named the Native American little people after. Do those exist in this universe or are they just a legend?
I'll be honest, some of the sex scenes get a bit, er, extreme for me (but what do I know? I'm a bit of a prude sometimes). But I love what you do with the folklore in this story.
Author's Response: When I looked at the lore for brownies I found two different ways it was described. The European version grouped them all as Fae mostly. Different names for the same thing. Fae, fairy, sprite...they all fell under brownie. And it did carry over to the new world. In this universe it didn't for the sake of simplicity. Native American brownie lore was far more diverse. Yeah the sex scene here was admittedly rough and I did hesitate here due to the circumstances but looking at their lore I needed plot reasoning. Hence Kelly. Thanks for the review :)
Date: October 28 2017 4:21 PM Title: Chapter 4 The Gremlins Pt. 2
This story continues to be awesome. I love the idea that gremlins are borrowers bred to be sabateurs during war. Very clever. Clara and Wulf's story was quite moving. Nice to see public opinion towards the tiny folk gradually changing.
Date: October 26 2017 4:03 PM Title: Chapter 3...The Fae
I've read all the chapters so far, and the volume of each chapter is pretty nuts and the content is great. The character development is pretty solid too and the scenarios and length of each one is ok as well, minus the fairy one anyway, the koonago one definitely felt good being so long and detailed.
I felt the Fae chapter was a bit... underwhelming? Magical size altering and changing fairies and such would have made for some fun and interesting situations I think, and was mostly a missed opporunity. I was kinda looking from about mid chapter to seeing claire wind up with some magic power by the end of it, but sadly she did not :(
Honestly this story is pretty strong to me so far. Long and detailed chapters and settings are amazing on these kinds of websites so I always look forward too them when I find the really good ones like these lol.
good luck on the next one!
Thanks for the review. That chapter is less "meaty" for a reason. When i thought about the Fae being a mythical species, It needed it to be one of two things. A very hidden species like koonago or a nearly extinct one and using the latter as a tie in to explain the borrowers origin seemed perfect. I really did ant to show a fairy society but I needed a good reason for Titania to be mentally deranged. Being a queen of an empty realm and watching those she held dear (forest included) leave or die fit the bill.
As for Claire. right now she has no magical abiliies left but not to give too much away...that could change.
As for length, the next chapter is going to be bigger. Stay tuned :)
Date: October 19 2017 7:47 PM Title: Chapter 3...The Fae
Wow, quite a chapter! Claire has fae blood? And Queen Titania herself showed up! I was sorry to see her fate here. Midsummer Night's Dream is one of my favorite stories. Titania always did have a capricious streak though so I can see how her dwindling power would drive her to extremes.
Love that you used Shakespeare and Celtic myth in this one, some of my favorite things. Minor criticism - you mentioned something recorded in the Tuatha De Danann but that was the name of the Irish gods and heroes, not a book.
Regardless, very cool chapter. I continue to be impressed by this story.
You're absolutely right about that being the name of Irish God's and heroes. When I did research for his part I found books that covered Tuatha De Denann as both a group and chronicle (like Age of the gods).
One particular book I found was online titled as you might guess "Tuatha De Denann: The Folklore of Ireland". So when I say chronicled in the story I meant an author had wrtten a compendium that included fairies. I can see how that can be misleading in the story.
Thanks for the review and feedback! It helps me get even better as a writer! 😀
Date: October 13 2017 9:40 AM Title: Chapter 2...The Koonago Pt.2
This story is amazing! I love how much research and thought you've put into it and the way you're drawing from legend and history. I also love that you referenced Issun-boshi. I know that story well and used the character in my League of Homunculi stories (here on this website if you're interested). The barbaric treatment of some of the tinies (and humans) isn't my thing but otherwise, I'm really enjoying this.
Thanks I'll check it out. When I do any story eventually I have to do research. Sometimes a lot. I'm a Japanese culture buff so half of my research was already done. On another note I did a bunch of collages with the tiny women of the world theme. I was shocked at how much cultures have tiny people as folklore. I was hard pressed NOT to find a culture with no tiny people in it's folklore and legends. Thanks for the review 😀
Date: September 30 2017 11:58 AM Title: Chapter 1...The borrowers
This is great! I love the story concept and the idea of multiple races of tiny people in the world. The gentle fan in me is horrified by the mistreatment of the small folk but at least there's the relationship between Aspen and Claire to enjoy. I look forward to seeing what other races they discover.