Date: July 29 2013 4:10 PM Title: Kims awakening
hi jj. interesting start, though like wildcatman said, proofread and space. i understand the dyslexia, and this is for fun, but make it fun for us. you have a good start, but slow down. again, like wildcatman said, dont just tell us the air in the show was stale, show us. how did being in the shoe affect all five of his senses? sounds are muffled, a bad taste in his mouth, blinding light when her foot is removed. and how does kim feel about it? you said she was sadistic, which she somewhat seems to be, but why? finally, give us emotion. make us feel what jj feels, cramped in the dark, dank shoe. let us know what kim feels as she holds a full grown person in her hand like a plastic army man. she seems like this has happened before and isnt surprised. instead of any kind of acquaintence, he was in her sock and getting stroked. you have an interesting story that can be made great. just slow down, descibe and make us feel. i really hope to see more. ps, i wouldnt introduce new characters until we know the first two. im not even sure what jj or kim look like. remember, just because you can see the characters doesnt mean we can. hugs
Author's Response: Thank you appreciate the advice and im currently typing all my stories on my iphone and giantess kimberely doing her best to edit too :)