Reviews For A new beginning
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Reviewer: It Was Me Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 28 2023 6:37 PM Title: Chapter 1

I'm liking this story so far, and I'm interested to see where you go with it.

But honestly, I'm writing this review because of MicroThaumaturge's review and your response to it. I, too, hate blatant exposition, or infodumps, and I thought I might be able to offer some advice on how to introduce some of the information you want to incorporate into your stories.

First and foremost, and it sounds like you've got a pretty good grasp on this one already, is to have said information figured out before you start writing. It's really hard to decide where and how to reveal information about a setting if you're figuring it out on the fly. Knowing the answers to questions like the ones MT asked before you start writing gives you a huge advantage in strategizing the best way to draw your audience into the world of your story.

Now, as for how to do that, here are a few techniques that come to mind.

Spread things out. The problem with infodumps isn't just that it overloads the reader with too much information too soon (although that certainly is a problem) but that presenting this information upfront takes the fun out of learning about your story's world. Giving your audience a little information at a time, spread out over multiple chapters (unless you're writing a one-shot) can actually serve as a draw for them, with the crumbs you're leaving making them eager to learn more. Piecing things together about a story's setting can be very rewarding for the reader, sometimes almost as much as following the plot itself.

An old boss once gave me the following advice: Never tell the reader everything you know. That was really more news-oriented, but I think it can apply to fictional writing as well. Much like it is with the plot itself, revealing something about a setting now may not be as impactful or relevant as it would be to reveal it later.

The temptation to give the reader all of the information you have is strong (almost like the urge to let someone in on a secret), but the payoff of keeping that secret and making the audience work for it can be huge if done right.

Use your characters to convey details of your setting. While the ins and outs of your setting aren't immediately known by your audience, they likely would be pretty familiar with the characters living within it. Whether through narrative, dialogue, or simple reactions, how your characters interact with the world can tell us a lot about it.

For example, Emily not acting surprised to see a tiny kind of implies that the existence of tinies is known to the bigs. Of course, the chapter would have benefited by another detail to confirm this, as sometimes writers are so into their story that details like this can easily be overlooked, making it hard to tell if we were being subtly told that tinies and bigs are aware of each other or if that was just something that wasn't thought about by the writer.

Seeing a character act disgusted, angry, sad, or empathetic to seeing a tiny tells us not only that bigs know they exist, but it also gives us an idea of how the bigs view them as a society. Likewise, acting shocked to see a two-inch-tall girl shows us that bigs aren't aware of them, which gives us as readers the potential to learn more about the world with that character.

Sure, you could just write a paragraph or two explaining the status of the two people's, and those paragraphs would likely convey more information than using your characters to imply things, but those paragraphs would also be boring, and they tend to feel more tedious to read, at least to me.

Dialogue between characters can tell us a lot. This kind of goes hand-in-hand with the last point, but I feel like it's important enough to get its own category. Revealing details about your setting through dialogue between two or more characters allows the reader to learn more about both the characters and the setting in which they live at the same time. It's also the most engaging way to convey information to the audience.

Let's say that Emily doesn't know anything about tinies. She's obviously going to be pretty curious once she saves Jane, and therefore is likely to ask her a bunch of questions. This presents a great opportunity for us to learn more about tinies in this world without it feeling clunky or unnatural. However, it's important that the characters remain consistent and that their actions fit their personality rather than the situation.

In the above example, it might be weird for Jane to spill all the details about tinies to a giant she doesn't really know. It might make more sense for her to be a bit elusive with her answers. If so, it might be natural for her to revisit those questions in her head once she trusts Emily more and give her more details then, thus allowing the information to be spread out in a natural progression.

Or perhaps Jane decides to lie to Emily in order to protect her fellow tinies, with little details giving us hints that this is the case. That, in and of itself, tells us something. Not only that, but once she trusts Emily enough to confess, it would seem plausible for someone feeling guilty to not hold anything back, providing an opportunity to put in an "infodump" that doesn't feel like an infodump at all.

Just try to avoid having one character tell another all the details you want the reader to know at once, unless that information all fits nicely into one conversation. Or you could make one of the characters a chatterbox, but you would have to make sure they remained chatty throughout the story, as opposed to having them by chatty for that one part out of convenience.

The details noted within a setting can telegraph information as well. Just noting the presence of certain items or what types of clothing characters are wearing can clue your audience in to the fine details of your setting as well.

For example, if a character walks into a house and notices an abundance of glue traps, that can imply a lot to the readers of a size-fetish story. The positioning of said glue traps can also let us know things. Are they expertly hidden? Are they out in the open? Are they placed in unusual areas?

The answers to those questions can hint at whether the person who set the traps is aware of tinies or if they view said tinies as pests or something to sell or keep for themselves. These little details can get the reader's mind moving in the direction you want it to without having to explicitly explain anything.

So there are a few techniques you can use to convey setting details without lengthy exposition. Using these in tandem can be very effective, and there are surely a bunch of other methods that I'm just not thinking of or don't know. But I hope these might help you out a bit, whether it be in this story or any future one you may decide to write.

I should also note that I wouldn't have posted this if I didn't think you could make use of it. I read your other story and (obviously) the first chapter of this one, and I think you're pretty good at this, so I thought maybe my ramblings might be of some use in terms of your development as a writer. Keep up the good work!



Author's Response:

Let me begin by thanking you for reading and reviewing this first chapter. I am very grateful for your help!

Reading your suggestions, I see that you have understood perfectly what my main gripe is, and the solution you have proposed is exactly what I'm trying to do. I don't know if it can be considered as a spoiler, but the second chapter will be mainly centered on the characters who will have an argument with each other, and I want to use it to give some depth about themselves and the world they live in. The problem now is how to make it all seem natural, because as you said, they, and I of course, already know the world they live in, while the reader doesn't. So I have to figure out what information to give, and how to insert that information into the story so that it doesn't feel out of place or forced.

As far as your last point is concerned, it makes me want to bang my head against the wall a second time. While I had recognized the importance of Jane's clothes from the very beginning, and simply forgot to write about it, I hadn't thought about the others at all. In retrospect, even how the other characters are dressed are important details that can help to understand them better, and the description of the environment is something I haven't taken into consideration at all except the position of the couch and the television, which I had only put because they were important details for that particular scene.

You've given me a lot of things to improve on, but for now I'd rather have the second chapter ready to post before venturing out to make edits, or I'll never finish.

Thanks again for your invaluable help!

Reviewer: MicroThaumaturge Signed [Report This]
Date: August 27 2023 6:03 AM Title: Chapter 1

A brief addendum to my first review, because I'm tired and forgot to say this initially: don't overthink it.  If you ever get bogged down with indecision, just leave what you have and press forward.  You can always edit and trim and smooth and polish later, but you can't edit paragraphs you don't have.  If everything you get down on the page ends up being trash, then at least you were writing.  It helps form the habit, it  helps you get in the mindset, and it helps you show yourself examples of what you do NOT want to do going forward.

Keep up the good work!



Author's Response:

I wanted to apologize, I hadn't noticed that that other reviewer I mentioned was also you...

In any case, I want to thank you again for your continued help.

As I mentioned, you helped me notice a huge flaw that I hadn't considered in my first published story. Up until then I was writing only for myself, and many details were implied because they were already in my mind, being the writer. But it's not the same for someone who isn't me, and while it's obvious in retrospect, it would never have occurred to me without your advice.

Thanks again, MicroThaumaturge!

Reviewer: MicroThaumaturge Signed [Report This]
Date: August 27 2023 5:56 AM Title: Chapter 1

I can say you've overcome the first hurdle any author faces - you've kept me (your reader) interested.  This is a good start, and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

Seeing as your note at the end is asking for ideas and suggestions, I'm going to offer some criticism on the content above.  Please take it with a grain of salt - every author writes in their own way, and different approaches appeal to different audiences, or set different tones for their story, or suggest different levels of investment.

This first chapter leaves a lot of questions in the air.  This is a good thing; you want your audience asking questions.  It keeps them engaged, and anticipating what comes next.  There are two important qualifiers for this, however: 1) You want to prompt the audience to ask the right questions, and 2) you should have at least a basic grasp on answers to the important questions.  Questions like, "How did Jane and her friends end up in that horrible situation" are exactly the kind of question you want to leave your audience with to keep them interested, and something like, "They were pets who were stolen but managed to escape and were just trying to get home," is an answer you should have already answered for yourself when writing this chapter.  I write this so I can frame the big questions I have at the end of this first chapter.

1.  Why is Emily not surprised that Jane is tiny?  This is a very simple question, but the answer, and when you reveal it, have complex connotations, and could very well be a significant element of the story.  If tiny people are the norm, then the lack of surprise makes sense, and the answer to WHY they're the norm becomes important.  Are they a different species?  Are they victims of a virus/government testing/technology used illegally?  Or more intriguing, are they not common knowledge, but Emily is unsurprised because she is one of the few people who has met a tiny before?  For example (since I'm in the dark as to the true nature of tinies), Jane could be a borrower, in the theme of the classic folk tales.  Most people don't believe they're real, but Emily met one when she was a child.  Maybe something happened to this friend that inspired her to do good works, like working in a homeless shelter.  Maybe Emily did something to hurt this friend, and is now trying to make the best use of the rest of her life to atone.  The more clandestine answers are all things that could and should be revealed later, but if tinies are commonplace, that is something you should reveal to your readers early, so they are not surprised or disappointed later.

I know there's a ton of fabrication, conjecture, and smoke & mirrors here, but the point I am trying to make is that, when a character acts in a distinguishing manner (when they do something out of the norm), it needs to be informed by their past.  One of the most important things you can do is to be true to your characters - and whatever half-thought-up or 20 page detailed backstory you have for them - and to understand that if that character acts in a way that would be unique to them, or would break from common expectations, the reader will assume that the character is acting differently because there's something different about them.  To be clear, I'm not trying to make you second guess every action a character takes.  If Emily got a coffee with extra cream and two sugars, all that would tell us is that she doesn't like bitter tastes, she isn't averse to caffeine, and that she probably has a sweet tooth, but it's not story relevant.  The reason this reaction is important, is that the answer informs your setting, it potentially informs Emily's history, and it is an obvious departure from the norm because any of your readers would be surprised to find a tiny girl in the real world.  NOT being surprised highlights a difference from the readers, 'normal.'

2. Is Jane wearing any clothes?  No, this is not the horny talking - ok, not entirely - but the answer to this question actually informs many of the worldbuilding details that would similarly be informed by the answer to my first question.  If Jane is naked, that implies that tinies are feral / lower class / pets, or that something truly awful happened to her between leaving safety and being rescued, and I don't just mean the cat attack, unless it clawed her clothes off without hitting skin.  If Jane is wearing clothes, the kind of clothes inform further details of the world.  If the clothing is cobbled together, then Jane is either poor, or forced to make due in an unusual situation, or is better cared for than the average tiny.  If she is wearing scaled down clothing with factory or loom quality, then this implies further things about her lot in life, the status of tinies, suggests she was shrunk by technology, etc.  I suppose the point I'm trying to make here is that details matter.  You don't have to provide a ton of detail, but consider adding a few more considered details that can combine to more naturally convey information about your world to your audience.  

I'll list a couple more questions here without the long-fingered explanations, just to help you get thinking in case you haven't already answered these questions for yourself.

3. How did Suki end up as Shana's minion?  Usually socio-economic factors have a heavy weight in social interactions, so this development is definitely tied to something in Suki's character.  Did Shana's physical strength initially intimidate Suki, and learning more about Shana later eventually brought Suki around?  Is Suki a sub?  Does she have a foot or B.O. fetish?

4. How old are these college-age characters?  Dorms usually suggest underclassmen in an undergrad program.  Are Suki and Shana Sophmores (second year students)?  Is Maya a Freshman who plays with dolls?  Is Shana's whole family visiting?

I think that's plenty to be getting on with for now.  I want to again say to take the above with the understanding that I am not a professional author.  I'm just trying to help you think about your setting and characters when you write, and how to incorporate those elements into the story.  What you have here is a great start, but if your goal is improvement, then I would be honored to offer what context I can to help you improve.

Please retain the courage and confidence you had when you posted this first chapter to continue writing, and most especially, thank you for sharing your story with us!  I look forward to reading what comes next!



Author's Response:

First of all, thank you for reading my story and answering my request! And I'm really glad you found the beginning interesting enough to want to read more. That's really motivating for me!

I'm also really happy with all the advice you've given me. You have not only read my story, but also thoroughly analyzed it, giving me a lot of ideas to work with.

After I published my first story, a comment from a reviewer made me realize how I took for granted things that I, as the author, knew, while they made no sense to the reader, lacking the context.

Sadly this landed me in another problem. How to place it in the story? Frankly, I've always hated info dumps, which take away realism and immersion, as well as being a bore to read in most cases.

90% of the time writing this has been about figuring out how to stuff information into it without disrupting the flow of the story too much. For now I'm trying to give background to the story through comments or responses from the characters, this way I hope I can explain the world behind the characters, or the characters themselves, without too much hassle.

Some of the things you mentioned are already things I wanted to explain this way in the second chapter, but some things, especially point 2 and 4, almost made me want to bang my head against the wall.

For point 2, it was something I had already thought of too, for exactly the reasons you explained. But apparently, it remained just a thought and I didn't write anything about it.

Point 4 I had left it at about twenty years of age on purpose, but regarding Maya, her age is different from the rest of the cast, being a child. I created a reason why she was there, but I didn't know how to put it right so I decided to leave it for later, but really, she doesn't fit in with the rest of the cast if you don't have that information.

For now I want to focus on the second chapter, after which I will make changes to the first to make it better. I don't do it right away because otherwise I'll always be there rearranging things and I'll never move forward with the story.

Once again, thank you for your kind help! I hope you will continue to enjoy the story in the future!

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 27 2023 5:26 AM Title: Chapter 1

Quite the beginning.

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