Date: August 23 2020 3:20 AM Title: Chapter 1
Frankly, this could use some revision.
The format makes it hard to read in mobile, the words go off the page unless I read it in a special mode.
The voice is passive, making it hard for me to wrap my head around parts of it. (For example, "the door was opened by the guards" instead of "the guards opened the door".)
The prose is redundant: it uses too many adjectives, and repeats words a lot. ("perfectly just like ants" instead of "just like ants"; "reddish rusty dust" instead of "rusty dust"; using the words "smile", "dust", and "woman" multiple times in nearby sentences).
It uses the wrong words at places. ("theft—or thefts" instead of "thief- or thieves"; "pollute-producer" instead of "pollution-producing"; "Else than that" instead of "Other than that"; and I don't even know what "gravy consequences" is supposed to mean. Gravy sounds delicous).
The tense changes in the middle of paragraphs. ("a dust storm was waiting for her" is in past tense, "It was a small storm" is in present tense. "Three years had passed" is in past tense, and "Mae has no interest" is in present tense.)
The dialogue back-and-forth isn't too bad, and I love how creative the planet-painting is; but I feel like there isn't much that gives it an strong sense of scale.
You probably know this all already, not being the writer; but it really feels like the first draft of a good story more than something complete. I only really noticed this because my own stories make the same mistakes a lot. Best of luck to the writer, hope they continue exploring this world and their prose style.