Disclaimer: The Metal Gear series and all related characters are the creation of the gaming genius Hideo Kojima and the property of Konami.

This is a story that was originally completed on 9-30-2007, and I'm now adding to this archive.

"Otacon, you've got about ten seconds to explain yourself...before I strangle you," Snake muttered under his breath. "Why create a program like this?"

"It's uh, well, i-it's just..." Otacon spluttered, but the cold look in Snake's eyes finally convinced him to spit it out. "I've always had this, uh, thing...for as long as I can remember. I've always had a fantasy involving...giant girls," he admitted.

Snake's mouth hung open, a mystified look on his face. In his time he'd heard about all kind of bizarre fetishes; feet, blood, and even being covered in ants. But this was the first time he EVER heard of anyone liking girls so big they could use a guy as a sex toy. It was just too bizarre to fully take in at the moment.

Otacon went on. "So, in my spare time after joining Philanthropy, after having access to all this technology, I dunno...I just slapped together a bunch of random missions involving outwitting giantesses, while I also put together the training program I meant to upload. I built upon other training scenarios made so far. Just something to kill time, and...feed this little obsession. It has the women we've met so far, and I dug up records about your other missions, so I used your old friends, too, and...."

"Let me get this straight," Snake cut in. "In order to satiate this sick little desire of yours, you wasted time putting together a VR program that was never intended to be used anyway!?"

Otacon shrugged his shoulders. "Could be worse. I could write fanfiction instead."

Snake shook his head. It was then that he heard Holly moving again, her booming footsteps jostling both of them. "Fine, whatever. All I really care about is getting the hell out of this mess you've made. You said we had to complete the program. What do I do?"

"The same thing you always do," said Otacon. "Just make it to the sneaking point without being spotted. DEFINITELY don't get spotted. If you are, you'll have to worry about giant girls chasing after you."

That made Snake a little hopeful. Being a sneaky little bastard was what he was best at. Granted, having to avoid his oversized ex-partner was a little different than what he was used to, but he was fairly sure he'd manage somehow. "OK, where's the sneaking point?"

"Uh, I don't really remember," Otacon said tentatively. Before Snake acted on the urge to smack him, Otacon spoke up again. "I'm...pretty sure it's a few miles that way," he said, pointing down the street.

That doesn't help much, Snake thought dryly. I have to go down HOW many blocks without being seen, otherwise he said I'd be...wait a minute, giant GIRLS!? As in PLURAL!?

Before Snake could ask Otacon about that, he heard those booming footsteps coming closer again. He peeked out from under the truck, and almost panicked when he saw Holly picking up each car parked along the street, one at a time, then absentmindedly discarded the cars, sometimes even tossing them through the walls of the buildings. Oh great, she's obviously going out of her way to find us. Won't be long until she reaches our truck.... Realizing that they had to bug out soon, Snake looked down the other way, looking for a quick means of escape. It was then that he noticed a little box hovering underneath the truck besides him, slowly turning in midair. "The hell?" he muttered, but decided to look inside it. Hmm, so there are weapons for me....

"Uh, Snake, we'd better get moving," Otacon said, obviously seeing what Holly was doing. Snake couldn't agree more. "Maybe if we stick close to the buildings, we can slip away." And so, the duo crawled out the other side of the truck, sticking to the sidewalk as they ran away from the supersized Holly. For a while, it looked like they were in the clear. But all of a sudden, Snake heard a loud "HEY!" from far behind them. Looking over his shoulder, Snake saw Holly glaring at them from across the street, a huge red exclamation point over her head.

"Damn!" yelled Snake. As he was about to run, he noticed Otacon staring back at the giant Holly with a dreamy, vacant look on his face. Hal has more problems than I realized, Snake thought with a sigh as he grabbed Otacon by the arm and dragged him along.

However, it soon proved impossible to keep ahead of Holly. She barreled down the street after them, her thunderous footfalls almost knocking the two of them off their feet. Snake looked over his shoulder again, and saw that Holly had bridged the gap between them in only a few seconds.

"Snake, let's split up!" Otacon suddenly said. "She'll probably go after you, but there's a little something I added that might be of some help. I'll go find it," With that, Otacon shoved Snake down a street corner while he continued running straight ahead.

The heavy footfalls stopped as Snake kept on running himself. It was like Holly didn't know which one of them to go after now. But after a second or so, Holly apparently got over her confusion, and Snake saw her titanic form rounding the corner. Snake looked around, desperate for a place to hide. He saw some sort of shop nearby and, deciding it was as good a place as any, he ran for it. Luckily, the door was unlocked. He ran inside and shut the door, breathing hard and shaken up from the encounter. Hopefully, she didn't see me run in here, he thought.

Once again, though, fate proved it had a way of screwing with Snake. "Oh, Snaaaaake," said a sweet, feminine voice that echoed throughout the store. Snake broke out into a cold sweat as he slowly turned around. Through the store's glass door and windows, he could see Holly's billboard-sized face staring back at him. She looked almost exactly the way he remembered her; the short blond hair, bandana and hazel eyes. He recalled being captivated by her beauty when he first saw her, and as was his habit, immediately started with the flirty talk. Funny how he remembered stuff like that at a time like this.

But at the moment, no pickup lines came to mind; staring at that huge, smiling, teasing face had even him freaked out beyond belief. "Heh, heh, did you think you'd get away from me that easily, Snake?"

It was a few seconds before Snake found his voice. "How...how did you know...."

"Which door you went through?" Holly finished, her sweet voice ringing in Snake's ears. "I didn't. But after seeing this one shop, it wasn't hard to guess that you ducked in here."

"Huh?" Snake looked behind him, and saw that he had stumbled into a gun shop, one with enough handguns and assault rifles to give anyone in an al-Qaeda sleeper cell an instant boner. And admittedly, a place that would be like a toy store for Snake. "GODDAMNIT!"

Snake tried to run to the back of the store, hoping there'd be an exit. But a terrible crashing noise filled the store, and Snake looked back to see Holly's hand had smashed through the wall, reaching for him. Snake flattened himself against a display case as Holly's fingers felt around. It wasn't long before Holly found him and had him pinned between her thumb and index finger. She quickly pulled him out, and Snake had to fight the urge to scream like a little bitch.

"Hee hee, I finally caught you," said Holly teasingly as she got down on her knees in the street and brought her captive up to her face.

Snake was so close to her face, he could feel the air move whenever Holly breathed in and out. Snake looked up into those glistening hazel eyes, having no idea what to expect. What I wouldn't give for a FAMAS right about now, he thought glumly, but then he realized rifle fire would probably be nothing more than pinpricks to Holly.

Time seemed to slow to an agonizing crawl as Holly kept Snake held firmly in her tight grip, simply staring down at him. Her schoolgirl-like giggling and that giddy look in her eyes was getting creepier and creepier by the second. Finally, she spoke again. "Hey, Snake. Remember what you said to me back in Zanzibar?"

Snake blinked in surprise. "Err...uhh...you mean about we could meet as long as we stayed alive?"

Holly giggled again. "Well, there's that, and how you said we'd have a nice Christmas dinner once we handed over the OILIX data," said Holly.

"Oh," was all Snake could say as she struggled in Holly's firm grip.

"You went back on your promise, Snake," Holly went on. "You ran off to hide in Alaska. Women don't like being stood up like that, you know." Holly's eyes then narrowed a little. "I still haven't exactly forgiven you for that."

Oh great, what the hell did Otacon program her to do? Snake wondered fearfully.

"And y'know what? I'm getting a little hungry right now," said Holly. "I wonder how you'd taste?"

Those last few words almost gave Snake a heart attack. Otacon, If I get out of this, I swear I WILL WRING YOUR WORTHLESS PENCIL NECK!!

Holly slowly brought Snake closer to her face, and started to open her mouth. Snake almost lost it. Otacon said this program was incomplete, so he had no way of knowing what would happen if he 'died' at Holly's hands - or in her mouth. Snake looked into her mouth, seeing those huge pearly-white boulders that could effortlessly grind him into paste. It seemed ridiculous that after all the mercenaries he'd ever fought, he could easily wind up as some woman's snack. Snake shut his eyes, fearing the worst.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then Snake felt something hot, moist and sticky push against his head and move against the rest of his body. Snake opened his eyes, relieved and disgusted to find Holly was licking him up and down. Oh gross, this is the sort of thing Otacon fantasizes about? Snake thought, disgusted. Well, it's certainly better than being....

As if Holly had read his mind, she suddenly dropped Snake into her mouth and clamped it shut.

"DAMN YOU OTACON!!" Snake screamed from within Holly's mouth as she rolled him around with her tongue. Snake was completely drenched in saliva in no time, and he feared that soon Holly would start chewing. But luckily, that didn't seem to be the case, and she eventually spit him out. He landed in the palm of her hand, covered head to toe in saliva. This. Is. So. Nasty, he thought angrily as she stared back up at Holly's huge, smirking face, fearing whatever would come next.

"Hmm, what to do with you next?" Holly thought aloud as she gently tossed Snake up and down in her hand. "It's been so long. We have a lot to catch up on, don't we?"

But naturally, Snake's thoughts weren't focused on reminiscing with some virtual representation of his old partner. He was solely focused on getting away from Holly and getting the hell out of there, but being in this position, that proved next to impossible. Damnit, if only I had some weapons...wait a minute.

Holly slowly raised her hand back up to her face, getting ready to do God-knows-what to him. Snake slowly reached behind his back, careful not to make any sudden movements that would make Holly suspicious. "So Snake, any suggestions?" she asked teasingly.

Snake didn't answer. Instead, he muttered a silent prayer as he threw the only kind of weapon he had on him.

A stun grenade.

The noise from the flashbang couldn't seriously disorient Holly, but the intense light was enough to blind her. "YEOWW!" Holly screamed, so loudly it blew out Snake's eardrums. Holly's hands reflexively flew to her face, and Snake plummetted down quite a few feet, landing painfully in Holly's lap.

"Ow. That hurt," muttered Snake, forcing himself to get up despite the pain. He looked back up to see Holly rubbing her eyes, muttering curses under her breath. Her entire body trembled, and Snake decided it was best to leave. He ran down her leg and jumped off when he reached her knee. Once his feet were firmly planted on the street, he took off, not caring about which direction, just as long as he was putting distance between him and Holly. With any luck, that stun grenade would keep her blinded just long enough for him to slip away. Snake risked a glance behind him. Holly had finally stood up and had stopped rubbing her eyes, but she still looked disoriented. "Damn, she IS big," Snake thought aloud, noticing how Holly dwarfed many of the buildings.

For a few minutes, Snake simply ran like a man possessed, hoping to stumble upon the sneaking point, wherever it was. All the while, he was trying to get over how incredibly freaky that run-in with the giant Holly was. Sure, he'd seen all sorts of weird crap on all his Metal Gear-busting missions - a serial killer who attacked in tandem with life-sized dolls, a big flamethrower-toting oafish pyromaniac, a big Inuit shaman who lugged around a gatlin gun usually mounted on planes - but living through Otacon's sick little fantasies was too much!

As he was running, he noticed more boxes on the sidewalk, once again hovering and twirling around. He quickly ran over, hoping to find something useful. The first had several smoke grenades; perfect for some temporary cover. Another box was full of C4. At least Otacon put in something useful, Snake thought as he pocketed the goodies.

All of a sudden, he heard those ominous booming noises again. Sweat mingled with the saliva that still covered Snake, but what really unnerved him was realizing that the footfalls weren't coming from the way he had run. It sounded like something monstrous was approaching from up ahead.

"Oh no," Snake said to himself, remembering how Otacon said there would be more than one giantess to contend with. He looked down the street, and his heart sank again as he saw another blond woman round the corner, enlarged to the exact same proportions that Holly had! "Oh crap," Snake grumbled when he recognized who it was: Chris Jenner, the Delta Force member he met when he returned to Outer Heaven four years ago.

Snake quickly ran behind a parked semi truck, then cautiously peeked from behind cover to see what Chris would do. She looked exactly as he did that day he met her, her hair pulled back tightly into a ponytail and the sleeves of her uniform pulled up. Chris leisurely took a few steps down the street, causing the ground to shake violently and leaving boot-shaped craters in the concrete. Eventually, though, she got down on her knees as Holly had, and began to crawl down the street, closely examining the cars and buildings.

Snake ducked back behind the truck, completely at a loss for what to do next. He doubted he could slip by Chris, not after failing to evade Holly before. Snake desperately tried to think of a plan, but nothing came to him. When he peered down the street again, he saw that Chris was only a few feet away. She'd be looming over him in a few seconds, and easily spot him!

Snake had no desire to be the boy toy of another ex-partner. Panic overtook him, and he ran for the nearest building. He opened the door as quietly as he could and ran inside. "Whew," he breathed as he leaned against the door. "Maybe this time I'll be luckier."

For the moment, that did seem to be the case. Snake heard Chris's titanic form crawling past, further and further down the street. Snake just sat there for a while, trying to catch a breather. Ugh, first Holly, now Chris. Just how many women from my previous missions did Otacon stick into this thing!? Just how many more are running around and....

Suddenly, something smashed through the wall. The sound of shattering glass rang in Snake's ears as he scrambled forward, barely avoiding falling debris. "Hey there, Snake," said a familiar, feminine voice that seemed to surround him. Trembling with anxiety, Snake slowly turned around, and once again, saw a face that filled his entire field of vision. Chris looked upon him with an adoring gaze, one that unnerved Snake all over again. "I had a hunch you'd try to sneak in here. That's a real bad habit, you know."

"The hell is she talking about?" Snake wondered aloud, but then he looked around a took a good look at his surroundings. He had stumbled into a tobacco shop, one with enough stuff to give smokers like him hours of nicotine-laden bliss. "SON OF A BITCH!" he screamed.

When he turned back around, Snake saw Chris's fingers, thicker than telephone poles, coming for him. This time, though, Snake was ready. He rolled to the side and chucked a stun grenade out into the street. "ACK!" yelped Chris as the flashbang blinded her. Her fingers began groping the inside of the store, but Snake managed to crawl out without getting grabbed. However, she must have heard him, since she began feeling around the outside of the store. Snake didn't count on the stun grenade's effects lasting much longer, so he pulled out a smoke grenade and dropped it. Soon, a good portion of the street was enveloped in thick, opaque smoke, and under that cover, Snake removed a manhole cover and dropped down into the sewer.

"I don't know if I can take much more," Snake said to himself as he slowly trudged forward, trying not to let the sewer's stench get to him. But soon he had something far worse to worry about. All of a sudden, a gigantic fist slammed down into the sewer. Soon, Snake had to evade those gigantic, groping fingers yet again.

"Come on, Snake!" Chris's voice boomed from the street above. "Don't you remember how you said you come back to me once you finished what you said you had to do? You've made me wait a long time, Snake! It's not nice to keep a girl waiting!" she exclaimed, her sweet voice echoing throughout the sewer.

Oh, cry me a river, Snake thought dejectedly as he ducked under Chris's hand as it was coming back down, missing her grasping fingers by mere inches. A couple of giant-sized ex-partners of mine coming after me like schoolgirls in heat...this is freakier than any nightmare...oh, I am so going to KILL Otacon!

Soon enough, Snake was well out of reach of Chris's hand. He ran aimlessly through the tunnels, hoping to get far enough away from both Holly and Chris. Ugh, sewers...the underground waterways in Zanzibar, the sewer system right under Galuade, how do I always end up in places like this? he wondered. Because God hates me, that's why. How else could I get stuck in Otacon's little fetish movies?

Eventually, Snake felt confident that it was safe to return to the streets above. Snake cautiously peered out from underneath a manhole cover, looking and listening carefully. He took note of there being a construction site nearby, but all that mattered to him was that there was no sigh of any horny, King Kong-sized girls. Breathing a sigh of relief, Snake climbed out and slowly walked around. Maybe my goal's somewhere in that construction site, he reasoned, walking toward it. As he was waling, he came across another box. This one had an M16 with plenty of ammo, and even had a grenade launcher attached! Now THAT'S more like it! Snake thought as he loaded a grenade.

Then an all-too familiar sound made his spirits sink further than the freakin' Titanic: more booming footsteps off in the distance. Oh, no no no, Snake thought as he looked down the street. This time, the unwelcome sight of a gargantuan Meryl Silverburgh strolling down the street greeted him. Oh hell no, not HER too!! Snake thought, fighting back panic. Holly and Chris were bad enough, but if this was anything like the real Meryl - obstreperous, mischievous and dangerously enamored with him - he'd be in BIG trouble if he was caught.

Luckily, Meryl didn't seem to be intently looking for him, merely leisurely walking down the street, occassionally glancing down below. Snake decided it would be best to get off the street, but he had strayed too far from the manhole cover. And there weren't any parked cars and trucks close enough to him.

So, he ran for the nearest building an ran inside. For a while, he thought Meryl would just pass him by, but after a few seconds, he recalled how hiding in buildings had failed the last two times. He didn't want that sort of thing to happen a third time. Sighing, Snake turned and opened the door.

And was greeted by the sight of Meryl's kneeling over to stare at him, her huge, smiling face leering at him dangerously. "That makes the THIRD time I've snuck up on the legendary Solid Snake," she beamed at him, her thunderous voice making him wince.

Snake instinctively brought up his assault rifle, even though he knew it was of little use. Meryl just smiled even more broadly; she also knew it would hardly phase her. "Huh...how d-did..." he began.

"I just took a guess," said Meryl. "You must've thought you could use what was in here to keep yourself hidden on the street."

What? Snake turned around to see what Meryl was talking about. This time, he'd stumbled into a store filled with moving supplies...including hundreds of folded-up cardboard boxes. "MOTHERFUCKER!" Snake cried.

"Heh heh heh heh heh," Meryl snickered mischievously, making Snake break out into a nervous sweat all over again. He held his M16 at the ready, which made Meryl roll her eyes at him. "Oh, put that away, Snake. I remember you saying that you'd never shoot me," she said teasingly.

Snake's mind was racing, trying to think of some way, ANY way, to ditch Meryl. He had no idea was Meryl was planning to do, but the giddy, devilish look on her enormous face didn't exactly inspire confidence. But just as he was about give up hope, Snake noticed something right underneath Meryl's head.

He smiled back at Meryl evilly. "Yes, and I also recall saying you should wash your face whenever you get the chance," Snake said, still grinning broadly.

"Eh?" said Meryl, blinking in surprise. Before she could do anything else, Snake fired a grenade right underneath Meryl's chin...blowing off the fire hydrant that was there. The explosion also ruptured the water main, causing water to geyser up out of the street. "Wha...ACK!!" exclamied Meryl as the cold water soaked her entire head, taking her completely by surprise. As she sat back up trying to wipe away the water from her face, Snake bolted as fast as he could.

"I can't take much more of this SHIT!!" Snake screamed as he ran at top speed, throwing all thoughts of stealthiness to the wind. Seriously, he was running so fast, you'd think this was actually a Sonic fanfiction instead. No question about Snake being weirded out by the VR program...funny how that is. Taking down gigantic, nuclear-capable walking tanks? No problem! Having to evade three gargantuan women who all had the hots for him? God take him now!

More loud footfalls made Snake glance over his shoulder. Meryl had gotten herself together faster than he expected, and she was almost on top of him already! Panicking, Snake tried to load another grenade, but Meryl effortlessly plucked him off the middle of the street and brought him up to her face. "Oh no, you're not dumping me that easily," she said, fixing her cold stare on him. Snake gulped, certain that he was royally fucked now. "Why are you so afraid? Surely you're not scared of one girl?" she asked teasingly.

Well, when the girl in question can squish me with her big toe, I'd say...YEAH! Snake thought to himself.

"C'mon Snake, it's like you said. We said we'd start enjoying life!" Meryl exclaimed. With that, she threw him straight up. Snake screamed like mad as he came back down, only to be caught by Meryl, who immediately threw him back up into the air. "Lighten up, Snake. Enjoy yourself! Have a little fun!"

"Who the HELL would find this fun!?" screamed Snake as he landed back in Meryl's waiting hands, only to be tossed up again. Looking down, he saw the cold, hard concrete of the street hundreds of feet below, and thought he was going to puke.

This went on for a while, but eventually, Meryl grew tired of her little game. When she caught Snake again, she merely left him in the palms of her hands for a moment, leaving him to wonder what she had planned next. He soon found out when Meryl pulled back her top and dropped him into her cleavage, where we all know she stores her ammo clips. "Remember what I said about women having more hiding places than men? Here's one example," Meryl said as she crossed her arms and squeezed her ample bosom, trapping Snake in a soft, fleshy prison.

"Oh, painful. Killing me...with love..." gasped Snake. Sure, like any red-blooded male, Snake naturally had a thing for big breasts, but THIS was a bit much. The crushing pressure was getting unbearable, making it almost impossible to breathe.

What happened next...Snake wasn't really sure. He heard someone loudly yell "HEY!" and felt the sudden sensation of falling fast and hard, and saw the street below come up fast. He braced himself for the worst, but he didn't so splat; he stopped about a dozen feet above the asphalt. He looked around, and it looked as if Meryl was kneeling in the street; one arm was still crossed over her chest, but the other was being used to prop herself up.

Snake didn't take too much time wondering was had happened. He wriggled his way out of Meryl's cleavage and dropped to the street below, and not a moment too soon. Looking back up, he saw Meryl's upper body rise again, and behind her was Chris Jenner, grabbing her from behind.

"Hands off of him, you skanky-ass ho-bag!!" screeched an enraged Chris. "Snake is MINE!! He promised to come back to me!!"

"Urgh, get your hands off ME, you skinny little bitch!!" retorted Meryl. Snake privately thought of how stupid it seemed to call Chris 'little'. Or 'skinny' for that matter, not when she probably outweighed a Metal Gear Rex.

Meryl's retort must've pushed Chris over the edge, for she grabbed a handful of Meryl's hair, then slammed her face into a nearby skyscraper. "Ouch, now this is gonna be one hell of a catfight," thought Snake as he looked up...just in time to see chunks of concrete and shards of glass that were raining down. "Oh crap," Snake grumbled as he scrambled out of harm's way, tons of debris crashing noisily behind him.

Chris shoved Meryl's head through the skyscraper walls a few more times, but eventually, Meryl regathered her wits and elbowed Chris hard in the gut. Chris relinquished her hold, and Meryl charged and tackled her. The two of them stumbled back, closer to the construction site Snake had noticed before, and Snake had to dodge their crushing feet.

"Ugh, damn diarrhea," muttered whoever was in the porta-potty. "Had it off and on ever since that run-in with that wench on Shadow Moses."

The ever-so-pleasant sound of explosive diarrhea filled the air once again. "Hmmm, wonder where I should go now? There was that offer by those Russian guys.... Well, wherever I end up, at least I won't ever have to worry about that redheaded bitch again."

All of a sudden, some woman screamed out, "TAKE THIS, YOU WORTHLESS WHORE!!" And that was followed by the sound of a right hook making its mark. Then, before you could say 'This is the end,' Meryl's unfathomably huge ass crashed down on top of the porta-potty, crushing it and its occupant flat.

And then, as if to add insult to injury, Meryl farted on his remains.

Only to see the third giantess coming down the street, eyeing him lustily. "Oh no..." muttered Snake as he watched Holly loom closer and closer, his M16 hanging uselessly at his side. "Will this ever end? Oh, if I ever catch Otacon, I'll...."

The screech of tires cut through the tension-filled air, and just as Holly was bending over to pick him up yet again, a missile shot out of nowhere, hitting Holly in the side of her head. "YEOWTCH!" she screeched as her hand flew to her face, nursing the burn. She turned away as she uttered a string of profanities. Snake stared up at Holly, dumbfounded, but the sound of tires screeching to a halt right beside him made him look back down.

Otacon had pulled up in an ice cream truck pimped out with missile launchers, machine guns and a boobing head on the top, which looked like a clown with fire for hair. "The HELL is this!?" spat Snake, glaring at Otacon suspiciously.

"I told you, I put something useful into this program," said Otacon. "Sorry it took me a while to find it. What'd I miss?" Snake said nothing, but merely glared at him with a look that could strike Mother Brain dead where she stood. "Uh, never mind," said Otacon quickly. "Just get in."

Snake eyed the ice cream truck suspiciously, but then heard Holly mutter a curse again. Looking up, he saw the CIA agent glaring down at them hatefully. Snake turned around, and also saw that Chris and Meryl, while still grappling each other like Greco-Roman wrestlers, had spotted Snake's means of escape. Without a second thought, Snake hopped into the truck and stood behind Otacon's seat. However freaky-ass an ice cream truck loaded with weapons was, getting chased and caught by one of three giantesses in heat was far freakier. "Floor it, Hal. MOVE!!!"

"Too bad, it looks like things were getting good," said Otacon. Snake fought the urge to put Otacon in a chokehold as he peeled out and drove away at top speed. The thundering footsteps of the girls running after them made Snake look at the rear-view window. He absentmindedly noted the sentence 'OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR' as he saw Holly gaining on them, reaching down to grab the ice cream truck. But just as it looked like all was lost, Snake saw Meryl grab Holly from behind and shove her aside, sending her careening into the wall of a nearby building.

"Ouch," said Otacon blankly as he kept on driving. He turned a corner and did a powerslide just as it looked like Meryl would grab hold of them too. "Hang on, Snake. I think I remember where the exit is. If we're lucky, we'll be out of this particular program in no time!"

Just as he said that, Meryl had caught up with the ice cream truck. She tried to grab it, but Otacon saw her hand coming and tried to swerve away. Meryl's gigantic fingers scraped against the top of the top, which was enough to cause it to spin out of control and flip over. However, after rolling over a few times, it inexpicably came back down, right-side up, and continued speeding away.

Otacon powerslid around another corner just as Meryl tried to grab the truck again. "Hang on, Snake," said Otacon. He then hit something that gave the ice cream truck a burst of speed. it barreled down the street at well over 200 miles per hour, and Snake hung onto the back of Otacon's seat for dear life.

Eventually, Otacon had to cut the boost, for whatever reason. Snake breathed a sigh of relief, thinking they were finally in the clear. But all of a sudden, Chris stepped out into the middle of the road, only a hundred feet or so in front of them, smiling wickedly and waving at them. "Oh shit, Otacon, turn back!!" Snake cried out.

"Don't worry, Snake. I've got it covered," Otacon replied with a confidence Snake didn't share at all. As the truck sped closer and Chris reached down, some sort of fireball shot out from the truck at a 45 degree angle. The ball of napalm landed right on Chris's right foot.

"OUCH OUCH OUCH! HOT!" screamed Chris as she lifted her leg up, grabbing her burned foot. She began hopping up and down on one foot, creating a huge tremor each time her boot smashed into the street. The ice cream truck sped right by, unmolested.

"Whew, we shouldn't have much more trouble now," said Otacon. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

"Oh don't worry, nothing really happened," Snake drawled. "I just had to outwit three gigantic lovesick army brats, almost get eaten alive, drenched in saliva, and almost crushed to death in between a pair of gigantic tits."

Snake had meant that retort to put Otacon on a guilt-trip, but it had the opposite effect. "Lucky bastard," he said, looking back to smirk at Snake. Snake had forgotten all about Otacon's secret little wishes, but before he could act on the overwhelming urge to rearrange Otacon's face, the techno-geek looked ahead and yelled, "SNAKE, HANG ON! I forgot, the bridge up ahead is out!"

With that, Otacon kicked in the turbo boost, and the ice cream truck sped forward again, going up the bridge. Up ahead, Snake could see how the center of the bridge looked as if it had been blown away. Snake gripped the back of the seat tightly, fearing the worst. A few seconds later, the truck launched off of one end of the bridge. As it flew through the air, Leviathan of Final Fantasy fame suddenly rose from the water, reaching up to bite at the truck. He misses the truck by a hair, though, and it lands safely at the other side.

Otacon continued to drive for another minute or so. Snake thought that not seeing any sign of the trio of giantesses was an encouraging sign. That all changed when he heard that all-too familiar rumbling coming from all around the clock.

"Oh hell no," muttered Snake just as he caught sight of Holly coming into view in the rear-view mirror, a few hundred feet behind them. Not only that, Chris was squuezing her way through an alley to their left, and Meryl stepped out a few hundred feet in front of them. "Oh no no no. Let it end. God, just let it end."

"Don't worry, Snake. We're almost to the sneaking point anyway," said Otacon, pointing ahead. Snake looked to where he was pointing, and sure enough, beyond Meryl's massive frame, was a floating, transparent, upside-down red pyramid, which indicated the goal in most VR training scenarios. "If we just drive the truck into it, we win. Too bad, though. Looking at all three of them...this program is working better than I could've hoped...."

"Just SHUT UP AND DRIVE!!" bellowed Snake as he leaned out of the ice cream truck, loading a grenade into the M16's launcher. He expected he'd need to fire it off at either Holly or Chris. Luckily for him, Holly had caught up and had slammed Chris into the side of a building. So, he turned his attention to Meryl, who was coming for them fast. As she reached down to grab the truck, Snake fired the grenade up into the palm of her hand. Meryl let out a hiss as she recoiled from the pain, nursing the scorch on the palm of her hand. The truck sped underneath her legs and barreled forward nonstop to the goal marker. Right before the truck made contact, Snake thought, Hopefully, this nightmare will end soon.

Little did he realize his troubles were just beginning.