Reviewer: abc3643 Signed
Date: October 16 2015
Title: Chapter 1: A bad start
Author's Response: Actually, I like using 'you' in some of my stories as makes the reader feel like that it's happening/happened to them.
Actually, most readers don't like that. It makes them feel like puppets and its forced and unreal. You describe an action "You" takes and your reader thinks "I wouldn't do that." Immediately, the reader begins to have issues. Notice that there is not a single play or work of published fiction which uses this technique and it is primarily for that reason.
Evem on TV shows like Blues Clues or Dora the Explorer, when the characters try to engage the toddlers watching the show, the character asks the toddler's questions nit doesn't give orders.
So, you have likely a fine story, but you should consider writing again - create a new story with the same theme - but from a different perspective. In fact, that's what's happening right now with 50 Shades of Grey: now there is a new novel told from Grey's perspective.
Author's Response: Just saying I'm not the first to do this on this website and I won't be the last