[Report This]Date: November 19 2023 11:16 PM Title: A New Week
One thing that I think you do really well is find ways to make your characters complex and show those complexities in a very indirect and subtle manner.
I've kind of pointed this out a few times when talking about the unique relationship you've formed between Emily and Jane, as well as whatever it is that's shaping up between Suki and Nadia (I'm really looking forward to seeing what that looks like a week later, especially since Suki has maybe found some new tinies to play with, given what she told Nadia about that last chapter), but I don't think I've said this directly.
The reason I bring this up is that you threw what I thought was a breaking curveball about Shana here. To find out that the reason she held Emily back when Suki was trying to eat Jane was to keep Emily from possibly getting arrested for hurting Suki completely changes the way I view the first couple of chapters. Not only that, but given the way we've slowly been given little peaks at what lays beneath Shana's hard exterior, this revelation actually makes a lot of sense.
Through these conversations with Liliana, it's been hinted at that Shana actually kind of likes Emily or at least respects her. She likes the influence that "Barbie" has on Maya, which is something she probably feels like she can't do for her little sister because of the strained relationship she has with her stepmother and how frustration over that causes her to lash out at Maya sometimes as well. She also seemed legitimately impressed with the passion Emily showed in taking down Suki and saving Jane, probably because she didn't think Emily had that in her. In fact, I previously thought that Shana's secret respect for Emily mostly stemmed from the blonde standing up to Suki.
But now it's clear that this isn't the case. Shana cared enough for Emily to try to save her from getting herself into trouble by assaulting Suki. It's been made clear that Shana legitimately doesn't view Little Folk as people (as opposed to a certain someone who says that as an excuse for cruelty), so for her, it was an easy decision to protect someone they care about/respect from doing something "stupid" over a "bug."
But because of Shana's reputation and inability to properly express her emotions, this act came off as cruel and evil, like she was making Emily watch her friend be devoured. And, of course, this is also Emily's interpretation of the whole thing, so she thinks far worse of Shana, even though Shana was only trying to help. This is really intriguing to me, and it also helps me view Shana as a much better (if not a bit misguided or ignorant) person than I thought she was before this chapter.
I love that complexity, and I really love how, 11 chapters in, you've found a way to completely alter the way I view the initial conflict.
I was a bit surprised to see that Shana thought Emily was capable of the level of violence she says she fears in this chapter, however, especially since she says that Emily appears to be just as kind and considerate on the surface. Maybe this is a bit of projection on Shana's part, as she can see how disturbed/disgusted/upset Emily is over the whole thing, and the tomboy can only picture how she would handle such emotions (even if she can't truly comprehend why Emily feels this way over a Little Folk).
And again, we see that Shana, despite what she says, really does love Maya. We already knew that she liked that Emily was such a positive influence/crush for her sister, but the fact that she's so put off by Maya hanging out with Suki and falling for the what are obvious lies really drives this point home.
I do like that Hannah had to be the one to point out that explaining to Emily that Shana isn't a threat to Jane would calm the tensions between the dormmates. Shana would have never figured that out on her own because of her views on Little Folk. And even Liliana, I think, wouldn't have come up with that, because as much as she may worry about those "little darlings" she still doesn't view them as people and has accepted that them being killed is just how things are. If she really felt the same as Emily, she would have rushed off to stop Suki as soon as Shana told her what was happening. Instead, while Liliana does seem to legitimately feel sorry for the tinies, she sees Suki's actions as sad but none of her business.
So it falls on meek, quiet Hannah to inform them both that Jane is Emily's friend, rather than her pet or her toy. That simple point was just beyond them. And while Liliana is happy with Hannah for bringing this up, I think she's happier that this would help her crush ... er, teammate, Shana, than she is that the actual conflict will be solved.
Anyway, obviously I really enjoyed this chapter, even the break from actual size content. I'm a big fan of the way you develop characters, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you've got planned next!
Author's Response:
I do not know what to say, except I am very pleased with your compliment!
While I like this site, the main reason I started writing here is to improve my writing skills, so you saying that makes me really happy!
This chapter, while not the hardest I've written, was certainly the most complicated to get right. It was basically hit or miss.
Even though I had tried to give a few hints in the earlier chapters as to how I wanted her to evolve, I was worried that Shana's behavior would be seen as completely out of character, a complete 180°, and ruin the whole story.
Fortunately, that didn't happen, but it actually turned out a lot better than I thought it would, and I'm really happy about that!
With Hannah, I wanted to show that just because someone doesn't scream about something doesn't mean they don't have anything to say, but that they might actually have something useful to share.
As for Liliana, I tried to write her as a really good person, except that she's the product of a society that views Little Folk as pets at best, plus a general indifference that makes it difficult, if not impossible, for even the most passionate to do anything to help them.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish the new chapter this week, and I'm going to be busy for most of the next week as well. The only thing I was able to do was to rewrite the last part of chapter 9 and the beginning of chapter 10 so that they make more sense and flow more smoothly. (I'll post the rewrite along with the next chapter.)
Hopefully I can finish the chapter by next week, because I hate leaving a cliffhanger like that for so long.
Anyway, thank you again for the review. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story!