Chapter Four

The next few days seemed to pass by in a whirlwind. Both Eve and Jason were completely preoccupied with moving into their respective dorm rooms, and neither of them got to see the other as much as they would’ve liked. Since the university required all first-year students to live on campus, and since the dorms at this particular university were gender-segregated, Eve and Jason had to live all the way across campus from each other. At 2 miles between their dorms, it really wasn’t too far a distance, but in high school they had lived much closer, since their parents lived only a quarter mile away from each other. This newly-established distance made both of them feel a little sad and anxious, but Eve was treating it differently from Jason. Whereas he simply felt put-out at the university’s puritanical insistence on single-gender dorms, Eve was trying to see it as an opportunity for both of them to grow a little independently of each other. 

“I mean, what does the administration think they’re preventing anyway?” Jason had complained to Eve a few days before as they sat on her bed. “What, do they think that they’re actually gonna be able to keep girls and guys from mixing? Come on, this is the 21st century — what are they trying to prove?” Sitting this way, Eve was still a couple inches taller, even though the main source of her superior height lay in her long legs. Her torso, though, was still longer than Jason’s.

“I don’t really think they’re trying to prove anything, Jason,” Eve had answered. “I just think that they figured it’d probably be easiest this way, you know? The most surefire way to prevent all kinds of problems from happening.” 

“What problems?” asked Jason. “Do they really think they’re gonna be able to stop parties from happening? Girls and guys drinking together? No way.”

“Come on Jason,” Eve sighed, “you know what I mean. Like I said, it’s just easier this way. It sucks and it means we’re gonna have to make more of an effort to see each other, but so what? We’ll be fine!”

“I guess,” said Jason, heaving a sigh of his own as he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just gonna miss being able to walk to your place.”

“Aww, you sweet little guy,” Eve said, reaching out and giving Jason a swift caress on the shoulder, “such a romantic!” She had noticed that Jason bristled a bit at her calling him “little,” even though she had only meant it in an endearing way, and a flash of irritation passed over her. She wished he would just chill out about the whole “size” thing; he really needed to relax. But it passed quickly and she smiled down at him. 

“Besides,” she said, cocking her head down at him as she smiled, “just see it as an opportunity for us both to grow a little bit on our own, you know? To do our own stuff, to develop our own routines and everything.”

“You’re…you’re actually happy about this whole thing?” blurted our Jason.

“Oh my god Jason, no,” said Eve, allowing her irritation to show as she rolled her eyes. “I told you, I’m just as bummed as you are that we can’t be closer, but there’s nothing we can do about it! So, instead of just pouting about it, I’m trying to look on the bright side and actually see how this can be a good thing…how this can…can help us both develop as people, you know?”

“I’m not pouting,” said Jason, “and it sounds to me like you’re saying that I’ve been, like…like, holding you back or something. Like this whole relationship has just kept you tied down against your will.”

“Well if that’s what you’re hearing,” Eve snapped, “then I don’t know what I can do for you, Jason. I think it’s a good thing that we’re being forced to live on our own a little bit, that we have to actually branch out and make friends with other people instead of just leaning on each other and becoming codependent.”

“Woah, jeez, calm down,” said Jason, putting his hands up. “You don’t have to get angry or anything — I’m just saying it sucks, is all.”

“Well, it’s a little annoying when you get like this,” said Eve, looking away from her boyfriend and out her bedroom window. 

“Like what, Eve?” asked Jason. She could hear the hint of fear in his voice, and it didn’t inspire pity — it just made her feel more annoyed. She closed her eyes and sighed, irritated that she was having to even talk about this out loud. It was embarrassing — it made her feel like she was talking down to Jason. It made her feel older than him, more mature…and she didn’t like it at all. 

“Like, we can’t change what’s happening,” she said, making an effort to keep her voice calm and quiet. “There’s nothing we can do about it — we have to live in these dorms across campus, and that’s that. So instead of whining about it, we should both try and see it as an opportunity. As something positive. That’s the mature thing to do.” 

“I…I mean, yeah. I get it, Eve, said Jason, looking down at her long shapely thighs. They sure were looking good these days. “I just…yeah. But…but I was, uh, just expressing frustration, is all. I’m allowed to do that, right? I’m…I’m just gonna miss you. Miss this, you know?”

“Jason!” laughed Eve, feeling her irritation dissipate. Now he was just being silly — she felt the pity return, and she put her hands on his knees and shook them. “You’re acting like we’re being forced to break up or something! Come on, we’re just gonna be a couple miles away from each other! If we’re being forced to do anything, it’s to get creative and see what we each come up with. Come on Jason — it’ll be fun! We can tell each other about all the cool stuff we get into! And we’ll kick ass at whatever it is we’re doing! Divide and conquer, right? And besides…” — and here she ran her finger down his chest towards his cock — “they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Stop it, Eve!” said Jason, pushing her finger away even as he couldn’t help but smile. “I hear you, ok? I get it! It just sounded there for a minute like you were saying this relationship was, like, tying you down or something.” 

“Tying me down doesn’t sound too bad, actually,” said Eve sultrily, looking slightly down at him with her dark brown eyes. Jason instantly felt himself get hard. “Although," added Eve, sitting up straighter and arching her neck proudly above her boyfriend, “I doubt you’ve got what it takes to make me submit." 

“Ha! You don’t think so?” asked Jason, and just like that they were tussling on her bed. Jason tried to grab her arms and pin them, but Eve actually managed to wrest herself free of his grip, not once but twice. They were both laughing and panting as they play-fought, but internally Jason was feeling a little worried. He had expected to pin her immediately, but Eve was turning out to be quicker and stronger than he expected. Suddenly she leaned back on her bed and wrapped him up in her legs, squeezing for all she was worth. 

“Huuhhh!” Jason gasped involuntarily, feeling Eve's thighs force the air out of his lungs. She responded by laughing and sticking her tongue out at him, her eyes going wide as she squeezed and squeezed. She felt a momentary stab of hope — was she actually going to be able to beat him?! But about 30 seconds later Jason had managed to wrestle himself out of her thigh-lock and had her pinned. But he was panting and red-faced from the effort.

That had all been a few days ago. Now, they were both settled in their dorms, and in between then and now they had seen each other only once. Jason had helped Eve move into her dorm, and she had been meaning to repay the favor, but their schedules conflicted; the day that Jason moved in was the same day as both her dorm orientation and her first meeting of her campus math club. Eve was going to be taking multivariable calculus as one of her classes, and even though she had scored a “5” on the AP exam in BC Calculus in high school, she was still pretty nervous about embarking on such a class in her first semester. It was widely known as one of the most difficult courses to take at the university. 

“Aww come on babe, skip math club tonight!” Jason had said in a text. “Come over and help me put my room together.”

“I can’t, babe, you know that!” she had answered. “Gotta be there for the first meeting!”

“You’re like a genius at math. You’ll be fine without all that extra stuff,” he countered. 

“Yeah right,” she shot back, “easy for you to say, Mr. I’m Not Even Taking A Full Load.” 

“Well excuse me if I’m not a masochist,” he replied. “I’m easing into this whole college thing, because unlike you I want to have some fun.”

“Multivariable calculus is fun! And you’re just trying to get into my pants tonight, you perv!” 

“Nerd!”

“Degenerate!” 

“Preferrer-of-calculus-over-her-boyfriend!”

“Ok, I think you’re done. I’ll text you when I’m out ” 

Eve shook her head, silencing her phone as she walked into her math club meeting. Jason sure could be silly sometimes. She had felt a little needled when he had suggested that she skip her meeting — did he not realize how much she needed this? Multivariable calculus was no joke! She sometimes wondered whether he thought that she was actually smarter than she truly was. 

‘No,’ she chuckled to herself, ‘it’s not that. He doesn’t care about my math stuff — he just wants to have sex tonight. What a predictable little dude.’ Although Eve hadn’t realized it, she had started to refer to Jason as “little” in her head a lot more recently. Maybe it had something to do with that day that she had tried on the heels that Lauren had given her — before that, it had not quite hit her how much taller she was than her boyfriend. Ever since, the memory of actually looking down onto the top of his head, and seeing her hips about even with his chest, had sunk down into her subconscious.

Two hours later, a full hour past when the meeting was scheduled for, Eve walked out of the room, almost breathless, every nerve and fiber in her body quivering with energy. She had not expected the meeting to be that in-depth and engaging, that riveting, that inspiring, but it had been all those things and more. Derrick, the upperclassman who had organized the meeting, had been absolutely fantastic — he had given a little introductory speech about calculus in general, and how difficult this class was going to be, and how they could all use this club to help each other get through it. Eve felt incredibly galvanized by Derrick’s persona — he was confident and quirky — definitely nerdy and a little awkward, to be sure — but totally dedicated and passionate about the subject. And it really did seem like he was there to help them. As an advanced math major, his presence set Eve, and the rest of the room, at ease. 

And everyone else was so wonderful too! Within twenty minutes, Eve found herself deep in some challenging practice problems with completely new people, and each one of them seemed as motivated and driven as she was. She particularly liked Shanna and Ben, two friends who had known each other in high school. Eve had felt initially drawn to Shanna because, quite simply, she looked about as tall as Eve. She was a pretty blond woman who looked a good deal heavier than Eve, but, since she was so tall (maybe around 6’0), her weight looked pretty good on her. Ben was normal height and gangly, with skinny, pale arms and legs, and horn-rimmed glasses. Both of them had looked cute and awkward — Eve had overcome her nerves and introduced herself to Shanna, who in turn introduced her to Ben. And soon the three of them were buried in technical discussions about limits and continuity, two of the typical operations in multivariable calculus.

“Now I think the function applies here,” said Shanna, “where f of x and y equals x squared times y over x to the fourth plus y to the third.”

“You mean y to the second,” corrected Ben.

“Uh….yeah…yeah! Y to the second,” nodded Shanna. 

“And the function approaches zero whenever the point is approached along lines through the origin, when y equals k times x, right?” asked Eve. 

“Right,” said Shanna, “but when the origin is approached along the parabola where y equals plus-or-minus x squared…”

“The function value has a limit of plus or minus point 5,” finished Ben. All of them nodded their heads in agreement. 

“Oh I get it!” said Eve excitedly. “Since taking different paths toward the same point yields different limit values, a general limit doesn’t exist there!”

“Precisely, Eve!” said Derrick, who had been listening to the three’s conversation. Eve beamed with pride. 

Over and hour and a half later, she finally tore herself away from even more intricate discussions — she had to get back to her dorm room and at least make some kind of an attempt at organizing it before classes started the next day. But she was beyond thrilled that she had had joined this club. It was so incredibly exciting and invigorating to be around all these other people who were just as motivated, just as nerdy, and just as smart as she was. It was almost a little intimidating, but as the meeting had carried on, Eve had felt her confidence grow. Derrick seemed to like her and was very encouraging with his energy, and she felt like she was actually managing to keep up with Shanna and Ben, both of whom she had automatically assumed were light years ahead of her when she first heard them speak. Perhaps most encouraging to her was that, in the span of only a couple hours, she had managed to make so many new friends. It was only a minor inconvenience when she had to gently but firmly refuse a date with Stephen, one of the more awkward guys, who had blurted out his question to her as she had turned to leave. It was evident to Eve that he had been rehearsing the proposal for some time, and she had no trouble politely turning him down. 

“I’ve got a boyfriend Stephen,” she said, smiling. She had seen Derrick’s head turn slightly at her words, but if he had had any reaction at all to her words, he hid it well, since he very quickly went back to helping another group with their discussion on partial derivatives. Eve suddenly had felt herself blushing…was Derrick actually interested in her? He was so much older…well, at least, he was 21 and she was 18. And he was just…just so much more adult than she was, surely! So much more put-together and confident and professional. And yet…well, she had definitely seen him perk up when she was mentioning Jason. Sure, he had tried to hide it, but she had seen it — he was actually attracted to her! As she left the room, waving goodbye to Shanna and Ben and Derrick and all her other new friends, she felt almost like she was wearing those heels again. She felt on top of the world. 

‘I’ve got this,’ she said to herself with confident happiness as she walked out into the warm evening. She reached up her arms and stretched, looking up at the stars as she extended her arms as far up at the sky as she could, opening and closing her hands as she did so. It sure felt good to stretch like this, after all that time sitting down in that room, hunched over calculus equations. Eve suddenly stopped in her tracks when she noticed the building she was passing: University Aquatics Center. She walked up to the door and looked at the hours of operation. Yes! It closed at 10pm — she had an hour! And just like that, she knew what she was going to do. She had been cooped up in that room for so long, and as she emerged from it she had felt like she was being shot out of a cannon — she felt such a mixture of pride and excitement that there was no way she was going to be able to go to sleep anytime soon. Yeah, she needed to organize her dorm, but she could do that sometime tomorrow. Right now, she had the sudden urge to go swimming. To exercise. To blow off her energy in a productive and wholesome way. Her dorm was close by — she’d just get her swimsuit and then hop in the pool and swim some laps. What an excellent way to establish a routine! Swimming after math club — perfect! 

She almost skipped to her dorm room, pulled on her swimsuit, threw some light clothes over herself, and jogged back to the pool. But right before she pushed through the door, her heart stopped for a moment. Jason. She had forgotten to text Jason. She looked at her watch: it was 10:10. She felt her heart sink. He was probably mad at her right now. Or at least upset that she hadn’t texted before. He had expected her to be done at 9. But almost as quickly as her heart had sunk a little, it buoyed right back up again. What did she have to apologize for? She hadn’t been sneaking around, avoiding him or anything! She had been in math club the whole time! They had just gone way over time because it was actually a really good meeting! 

She took out her phone. Her heart sank once more. 4 texts, 2 missed calls…all from Jason. Eve felt annoyed. Could he seriously not just let her have some time to herself?? There were plenty of new people to meet in his dorm — couldn’t he hang out with some of them? Or…something. Anything other than just blowing up her phone like this. She checked her messages. “Hope math club is goin’ well” at 8:38…“Must be solving some tough problems, huh?” at 9:07, “You still at math club, babe? Getting a little worried” at 9:35, and “Eve, please answer me. Come on babe, tell me everything’s ok!” at 10:02. The two missed calls had been in the last ten minutes. 

Eve immediately called Jason, feeling a combination of annoyance at herself for forgetting that her phone was on silent and irritation at Jason for hounding her. Because that was exactly it — she felt hounded…pestered…boxed in…she felt like she didn’t have any room or time to play with before Jason flew off the handle. He was suffocating her. And she felt herself sinking further when he answered angrily.

“Where the hell have you been!?” he practically yelled from the other end. “I’ve been worried sick, Eve!”

“J-jason…I…it’s fine! I’m fine! Why are you so worked up?” His anger caught her off guard. She had expected him to be pissy, but not full-blown angry. 

“Because!” he yelled. “I thought something had happened to you, Eve! I was about to call the cops!” 

“Wh…what!? The cops!?” Eve actually laughed into the phone; she couldn’t help it. He was being ridiculous. 

“You think this is funny!?” shouted Jason. “Girls get assaulted on campus all the time!”

“Jason,” said Eve insistently, trying to calm him down, “Jason, it’s ok. I’m ok! I’ve been in math club the whole time!” Technically, she knew that she wasn’t being entirely truthful, but she shook her conscience off — it wasn’t like she was malevolently misleading him or anything. 

“The whole time?!” he howled. “Are you fucking serious!?”

“Y-yeah…yeah Jason, I am,” she said, feeling herself get angry. “And you can stop yelling at me or I’m just going to hang up.” Jason had no idea how much fun she had just had, how happy and energized the meeting had made her feel, and how pumped it had gotten her for classes tomorrow. He had no idea how much he was bringing her down. “Yes,” she continued, the angry emotion bleeding through in her voice, “I was in math club the whole time. We went over because we were all having such a good time working with each other, and I actually learned a whole ton of new stuff that I hadn’t even imagined before.” Jason made a sound as if he was going to speak, but Eve kept going, feeling her voice rise. 

“And,” she said, “I met a whole bunch of new people who are awesome and nerdy just like me and who want to get better at math and we all were having such an awesome time working with each other that we lost track of time. There. Nothing to worry about.” 

“Well,” said Jason, a little quieter but still clearly upset, “you…you could have at least texted me what you were doing.”

“Why?” asked Eve with more energy than she had intended. “Why do I have to give you hourly updates on what I’m doing, Jason?”

“You…you don’t! I just…I just was worried about you and…and would appreciate it if you didn’t freak me out like that in the future.” 

“Welcome to college, Jason,” said Eve, spreading her arm wide as she stood in front of the Aquatic Center. “We’ve already talked about this. We need to let each other establish our own routines, ok? We need to give each other some space to do our own stuff!”

“But…I don’t want space,” said Jason.

“Well I do!” said Eve unapologetically. “And don’t even try to make this into some big dramatic “are we going on a break?” thing. This has nothing to do with all that, Jason! You know that I completely love and adore you, but you really do need to do a better job of letting me breathe, Jason. I know you were worried about me, but when I looked down at my phone just now, and saw all your texts and missed calls, I didn’t feel loved and cared for…I just felt annoyed.” 

“Annoyed?” came Jason’s voice from the other end. It sounded small. Eve immediately regretted being so honest with him…after all, he had just been worried about her, right? She felt herself immediately start to soften. 

“Just a little bit, she said, going into recovery mode. “But I also felt bad, Jason. I…I hate to think of you worrying about me like that. And…and I…I, uh…it’s really sweet that I have a guy who cares that much about me. You know that, right, Jason? You know that I feel lucky to have you?”

“Well…yeah,” he said on the other end. Eve felt herself sighing in relief. The worst of the exchange was over. “I just…I’m not trying to stifle you or lord myself over you or anything,” continued Jason. “I was…I was just worried, that’s all.”

“Well, I’ll definitely try to do better on that in the future,” said Eve, smiling into the phone. She felt relieved that Jason hadn’t seemed to have registered how angry she had been. But it was all past now. 

“So, you wanna come over?” asked Jason. “I put my blue lights up — it looks pretty sexy in here.” 

“Oh, babe, I’d love to,” said Eve, feeling herself sink again for the third time in the conversation, “but I’ve decided to go for a swim tonight. Establishing new routines, you know? I’ve got so much energy and I just wanna work it all out.”

Jason was quiet on the other end of the phone for a couple seconds, and each second rekindled Eve’s anger. Was he really going to do this to her again? 

“Well, I can think of something else that would be a workout,” he ventured after the pause. 

Eve grimaced to herself. ‘God, Jason, don’t be this awkward!’ she thought. But she just laughed into the phone. 

“Haha, well let’s maybe save it for later, ok babe?” she said. "I really do wanna do this tonight, alright? I’m not turning you down, but I’ve decided to just do this for myself, kay? You should do something like it too! When was the last time you lifted weights, anyway?”

“Like last week,” said Jason, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice. “Come on Eve, seriously? Swimming?” 

“Swimming is one of the healthiest ways to exercise your whole body!” said Eve brightly into her phone. She wasn’t going to entertain this kind of attitude. The conversation was going to end right now. 

“But babe!” Jason started to complain, but Eve cut him off. 

“I’ve made my decision, my love! Have a good night! We can talk tomorrow, ok?” And she suddenly hung up. She had never done that before. She had never actually hung up the phone on her own accord when she had been speaking to Jason. They always hung up together. But this was different…everything felt…different. Eve felt anxiety at the newness; what did it all mean? But without wasting any more time, she cleared her head and pushed open the door to the Aquatics Center and had the best 30-minute workout of her life. On her way back to her dorm she stopped by the dining hall and ate an entire second dinner. She had never felt so independent and alive. And, setting her alarm for the next morning, she ignored two texts that Jason had sent her. She just wasn’t going to deal with it — not tonight.