Reviewer: SpookyTaco Signed [Report This]
Date: June 10 2015 7:54 PM Title: Chapter 5 - A Visitor at School

This can't possibly be your first work. You're a skilled writer. After the first chapter, I'd read the story to completion because of the promises made to the reader alone. However, the simplicity and artistry of the writing itself came as quite a surprise.

The mechanics involved (sexual growth, virus, pheromones, etc) utilized in a way that doesn't overpower character development, which is good. Although the story is X rated, you don't make it a complete orgy -- also good. I like the character perspectives and less-sexual side of the story too.

I also like how you sprinkle in some world building and mechanics a little at a time...to much too fast and it's like reading an encyclopedia, so congrats on your approach. Keep writing!

Author's Response:

Hey thanks!  Your story, Luna's Ascension, is one of my all-time favorites, so that really means a lot coming from you.  I do enjoy the racy scenes, if only because I feel its one area where you can give almost limitless depth and texture to a sequence and still have decent writing.  I know it's a bit taboo to be overly descriptive, but I think it can work for sex scenes to really transport the reader to the world you're building in that moment.

Still, I have a lot of flaws, and I'm learning as I go.  I'm an engineer by profession, and I occasionally do technical writing at work, but nothing at all like this (of course!).  So yes, it's my first story.

Thank you again for your feedback.  I feel like I just got a pat on the back from one of the greats.  There are so many fantastic writers here.  It's a bit daunting to stand your work up next to theirs. 

 

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: June 06 2015 10:10 AM Title: Chapter 5 - A Visitor at School

Tension, so much tension the moment Elise showed up! I feel horrible for our young lovers, being forced into such situations.