Reviewer: TomSpeedy Signed [Report This]
Date: November 02 2016 12:32 PM Title: Chapter 12 ... 11-2-16

You said we can help you learn with constructive criticism or help. Well, since everyone loves to criticize you in the last few comments, I guess I will just offer my opinion on things. (I probably might end up criticizing you anyway.)

First off. Let me get this straight. You are taking a break and now you said that the last time you received critism you cried for 2 weeks? Is this break for you to bear these critiques? If I were to criticize with you, it would be that today is Wednesday and not Thursday like your usual uploads. Silly of me, right?

Let's break down this chapter.

Addie stuffs him in a pillow case. Um. Ok. Never heard that one before. Would be more interesting if she stuffed him in Karen's pillow case at least. (Or one of Karen's belongings.)

Then Karen searches for James and she gives up after 10 seconds. Lol! If your wife gives up that easily, you might was well get a divorce. Only reason James won't, is because he likes her too much.

James then goes after Karen and I kind of like this free roam thing where he just explores the house. He can choose any spot to hide and that makes his choices important.

James climbs up to Karen's bed and gets turned on. I don't blame him. He goes from feet, to legs, to pussy. I like the way he thinks. I was hoping he climbs into her shorts, but then you ended the chapter and now you said you are taking a break. :(

Hopefully, next chapter, Karen does the "what am I going to do with you" phrase and plays with Jim.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response:

Thanks for taking the time to review.  I was just joking about crying for two weeks.  Most people don't enjoy criticism.  But when it's constructive it is... well, constructive.  I desire to write better like most writers.  Who doesn't want to fly as high as possible?

I never heard of stuffing a little guy in a pillowcase before either; it served the purpose at the time.  Some of the events unfolded as they did in order to have some 'unaware' scenes.

Karen saying the 'What I am going to do with you?' phrase is the direction of the story, but I'm trying develop a climax in due time.  Thanks a lot for commenting.  I appreciate you taking the time to reply.