Date: September 13 2013 8:53 PM Title: Chapter 4
Not bad for a first story. There is a lot of action which I like.
If I could make one suggestion it is that you put something after the dialogue to tell us who is speaking.
For example if you have a line like...
"Oh. Your turn Julissa."
make sure to add something like "said Valerie" or something to tell the reader who is speaking at any given time.
[Report This]Date: December 26 2012 11:54 PM Title: Chapter 4
Ohh, my earlier review is WRONG! Miranda is the evil torturer! The plot thickens ever so much.
Great story so far!
[Report This]Date: October 02 2012 7:12 PM Title: Chapter 4
Nice chase in the pillow
[Report This]Date: September 29 2012 11:28 AM Title: Chapter 4
OK! So, these three are school rivals of Melony's. Perhaps, she's even bullied them, more than once! I initially thought they were fellow members of the quintet from chapter one, who got impatient waiting for their turn.
Sorry; my bad!
Date: September 29 2012 7:06 AM Title: Chapter 4
The punishment seems rather harsh. I suppose if I liked feet more I wouldn't be complaining. I'm hoping there won't be too much empasis on feet in later chapters.
[Report This]Date: September 28 2012 8:14 PM Title: Chapter 4
What? WHAT??? Dang it Julian! How much trouble can one human get himself into? I mean... DAMN MAN!!! Sheesh. And are they all bipolar? One second they are completely concerned for him, and the next they are the most evil-est creatures on the face of the planet!
Author's Response: If you think THIS is crazy, wait till' the nxt ch.!