Date: December 01 2017 8:56 PM Title: Approach
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Date: October 08 2016 10:57 AM Title: Approach
I'd like to see where this goes. You should continue to contrast Cyllis' indifference towards the citizens with the panic and resistance of the citizens. The amount of characterization given two the three heroes was sufficient for their brief role in the story.
I think the paragraph starting with "Alicia knelt down" should be two paragraphs.
Overall I think this story is off to a good start. I'll give a more complete review once you finish it. Good luck!
Date: September 08 2016 10:06 PM Title: Approach
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