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Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 30 2013 9:42 PM Title: Intrusion

Great chapter but the ending kind of broke my suspension of disbelief a little bit. Cmon man, hes not even a LITTLE angry at her for humiliating him then trying killing him with no fault of his own? She tried to kill him dude, all of a sudden too! That warrants some anger or resentment at least, I guess hes focused on finding the guy that raped her, but these kinds of things hamper down an otherwise believable story, in my opinion. Overall its a great story so far, just the way he was totally okay with her attempting to kill him kinda threw my off.



Author's Response:

I know it's not much but I just added a few lines of dialogue to include a little bit of that good old fashioned resentment. I'll definitely explore it more next chapter. Thanks for the advice.

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