[Report This]Date: October 04 2023 3:35 AM Title: Chapter 6
This chapter cemented Suki as a great villainess for me.
I mean, obviously she was going to eat at least one tiny this chapter (and touch herself again. Good call on that; it's like you know), but the conversation she had with Sean put her on another level as an antagonist. It revealed something about Suki that we couldn't really have known until this point:
Suki knows that the Little Folk are actually people.
Sure, she may have convinced herself that they aren't people on a conscious level, but deep down, she knows the truth. And that makes her that much more evil.
Suki became really frustrated at Sean for not treating her with respect (or really, just not showing the fear that she expected him to). This is because Suki, who thinks she's better than everyone, was annoyed that he didn't acknowledge that she was above him, not just literally, but metaphorically as well. She needed him to know that he was beneath her, just like she needs all of the Little Folk to know it. Eating them is just an expression of that (in her mind) reality, but that isn't enough for her if her victim doesn't accept said reality. That wouldn't matter if she thought of them as mindless bugs, like Shana does.
I love the depth this adds to Suki's character. She went from just a spoiled mean girl who doesn't know any better to an absolute monster. Well done!
In the short time that he was around, I really liked Sean. I'm a big fan of tinies who aren't just begging for mercy or helplessly giving in to their larger bullies. He knew what was going to happen, accepted it, and did everything he could to make the experience less enjoyable for Suki and even manipulated her into keeping Nadia alive. Farewell, Sean. We hardly knew ye!
I am curious as to what the master-pupil relationship between Sean and Nadia was. What exactly was he a master of? What did Nadia learn from him? Was he just teaching her how to survive in the world or was there something more? Given how smart Sean came off during his brief time in the story, I'm really interested in this, and I hope we learn more about it through Nadia at some point.
This story actually flowed pretty well for you coming up with the plot on a chapter-by-chapter basis. I'm actually surprised to see that was the case. I look forward to seeing what you decide to do with this story in a couple weeks. It certainly doesn't feel over, but it is wide open as to what can happen next.
Author's Response:
Sorry for taking so long to respond.
I don't have much to say, except that I'm glad you're enjoying and liking the story.
I have tried my best to incorporate everything you suggested, and it is flowing much better for me now, too.
Although I had the characters and plot in mind when I started, your suggestions have made me expand on the former and deviate from the latter, and the result is a completely different but much better story than I had in mind.
Originally, my story was about two chapters long, with a third chapter that was kind of a post-battle (or post-eating) follow-up.
Thankfully, both you and MicroThaumaturge gave me two detailed and very helpful replies, which were more like honest-to-goodness vademecums, brimming with useful information and advices.
It made me discard every idea I had and think about the story chapter by chapter, but it still produced something good.
Or maybe it would be better to say that it was exactly because of this that something good came out of it!
Anyway, I'm going to keep trying to improve myself so that everyone can enjoy the story I'm writing!