[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 6:15 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
This is the best read going today besides Titan: Pandemic and a few stories that are afk at the moment.
That said no matter what you decide to do I will be here to read it.
Author's Response:
I appreciate the high compliment. Thanks as always for the review, and for your thoughts.
Date: March 25 2014 4:12 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Yeah, this story seems to be getting longer and longer. Maybe you shouldn't bother making strict limits like that and just write til its done.
Anyway, I'm of two minds about you finishing Consequesnses. On one hand I'm for it because you are at a good stopping point, with maybe one or two chapters to serve as conclusion and epilogue. Also, I'm looking forward to seeing more of the broader world outside of these few girls. There are so many questions to be answered and stories to be told! How does the government in this world work? How does it interact with the Omega groups? How wide spread is anti- beta/ omega sentiment among Alphas? How do mixed cities work? How do mixed couples work? How does a beta parent go about raising an Alpha or perhaps Omega child?
Honestly you could write a dozen stories about this world your creating an only scratch the surface. But I personally want to see more interaction among the sizes, and I don't think we'll get much of that while focusing so narrowly on the girls punishment.
On the other hand there are more stories to be told about the girls punishment. I was looking forward to the beta history classes and the community service. As well as seeing how the girls developed as characters.
Maybe you can end Consequences like you planned and continue the girls punishment as a periodically updated group of short stories? That would allow you to skip around to various interesting points of their year long punishment.
But the real question is, What are your ideas for a new story in this universe? Do you have any? I would make a story about an expirimental mixed Alpha-beta school overseen by Omegas to teach tolerance to alphas and for betas to gain self esteem alongside their larger peers. Cliche I know, but there's a reason school stories are so popular. Schools just have so much potential for drama and kids make for cute protagonists.
Author's Response:
Part of the temptation definitely centers around feeling rather...constrained by the limited world available in Consequences. I do want to get out in the world a bit, explore some things. In any case, I appreciate hearing your thoughts on the matter.
As for new stories, well, the origin one is a big priority. Outside of that, things I've currently got on the brain: I'd like to go see what Marshall's up to and go over his meeting with Abby, get an anthology story set up to do little shorts on the Lindons, handle the situation with the Fire. Also been brainstorming a little idea for a post-Consequences story where Corey, Claire, Melody, Jenna, other Alphas/Betas/Omegas in their general circle of friends go on a cross-country trip of sorts together. Just a little slice of life tour.The idea amuses me.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 3:45 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Mrs. Reynolds' guest is one more reason why I can't wait till I have enough time to read your other story (not to mention the positive reviews I'm reading here!).
Now you'll probably hate me, but... "that man from earlier, was where the digits he had been" :)
Author's Response:
Hahah, nah, I appreciate it. It seems that whenever I proofread something I always miss the stupidest shit. Thank you.
Date: March 25 2014 3:00 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
So can Jenna watch her mother when she punishes her charges? If so, I can see that definitely helping to foster a young Jenna’s burgeoning sadomasochistic thoughts. If it wasn’t for her upbringing and education at the institute I dare say she could have ended up as a cruel giantess. What I find more disturbing is that she is punishing a charge right within view of Ashley. From how nonchalantly she was eating her dessert while Jenna’s mother was chewing that guy out I guess she’s already used to seeing things like that.
Author's Response:
She can, assuming her mother allows it (which she did, in this case, or at least she didn't attempt to hide it from her daughter).
And to be fair to her, Ashley never would have even seen what was happening if Jenna hadn't been zoning the hell out, causing Ashley to actually look and try to find whatever had Jenna's attention.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 2:59 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Oh god what a setup for what’s to come.
I’m very interested, and very scared, to see what Jenna will do. On the one hand I tell myself it can’t be that bad as Melody and Jenna are decidedly still friends going into the future. However at the same time Kayla has flat out said Jenna shouldn’t be in charge of anyone with a chance at redemption. Will that be because of this incident, or just what Jenna has developed into?
I think if this was just a slice of life story people would probably love Jenna, from all accounts she has fine self control of herself outside of dealing with criminals. Because of the nature of this series though we always see her at her absolute worst, here’s hoping for a swerve and it’s not too traumatic…
As others have said now that the pattern has been set there’s room for timeskips and maybe an epilogue on their progress (or lack thereof ) Really so long as we’re not left hanging, either through Consequences or another story, i’ll be happy.
Author's Response:
Jenna is consistently interesting to hear opinions on, because I constantly feel that the general response toward her is because I made Naomi TOO sympathetic. Naomi is a sweet, remorseful girl who wants to do the right thing and then Jenna shows up and lays into her verbally as well as physically. It feels like I poisoned Jenna from the start by attaching her largest scene to the nicest girl. And yes, due to her scenes typically involving a criminal or some sort of punishment, it presents the worst aspects of her character.
And thank you for your thoughts.
Date: March 25 2014 2:39 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
You could, it has become something more than a simple giantess punishes three smaller people.
Author's Response:
It really has, hasn't it? It's almost frustrating how much ended up being spawned from that one little idea.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 12:41 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
How old is Ashley in the first part? They aren't doing her any favors sugarcoating or protecting her from the truth considering where she ended up. (Interesting that they still seem to have actual jails.)
When Jenna was zoned out watching the guy's punishment, all I could think was "Get away Ashley, get out of the house!" Not going to speculate further on Jenna, I'll wait for part 2.
I agree with the other review. Establish a pattern for how the sessions went, then give us an epilogue of how the girls turned out. Then you're free to jump in at any point with any of the characters to do side stories like this one. You can also do the time skip as a sequel.
Author's Response:
Ashley is about 11/12 there. It should be noted that I went into that segment picturing the guy as a serial rapist who has victimized Alphas and Betas, so there is a reason that both Jenna and her mother become protective and don't want to go into detail with her.
And than you for your thoughts on that. Hearing opinions on it really is a big help.
Date: March 25 2014 11:31 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
I have to agree with Kaz on this. Consequences is such a great story with great characters that it shouldn't JUST end. A couple of suggestions on how you should approach this. Finish Marion's first punishment. Establish the pattern of their punishments, then you can time skip, only doing highlights of the their year together or jump to the end with us using the before mentioned punishment patterns to imagine how the rest of the year went. At least let us see how the 3 girls ended up. You could also set this story aside for now and tell other stories, coming back to this one every so often when the muse strikes you. I think you have so many potential storylines that could spin off from this one, like you did with THIS story.
But KEEP WRITING! There are still many mysteries that you've tantalized us with to stop now.
Author's Response:
I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions. I'll definitely consider them, and I like the general idea there. Thank you.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 11:28 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
When I read this:
"her thumb and forefinger latching onto the sides of his head and dragging his body"
I was thinking, is that possible? Can a person’s head support their entire body weight? After all, drop hanging will break a person’s neck.
This sentence:
"He really had done something bad to be treated like that, Jenna realized"
Should be ‘Ashley realized’, I think. The paragraph is a little weird actually, can’t tell whose head I’m in. :)
As for the chapter itself, very nice. Gives us some background into Jenna, hopefully she doesn't use that same smirk on Ashley. The next chapter will be key to understanding Jenna.
Author's Response:
I'll admit that I leaned more toward the visceral than the realistic with that first part. The thought is such an uncomfortable, terrifying one to me that I couldn't quite keep it out.
The latter will be fixed, thank you for noticing it.
Date: March 25 2014 11:09 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Not a review but if you are ending consequences without even an ending then I’m seriously reevaluating how I feel about it. I don’t care how good a story is, if it’s just going to be ditched with so many loose ends left untied and wasted character development then I can’t say I’m going to look back on it fondly.
Author's Response:
I appreciate hearing your thoughts on it.
The biggest problem I'm having is that I'm almost out of "content" on it. I know the story and character beats I want to hit on it, but thinking up appropraite content to surround those beats is proving to be the real issue. I'm not really out of material to write into it quite yet, but it's getting there. Pacing is also a concern. Story takes place over a year and the next chapter is taking place `a month in, and I'm concerned about jumping forward too often and whether those jumps may be too much or too little. Hence the idea of folding that cast into another story, so that I can have other things happening around them as time passes.
But who knows. Like I said, nothing is even a remotely done deal on it. It may just get backburnered for a bit while I hammer things out, possibly work on other things. Half the point of the comment was to gauge reactions to the idea, and I appreciate your candidness on the matter.