Reviewer: Chozo Signed [Report This]
Date: June 13 2017 1:03 PM Title: Shrink in matrimony

The first alternative ending was the best and should have been the default, in my opinion. However, it could have been better if instead of simply dying inside of Mary's colon, they had managed to survive and make that their new home. You described Mrs. Barnes as already having a bun in the oven, so that would be a good start towards this newly married couple being like Adam and Eve and creating a new civilization inside of Mary's colon. There was also the Limo driver, but that might make things a bit awkward I suppose. Mary could have also added more people into her colon, like the little asian girl you mentioned at the end. The more people she would put in there, the merrier, and increase the odds that this fledgling civilization can take root and survive in there.

So it need not have been such an unhappy ending for the Barnes couple. Why have them die like that when instead Mary's colon could have become their new home?

Also, a couple more things I feel could have been improved: 1) the other car speeds off and is never heard of again, and it is never explained who was in it or why they were driving like lunatics. Wish there were more details to explain what the deal was with that. 2) When Mary takes a dump at the end of that alternative ending you mention theres the shrunken stroller with her son on the counter, but it isn't explained how or why he ended up in that predicament. In the official ending and the other alternative ending he is not shrunk, but here it is and the details about that are missing.

Author's Response: That's a really cool ending you made there. At some point I considered doing an ending similar to that (That's actually why I included the idea of a baby in the oven) but didn't want to have to write about how the car would stop shrinking. after all, the car was continuously shrinking, so how would it suddenly stop in the woman's gut? So It just became a side idea and I did the actual one we got. However, the idea of people being forced to live in her gut and survive (And even a civilization forming) would be quite ideal and amazing. I might come back to this story and write this as a final alternate ending. I just have to figure out how to write in the idea of the car ceasing to shrink at some point. I wrote the speeding car as both a random cause (To illustrate how dangerous and chaotic this new world is with this technology introduced. After all, a crazed driver can shrink a married couple on accident and speed away). However, I also wrote it with the intention of coming back to it in a later story and show it's tale. Yes, that is true. How did the son shrink. There is no definite answer. I like to think that most establishments have made shrinking booths so mothers can shrink their kids and strollers and easily take them into the bathroom with them. But yes, this is a slight plot hole. Thanks for your review and your ideas. I may use them later on.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: May 21 2017 4:39 PM Title: Shrink in matrimony

No happy alternate ending for the newlyweds, huh? :-(

Author's Response: What is this "Happy", you speak of? Happiness doesn't occur in these sorts of stories. What sort of happiness would you choose? I can't really think of any compelling happy endings.