[Report This]Date: July 01 2014 9:01 PM Title: Chapter 01 - Day Zero
wow man! and another "wow"
That, was quite simply the best story I have ever found by mistake on the net! haha :)
As a totally blind reader, even my eyes were opened beyond ever before.
Tell me? does Mellony want a blind date? :)
Very well written if I may say so.
Author's Response:
Thank you! And that's only the first half of the story too! Do keep your eyes peeled for more additions, hopefully in the comming week. I'm writing a 100% totally never before seen chapter (by anyone!) right now, which is why it's taking me longer than 1 week to put out the next one. So, even more coming! And don't forget there's a whole different story, The Realm of Kendra, that takes place chronologically after this one, and that one is even longer than this one! I'll be rewriting and republishing that one in the coming months.
Melanie would love a blind date! Haha.
--HK
Date: May 05 2014 10:28 AM Title: Chapter 01 - Day Zero
I can really tell that the overall writing quality of the story so far has been improved a lot. Especially regarding the sexy scenes. This is like another sundae on top of a sundae which already had a cherry on top ;)
So yes as far as getting a fresh view on the world in addition to remembering a good story, you scored extremly well so far in my opinion. I really appreciate the extra details/aspects/mini scenes and it makes every new chapter quite exciting to read in every possible sense.
I am not really great at orienting my reviews towards writing skills, as in grammar etc, but I think I might have one important suggestion (of which you probably already gave some thought but anyway...)
SPOILER : If you are reading this story for the first time and just peeking at this review, stop reading because I am about to spoil a part of the story !
In my personnal experience, the part where Melanie gulps down david was probably the most fantastic, expected and great moment. I think as a reader you somehow get related to David from his perspective pretty closely and come to expect that moment as much as he does. As such, I definitely think this moment should be THE scene where you add as much content, details, slow motion, etc etc as possible. This is probably a very important moment of the story for most of your readers, so it would be nice to make it greater than great !
Don't get me wrong though, I already loved that moment enough to remember it very clearly, it's just that I see that part as a very good way to score as much as possible in terms of improving an already beyond awesome story !
Author's Response:
What an insightful review, thank you so much! It's always refreshing and so enlightening to hear from a long time reader. Thanks for your input on the scene, I will definitely try to pay some extra close attention to it, I might have a few ideas on how to improve it but no spoilers from me yet!
I certainly do I continue impress and never get boring! Thanks again, your review was so helpful. ^_^ Definitely my longest review yet, so exciting. :-D
[Report This]Date: April 28 2014 8:21 AM Title: Chapter 01 - Day Zero
This story is extremly hot. I remember reading it long ago and will gladly give it another read. I really hope you get it posted quickly, because I could pretty much write a poem about how much I love this story.
Know that even if people often remain silent, your work matters for a lot of them and is a very nice addition in their life. Thanks a lot for sharing !
By the way, I always wanted to ask you...this Hiya! stuff Melanie keeps saying throughout the story, which is cute, is it somewhat related to "Hey ya, it's me, Imoen !" from the video game Baldur's Gate ?
Rated 3 billion stars but my comment probably tells more than the rating anyway
Author's Response:
Hey, thank you so much for the review! Your words uplift me greatly, I appreciate them. Thanks for being a long time reader, ^.^ I'll do my best to keep it at a consistent rate and not to disappoint! I'm working on something big, and doing this at a steady rate will help me get it finished! I hope you enjoy the nostalgia of the old story, but get a fresh view on the whole world with all the new content.
Sadly no, I don't actually think I know that reference. I tried to give Melanie a cute personality, I'm glad you picked up on that little detail!
Thanks for the review and the stars!
--TFK
Date: April 28 2014 5:31 AM Title: Chapter 01 - Day Zero
Whoa...Just whoa, I'm actually sad I get to see what happens next.
Author's Response:
Hmmm? New chapter out today! More to come soon I just know! ^^
--HK