[Report This]Date: December 23 2010 2:19 PM Title: The Family Business
The characterization of Celia (I assume that's her name) is really good, or at least better than in most of the crap on this site
Perhaps you should do a spin off. Maybe because of her harsh upbringing she uses her powers for crime?
I think you've got an interesting set up for a future story. I'd really like to see her get revenge on her dad too. He's a awful man.
The paragraphing might be something to improve because there a lot of short sentances that are on their own that are not speech. I say this because the story will look more organized. Other than that I think it was pretty good. And if you do decide on reusing the characters on this story I'd love to hear about it. I think there is a lot of potential.
Date: August 24 2010 1:37 PM Title: The Family Business
I liked this story as well! And was hoping for another chapter to be added.
I was hoping for the entire van to be filled with baddies though and shrunk down maybe in chapter 2?
[Report This]Date: August 24 2010 2:46 AM Title: The Family Business
Really enjoyed this one. I like how pissed of she was and how she felt with the guy under her foot.
Author's Response: Thanks! I am quite fond of the personality in this one. I enjoy your stories quite a bit too!
Date: August 23 2010 10:11 PM Title: The Family Business
Not bad. I didn't make the connection she was actually talking to someone. Now I'm an insole... noooo!
Though, not a lot of GTS content. A sequel sounds possible and could be interesting.
Author's Response: That's the kind of reaction I was hoping for, and I do want a sequel but I don't have any solid ideas yet D: