Reviewer: kenny224 Signed
Date: October 27 2021
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Hey Theresa,
I read the first few chapters, and then the last two, since you specifically recommend the second to last chapter in my story reviews.
I'm guessing you're a non native English speaker because you use a ton of words that are, let's say, pretty obscure? lol at least to a dummy like myself. Not that it's a bad thing per se, but sometimes i feel like you use a different word then what feels most appropriate, or I have to look up what it means (which isn't actually a bad thing, but sometimes it seems like it's slight overkill)
for instance you use "squash obsession" instead of "crush obsession"
again this isn't incorrect, per se, especially considering we are specifically talking about a fetish here, but it did take me a second to understand what you were talking about. (I thought maybe you meant the game at first, lol)
As to the story itself, it's not bad. I dont share many of the same "interests" as you, so but considering what i read that I'm into your descriptions are actually quite good compared to other stories I've read on the site.
You can probably tell from my own writing style what I like in terms of the macrophilia fetish and writing in it specifically, so you'll probably understand what I mean.
In any case, I think by reading and writing, you'll improve in some of these syntactical and grammar issues, especially if you are a non native English speaker, that will only come with time.
In any case, I do love the concept, especially in your last two chapters. I can't say that i will read everything as certain fetishes are a big no no for me, but as long as the story is parsed out in a way that can separate some of these things I look forward to reading more.
Feel free to leave a review in my story if you'd like to chat more about writing or, uhh our shared strange "eccentricities" as you might put it, not that I'm an expert in either or anything.
-kenny
Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.