[Report This]Date: January 13 2017 2:08 PM Title: Introspection
Another good chapter! That last line in the chapter really raises some flags, is he REALLY safe? Who knows? Anyway another quick thing I wanted to touch upon is the whole thing with his parents deciding not to give him the GH-X2. I agree with him mostly, I think it was a sort of selfish thing to do on the part of his parents. They subjected their kid to what is essentially a lifetime of hardships for their own "feel good" reasons. I dont think I would hate my parent's but I'd certainly be REALLY salty for the rest of my life if I was in his shoes. Perhaps Jack is a better person than I? Anyway, I hope you continue this soon!
Author's Response:
Exactly! Yeah, perhaps I laid it on a bit thick, but being safe is basically Jack's #1 priority now. Convincing himself he's safe is crucial, whether he is or not, as you rightly point out, is up for debate.
The issues surrounding Jack's parents opting out of GH-X2 have been explored a little, at least from Jack's childhood perspective, but it's not clear whether that's the full picture or not... yet! My aim for the middle section of this chapter was to delve into young Jack's realisation that he was not going to be like the other children, and the way that his mother chose to articulate it to her little boy. My intention was for it to be a little bittersweet, his mother's insistance that he is perfect just the way he is, versus the presumably unforeseen consequences of their decision. You have to feel sorry for the child, but it's also important to understand that his mother made the decision in good faith, safe in the knowledge that she and her husband made a life for themselves as Betas, and only wanted the same for their son.
[Report This]Date: January 13 2017 11:05 AM Title: Introspection
Excellent mini giantess story! Bummer that Penny doesn't like him in the same way he likes her. Hopefully she comes around. And Caitlin...she needs serious therapy. The government really ought to have stronger laws/enforcement for Beta protection.
Author's Response:
Why thank you! You're one of my favourite writers. Your first two stories especially: Fyth Farmhand and Luna's Ascension, are both fantastic, so this feedback is extra special.
You're absolutely correct, the government should have better laws for Beta protection full stop, but this story references both historical and contemporary injustices that people face in our own world. It's not meant to be a political commentary or anything, just a kind of mirror held up to show a macrophile's angle on things, using a strong world-building plot device to allow for the kind of humiliation and dominance themes that I want to explore.
Date: January 12 2017 10:48 PM Title: Reflection
what a great chapter to understand a little more what is Jack feels. The best thing is that it is not finished yet !
please do not make us any longer for Caitlin..
Can you tell us something more about her?
some event with others betas in the past ?
she terrified many other , right ?
Author's Response:
I'm not going to tell you when Caitlin reappears as I'm not going to give the game away, it might take a few chapters. Her back story may well be fleshed out further in due course.
[Report This]Date: January 12 2017 8:12 PM Title: Reflection
Great portrayal of all-too plausible PTSD.
Author's Response:
Thank you, I hope it's fairly accurate, I've gone to decent lengths to try and portray this as effectively as possible without knowing a great deal about the exact nature of PTSD myself. Not something I'd ever want someone to go through, but for the sake of the story I owed it to myself to 'go there'.
[Report This]Date: January 12 2017 2:12 PM Title: Reflection
Great chapter! We finally see Jack's parents! I'm suurprised they didnt notice how damaged he is, my parents wouldve noticed in a snap! Anyway I hope you continue this soon.
Author's Response:
His mum briefly cameoed as he ran out the door on Friday, but yes, to all extents and purposes this is their debut! Jack's an introverted sort of guy a lot of the time, and he's not the best at dealing with being sick, so there are enough occasions where he can be tired-looking, uncommunicative or distant that his parents don't necessarily suspect anything's wrong.
[Report This]Date: January 12 2017 12:22 PM Title: Reflection
Well, well, well. Look who is back. I think with the title of this chapter, we should reflect on such a great year of this story.
Jack reflects about the whole incident and still can't get rid of Caitlin. He can't get rid of Penny in his head either. Something about these Alphas keep sticking to him. I think Jack has some sort of desire in the back of his head despite what he has gone through.
Jack suffers from ptsd, or seems to. This experience was too much. How it affects how love, his school, and how he receives physical contact. Did you see what happened when Delon patted him? Jack refered to the abuse. Jack is fucked mentally now.
Wow, Jack's parents don't seem to give a shit about what happened to Jack. Video games all week? How does a parent even buy that? Jack's parents should like call Delon's parents and ask why they let their boys play games all week.
If Jack looked like shit, how come the parents didn't seem to have concern? It was only until Delon brought the conversation about some sort of sickness that the parents seemed to care.
Great work on Jack feeling claustrophobic in his own room. That's some story development right there. Using the environment to show a change in the character. Makes me wonder if would rather feel crowded, or comfy on a large bed with the memory of Caitlin. I'm sure he would rather be cramped.
Well Jack can't hide in his bed forever. Also, Delon might be spied on by Caitlin. Anyone watching Jack's locker? I don't think this bag retrieval is as easy as it sounds.
Hmm. What if instead of Delon showing up aftersxhool, it's Caitlin? Now that would be a plot twist. Jack all happy to get his bag, then nope.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
Jack didn't come home on Friday night, but on Saturday Delon got in touch with his folks to say he was staying over, and then he was returned back on Sunday morning. He's basically spent Saturday at Delon's so far as they know, apparently revising, but probably playing games and chilling out, It's implied that this sort of thing happens relatively often, and it's been established that he's pretty shit with his phone: “I’ve been texting you for hours, what have I told you about not checking your phone?” - Chapter 3. I'm not saying Jack's parents are idiots or anything but they are completely oblivious to the specific kind of Alpha-inspired problems he's encountering, they themselves grew up in an era with far more Betas, associate with a lot of similarly-positioned Betas their own age (at their jobs etc) and are relatively care-free, laid-back people. To be honest they're more concerned about his grades than whether he's home at night, they trust his friend Delon and they also know Jack's a bit insular and mopey so they probably don't really notice anything out of the ordinary.
Date: September 24 2016 10:29 AM Title: Introduction
a another good chapiter.
Can't wait for next one bcz If Caitlin comeback to "finish things off" with Jack like Nostory said there're no courtroom drama saga probably.
Author's Response:
You'll have to wait and see!
[Report This]Date: September 24 2016 7:23 AM Title: Introduction
Really can't wait to see what happens next. I know Jacks plan is to stay out of school for a few days but I don't know how he will acheive it. Also I can't wait to see where the story and Jacks romatic life goes from here.
Author's Response:
I'm delighted you're so eager to read more, I'm just sorry I can't update more regularly; tends to be very intense periods of writing separated by long periods of thinking about it in the back of my mind and building the story. Still a long way to go...
Date: September 24 2016 7:19 AM Title: Separation
Brilliant, love the whole story but I can't help but feel Caitlin will find Jack again to finish things off. I don't know if she will get whats coming to her but she'll definitely show up.
Author's Response:
I like your instincts...!
Date: September 24 2016 1:39 AM Title: Separation
Feels like the story is over. All these goodbyes, the memories, things back to normal. A guess a conclusion is coming up.
Let me guess. The final chapter is titled: "Completion".
Right? I know there's a lot more words out there that can fit, but I think this fits best.
Or it could be "satisfaction" since we are all satisfied with this ending.
I will miss Penny. She was good for this story. A symbol of hope, a protector and a sign that not all Alphas are bad. She gave Jack a new chance at life and I wish them all the best.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
If this were a trilogy, this would be the end of the first film... or something like that. I'm still not entirely sure how long it will be, or exactly how things will pan out, but there's a lot of ideas and scenarios being worked through and this is just the end of the beginning, in some respects.
[Report This]Date: September 23 2016 6:00 PM Title: Separation
Masterfully poignant interlude.
Author's Response:
Why thank you!
[Report This]Date: September 23 2016 12:16 PM Title: Connection
Penny should surprise Jack. She should get a picture of Caitlin, enlarge it, print it, then wear it like a mask and scare the shit out of Jack. Then she takes of the mask and hugs and kisses him repeatedly(not on the lips) all over his face.
I don't know why I thought of that but I just think it would be a thrill for Jack.
Also, being in the friendzone is better than the Beta toy zone like with Caitlin. Jack is so desperate for love that he sees his only female friend as a lover.
Maybe Penny will change her mind. Maybe her time alone will make her think that Jack is all that she needs and she will start seducing Jack. (I know it won't happen, but just a thiught.)
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
That would be so mean! I don't think she particularly wants to give him heart failure. You're also absolutely right about the (apparent) friendzone, even if he feels like a lovesick fool and pines for her, she's very kind and supportive of him, and that's a big deal in a world of apparently uncaring giants.
Date: September 22 2016 10:11 AM Title: Introduction
poor Jack gets friendzoned direct but after he went through he can't think straight!
Great chapiters, but I don't get your decision to have "...tion" in each chapiter title. Can you keep this to the end.
Author's Response:
You'd be majorly overwhelmed with how many words end in -tion. Some of them are pretty pretentious, but I'm that kinda guy!
[Report This]Date: September 21 2016 8:37 PM Title: Connection
Thanks for the head's-up. And, no problema. Even I go through George Lucas Syndrome, every once in a while!
Author's Response:
Ugh - George Lucas syndrome... I hope I didn't inadvertently ruin anyone's childhood or anything. I just reached a point in the story where I thought 'that rounds off the Chapter ok', but then, when I started writing some more, realised it would be way better to end it the way the start of the next Chapter was shaping up.
Probably shouldn't rush so much...
[Report This]Date: September 21 2016 8:10 PM Title: Introduction
Let us take a moment of silence for our brother Jack as he is sent to the friend zone......
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Really great to finally see this story continue once again. I would have reviewed it sooner if I wasn't working. I can't wait to see what happens as the story continues and jack makes his way back to school eventually.
Author's Response:
It does feel an awful lot like he's been trapped in the glass prison of the friend zone, spinning through space for all time... but he's a tired and emotional chap, and there's still a little ways to go yet.
[Report This]Date: September 21 2016 5:05 PM Title: Connection
I see, abit better way to end the chapter. Not like it changes things drastically or anything but it leaves on a more thoughtful note. As always, I'm looking forward to updates!
Author's Response:
Cheers - I just felt like I rushed the end of the Chapter a bit, and when I started writing the continuation I felt like it would be much better to end on that note, than start on it.
Date: September 21 2016 12:13 PM Title: Connection
For a second there you had me fooled with Caitlyn finding Jack! I suppose it could still happen...Anyway, kinda sucks about Jack being friend zoned tho, but it makes sense, he's a tiny, would he be able to protect and provide for someone like Penny? Good stuff, I look forward to more updates!
Author's Response:
*EDIT* I've added a short section at the end of Chapter 21, so it ends slightly differently. Apologies - please check it out.
RE: Ha - I'm glad I almost fooled you, was worried it was waaaay too obvious! Friend-zoning is an unpleasant ordeal at the best of times, let's see how it all pans out.