Reviewer: dood07 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 30 2015 4:52 AM Title: Spilling The Beans

Hello Nostory :3

 

First thing : You've got to know that I am very honored to review one of your stories, since the job you make.. Is simply awesome.

 

Before beginning, just know that I am French (I think you're already aware of this : I don't know if you remember but I'm the one you met once or twice on eGiantess' chat) and, considering this, I may not be able to really descript all my thoughts, feelings, etc... So excuse me in advance.

 

That being said, I'll tell you what I have thought of Dowtrodden so far : It really is an awesome piece of art ! The major characters have been really well thought, it is obvious, and you have taken the time to develop and explain their stories, which is really the best thing in your story. Though, I also find this is what the thing that bothered me the most in the same time, paradoxal isn't it ?

 

Let me explain, it is really simple : While I was enjoying the story at the best, at two or three times, you made flashbacks to explain or demonstrate the past of your charachters (I am thinking of Alvin and Cassie), and I've seen it more as decelerators than things making your story more alive. I am sorry if I seem a bit rude (and I don't want to be !), but each time it happened I felt like I was being stopped in the middle of something so wonderful ! Strange enough, because the true genius about your story is in itself the past of each of your characters ! But it felt like I didn't want to discover more about themselves and I just wanted to enjoy their interactions in the present. That is a reason why I prefered very much Wendy's story, because it wasn't presented in flashbacks but straight to Cassie, all the more interesting to me.

 

However, even if it "hurts" to admit it, these choices you made were the right ones. Their wondrous stories were the fuel of the fire I felt when reading each of your sentences.

 

Maybe, one of the reason I love so much Alvin's story, it's because I've succeded to see myself a bit through him. And the fact that it was so realistic is really a proof of the beauty of your work, I don't know if you lived what one of them lived, but really it seems like you've been experiencing what they did.

 

Cassie is really an awesome character, nearly as perfect as you try to let her seem. In the beginning when she told about her "hiddens demons", I was expecting her tormentor to be her father, but not at all... You reserved this scenario for Wendy.

 

And this leads me to my most prefered character, who is indeed Wendy. As most of your other readers I think, I really hated this girl, not understanding why she was doing all of this shit on Alvin's back, and I believe I hated her more than her stepbrother himself. But then, when her story has been revealed, it was like... All of Alvin's life seemed suddenly way more easier than Wendy's... I was hurt to discover her childhood, and... Yeah, if I had to wish good luck to one member of the trio it would definitly be to Wendy. Seems a bit like she's alone against her demons, and even if Cassie is trying her best to help her, this will never be the same help she can give to Alvin, first because they are nearly a couple. Anyway, just to say that I find Wendy very strong to stand by herself, she's really courageous.. :3 Plus I think I prefer

Amazons sizes than Titans ones, maybe does this matter to my point of vue ? x)

 

There is just one thing I "regret" in this story, it comes from the very beginning of your story, when Alvin is "followed" by Wendy's gang and then he eventually get caughy against a wall, you said he was aroused and he was trying his best to hide that. Obviously, the girls used that fact to humiliate him all the more, but a sad thing is that you didn't played with that later.. It would have been, to my point of vue, a really interesting fact to develop..

 

Anyway, I'm hopping you perfectly understand than the few "critiques" I'm giving you don't alter the message I want to send, this being that your story is only a pure piece of art, a masterpiece man. I just can't believe we are already nearing the end of Downtrodden, and I'm dreading to discover what you've planned for us..

 

Honestly, your story was amazing on many many details, and if you remember when we talked about happiest_in_shaddows being a true artist, then let me tell you that I consider you as one of them from now on. Really, maybe your writting might seem less scientific (considering that what he does is scientific, with all the data he uses and everything, about materials and others, it really seems "scientific"), but your work is way more realistic, I mean it is much less fictive and then I think it is as hard to make something look as realistic as possible as building a whole universe where you are the ruler of everything. Anyway, just know that you are a very talentful author, and I'll make sure to enjoy all of your other stories.

 

It was a really wonderful experience for me, thank you very very much Nostory :)

 

PS: Being an athlete in an athletic club from Toulouse, I particularly enjoyed your work on the lactic acid and everything else, it was pure delight. Seems like there are some knowings in sciences there, it really is great. Thanks again.

 

Author's Response:

Hi Dood and yes I certainly remembered our meetings on egiantess and I enjoyed those chats, I never knew there was even a french community here until meeting you so thank you for introducing me to that part of this fetish. You may have set the record for longest review I've received but I'll reply to every point raised. 

I get that a lot and thank you, vgiv and I really planned these characters really well. It having a smaller cast, none of the action of my previous stories so I guess it made dig deep and improve myself in order to deliver. 

Hmmm, what you said about the flashbacks tells me those were a mixed bag, some loved it others didn't and I kind of experimented with Wendy simply telling Cassie and Cassie reliving it for us, glad you liked it in the end!

I guess I could have but Alvin was caught up with Cassie so may it would have been hard to bring it up without distracting from the main story? I'll consider all of this for future stories. Hey, don't feel so bad its the end. Consider it a bridge to something more, I will come back to this universe ,vgiv and I have plenty planned fo it. 

I am really honoured by that as you know how much I admire happiest_in_shadows as an author, one of my inspirations. Oh I consider myself pretty scientific especially during the world building I did with vgiv but I know readers don't like big chunks of science or exposition at one go so I try to keep it to a minimum,only releasing it when necessary. I appreciate you like the lactic acid part, glad it went down with somene who has a background in athletics. 

You're welcome and if you want to do a french translation, just email vgiv and me to notify us. I am open to it, just need to get vgiv's response. 

 

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: September 26 2015 8:51 PM Title: Spilling The Beans

That went surprisingly better than I thought...or Patricia deserved.

On a lighter note; Cassie was carrying Alvin and Alvin?*

*See first sentence.

Author's Response:

Ah I fixed that already, thank you for pointing it out. 

 

Thanks for the review and yes, Patricia deserves much more than that, she is just lucky Cassie , Alvin and Wendy are good people!

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: September 26 2015 1:01 PM Title: Spilling The Beans

Whoa! Cassie makes quick work of people she doesnt like and has no problems getting her hands dirty. I now see why most guys that tried to be with her ended up humiliated or worse, if you are a tiny or amazon you do NOT piss off this girl and expect to get off scott free!

Author's Response:

She only does that to people who are just downright awful , Patricia and a pre-redeemed Wendy included although Alvin was a mistake. This one with Patricia nearly crossed the line though...