[Report This]Date: October 20 2012 1:35 PM Title: Chapter 2
A few spelling and grammatical errors, and your sentence structure is monotonous, but what's new?
Your first chapter is probably the painfullest reading experience I've ever had on this site. What you've written there reminds me of Stephen King's idea of horror (or at least the humiliation side of his revenge fantasy, repeated through his books in all its scary permutations). Makes me cringe to read it--an unsocialized girl doing that, feeling humiliated, and then seeing some ghastly, shame-induced double of herself, a tenth of her height and "looking starved". That's how I interpret it, anyway. I think the first reviewer was right.
But, however cringeworthy, that's an authentic--and certainly original--image, at least in this genre. Only wish you'd pared it down a little, and spared me some of it. Might help to revise the first chapter.
Author's Response:
Thank you! Finally someone who speaks their mind without trolling, or maybe you are, but your comment looks sincere. I haven't read Stephen King myself so I can't really say anything about that comparison, but it sounds accurate from what I've heard. It is kind of a klishé theme I admit, but I hope to put my spin on it in the future. I'll try to work on the language as well, but my vocabulary is kind of limited but it doesn't come completely natural since English is a second language to me, and that tends to make my writing style pretty stale. Thank you greatly for the input //Joe