[Report This]Date: January 12 2024 1:20 AM Title: Weight of the world
I'm looking forward to the next chapters :)
Author's Response:
Thanks!
[Report This]Date: January 03 2024 2:47 AM Title: Complaint
Nice! Very nicely done. Not sure if you made a grammatical mistake or if the terms "thong" and "tongue" were purposely exchanged as part of the story plot. Regardless, very well done {you must be good at chess markmueller}.
Would be nice if Rachel puts Chris back in her thong for a while, or at least during Rachel and Ivy's love making. Removing him the next day covered in ass sweet and butt odor.
As much as I love female butt-hole stories, it seems Chris might be more of an insole for either Ivy or Rachel's shoes, perhaps both, or a living dildo.
You have a terrific story line going on here, though you still have some grammatical issues that are a bit confusing. If you would like, I could proof read your story lines for you. Let me know if you'd like me to.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your kind words.
Would be glad if you coulod help out :)
[Report This]Date: January 02 2024 4:23 AM Title: Donut
This is a really great story; but full of grammatical errors that ever so slightly make it difficult to follow along {e.g. "Rachel's thong digs for me..." followed by "... I'm dug out by the tongue like a cherry." Is it "thong" or "tongue"?}, though nothing too bad.
Sitting on and squishing food items is a pretty common fetish, just look up cake sitting or Twinkies sitting. There are a lot of videos of women sitting on pastries, as a girl's ass and a cake / pie / pastry are pretty much one in the same, or at least a delightful combination. So that part of your story is probably relatable to most of us readers.
Chris being only 4 inches tall and serving Ivy's ass in fetish clips is a fantastic way of showcasing the size fetish aspect of their relationship. Four inches is nice, yet three inches might be better for size comparison purposes {who better to sit on top a donut, a 4" tall person or a 3" tall one?}. Just something to consider.
Really love that Ivy and Rachel are lesbians, and that Chris is nothing to them romantically. Nice touch.
Hope to read more of this story; but please do a proof read and clean up the grammatical errors.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the input, adjusted the thong in chapter 1 and broke the 4.th wall in chapter 3.
Hope you like it and will work on my grammar.:)