Disclaimer: The Metal Gear series and all related characters are the creation of the gaming genius Hideo Kojima and the property of Konami.

"Uh, yeah," said Otacon tentatively. "And if I'm right - and for once I sincerely hope I'm not - we're in for the toughest one yet."

Snake didn't really hear him; after all, EVERY scenario so far had been a guided tour of depraved insanity and had no doubt this one would be no different. "ANOTHER flower garden?" he asked. A horrible thought came to him. "Oh no, don't tell me we gotta go through that thing with your stepsister AGAIN! This program isn't repeating itself or anything, is it!?"

"No. This is an entirely different place. Look up and you'll see," said Otacon. Snake did just that, and noticed that these flowers were a lot taller, and were all of the same kind, with white petals.

"So, if it's not your stepsister again, who is it this time?" he demanded, watching how the tall, white flowers waved in the breeze. For some strange reason, it gave him a chilling sense of foreboding doom.

"Oh, no one special," said Otacon with a sardonic air. "Just the deadliest, fiercest and most skilled female soldier in the history of mankind."

Snake racked his brains, trying to think of just who that could be. Joan of Arc immediately sprung to mind, but Snake had a feeling that it still had something to do with past missions. But he'd already seen Sniper Wolf and all his ex-partners, so who else could it be?

As Snake pondered all this, he still listened attentively for the telltale signs of an approaching giantess, namely loud rumbling and the dirt shaking. After a while, though, he heard none of that, but a loud rustling snapped him out of his thoughts. Someone was obviously crawling through the flowers as quietly as possible. But from their vantage point, it was as loud as an approaching helicopter.

Snake pulled his stinger missile launcher out of nowhere and readied it, fearing the worst. He had no idea what towering menace would show herself this time, but he knew whoever she was, she meant a Godzilla-sized helping of trouble. He looked toward where he thought the rustling noise was coming from; at his size, it was hard to tell exactly. And then he saw it: a pair of huge eyes staring through the endless field of giant flowers, searching the ground carefully. Snake and Otacon ran aside and ducked behind a flower stem, and after a few seconds they peeked out from behind it.

A few feet away, they could make out a huge face high up, through the flowers. From what Snake could make out, she had long, wavy blond hair pulled back tightly in a ponytail. She looked to be about middle-age, and had a stern, impassionate look on her face, and yet, like Emma, gave off an aura of quiet sadness. It looked as if she was wearing some silvery-white, form-fitting combat suit, and Snake couldn't help but notice that the front was unzipped Sniper Wolf-style...and her, ahem, 'assets' were dangling quite tantalizingly high above. So much so, Snake almost didn't notice what she was carrying: a Patriot, which she dragged along the ground, perilously close to them.

Snake ducked back behind his flower as she crawled by, since he knew she must be searching carefully for him, whoever she was. "OK, Otacon, just who the hell is THAT?" he demanded, keeping quiet but still keeping his voice stern.

"Uh, like I said, the toughest female soldier in history...The Boss," replied Otacon.

"The Boss?" said Snake as it suddenly dawned on him. "You mean, the legendary soldier that my...that Big Boss defeated on that secret mission in the Soviet Union?"

"And thus earned his title, yes," said Snake. "There was more to it than that, though. The Boss was also Big Boss's mentor, and he quite possibly loved her. That could be one reason why he went insane in his later years, being ordered to kill the woman he loved, an American hero...."

"American hero?" repeated Snake. "But she defected to the Soviet Union, didn't she? She turned against America, just like how Big Boss later turned on the entire world, right?"

"Actually, no. I've been doing quite a lot of digging lately, and...well, there was more to it than that," said Otacon. "I mean, c'mon, when dealing with ANYTHING involving Metal Gear, you can't take ANYTHING at face value."

"All too true," said Snake, shaking his head. He peeked around the flower again, and saw the Boss's gigantic boots slide by. "Ugh, you just HAD to throw in a giant-sized version of America's toughest femme fatale, didn't you!?"

"Hey, I TOLD you I admired women who are tough and smart and take shit from no one, and let's face it, NO ONE was ever bigger in that department than her!" said Otacon defensively.

"Do you HAVE to use the word 'bigger'!?" spat Snake vehemently. A loud shifting noise made him look back up. The Boss had risen to a kneeling position high above the flowers, as if daring Snake to try and attack her. From their perspective, she was still at least a hundred feet away, but she still seemed to loom menacingly over them; her aura of total badassery was a palpable thing. Snake involunarily shuddered. How was he supposed to win THIS time?

Otacon suddenly spoke up. "Oh, this isn't really important, but she just might be Revolver Ocelot's mother, too."

Snake looked over at Otacon, then back up at the Boss as she continued to crawl around. "Is that so?" Snake asked rhetorically with a grin, readying his launcher. Hearing that last sentence changed everything. Suddenly, he wished this really WAS the Boss, just so he could personally punish her for the unforgivable crime of popping out that triple-crossing Russian cowboy freak. He looked through the scope and targeted her head. "Eat this, BITCH!" he cried, then fired.

The stinger rocketed up through the flowers, right up to the Boss's face. It struck the side of her head, barely missing her eye. The impact jarred her and she cried out in pain; however, all it really did was leave a nasty burn mark. She immediately stood up, aimed her Patriot down at where the missile came from and let it rip, peppering the ground with bullets.

Dirt, gravel, grass, twigs and leaves flew about everywhere as Snake and Otacon ran for dear life to avoid the deadly shitstorm of lead. "Nice going, Snake!!" screamed Otacon, his voice barely audible over the defeaning gunfire. Snake ignored him and armed another missile, stopping just long enough to target the Boss's face again and fire. But it exploded due to the hail of bullets before it even rose above the flowers.

"CRAAAP!" screamed Snake as the bullets continued to rain down. Even worse, the Boss idn't seem to have to reload at all, so she could pretty much keep raining death down upon them to her heart's content.

Eventually, though, the gunfire finally ceased. Snake and Otacon sagged against a rock, surveying the torn-up ground and mangled flowers. "It's a miracle we survived," said Otacon breathlessly.

Snake didn't say anything. Something didn't feel right. He couldn't see the Boss's massive form looming over them anymore. Of course, since the flowers in this field were a lot taller, she'd be a little harder to spot than Emma was, should she be standing far enough away. Still, she could also be crawling through the flowers again, meaning she could be just about anywhere. Snake told Otacon to keep still and listened attentively, a nagging fear creeping over him.

A fear that was realized when he suddenly was able to make out a pair of gigantic eyes peering through the flower stems. Panicking, Snake tried to arm another missile, but it was too late. The Boss's huge face shot toward them like an oncoming train, and her free hand came for them a microsecond later. Both of them were now vainly squirming in her closed fist as the Boss leered down at them. She stood up as she kept silently glaring at her captive quarry, and one look into those menacing eyes was all Snake needed to realize they were done for.

"Oh, and I think I forgot to mention she's almost guaranteed to break half the bones in your body if she gets her hands on you," said Otacon delicately as he continued to struggle. Snake sighed, having figured that out on his own. Any second now, she'd tighten her grip and it'd be game over....

And then, all of a sudden, off of a tree branch swaying high overhead, about a dozen or so Minish dropped down, armed with little swords. They landed on the Boss's head and proceeded to tear into her face like a bunch of Pikmin on crack. "Yeargh!" screamed the Boss as she dropped both her Patriot and her tiny captives, trying to brush the Minish off of her head.

Snake quickly grabbed Otacon with one hand and held the Deku leaf with the other. As the two of them gently floated down, Snake looked back up, seeing that the Minish were still valiantly and furiously hacking away at her face. "Otacon, aren't they...."

"Yep, the same Minish that you recruited in the last scenario," said Otacon. "Now I remember how this is supposed to go: your recruits from last time carry over here, and you use them to take out the Boss too."

Snake and Otacon landed on a tree root and looked up, seeing that the Boss had finally shaken all the Minish off. However, a faint trumpet sound echoed throughout the field of flowers, and more trumpeting noises followed. There was dead silence for a second or two, but then the din resumed, the sound of trumpets being replaced by the rallying war cries of several dozen Minish. A few Minish popped up beside the root they had landed on, their faces still painted. They all were armed with bows, and they unleashed a volley of fire and ice arrows up at the Boss. All throughout the field, other mini-versions of Zelda weapons were being used to attack the towering Boss from all sides, and she didn't know where to turn first.

"Well, I'll say one thing for these Minish guys: they've got guts," said Snake grudgingly. "But how are we supposed to put the Boss down for good? Is there some specific way like with Emma?"

"Yeah, but it depends on how much Minish you were able to recruit," said Otacon. "For each twenty Minish you recruited before, there's something set up that'll give you a clear shot at the Boss. Uh, how many Minish did you recruit anyway?"

"Uh, ninety-eight," answered Snake.

"OK, so that gives us four chances to do some serious damage to the Boss. If we don't manage to put her down with those four shots then, well, it's pretty much game over," explained Otacon.

Snake wondered exactly what these 'chances' meant and that about to ask Otacon, but suddenly the Boss cut loose with her Patriot again, scouring the ground with endless gunfire. She trod past Snake and Otacon, and they saw that she was dragging a long piece of string with one foot, with several Minish clinging to both ends. "Oh please, can these movie references be any more blatant!?" snapped Snake.

Soaring above the Boss's head, Snake then saw several tiny hang gliders manned by Minish, who began dropping bombs onto the Boss. "I had to ask," muttered Snake.

The Boss turned her head aside as the bombs went off, singeing her hair and searing her face. Unfortunately, this caused her gaze to shift down to the ground, and judging from the big red exclamation point above her head, she had spotted the two of them. "Uh oh," grumbled Snake, who grabbed Otacon and dashed aside just in time to avoid getting ripped to shreds by giant bullets.

The two of them ducked behind a rock as the gunfire ricocheted off of it. Great, we're stuck, thought Snake acidly, but he heard more Minish war cries over the gunfire, and a few seconds later the bullets stopped coming, no doubt because the Minish were on the offensive again. Suddenly, a lone Minish popped up, pointing behind him.

Snake looked at Otacon dubiously. "Uhh, he's telling us where we need to go. My guess is it's on the far side of this field," said Otacon.

"And how the hell are we supposed to get across this field at our size!?" demanded Snake.

The Minish then held up two pairs of brown boots that had little golden wings attached to the ankles. "There's your answer," grumbled Otacon.

Snake slowly slid down the flower stem and collapsed to the ground. Otacon then slowly walked up to his still body and said, "I can't believe it's THAT hard for you. That's the fifth one you've crashed into!" Snake couldn't even think of anything to retort back with, his entire body ached everywhere. He had no idea running into a flower could hurt so damn much.

"Get up, will you?" urged Otacon impatiently as he held out his hand. Snake muttered something unprintable as he took it and stood up. Then both of them used their pegasus boots again to barrel through the field at top speed.

After a couple more unfortunate run-ins with the program's flora, Snake finally reached the very edge of the field, where a most bizarre apparatus was waiting for him. There was a gigantic SVD, a sniper rifle commonly used while Big Boss was in his prime, mounted onto a harness made up of several gears and pulleys, and pivoted so that it swerved along the ground. Several Minish were busily fine-tuning the machine.

Snake caught on instantly. "So, we use this to mow down the Boss?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yeah, and it's programmed so you have to be the one to do it, you being their leader and the expert on weapons and all," said Otacon. "For here, you look through the scope and tell the Minish to adjust it accordingly."

Snake wasted no time climbing up the SVD and looking through the scope. Unfortunately, he couldn't spot the Boss anywhere. "Rotate to the left a little, let's see if we can find her," he ordered, and the SVD started pivoting to the right. And then he finally caught a glimpse of the Boss, kneeling and leaning against a tree. It didn't look like she was being besieged by Minish at the moment, which was a good thing, for then she'd be moving all over the place and it'd be impossible to land a clear shot.

"Move it right a little more, up about twenty degrees," ordered Snake, still looking through the scope. Just stay still a little longer, thought Snake as he stared unblinkingly through the scope, watching as the Boss looked around carefully. It took a few seconds before her forehead was in his crosshairs. "We got it. FIRE!"

One of the Minish down below pushed against the trigger, but just as he did, the Boss began to stand up. The bullet hit her in the shoulder area instead, not quite near low enough to hit her lungs or heart, but enough to make her cry out in pain.

"DAMN!" yelled Snake as the Boss turned in their direction. "Fire again, just FIRE!" he bellowed. Another shot was fired, and another bullet ripped through the Boss's leg. Then the Boss flattened herself against the ground, disappearing from view.

Snake knew she was coming, and yelled, "Everyone, out of here, NOW!" as he jumped down from the SDV. Snake and all the Minish ran for it, and just in time. The Boss burst forth through the flowers and grabbed the SVD off the Minish's mount, then dismantled the whole thing faster than you can say 'I need scissors!'

"The Minish'll regroup soon enough to cover our getaway, don't worry!" said Otacon just as another team of Minish cut loose with more fire and ice arrows. Another Minish pointed the two of them in the direction of their next weapon to use. "Ready, Snake?" asked Otacon.

"No," muttered Snake, not looking forward to using the pegasus boots again one bit.

And so, Snake and Otacon tore through the flowers again, and of course, Snake ran full-tilt into a flower stem more than once. But eventually, they reached their next destination: another Minish-crafted harness for a full-sized weapon to use against the Boss. But instead of an SVD, this one had an M63 mounted on it. A few Minish were gathered round, looking rather eager.

Snake acted just as before, climbing up as fast as he could. Once he reached the top, he pulled out his scope and tried to spot the Boss again. It wasn't hard to find her. More Minish in hang gliders were pelting her with bombs, and some on the ground were obviously blasting her with magic. The Boss responded in kind by raking the air and the ground with gunfire from her Patriot. Snake saw a few hang gliders drop. "We're losing Minish fast. Up about thirty degrees, left by about ten...FIRE!!"

Bullets tore across the field, but the shots went wild and the harness wasn't built sturdy enough to withstand the intense recoil. A few bullets made their mark, but none hit any vital areas. The Boss turned on the spot again and cut loose with her Patriot. Snake caught a glimpse of how her glistening white suit was becoming a tattered, bloody mess before he was forced to jump down and run for dear life.

Soon enough, the Boss stomped through the field and dismantled the M63 as well. Snake looked up at her towering form, and noticed that she was breathing heavily and one hand was clutching her midsection, blood pouring through her fingers. The shots they had landed were taking their toll. Perhaps it wouldn't take much more....

Snake frantically looked about for a Minish, wanting to get to the next weapon as soon as possible. "Hello? Anyone!" he cried out desperately.

For a while, no Minish showed themselves, and the Boss's thunderous footsteps boomed all around them. They had to move fast before they were discovered. Finally, one lone pink-capped Minish showed herself, pointing over to one of the trees. And then Snake saw it: hanging upside-down from a tree was what looked like a shotgun, probably a sawed-off M37.

And so, Snake and Otacon took off, stopping only when our beloved antihero crashed face-first into a flower. When they got to the tree, however, Snake realized they had a problem. "Great, now how do we..." he began, but his voice trailed off when Otacon pointed at a small hole in the ground. "Oh, not again," he mumbled as he pulled out his Cane of Pacci.

They grabbed onto the barrel of the shotgun after shooting themselves upward, helped up by some Minish attending the weapon. Snake carefully climbed over to the trigger and yelled, "OK, find the Boss and target her! Shouldn't be too hard from up here." The Minish squeaked amongst themselves as they carried out their orders. As the Minish on top of the branch turned a series of cranks to aim the M37 properly, Snake noticed out of the corner of his eye the last weapon at the farthest edge of the field: an RPG-7.

One of the other Minish piped up, and Snake looked down. The Boss was now directly in the line of fire, and had just begun to scour the field with gunfire again. Snake and Otacon wasted no time and pulled the trigger with all their might.

The boom from the shotgun blew out his ears, and the scream of fury from the Boss a microsecond later tore through his head even further. Once his ears stopped ringing, he could make out the faint cries of the Minish as they scrambled about. Snake looked down again and saw the Boss taking aim. "Uh-oh," he mumbled as he grabbed Otacon and jumped. The bullets tore into the branch, actually severing it from the tree. Snake tried to ignore the cries of his Minish as they fell along with the branch. He was becoming oddly attached to them, even though he knew they were just part of a computer simulation.

Snake hung on for dear life onto his Deku leaf as he steered it toward the RPG-7, Otacon clutching desperately onto his other arm. If we can just make it over there without the Boss spotting us. If she does.... He looked behind him. The Boss looked even worse than ever, blood seeping all over her suit, and she was hunched over and her breathing sounded even more ragged. She still looked daunting, standing in the middle of the field like a towering skyscraper, but Snake knew that just one well-timed shot from that RPG-7....

Miraculously, they floated over to the RPG-7 even though no Minish teams were there to distract her. Snake had a nasty feeling that all their allies had been obliterated, but one shot from that RPG-7 would end it...he hoped.

A few Minish were there, waiting for them. Snake landed right by the scope and peered through it. "Up about five degrees, turn left by forty!" he commanded. He heard the gears squeak in protest as the RPG-7 slowly turned. The Boss slowly came into view, and soon was aligned perfectly in the crosshairs.

However, she was facing them directly. It had looked like she was about to drop down and crawl through the flowers again, but as was evidenced by the red exclamation point over her head, she had had a change of plans. She raised her Patriot. "Oh shit...NOW!! FIRE NOW!!!" Snake screamed.

He was almost thrown off as the grenade was launched. As he was hurled through the air, Snake caught a glimpse of the Boss firing her Patriot as the rocket shot toward her. The gunfire caused it to explode, but it had gotten way too close. Snake heard the Boss cry out one last time before he hit the ground hard, and then the air was filled with the crashing sound of the Boss's lifeless body hitting the ground.

Snake and Otacon slowly made their way through the field, over to where the Boss had fallen. They came across her boot first, and wearily made their way along her side until they reached her hand. Snake saw her huge fingers flex ever so slightly as a terrible gurgling noise seemed to surround them. Soon, however, even that slight movement stopped, and then the air was filled with the sound of cheering Minish. Snake looked around, seeing Minish all over the place, dancing jubilantly. More of them survived than I thought, Snake thought.

Amid the celebration, the exit point popped into being, down bear where the Boss's head rested. But then, another sound cut over the cries of the celebrating Minish: a slithering sound, as if some huge serpent was lurking about. It sounded like it was coming from the Boss's dead body.

Snake looked up, and gasped when he saw a ghastly, black snake slither off of her chest...and go straight for the Minish. "AAHHHHHH!!!" screamed the Minish collectively as the snake deftly darted about gobbling up one Minish after another.

Snake and Otacon stood there and watched with blank stares. "OK, they survive a fight with the Boss, only to get gobbled up by some snake?" asked Snake incredulously, finding the whole thing morbidly absurd.

"Uh, looks like it," said Otacon sheepishly as more screaming Minish were eaten alive. "Uhh, we'd better get out of here."

Snake needed no encouragement. He and Otacon took off for the exit point. As they neared it, more screams from behind made Snake look back over his shoulder. Three Minish were running after them, but the snake seemed to rise from the very ground, opening its mouth wide and hissing. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as the snake dived at them as the Minish kept running and screaming, their faces frozen with panicky expressions.

"Snake, let's go!" cried Otacon. Snake turned back and the two ran into the exit point. According to Otacon, only one scenario remained. And Snake had a nasty feeling it would end up being the most difficult and mind-numbingly idiotic one of all.