Hot damn... 

Damn this was a hot chapter! Wished there was a bit more detail, but still a good read!

Lmao. I love how he mistakenly fucks himself over 😂👌🏼 good shite right there. Short chapters,  but certainly worth the read!

Ok, before I criticize anything I just want to say that it takes a lot to impress me with a story... as I've read hundreds of stories on this website and almost never leave a review because most stories are #boring

So that being said, let's get started.

First, this sentence really bothered me for some reason 

"Well I am prepared to offer you a contract, there is a lot of legal jargon here but basically it requires you to do one video with us. After that we'll give you the option to resign if you liked the experience."

Why would she resign, if she liked the experience? Obviously it's a typo, but my point is that typos like that can really distract the readers mind, and pull them out of the story big time. Just some thought to reading over your story once or twice before posting :)

Second, Allie seemed more than eager to sign the contract after hearing the money offer, not to mention it seemed like she has had some experience in this field before. This confused me when she suddenly began to second guess herself in her car. Maybe it's just me, but the way it was written didn't really seem to add up (though it wasn't too big of a deal honestly)

I love the flow of the story, and I love the characters! The only complaint I really stand by firmly is that the characters would tend to make a statement or act a certain way, but then completely shift to a statement or action that contradicted their previous ones... which makes it impossible for me to understand what exactly the characters want in this story. Does Allie not anjoy being in the adult film industry? This chapter didn't clarify that for me at all whether she likes the industry or not... or whether it's simply for the money. 

I wish I had the time to read more chapters... this story was very engaging and as a result I'm definitely giving you a 5 star rating (for this chapter) and I can't wait till I have time to read more! Thanks SO much for showing me a sliver of hope that good authors still exist on this site!

P.S.

I love how Mark said this wasn't a casting couch situation... except it totally turned out to be exactly that LOL. Love it!

Love it. WOuld love to see cat vore if possilbe!

Awesome!

Gotta say, aside from a fantastic and compelling story, that vore/torture scene with Diamonda was one of the best and detailed I've ever seen. It wasn't too long, it wasn't to short, and it was perfectly imaged. Great story, and it ended right about where it should have. Look forward to future stories you may write.

Another good one! LOVE IT.

Not bad. You seem to be good writing coherent sentences with detail. Your paragraphs and indenting however could use some work, so that your text doesn't look like a wall. For an example check out some of Jacksmiths storys, or I'll give you this example below.

Don't do this

"Two more drops and that should finish it." Ashley muttered to herself as she eased the small dropper over the beaker and slowly placed two drops into the green liquid. Ashley placed the dropper on the table and sat back in her chair. " There it is at last." Ashley whispered to herself. Months upon months of collecting the proper ingredients came down to the concoction that mildly bubbled before her. Months spent with many a sleepless night as she worked to find the ingredients needed for the magic potion that would make her wildest fetish come true. She could already feel her panties becoming wetter by the second as she thought about all the possibilities her hard work would bring to life.

Do this instead!

"Two more drops and that should finish it," Ashley muttered to herself as she eased the small dropper over the beaker and slowly placed two drops into the green liquid.

Ashley placed the dropper on the table and sat back in her chair, "There it is at last," Ashley whispered to herself. Months upon months of collecting the proper ingredients came down to the concoction that mildly bubbled before her. Months spent with many sleepless nights as she worked to find the ingredients needed for the magic potion that would make her wildest fetish come true.

She could already feel her panties becoming wetter by the second as she thought about all the possibilities her hard work would bring to life.

****

Other than that, along with a few minor grammar and spelling errors, you got a pretty good story with a pretty good plot going! If you continue writing this story I'll probably follow it :) good luck!

There's some punctual mistakes you made that caused me to become confused whether the sentence was meant to be a statement, or a question. Also, native americans have heredity black and dark brown hair, so the only way she could be bleach blonde was if she dyed it, just something to try and go into detail a little more.

Other than that, I'm assuming this is a short one chapter story. Kinda funny, with a silly plot. Was an interesting read.