Reviewer: DarkStarGoddess Signed
Date: February 14 2019
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One
I really wish this website had better communication features, it would be interesting to discuss writing with some of the reviewers here, but the medium does not make for stimulating discussion or civilized conversation, the medium of these reviews makes comments seem more bold and confrontational than they probably are. I say this because I am not calling anyone out with this review, I am just thinking out loud because it is late and I am having trouble sleeping.
One comment I want to make is on what Saf has said; the author having a specific kink does not mean they are immune to bad writing. I would not say it is bad art since art is very subjective and personal to the creator, but writing prose generally has rules and general guidelines to follow in order to achieve maximum effectiveness. You can't say breaking the rules is not breaking the rules because it makes your peepee hard.
But contrivance, when used to such a massive degree as it is done in this story is a writing flaw, and it is not one you can fault readers for being annoyed at.
I see down below the author and Ghostwriter talked about how Plot Armor (contrivance) is mandated for a story like this, and I wholeheartedly disagree: having to fall back on contrivance means that the story has not been fleshed out enough to allow for a better reasoning for the events happening, or the author lacks the writing skills to pull off the idea. It is a lazy writing tool; now, a little here and there might not be so bad, as the author claims, but saying a little is used in this story is flat out false, it is used heavily in this story, more than many I have seen.
Contrivance basically punishes the reader for caring about the story. It creates unsatisfying payoffs, and when used repeatedly it makes the reader feel like they are wasting their time. Of course, if the contrivances make for better jerk off material it can be ignored by those jerking off to it, but that does not mean it is still a storytelling flaw.
That leads me into my second point on Saf's comment, I do not think it is entirely fair to say that people can not judge a story because it might be used as jerk off material for some. I do not believe that a story being posted to this website inherently makes it sexual, and there are a number of younger readers who come here, as well as readers who come here because they enjoy sized themed fiction despite not having sexual interest, such as myself as an asexual female. I and others like me are as much a part of this website as anyone else, as much as the GTS community is designed to serve hetero male fantasies, but that is not an argument for now.
Now I am not saying the story is bad or anyone who likes it is bad or the author is bad with this comment, but it is incorrect to say that using contrivance in this way is not bad writing.
Another comment I want to make, and this one is more addressed at the author, is about how the audience perceives Mel: you do not show her as cute. Like, at all. You directly TELL us she is cute, but... who are you? You are not in the story. The story does not have anything redeeming for her. I might have mentioned this before, I forget, but this is super cliche but SHOW DON'T TELL. Telling is Mel is cute is lazy, showing us her cute actions or characters reacting to cuteness. I fall into this trap too I think everyone does, but it would help if that is what you want.
It could be that your idea of cute and what most people think as cute are at odds too, possibly.
There is also the possible issue that you have inserted yourself too much into the story and it is blocking the reader's view of the story, but that is a conversation for a different time.
Anyways I am just thinking out loud after reading the recent reviews, no one take anything personally, hope all the best for the story.
Author's Response: When I say Melanie is cute, I do indeed say that with a knowing, smug grin on my face, the fact that most people would, in fact, not consider Melanie cute. When I blatantly tell reviewers that Melanie is cute, I do so half-jokingly, understanding that to someone who isn't interested in the creepy aesthetic of dark, haunting women like I am, Melanie would probably come off as gross, horrid, unlikeable. I've never been bashful to admit, even from the very beginning, that Melanie was designed for me, with my interests in my mind. Furthermore, I do defend myself from the "show, don't tell" writing critique: my responses to reviews are not part of the Endless canon, and shouldn't reflect the quality of the writing. In-story, I have not referred to Melanie as explicitly cute -- unless I'm totally blanking out on a stray comment I made about her! I don't think I am, especially since I've had it in mind that "cuteness" and the identification of cuteness is a running theme. It hasn't really been coincidence that so often I've used the phrase "cute girl" in regards to how Melanie views people around her.
I think the note I'll leave this response on, as it extends to the rest of the topics brought up too, is that my endgoal here is to share the story that's in my heart, the way I invision it, and express that story with the size community as best to my abilities. There are going to be elements many don't like or understand or sympathize with, elements that do break the immersion if read as a casual story, but my hope is that those flaws would be forgiven as they're somewhat necessary evils for what is... ultimately, my erotic giantess fantasy, where much of the erotic and fantasy comes from aspects that don't make for a bestseller. I'm rambling, but I hope what I'm saying is understood. For my erotic giantess-shrinking yandere fantasy story to exist as it does in my heart, and for that to be expressed purely, there will have to be plot armor. My heart demands it, go talk to it.
I will also mention this, as it did come up and I'd like to make a statement: I do not support "younger audiences" reading this story. I don't think this website makes this distinction clear enough, especially considering the legitimately disturbing synopsises of stories listed here and what that says of this ragtag community, but this story is purely for audiences 18 and older. To tie this back into the discussion earlier, it's not been my intention, ever, for this story to be read and critically acclaimed by a wide audience. Although my writing is, allegedly, good enough to make an engaging story, I've not committed to writing it with making a literary masterpiece. It is an erotic adult story and should be read as such at all times, even if there's more emotion and drama behind it than the usual erotic novel.
Thank you for the readership and the review! I know I don't respond to reviews until I push out a new chapter, but this provoked some thoughts from me that I didn't want to lose. For anyone curious, the next chapter is coming! It is. Delays have certainly come up but I promise the next chapter will be out very soon! Thank you thank you for your patience~
(Also, just so everyone is clear, Melanie is cute, everyone else just has bad taste.)