Date: June 13 2017 1:03 PM Title: Shrink in matrimony
The first alternative ending was the best and should have been the default, in my opinion. However, it could have been better if instead of simply dying inside of Mary's colon, they had managed to survive and make that their new home. You described Mrs. Barnes as already having a bun in the oven, so that would be a good start towards this newly married couple being like Adam and Eve and creating a new civilization inside of Mary's colon. There was also the Limo driver, but that might make things a bit awkward I suppose. Mary could have also added more people into her colon, like the little asian girl you mentioned at the end. The more people she would put in there, the merrier, and increase the odds that this fledgling civilization can take root and survive in there.
So it need not have been such an unhappy ending for the Barnes couple. Why have them die like that when instead Mary's colon could have become their new home?
Also, a couple more things I feel could have been improved: 1) the other car speeds off and is never heard of again, and it is never explained who was in it or why they were driving like lunatics. Wish there were more details to explain what the deal was with that. 2) When Mary takes a dump at the end of that alternative ending you mention theres the shrunken stroller with her son on the counter, but it isn't explained how or why he ended up in that predicament. In the official ending and the other alternative ending he is not shrunk, but here it is and the details about that are missing.
Author's Response: That's a really cool ending you made there. At some point I considered doing an ending similar to that (That's actually why I included the idea of a baby in the oven) but didn't want to have to write about how the car would stop shrinking. after all, the car was continuously shrinking, so how would it suddenly stop in the woman's gut? So It just became a side idea and I did the actual one we got. However, the idea of people being forced to live in her gut and survive (And even a civilization forming) would be quite ideal and amazing. I might come back to this story and write this as a final alternate ending. I just have to figure out how to write in the idea of the car ceasing to shrink at some point. I wrote the speeding car as both a random cause (To illustrate how dangerous and chaotic this new world is with this technology introduced. After all, a crazed driver can shrink a married couple on accident and speed away). However, I also wrote it with the intention of coming back to it in a later story and show it's tale. Yes, that is true. How did the son shrink. There is no definite answer. I like to think that most establishments have made shrinking booths so mothers can shrink their kids and strollers and easily take them into the bathroom with them. But yes, this is a slight plot hole. Thanks for your review and your ideas. I may use them later on.
Date: June 07 2017 1:18 PM Title: Road safety is important
Hi I was wondering, is there any chance you would continue the Field Trip To Die For story. Originally you had said that you were going to perminatly quit writing, which I completely respect, but now I notice that you are back to writing, which is wonderful! I had always looked upon that story as something with so much potential as I have looked for other stories that run on the "pill" type of senerio, unfortunatly not finding any others. If you get the chance, could you please continue? I'm a huge fan of your work. If not, it is perfectly fine, I do not want to be one to drive you crazy. Thanks!
Author's Response: I did say I was quitting for good. I should probably not say that. If I ever say it I really mean that I'm taking a break (Which may last a year or two). The problem with me is that I get lots of inspiration and write several chapters at once an then stop once I get bored. The reason I haven't continued any of my stories (Instead, I simply start new ones) is because I get a new idea and start writing. I haven't got any ideas for FTTDF. I don't know how to continue it. I have no inspiration. Maybe I will one day, though.
Date: May 24 2017 2:00 PM Title: Road safety is important
Personally I dislike the underage content, hence the reduced rating, but I still think there's some brilliant ideas here amongst the adults. I loved the bit with the yoga chick communicating with the tiny victims trapped in her nether regions, although I would have personally prefered them to have been left somewhere less raunchy. I also love how the truck driver was left to fall into the depths of insanity trapped under a sole large enough to crush a metropolis.
I hope to see a follow up on the escaping woman from the bank robbery. I imagine her being captured by a couple of pretty ladies who recognize her predicament and opt to make her their foot slave/explorer as she gradually dwindles away.
I think rabbithole's idea would fit nicely into the storyline. My idea along these lines would be something like a group of cheerleaders slowly shrinking an entire stadium into oblivion during a big event and having their way with the players and patrons as they "grow" from 10 foot amazons all the way up to solar masses and beyond. Some of them would be wearing sneakers or boots, others would have flip flops with fancy pedicures, nail art, toe rings, anklets, tattoos, scented lotion... They'd all go dancing around putting on a sexy show, comparing sizes and crushing, toying with their slowly diminishing victims as they come to eventually dwarf the very stadium itself, slipping in and out of their sandals and giving new meaning to the term "foot ball".
Or similarly along those lines: A gorgeous college freshman gets a new car from her parents as a reward for finishing high school. Together with her equally attractive friend, she decides to shrink an entire office tower and make the workers give them pedicures before they dwindle out of sight. At first it looks like the task will be completed in due time and their lives will be spared, but they soon find that the workload increases substantially as they get smaller, and it becomes a race against the clock, both for survival and for basic human dignity.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I was actually probably not going to continue too much of this story but your review gave me a bit more motivation. However, I think you might be mistaken on the "underage content". The only underage content I can remember is the child who gives the truck to the mother. All other characters are at least 17 and most are well into adulthood. But anyway, your ideas are quite interesting. Your stadium idea is especially good and I can see a lot of fun can be had with it. However, I might save it for a later chapter since it's very "big". Meaning a lot happens. An entire stadium disappears? That would grab a lot of attention. I might do a few smaller chapters (Maybe a teacher doing stuff, maybe the idea with the shrinking girl in her car) before tackling a major event. I can see you have quite a thing for feet and foot related things. I have done a bit with butt and scat so maybe I'll give feet a go since I can also get behind that idea. Maybe an ex-girlfriend takes revenge on her ex and his new partner or something. Something small like that. But your stadium idea is definitely floating around now =) Thanks again for such a detailed review. You've given me a lot to think about.
Date: May 22 2017 8:21 PM Title: Road safety is important
I enjoyed the second chapter and the second alt ending for the thrid chapter, they were short, but detailed enough that it still made for a good scene, It also demonstrated how nonchalant the women are about their power and how willing they are to torture people with a simple act such as farting or a bowel movement.
I hope there will be more farting/scat scene in the upcoming chapters, personally I would love to see a story about a teacher that is in chagre of detention that punishes the students by shrinking them. Once she shruck them she would kill them off either by farting on them or unloading her bowels watching in amusement as they try to out run her growing pile of crap and failing.
Author's Response: Well, with me, you know there's always going to be scat/fart/bowel scenes thrown in every so often. Everyone seems to enjoy the teacher idea and are coming up with their own little teacher examples. I'll need to kick it into high gear and do a teacher scene. Gotta give the people what they want =)
Date: May 22 2017 6:51 PM Title: Road safety is important
Great to see you writing again, always loved your work. Possible story idea? Spoiled brat gets new car, makes donuts around a big target, system triggers, proceeds to domineer?
Author's Response: Like, you mean a spoiled brat uses the device to shrink a building or establishment? Or the security systems of the establishment shrinks the car?
Date: May 22 2017 1:32 PM Title: Trouble parking a bank heist
Wow, thank you very much. I feel honored. Thanks for taking the time. It really meant a lot to me. The story was wonderful and it was just like I imagined it. It really made my day.
Date: May 22 2017 11:47 AM Title: Road safety is important
The entrapment chapter was brilliant. I'd really love to see the same kind of thing, maybe with a schoolgirl. Under her finger/toenails, in her navel, in her ears or nose, or in the wrinkles of her anus, any would be great.
Date: May 22 2017 12:20 AM Title: Shrink in matrimony
I liked the middle story the best. All were very creative. Love the lady cop idea. She can be cop and jury. After all they are guilty.
The divorce idea is a good one.
Maybe a teacher shrinks a bad student.
How about a bank that has a burglary system that shrinks robbers. The bank manager is Mrs.Nelson. She has red hair and tan leather pumps. She finds the shrunken criminals. Please consider using this.
Author's Response: Boy, you really like that tan, leather pumps idea. Well, it isn't my thing but because you asked so nicely I might do it. Seems easy enough. Is the whole leather pump thing all? Like, just any scenario where a woman wears leather tan pumps?
Date: May 21 2017 9:51 PM Title: Road safety is important
A happy ending, once in a while, would broaden that variety.
Author's Response: I will be honest: I always found happy endings to be very boring and uninteresting and hated it when a story did it. I prefer the dark, horrible endings. But I might be able to make a happy ending just for you. But I warn you, it shall be quite boring.
Date: May 21 2017 9:35 PM Title: Road safety is important
Poo on happy endings! I love this story and all the varied takes to the gts genre you're throwing in! Keep writing I'll be watching!
Author's Response: Well, it's always nice to get such kind and generous words to burst my creative juices.
Date: May 21 2017 4:39 PM Title: Shrink in matrimony
No happy alternate ending for the newlyweds, huh? :-(
Author's Response: What is this "Happy", you speak of? Happiness doesn't occur in these sorts of stories. What sort of happiness would you choose? I can't really think of any compelling happy endings.
Date: May 21 2017 4:29 PM Title: Shrink in matrimony
You should do one where a soccer girl keeps a football or school nerd somewhere in her sports bra or soccer kleats while she plays. Or cheerleader. :) or a prom date gone wrong where the teacher keeps the dates?
Author's Response: I am thinking of doing a school based one involving teachers. A teacher keeping two prom dates after a shrinking accident does sound interesting. What would you have in mind with this?
Date: May 21 2017 10:55 AM Title: Jocks in deep
Not a fan of butt stuff and less of scat, but that doesn't mean i didn't enjoy the chapter. I love the whole concept of on girl shrinking a group of people and instead of taking it upon herself to do the deed of eliminating them she creates an unwares scenario. Using her friend as the executioner. I also like ho normal it is in this world that you are establishing to shrink and kill. The friend just took being responsible for the death's of a few guys as a playful prank and even decided to take part. It adds to the cruelty of the whole situation and I love it.
Author's Response: Always nice to get a compliment from you HaloIchigo. I always enjoy your work. I like situations where the victims are powerless to the simple forces of nature because of the fact they upset the establish order (Humans are on top but then they shrink and are on the bottom). A person being killed by a tornado isn't erotic but being kill by the bacterium on someons skin or the natural processes of their body that they can't control is because it's a simple form of nature that can't be controlled or defeated 9Especially at their current size)
Date: May 21 2017 10:52 AM Title: Road safety is important
I loved this chapter, I am so glad to see you writing again. The size scale was so amazing and brought a great vivid image to my mind. This tiny truck driver was nothing compared to Susan who was basically a goddess compared to him. YOu do so great with these size scales, continue with more like this.
Date: May 21 2017 7:02 AM Title: Shrink in matrimony
Nice job, though I think the first two chapters were better since you spent more time describing the perspective of the tiny people. Like you described the jocks panicking within Mary's butt, but for this limo one you basically ignored car's perspective after the woman picked them up on her fingernail. Still enjoyed chapter, and alternate endings were neat, but I think that extra description makes a difference.
Other thoughts unrelated to the chapter:
1. Personally, I like the butt content, but I'd enjoy seeing someone crushed in between cheeks when a giant girl clenches them as opposed to asshole insertion every time.
2. One fun idea could be a jogger who is jogging at night and has a Shrinking safety device for when people don't see her and almost hit her. She could pick up car and drop it in her shoe / between her breasts / in the back of her pants between her butt cheeks and have it be bounced around by sweaty flesh and maybe some sweat would slowly leak into car through broken window or something.
3. Idea that maybe there's some sort of night time drag racing thing that's totally illegal where people gamble on races. Winner gets money, loser gets shrunk and given to winner. Then some hotshot guy who thinks he's the best can be randomly beaten by some hot redhead or something who gets some money and gets to keep him. Since she is also driving a car, maybe she could either leave the tiny car on her seat and sit on him or starch the tiny car to her gas pedal to be crushed under her foot as she drives.
Author's Response: I was thinking about adding the perspective of the tiny people but was too tired. I'll probably add it later since I have some ideas. It's hard for me to write compelling crush stories since that just doesn't do it for me. But I'll see if I can add some quick crush stuff in other stories I do like sweaty entrapment and will probably do a story like that later on. Drag racing? Now there's an interesting idea. Maybe this technology is used on the criminal underworld. Drag racing, thieving, murder. So many possibilities.