Reviewer: Fertility goddess loli lilith Signed
Date: December 28 2016
Title: Chapter 1: Kidnapped
I like the dart rather than a ray, but the shrinking scene itself lacks good scale, but the quaking is a good detail. The trees are described as colossal but there's no mention of the doorknob being above him just farther away so I don't know what size he is during the capture scene. I think the first chapter should include a description of what the girl is wearing even if it's just a schoolgirl unifom they come in different colors. The missing persons report and cellphone are both great details, though the second chapter has alot more detail, inluding the brand of the bag and it's movements. Exciting so far.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! i had previously wrote the first chapter with a lot more detail on the shrinking, i had objects that had been dropped by Percy that ended up surrounding him at his new size. however for whatever reason, when i posted the chapter it failed. so i lost all the text. currently i write on a different platform in order to fix this problem, but got a tad frustrated and lazy with the first chapter as a result! Hoping i improve in future chapters :)