Date: November 07 2012 12:41 AM Title: Chapter 3 - No point in delaying
Cool! I have an incling that she is te Winter Goddess although I can't be sure.
[Report This]Date: November 06 2012 7:19 PM Title: Chapter 3 - No point in delaying
fuk I want more! damn u and your well timed cliffhangers lol.
Author's Response:
Cliffhangers? Remember Jack and the Beanstalk? That's one hell of a cliffhanger, this is just a piece of cake in comparison... :D
Thanks for the comment, made my morning! :D
Date: November 04 2012 3:57 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Waiting impatiently to read the continuation
Author's Response:
Chapter three is up :)
[Report This]Date: November 03 2012 3:52 PM Title: Chapter 2 - Warm awakening
chaper two saved this one for me, nice turn around
Date: November 02 2012 4:19 AM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Actually what I meant was that the main character is a tiny guy in a huge world, so he must be pretty deep in snow. I understand you wanted emphasize the supernatural for the goddess but what I mean is, I'm surprised the traveler (Cale if I remember) managed to survive this long.
Author's Response:
I read the review yesterday evening and misunderstood as I was tired. :)
When there is a strong winter, the top layer of the snow often forms a bit of a crust which you break as you walk on it. I thought that like this, the little guy would be light enouth to be able to walk on top of this crust without really sinking into the snow. But I see your point. Even without sinking into the show, it might be pretty tough.
I plan to write a sort of a "prologue" chapter to explain a bit about the world and why was he even there, so I might revisit and tune the intro to the first chapter as well.
Date: November 01 2012 2:21 PM Title: Chapter 2 - Warm awakening
One thing I noticed is that you don't always remember to put the speech on separate lines to the description. It's good practise. And if speech is mixed in with longer paragraphs it can make a story hard to follow.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the remark, I'll keep it in mind! :)
Date: November 01 2012 2:14 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
I really like this story, however there are a few things. The first line:
"Cold, cold everywhere snow and snow-covered trees..."
When you mention the snow covered trees it feels like you're repeating yourself. Also, I think that after "everywhere" there should be a semi colon or a commer, I'm not exactly sure which, but a semi colon feel more right. I'm not really sure how to explain the use of ; but when I'm writing I instictivly know where oen should go.
How about:
"Snow, snow everywhere, coverthing everything as far as my eyes could see. Everything felt so cold, (cold and lifeless?)..." And then you can lead into how he is unsure how unsure how he got here, and of course, the size of everything.
I found it odd how she was naked in the snow and how he did not sink into the snow it, by the way it was described, should be reasonably deep. A good start.
I also want to add that most people in the giantess community don't know how to treat ladies which is what drives them away.
Author's Response:
Thanks a lot for the input. This is actually the first story that I decided to publish, so it will not be perfect.. ;)
I agree that the intro part is a bit repeating. I was trying to put emphasis on the endless snow in all directions, but probably not in the best way. Good tip, I'll try to update it to sound more natural.
I made her feet not sink into the snow to make her feel more supernatural, more like she is a master of all aspects of winter, so that she can walk on the snow without crushing it. ;)
As for the treating ladies, I wanted to emphasize the gentle aspect between her and the little one. I'd like the story to be also about feelings and respect to each other.
Thanks again for the input, it is very much appreciated!
[Report This]Date: October 29 2012 6:42 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Very good beginning the beauty of the giantess her warmth is thrilling in the cold forest,
[Report This]Date: October 28 2012 8:25 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Loving it, please write more! :)
[Report This]Date: October 28 2012 5:27 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Great story an I hope to see more.
aaron
[Report This]Date: October 28 2012 5:27 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Great story an I hope to see more.
aaron
[Report This]Date: October 28 2012 3:50 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
I wonder how this idea came to you...
That aside, it's an interesting premise, and I really like the idea. But a few critiques (I know that most authors on here are proud of their stories, and I'm not going at you or anything, just pointing out a few things you could change to make the reading experience better for me): 1) the dialogue is 'blah' and sounds like it's coming from the stock, bratty sixteen year old character I find so often in these parts. It should sound like it's coming from some giant, frosty Freyja coming across a snowy plain in the middle of nowhere. 2) The womb image is too overt--in my mind his climbing into her twat makes her some stupid archetypal mother figure rather than something really weird and interesting. 3) Would really like some backstory here. It's a really fascinating idea for a fantasy story!
Best, scrymgeour
Author's Response:
Wow, thanks a lot! That is exacty the constructive critique I was hoping for.
I got the idea on two days ago. I saw first snow fall outside and quite a lot of it fell during the afternoon. It was an idea for a collage (which I did), but it got somehow stuck in my mind, so I developed it into a story.
Ad 1) Yeah, I struggled with the dialogue a lot. I knew what I wanted to achieve with it, but was not sure how exactly to get there to make it seem realistic.
Ad 2) I tried to make the womb image not too sexual. I mean, at this point, the main character is half frozen, exhausted, about to faint, so in no shape to get it. At this point the goddess does not put him there for her enjoyment, but as the only means of saving his life.
Ad 3) I was also thinking of evolving the world and the backstory more. Maybe adding some sort of a prologue. I'll see what I can do. :)
Again, thanks a lot, I see I still have a lot to learn regarding writing... ;)
[Report This]Date: October 28 2012 3:45 PM Title: Chapter 1 - The frozen wastes
Really good. Keep it up!
Author's Response:
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!