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      It was the perfect night for a heist. Eli looked over the blueprints of the museum he was going to be stealing from, going over his entry and escape plan. His preparations had all gone according to plan, and an approaching storm would provide some cover for any noise that would be made during entry. He had even made sure to pick a night that guard detail would be more relaxed than normal. A cocky smile flashed across his face, he had never been caught before, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to break his streak now. He thought back on his past successes. Despite them all being fairly high profile, and him gaining some infamy in the art world, nobody had any clue how he even got into the buildings yet. It was all thanks to one piece of experimental technology that he had stolen on his first job, the one that had started it all.

      The X-01 Prototype Atom-suit, without it none of this would have been possible. Eli looked over at the suit fondly. He had discovered it while working for a security company, and as soon as he learned of its capabilities he was overcome with the possibilities it created. The suit allowed the wearer to shrink down to incredibly small sizes. He wasn’t sure just how small it could go, but the furthest he’d gone was around the size of an ant. It also allowed him to scale any surface using some kind of activated adhesive, he wasn’t really sure how it worked. The suit’s features prompted Eli to give himself the moniker of “The Ant-Burglar.” He admitted that it was corny, but he found it funny to call himself that as he shrunk down and scaled walls like an insect. The suit also had one more feature, the one that enabled him to actually steal things. It could shrink down any inanimate object, as long as it wasn’t moving. Using this suit he had managed to steal many valuable paintings, sculptures, jewels, you name it, and had become quite rich doing so. This heist was set to be his most lucrative one yet however. The target was an extremely old painting, he didn’t really care about the details. He just knew it was worth a lot of money on the black market. It was a simple break and enter, nothing he hadn’t done before. He was confident that nothing would go wrong.

      The hour of the heist finally arrived, and Eli was ready to get started. He was dressed up in the Atom-suit and sat in the back of a non-descript van outside the museum. Preliminary surveillance revealed that there were in fact fewer guards than normal patrolling the building, so entering and exiting would be a breeze. He stealthily left the van and crept across the road towards the tall fence at the perimeter of the museum. An average burglar would have to scale this, but Eli just had to press the button on his chest to activate the suit and wait. A couple seconds passed and then a tingling sensation spread over his body. The world around him seemed to grow in size, and the ground rushed up to meet him as he shrunk down to about an inch tall. When the process was complete he simply walked right through the bars of the fence and he was inside. Growing himself back to around a foot tall to remain out of sight but reduce travel time, he hurriedly tip-toed over to the side of the building. He then hoisted himself up onto a window sill and shrunk himself back down, this time to his trademarked ant size. Over his many heists he had found that most windows had small cracks and crevices that you could fit through if you were small enough, and this building was no different. Once he was ant-sized he easily slipped under the window and was free to make his way to his next objective. If he remembered the blueprints of the building correctly, then the painting was just down the hall, through the first door on his right. Normally it would take him a couple seconds to walk to the door, but he wanted to remain small in order to avoid being picked up by the security cameras, so it was going to take him considerably longer to get there. He checked that no one was coming down the hall and then headed off.

      Sometime later Eli arrived at the door and strolled right under the crack at the bottom, excited to finally lay eyes on his prize. However, when he finally passed fully into the room he was met with a different, but equally appealing sight. A female security guard was standing in front of the painting, looking at it thoughtfully. Eli was caught off guard by this, all of his observations of the guards’ patrol routes had not shown any coming in here. It didn’t help that his view of her was distracting, to say the least. From his low vantage point her long, jean-clad legs seemed to stretch on for miles, and at their peak was her ample behind, which her pants strained to contain. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun and stuffed under her guard cap, but he couldn’t see much else with her back turned to him. He paused at the door, unsure of how to continue. He couldn’t steal the painting with her looking at it, so he would have to wait and see if she would eventually leave. He sat down on the ground to the side of the door and waited, watching the guard’s butt sway back and forth as she stood and pondered the painting.

      Ten minutes of swaying and waiting later, Eli was starting to lose focus. He had gotten bored of just sitting and started to day dream about what he was going to do with all the money that selling this painting would net him. He was so absorbed into his thoughts that he didn’t notice when the guard turned and headed back towards the door after she was finally done looking at the painting. As she strode across the room, the earthquakes caused by her tremendous footfalls shook Eli out of his dreaming. When he opened his eyes he jumped up, but then froze. Directly in front of him was the giant black boot of the unaware guard. Luckily for him it had stopped right before crushing him, but he wasn’t sure why she had paused. As if to answer his question, the boot suddenly rose high into the air and was then pulled off by the guard’s huge hands. Eli’s nose wrinkled as the sour scent of her foot odour reached his nose. Even from down on the ground he could smell her socked foot as it was exposed to the air, clearly she had been walking quite a lot today. She adjusted her damp socks, pulling them tighter onto her feet, and then went to slip her boot back on. However, before she was able to return her foot to its home her grip slipped, causing her to fumble the boot and drop it to the ground. The stench surrounding Eli grew stronger and he was plunged into darkness as the large boot landed upside down right on top of him. His lucky streak continued though, he was unharmed by the impact since he happened to be positioned so that he was inside the boot’s opening. He was shocked to even be alive after the deafening impact, and was unprepared for when the guard retrieved her fumbled footwear.

      The sides of the boot sped towards him as she picked it up, scooping him into the rank cavern. She lifted the boot, turning it upright and causing Eli to tumble deeper inside. The air thickened as he came to a stop in the toe section, the damp, squishy ground reeked of foot sweat and the sour stench assaulted his nose. He heaved and nearly threw up, righting himself and scrambling back towards the fresh air and light. He wasn’t quick enough though, as the guard’s sock-clad foot entered the boot, blocking out the light and intensifying the stench. Not wanting to be crushed under her encroaching foot, Eli crawled back towards the toe section, hoping that he could at least avoid being killed there. The odourous giant crept inwards, finally stopping as her toes enveloped him. The sweat-soaked socks pressed him against the sole of her boot, preventing him from moving but thankfully not crushing him. As she stood, putting her full weight down, stale sweat was squeezed out of the sock and sole of the boot, covering Eli in the salty liquid. Maybe it wasn’t such a good thing he didn’t get crushed. Then she took her first step, a sense of weightlessness overcame him as the boot was thrown forward into the air, it was then quickly replaced by an intense pressure as she made contact with the ground. Eli heard a cracking and sizzling as the toes pressed down on him. At first he assumed it was his bones snapping, but then realized that it was the mechanism on his suit breaking. A sense of dread overcame him, if the suit was broken he wouldn’t be able to regrow himself. Since his arms were currently pinned down by the stinky foot on top of him, he couldn’t reach the button to test it, so he could only hope that wasn’t the case.  

      As the guard walked down the hall, Eli was subjected to the continuous cycle of weightlessness and pressure as her foot was raised and slammed down to the ground. The heat and smell inside the boot only got worse the longer she spent wandering the museum, transforming the inside of her boot into the worst smelling sauna on Earth. Finally the torturous, repetitive motion stopped and the pressure holding him down lessened. He could only assume that she had decided to sit down for her break. Light flooded into his prison as foul-smelling foot suddenly retreated away and he was jostled about as the boot was dropped to the floor. Thankfully the boot fell on its side as it hit the ground, allowing Eli a chance to escape from the acrid jail. He quickly crawled out and gasped at the fresh air he was finally able to breathe. He knelt on the ground and recovered from the ordeal he just went through, and then remembered the shrinking suit mechanism that was damaged. He pressed the button and waited, but nothing happened. He wasn’t going to be growing back anytime soon unfortunately. He turned around and looked up at the oblivious guard that had ruined his plans without even noticing. She was sitting at a desk and staring at a computer monitor, still completely unaware of his existence. He sighed and sat back down on the ground, but not before moving a ways away from the opening of her stinky boot.

      Eli’s mind raced to find a way out of this situation, but he could only think of one. As much as he hated it, he would have to get help from the guard. It would probably mean being arrested, but at least he wouldn’t be stuck as an ant for the rest of his life. He stood and walked over to the leg of her chair, then activated the adhesive grip, which still worked luckily. He then clambered up the chair, arriving at the seat rather quickly.

      Despite his small size he found that there was little room for him to stand, as most of the seat was taken up by her ample posterior. She fidgeted in her seat, nearly knocking Eli off, and then stood. He looked on in awe as the massive fleshy object rose into the air, moving much faster than anything that size had any right to. She stepped back and walked around behind him, moving out of view. He watched for as long as he could, and turned his attention back to the chair when she moved out of sight. He found himself drawn to the comforting warmth that had been transferred into the cushion of the chair, and noticed that her ass had left deep depressions after many days of constant use. He wandered out onto the ridge that he assumed was created by her butt crack and took in the foreign landscape. He was snapped out of his sightseeing by a steady thumping, and suddenly realized the danger he had put himself in. Like a monster from a Godzilla movie she returned, looming over the tiny thief and casting his world into the shadow of her immense ass. He immediately began sprinting towards the edge of the seat, but he had ventured too far towards the center. The shadows grew darker as the guard’s ass approached the seat like a meteor. Eli slowed, running out of breath, and then sank to his knees, giving in to his fate. He rolled over onto his back, the last thing he saw was the jean-clad sky falling towards him.

      Eli opened his eyes, unsure of where he was. It was dark, warm, and an intense pressure was holding him against a softer surface. He struggled, but found himself unable to move. Suddenly his memories of what happened came rushing back. He was under the guard’s humungous rear end. Somehow he had survived the impact, most likely because he hadn’t been underneath one of her fleshy glutes. Thanking whatever deity was watching over him, he renewed his attempts to escape, but got nowhere. He was once again subject to the mercy of his unaware captor. Resigning himself to simply waiting, Eli tried to take in his surroundings. The ample cheeks of the guard had blocked out all light, so he couldn’t see anything, but he was able to smell a faint musky scent permeating the area. He guessed that her crack was just as sweaty as her feet and was glad that he wasn’t on the other side of the fabric covering him.

      In the world above, the guard was staring at her computer monitor with a bored expression. On it were several different views of the museum, seen through the security cameras scattered throughout it. In all her time working here nothing had ever happened on these cameras, and it looks like tonight was going to be another dull one. She tensed as a pang in her gut signalled an oncoming fart. Normally she’d hold them in, but nobody else was ever around on her shift so there was no need. She leaned forward, lifting her butt off the seat a little, and grunted. She sighed as her gas shot into the cushion of her seat, like it had so many times before, and then sat back down.

      The minutes passed agonizingly slowly under the butt of the guard. Eli was starting to get anxious about whether or not he was going to be able to escape. She had squirmed a few times in her seat, grinding him between the fabric of her pants and the cushion, and he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. He was about to try to escape again, but before he could a crack of light appeared above his head and the pressure holding him down lifted. Not taking his chance at freedom for granted, Eli quickly turned over and started crawling towards the light. He had only gone a few centimetres when a resounding crack sounded from above him, startling him. A gust of hot air pushed him down against the seat soon afterwards, and he realized what just occurred. The guard had farted on him. His suspicions were confirmed seconds later as a horrendous odour reached his nostrils. He gagged, the gas was probably the worst thing he had ever smelled, and made him long for the time he was inside her boot. It was like he had been dropped inside a port-a-potty at a busy festival.  As he writhed in pain the titanic ass steamrolled back over him, flattening him against the seat and trapping the remaining gas underneath.

      Eli was back in the same position, except this time only a few centimeters closer to his goal and forced to breathe in his captor’s gas. How had his plan gone so terribly? He had perfectly executed all of his previous heists, nothing had stopped him before, and thing that had finally thwarted him was an oblivious security guard. He coughed again as he took in another lungful of contaminated air. Now that he was on his stomach he was able to slowly pull himself towards the edge of her ass, but it was slow going. Her ass lifted a few more times during his trek, blasting some more gas to motivate him to keep going. Finally he reached his goal, his head popped out from beneath the giant cheeks and gulped in the fresh air. Soon enough the rest of his body was out as well and he lay down on the cushion to catch his breath.

      When he had recovered enough to stand, Eli pondered what his next move was going to be. He still figured that his best chance of getting help was to get the guard’s attention. He was just going to have to be more careful about how he went about it, lest he wind up trapped in some new horrible place. He looked up the mountainous back of the guard, her head seemed a staggeringly high distance above him but he was confident he could reach it with the help of his suit. He activated the adhesive and began his long climb up the backside of her jeans.

      The guard was still staring into her computer, bored out of her mind. At least she could take some joy in the relief she felt after farting into her trusty chair. She was particularly gassy tonight, probably because of that Mexican food she had eaten before her shift started. It never ended well, but she couldn’t resist a good burrito. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her shirt was starting to annoy her. She hated the dress code for her job. It demanded that shirts remain tucked in at all times, and that she wear these stupid jeans that always gave her a swampy ass. She squirmed a little more, then huffed and pulled the shirt out, frustrated and no longer caring about the stupid dress code. She then reached around behind her and pulled at the waistband of her pants, trying to air them out a bit.

      Eli had made good progress, and was finally feeling good about his situation. He had made it to the waistband of the guard’s pants and was taking a quick break before continuing on up her back. After a minute of rest, he stood to start his climb, but was interrupted by the guard squirming in her seat. He assumed she had to fart again and hung on to her belt until she was done, glad he wasn’t underneath her anymore. All of a sudden his world was shaken as a loud rustling reached his ears. The fabric of the shirt behind him was pulled up from the depths of her pants and lifted high into the air, settling down around him like a giant circus tent. Eli was now on the inside of her shirt, but he wasn’t too worried, he could still climb up her back just fine. He stood up, figuring she was done shifting, and was about to start climbing again, but the ground beneath him started shaking as he did. Before he had a chance to hang on the guard’s giant fingers appeared and grabbed onto the waistband of her pants, pulling them away from her back. He managed to maintain his balance, but was now in a very precarious position. When she had pulled her jeans away she took the waistband of her panties with them. Eli was perched on the edge of the guard’s abyssal butt crack, fear gripping his heart as he stared down into the sweaty, fragrant void. Then his fears became reality. The guard’s hand began fanning the waistband of her pants as she tried to air out her crack, and Eli was thrown forward into her back. He desperately grasped at her tiny hairs, forgetting to turn on his adhesive in his blind panic. Almost in slow motion he slid down, swallowed up by her monstrous cheeks. His world darkened as the waistband of her pants was released, snapping shut and sealing him into his new hell.

      Darkness and stench was Eli’s entire world. After she had let go of her pants he had continued to sink uncontrollably, sliding deeper and deeper between her slippery cheeks. The nauseating smell of her stale farts combined with the musky scent of her swampy ass and made Eli wish he had never been born. His descent into hell finally stopped, her cheeks pressing him together from both sides and keeping him firmly lodged in her crack. He was disoriented and unsure what way was even up at this point, but was able to worm his way around slightly, using the slick flesh surrounding him to slide forward. Desperate to escape this nightmare he picked a direction and hoped for the best, aimlessly wriggling his way through the fleshy landscape. After a few minutes of squirming he noticed that the pressure suspending him was decreasing, and hoped that he was nearing the outside of her crack. Eventually he crawled out into a small cavern, it was still dark and smelled much worse than before. He looked up and was barely able to make out a wrinkled ceiling above him, and then it hit him. He had crawled right next to her asshole. The ceiling twitched and pulsed overhead, inspiring him to make a hasty retreat.

      The guard scrunched her face up, she had solved her annoying clothing issue, but now there was an irritating itch near her asshole. She sighed and reached around behind her again, this time sticking her finger down between her swampy cheeks. She gagged a little at the disgusting feeling of her butt sweat on her hand, but pushed on, wanting this itch dealt with sooner rather than later. She scratched the source of her annoyance, and once she was satisfied that the itch had been vanquished she retracted her finger and wiped it off on her pants.

      The landscape around Eli shook vigorously and he was bounced against the slimy walls of his stinky cavern. He stumbled around in the dark, trying to escape before it was too late. All of a sudden a monolithic pillar of pink skin pierced into his cave. He was hit dead on by the giant finger, and was mashed against the oily asshole he had desperately been trying to get away from. The finger scraped him along the surface of the guard’s backdoor, rubbing him against the stinky skin. Thankfully it retreated rather quickly, but Eli found that he was now stuck to the rim of her asshole, a place he definitely did not want to be.  Before he even had a chance to struggle free a deep rumbling reverberated from behind him. He knew very well what that sound meant by now. The creased hole beside him expanded outwards, pulsing and twitched harder. As it reached its peak the hole in the center flared open and a torrent of toxic gas shot out. The tremendous blast caused Eli’s ears to ring instantly, and immediately afterwards the stench flooding into his lungs. What little oxygen there was before was replaced by pure methane, he coughed and retched, then threw up as his lungs filled with the air from deep within the guard’s rectum. The shitty aroma of her intestines was inescapable, its pure, undistilled stench topping the charts of worst thing he had even smelled. He screamed into the darkness, wanting nothing more than a tiny gasp of fresh air.

      Eli coughed and wheezed on the polluted air, he didn’t think he could take another point blank fart and survive. He was willing to take any risk to escape, and decided to try something he had been afraid to until now. He was going to try and shrink smaller than he had even gone before, and hope that his smaller size would enable him to slip between her cheeks much quicker. He didn’t even consider that the shrinking mechanism was broken because if he did than he may just go insane. He slapped the button on his chest and prayed, the few seconds it took to activate passed agonizingly slowly. Miraculously it seemed to be working. The tingling sensation spread over his body, and he began to shrink. Eli had only wanted to shrink of little bit more, but the device had apparently malfunctioned, because he wasn’t stopping. Down and down he went, the smooth skin landscape becoming pock marked as the tiny pores in the epidermis grew in size, becoming large pits. The twitching asshole beside him expanded, transforming into a gaping chasm comparable to the Grand Canyon.

      Finally the device on his chest fizzled and popped, and Eli stopped shrinking. In a state of shock he surveyed his new environment. It was like he had been transported to an alien world. Pits large enough to swallow him whole dotted the brown-stained ground. A layer of oil and sweat coated the landscape, making it very difficult to walk without slipping. In the distance the impossibly huge crater that was the guard’s asshole clenched, the band of muscle causing rippling tremors as it contracted. Eli looked on in awe as the crater bulged upwards, shifting into a mountain of foul-smelling muscle. What happened next could only be described as a nuke going off. A hurricane of gas exploded into the atmosphere of Eli’s world, he could practically see the wall of searing wind flood towards him. It crashed over his insignificant form, knocking him flat onto his back and pushing out all oxygen in the area. The horrendously loud explosion blew out his ear drums, rendering him deaf instantly. He retched and gagged, his body trying desperately to expel the gas that now filled his lungs. He gasped at the poisoned air, drowning on the lethal fart cloud as it settled down on top him, smothering him in its thick, noxious embrace. After a few seconds of torture his body mercifully shut down, and he faded into unconsciousness.

      Eli awoke weakly, groaning and coughing as the stench of his prison greeted him. He felt like something was compressing his body, but was unsure what it could be. He opened his eyes and noticed that he seemed to be a lot closer to the fleshy ground than he remembered being before he had passed out. He struggled to move but found he couldn’t move his arms or legs. He looked around again, trying to figure out why he was stuck now. As he looked down at where his body would be he only saw more brown-tinted flesh. He realized what had happened and panic filled his mind. He had fallen into one of the pores as he was unconscious, and it had closed around him, thinking he was a contaminant. He screamed in fear as he recognized the extent of his entrapment. He was now incredibly miniscule, and stuck in a pore on the rim of the asshole of an unaware security guard. Quakes rocked through the area again, signalling the oncoming storm of another fart. He renewed his struggles, frantically fighting to free himself from this hell, but getting nowhere. The toxic bomb went off, creating another storm of burning wind that blanketed his world. Particles of shit rained down from the sky, spattering Eli’s face with droplets of the guard’s expelled waste. He started crying and pleading for an end to his torture, but no one was listening to the speck trapped in an anal pore.

      Back in the outside world, the guard stretched as her shift came to an end. She grunted and released a tiny toot, giggling at the cute sound it made. She was slightly disappointed in the small size, since she knew she could do much better than that. Her stomach gurgled in response, promising much bigger and better expulsions to come. She wiggled her butt into her seat one final time, then stood and headed home, unaware of the miniscule hitchhiker inside her ample ass.

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