Date: October 05 2014 1:39 PM Title: Loose Ends
sequel sequel! Keep going!
Date: October 05 2014 11:19 AM Title: Last Friday
Loved it.
[Report This]Date: August 18 2013 5:39 AM Title: The More Things Change
WOW, it's really heating up for Cole-('purple-haze glittering') the changing size at will,'Thing' was a little unrealistic,(so to speak) but your working it in naturally...
Maybe I would have made it more complicated, and he would have to really work at it to change size, like maybe go through a lot of physical pain and mental exhustion to complete the transformation, (shrinking or returning to normal) which would make it more 'believeable' in a sense. Cole is just 'Too' casual about it, ya know?
Somehow, that kind-of takes away from it....
Still, great story and really a fun read!
Author's Response:
I never even considered making the process one that takes a physical toll on the user. Thanks for that suggestion.
[Report This]Date: July 19 2013 2:21 PM Title: For The Girl Who Has Everything
I was hoping that he would be a toy forever. I am dissapointed he learned to control it. Hoefully it is a temp situation and he shrinks forever and Bree gets him back.
Author's Response:
When you fill up your gas tank you do eventually run out of gas, no? Stay tuned.
[Report This]Date: July 01 2013 8:11 PM Title: Last Friday
Okay, this was the EXACT opposite of last chapter, yeah he has every right to be angry but hes taking it too far. I think this story could use a little more subtlety, its seems like characters jump from one end of the spectrum to the other in rapid burts, and it makes things seem unrealistic in my opinion. This is still a good story and I can tell your improving even from the first chapter to now...But you still need some work, especially when writting convincing characters. Good work overall though, just my nitpicking :).
Author's Response:
Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this.
[Report This]Date: July 01 2013 5:48 PM Title: Control Freak
Rewind it a chapter, take out the giant male stuff, repost. Better.
Author's Response:
While I appreciate your advice I have a very clear idea in my mind as to where I want this story to go from this point on. I understand that giant male material isn't your preference but some people, myself included, do like to read it from time to time.
Date: June 30 2013 10:45 PM Title: Last Friday
Re-read it, much better dude!
[Report This]Date: June 30 2013 9:42 PM Title: Intrusion
Great chapter but the ending kind of broke my suspension of disbelief a little bit. Cmon man, hes not even a LITTLE angry at her for humiliating him then trying killing him with no fault of his own? She tried to kill him dude, all of a sudden too! That warrants some anger or resentment at least, I guess hes focused on finding the guy that raped her, but these kinds of things hamper down an otherwise believable story, in my opinion. Overall its a great story so far, just the way he was totally okay with her attempting to kill him kinda threw my off.
Author's Response:
I know it's not much but I just added a few lines of dialogue to include a little bit of that good old fashioned resentment. I'll definitely explore it more next chapter. Thanks for the advice.
Date: June 27 2013 8:01 PM Title: Last Friday
Listen to Cat, he's a good author and is slowly moving his way up. If you listen to anyone's advice, listen to his.
So MY advice. Really feel your characters. Write out a conversation, read it, speak it to yourself out loud. If it sounds good, rewrite it to sound better. Rewrite until it looks perfect. That was what I WASN'T doing when I first started, and what I still really need to do all the time.
Still, here's my advice!
Author's Response:
Thanks Dude, "Matter of Trust" is seriously one of my more favorite stories so to have you critique my work here is an honour. I definitely tried to take your advice while writing Ch. 6.
Date: June 27 2013 3:01 AM Title: Early Mornings
Your doing great, man! You'll improve as you continue, and you'll start to get frustrated too, but don't quit,....just read some of the other great stories here and just relax, and let your imagination take over...
The best tales are the ones with a blend of detailed descriptions, intense interaction, and a bit of underlying fear. The spacing between flows nicely, when you take your time, and just let it play out in your head.
I like the way that you've added the mystery of the 'purple-goo', and the 'Idea', that it might have some sort of effect on her...
although, nasty way to clean-up his mess in the panty drawer! (Gag!) *cough*
Author's Response:
Thanks Catman! I love your story "The Decrement of Tom"! Your advice is well appreciated. I didn't really give up I just had to take a step back for a while and really look at this story.
Date: June 26 2013 9:42 PM Title: Last Friday
Seeking advice? Here's some! Write your story (or just a chapter). have someone read it. Then rewrite it. Get Someone else to read it. Then rewrite it again!
Then post it.
But what you have is pretty good anyway.
Author's Response:
See I would totally follow your advice here but... it's really hard to find anyone in the "normal" world who doesn't find this material a tad unbearable.
[Report This]Date: June 18 2013 7:32 PM Title: The Deep
You MUST write more!
Author's Response:
I will, I've been reading material on this site for years. I feel like it's about time I gave a little back to the community, ya know? Glad you're enjoying yourself though!
[Report This]Date: June 16 2013 6:38 PM Title: Wall to Wall
This is really good dude! You've even thrown in a bit of humor, along with the fear effect, it flows nicely and feels very natural...
Cole is in for some tremendous FUN! I can see 'that', coming from Bree already, she's a real self-centered Be-outch!
I hope she doesn't get too carried away, and splatters him all over her floor!
Author's Response:
I've often found that a bit of humor goes a long way. The fear effect works only slightly for me personally. Cole and Bree are based on myself and my girlfriend and I assure you she can definitely be a...well you know what I mean.