Disclaimer: The Metal Gear series and all related characters are the creation of the gaming genius Hideo Kojima and the property of Konami.

This is a story that was originally completed on 9-30-2007, and I'm now adding to this archive.

"Well, here we go again," said Snake as he turned to Otacon. "What's this place supposed to be?"

Otacon scratched his head. "I-I'm not really sure," he said warily. "I-I don't really remember what order I put everything in."

"Lovely," grumbled Snake. "Well, let's have a look around." With that, he bravely started to stealthily walk out of the alley, motioning for Otacon to follow. He half-expected some giantess to start looming over them the minute they stepped onto the street, so he took out his M16 and loaded a grenade. After that thing with Mei Ling, I'd better be ready for anything, he thought, shuddering at the memory of Mei Ling's little DDR session.

As he stepped out onto the street, the first thing Snake noticed was that, unlike the New York scenario - which had been eerily devoid of any other people besides Holly, Chris and Meryl - this street was bustling with activity. And one glance was all Snake needed to realize that this wasn't supposed to be America at all. Judging from the way people dressed, Snake guessed they were somewhere in the Middle East. And wherever they were, it seemed quite prosperous. Rows of fairly new cars were parked along the street, and many shops had signs advertizing Western products.

Snake wasn't sure what city or country this was supposed to be, but at the moment, there were no giant women in sight, so he relaxed a little. As pedestrians passed them by, no one took any notice of them, as if they weren't out of place at all. Snake tried to listen in on their conversations, but it didn't sound like Arabic they were speaking, but some other, similar language.

Snake turned to Otacon. "OK, this is obviously someplace in the Middle East. Where exactly?"

Otacon looked flustered, as if there was yet another thing he didn't want to admit. "Uhh, I remember now. This is Iraq, I think."

"Oh that's just perfect," snapped Snake. But there didn't seem to be any tension in the air or among the people on the street. And there weren't any U.S. troops to be seen anywhere, and no armored transport vehicles rolling down the road. It was nothing like one would pciture the streets of Iraq in the post-Saddam era.

As Snake pondered what was going on, it hit him. This was the ONLY part of the country where people weren't trying to blow shit up every thirty seconds: the northern part of Iraq where the Kurds lived. Snake paled as he realized what this meant. The Kurdish region of Iraq, nightmarish VR scenarios where overgrown women ran rampant, and ones designed by Otacon no less. It could only mean one thing.... "Otacon, this is Sniper Wolf's level, isn't it!?" Snake demanded brusquely.

Otacon's expression was akin to that of someone who'd been caught masturbating. "Uhh, err, w-why would you say that?" he asked nervously. Snake glared at Otacon with a look that would make a score of Covenant Grunts flee in terror. "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!" Otacon cried, caving in. "OK, OK, she IS in this one!"

Snake shook his head. Perfect, Otacon. Not only did you program my old partners to be lumbering, horny giants and dancing sadists, now we're up against a supersized version of the most tenacious bitch I've ever met on the battlefield. But something about a scenario that required outwitting a giant Sniper Wolf didn't make sense....

"OK, not only would this mean we might have to add necrophilia to your list of screwed-up desires," Snake began, ignoring the look of indignation from Otacon, "but please explain to me the logic of having a giant Sniper Wolf to fight. Not only would it be impossible for her to hide anywhere, but at that size, her sniper rifle is borderline useless!"

"Err, well, it's not exactly her rifle she'll be using," said Otacon. "I always figured she had unerring aim with any weapon, so here, she uses something else."

"Oh great, what?" Snake asked, dreading the answer.

"Well, first of all," Otacon began as he looked around. He froze when he apparently noticed something. Snake looked up to see what Otacon had spotted. On the side of a building, Snake saw something that didn't quite belong in a Kurdish city: a surveillance camera, which was fixed on them. "Uh, first, she zeroes in on our location with those. And then...."

Otacon suddenly looked up, as if trying to spot something else. He froze again, making Snake look up as well. Off in the distance, Snake noticed a big, round something hurling through the air over the city, coming right for them. "Crap, get back in the alley!" Otacon cried out, grabbing Snake and dragging him back.

They had acted just in time. Whatever it was, it crashed into the side of the building, exactly where the two had been standing. And whatever it was, it had caused what looked like sticky pink taffy to spread out everywhere. Snake bravely stepped forward and stuck his finger in it. Indeed, it was sweet-smelling and incredibly sticky; had they still been standing there, they would be hopelessly trapped.

Snake fixed Otacon with the best 'WHAT THE FUCK!?' gaze he could manage. Otacon once again withered under his glare. "Uh, I was a bit drunk when I programmed most of this one." Snake's gaze did not soften. "OK, I was REALLY drunk!"

"Perfect, any other nasty surprises I should know about?" Snake asked dryly.

"Like I said, I was drunk when I did most of this one, so I don't remember everything," said Otacon. "But I do remember thinking it'd be funny to add a couple, err, supporters as backup against Wolf. And there was something utterly stupid and random I think I added just for the hell of it."

"What? Or who?" Snake demanded impatiently.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure, but...."

All of a sudden, Otacon was interrupted when a huge, musclebound guy in brown armorish covering and wearing a brown, domed helmet crashed through the side of the building and yelling "Oh yeah!" like a crazed Kool-Aid Man. "It's the Juggernaut, BITCH!"

Snake stared slack-jawed at the Juggernaut. "Alright, NOW I'm sure," Otacon said flatly.

"Whatever," Snake muttered as he readied his M16. "This guy's obviously trouble, so...." With that, he opened fire. But as devout X-Men fans know, Snake might as well have tried shooting straw wrappers at him.

"Ha! Your weapon cannot harm me. Don't you know who I am? Are you a fucking ass?" asked Juggernaut as the bullets ricocheted off of him. Snake decided to try the grenade launcher, aiming for the helmet. The explosion forced Juggernaut back and his hands flew to his face. "Ahh, get that shit outta my face!" he creid out. And unfortunately, he recovered quicker than Snake expected. He charged forward and backhanded both him and Otacon, sending them flying down the alley and they crashed into a pile of garbage.

"Uhh, you never read many comics as a kid, did you?" asked Otacon delicately.

"Shut up," grumbled Snake as he got back up, seeing Juggernaut charging toward them. He then pulled out the only weapon that might make a difference: his last stun grenade. He pulled the pin and chucked it at him. The flashbang blinded and disoriented Juggernaut, letting Snake and Otacon run by him and out into the street.

"Great, he'll come after us for sure, and Wolf'll be here any minute too," said Otacon, nursing his aching sides.

"Let's worry about the immediate threat first," said Snake. "How do we deal with that ass?"

"Well, he can't be hurt with any weapons," Otacon explained as they ran across the street. Judging from the panicked screams behind them, Juggernaut must have recovered. "The only way you can really stop him is to somehow get his helmet off and hit him with a psychic attack."

The two of them ducked into another alley. "Oh, and here I forgot to read that copy of 'Telepathy 101' I had lying around," Snake said sardonically. "How the hell do we keep him off our backs long enough to deal with Wolf!?"

"Oh yeah! I put someone in who could help us with that too!" cried Otacon, suddenly remembering.

"Oh really? Like who?" demanded Snake. "Who could possibly help us with any of this!?"

A raspy voice suddenly cried out. "YOU!? You doubt my power!?"

Oh hell, Snake thought as he slowly turned around. Sure enough, Psycho Mantis was there, floating in the middle of the alley. Not Mr. S & M again. It wasn't the least bit fun for Snake, going down memory lane and seeing these tripped-out mercenaries he thought he had dealt with once and for all...even if this one was supposedly here as an ally.

"Like I said, we just find a way to get Juggernaut's helmet off, and Mantis will do the rest. Then we can worry about Wolf," said Otacon. Snake just stared dubiously at Mantis as he idly levitated himself in front of them.

"Indeed, I can help you deal with your big friend, to ensure that nothing will get in the way of my tranquilizer-addled comrade's fun," Mantis said haughtily. "Ah, I don't need my power to see that you still doubt me," Mantis added, his eyes narrowing behind his mask. "Perhaps another demonstration is in order, like before. Let me read your minds...." With that, Mantis held his hands near his head, concentrating. Suddenly, Snake saw his eyes widen behind the tinted eye pieces of his mask. "WHOA!! You've got Suikoden II!? No way!! That goes for at least 150 bucks on eBay!!"

Snake covered his face with his hand, shaking his head. "Can we just move on!?" he demanded.

"Ah, yes yes, of course," said Mantis. "First off, why don't we...." But Mantis's voice trailed off as all three of them noticed a large, round shadow looming over them, which was getting bigger.

"DUCK AND COVER!!" cried Otacon as he shoved Snake out of the way. Mantis, unfortunately, hadn't reacted as quickly, and ended up getting smothered by half a ton of sweet, strawberry-flavored taffy. "Uhh, maybe Wolf's aim wasn't as great as we all thought it was," said Otacon.

Snake and Otacon stared blankly at the taffy, under which Mantis's remains were undoubtedly splattered everywhere. "Great? Now how do we deal with that Juggernaut thing?" Snake asked, turning to Otacon.

"Someone mention my name?" came a grunting voice from behind them. Snake looked over his shoulder, seeing the Juggernaut leering down the alley.

"First of all, I suggest we run," offered Otacon. Snake didn't need any encouraging, and so the two took off down the alley, running like scared little girls. There was a dumpster further down the alley, and they had to carefully run through the narrow space provided, but Juggernaut just kept charging at them, and the dumpster was knocked aside as if it had been hit by a semi truck. Speaking of which, as Snake and Otacon ran out into the street, there was a semi truck pulling up. It stopped directly in front of the hopelessly out-of-place comic book villain. But again, Juggernaut kept charging and knocked that aside as well, as if were, well, just a cardboard box.

Enough of this crap, Snake thought. He was out of stun grenades, but he still had a few smoke grenades. He quickly fished one out and pulled the pin. He tossed it behind him, not bothering to look back. He heard the coughs and confused cries of pedestrians, and also the angry cry of "What the fuck is this shit!?" from Juggernaut, so he knew they had bought a few seconds at least.

The two of them kept running, turning the corner and heading down another street. Snake still heard panicked cries from the city's citizens behind him, but he also noticed a few frightened people running around a few blocks AHEAD of them. Snake broke out into a cold sweat again. He had a nasty feeling that someone else was causing that, and that he knew exactly WHO, though he couldn't see her or hear her.

Then, he saw something VERY out of the ordinary. A gigantic boot sticking out from between two buildings. It was as if Wolf was trying to hide herself by lying down in the middle of the street, but of course, at that size, it was ridiculously hard to do so. Snake would've laughed if it wasn't for the adrenaline rush brought on by fear.

But then, something shocked Snake out of his mind-numbing fear, a sound he didn't expect to hear here in these VR programs: the beeping of his Codec. "What, I've still got it even here?" he thought aloud, kneeling down and reaching for the side of his head as he always compulsively did whenever he got a Codec call.

"Yeah, well, it's not like you can elude ANYONE as you are now," Snake shot back, talking big to keep his spirits up. "Not when you're so big, each asscheek outweighs an elephant."

Snake didn't think that Wolf was vain enough to be insulted by a crack like that, but he saw her digitized face narrow in irritation. "I'll stay hidden long enough so I can hunt you down, Snake," she replied. "You still have no idea where I am."

"Actually, I do," said Snake calmly. "I can see your foot sticking out from between two buildings. It's right in the middle of the street."

Now Wolf's face fell flat. "What the?" she breathed. On the screen, Snake saw her look backward, and she obviously noticed where her foot was. "Ah, DAMNIT!" And with that, the connection was cut.

Snake got up, watching Wolf's foot receding from view. He glared to Otacon. "Still the same old whack-job you know and love. But Wolf was right about one thing. I doubt we can elude her forever. We'd better head for the sneaking point, and fast."

"Uhh, sneaking point?" Otacon asked nervously.

Snake's face immediately fell. "What!? Don't tell me this ISN'T a sneaking mission!"

"Well, not exactly. There's still a point we have to reach. It's just that...we actually have to knock Wolf unconscious before it'll appear," Otacon explained with a 'please don't kick my ass' look on his face. Snake was indeed tempted to see how far he could shove his foot up Otacon's ass, but loud screams coming from people running down the street. Also, a pickup truck hurling down the street like a missile reminded him he had other things to worry about.

"Great, the OTHER bitch is back," Snake muttered as the two of them started running down the street again. Eventually, they came across what looked like a large construction area with lots of equipment, including a crane with a wrecking ball. Many buildings either looked like they had been demolished or were scheduled to be. They ran onto the site, figuring it was as good a place as any to hide at the moment. And luckily for Snake, he noticed three floating, rotating boxes with weapons inside. One had an M9 handgun, another had a USP, and there was plentiful ammo for both. But Snake immediately holstered them, knowing they were useless against both Juggernaut AND Wolf. But the last one had....

"Alright, now we're talking!" Snake exclaimed as he opened the box and pulled out a stinger missile launcher. At least now, with firepower like this, he might have a chance. Or at least that's what he thought, until Otacon spoke up again.

"Uhh, Juggernaut's impervious to harm, remember? With Mantis gone, we have no way to get him out of the way," Otacon reminded him. "And against Wolf, you'll need over a dozen well-aimed stinger missiles to put her down for the count, assuming you can get close enough to her without getting spotted, and then flattened."

"Always looking for that cloud in the silver lining," said Snake. But he knew Otacon had a point, so he put launcher away for the moment...although we have no idea where, since like all video game superheroes spawned in the late 80s, he can pretty much carry an entire armory on his person somehow. "But wait a minute, didn't you say we'd also have some backup besides Mantis?" Snake asked hopefully, remembering what Otacon had mentioned earlier.

"Well, yeah, there is. But remember, I wasn't exactly thinking straight when I programmed most of this one. This...isn't the sort of support you'd expect," Otacon said evasively.

"Right now, I'll take all the help I can get," said Snake. "Who is it?" Otacon stared back at him with an awkward expression. He clearly didn't want to answer. Snake was about to ask Otacon again, but a squeaky voice from down below pretty much answered for him.

"Pika?"

No...freaking...way.... Snake thought morosely as he slowly looked down.

Sure enough, at his feet was a big yellow mouse with coal-black eyes and red spots on his cheeks, standing a barely a foot high. "Pika?" he said again.

"Otacon, please tell me this is a joke," Snake spat vehemently. "My backup support is nothing but a stupid, electric yellow rat from that stupid game!?" he asked in disbelief as he grabbed Pikachu by the back of his neck and hoisted him up in front of his face. Otacon merely shrugged, while Pikachu looked at Snake with an insulted look.

Alas, this pleasant introduction was cut short when a sharp cry rang throughout the construction site. "Ah, there you are, you little bitches! Oh, I'm gonna beat your asses, and your little pet rat's too!"

Snake and Otacon turned back to the site's entrance and saw Juggernaut standing there. "Pika pika!" cried Pikachu as he shook himself free of Snake's grip and dropped to the ground, glaring at the Juggernaut. He then unleashed a huge-ass blast of electricity at him, forcing him back slightly.

"This can't possibly harm me, are you a fucking ass!? Don't you know who I am...it must not know who I am," muttered Juggernaut. "Ahhh, I'll stomp a mudhole in your faggoty yellow ass!" he cried as he advanced on them.

Just then, Pikachu ceased his attack and put two digits in his mouth, then let out a loud whistle. Quick as a flash, what looked like a man-sized, yellow-orange dragon with a flame at the end of his long tail divebombed the Juggernaut from out of nowhere and tackled him to the ground. "The fuck is this shit?" asked a confused Juggernaut as Charizard grappled him and took to the air again, then tossed him on top of a pile of large crates.

Snake just watched blankly as Charizard landed beside Pikachu, not really sure what he should do next. As for Juggernaut, it didn't take long for him to recover. "The hell are you thinking? This can't stop me!" The two Pokemon just glared back evilly, making the Juggernaut look down. It was then that he realized he had been dropped on several crates full of explosives. Why they were left out for any insurgents to boost is anyone's guess.

Pikachu shot out more electricity and Charizard breathed a volley of flame at Juggernaut. Their attacks made the explosives go off, propelling Juggernaut straight up like a rocket, his cries of confusing steadily growing fainter and fainter. "Pika, pika pikachu!!" said Pikachu vehemently as he aimed his middle digits skyward; it wasn't too hard to guess what he was saying.

"That tends to be their way of disposing of their enemies," sighed Otacon as the two Pokemon turned back around with satisfied looks on their faces.

Snake shook his head as the four of them walked back out into the street. A quick look showed there were no cameras, so they were probably safe for the moment. Still, he had a nasty feeling she'd show herself any second and squash them flat, and only having these two Pokemon to help him did not inspire confidence at all. "Hey, you said you'd take any help you could get," Otacon reminded Snake, noticing the look on his face.

"And I'm already regretting it," Snake muttered under his breath. This program of Otacon's was just getting too mind-numbingly stupid with each passing moment. He turned to the Pokemon. "So, it's really your job to help me deal with Wolf?" he asked them dubiously. Pikachu looked up with a cheerful expression on his furry face, while Charizard merely crossed his arms. "And just how are they supposed to help me beat a giant-sized Wolf, pray tell?" Snake asked Otacon.

Otacon shrugged again. "Well, I think there was a specific way I programmed in, but I can't really remember how. Actually, come to think of it, it may have something to do with this construction site...."

As Otacon rambled on, Snake just rolled his eyes and sighed. Then he noticed that there was some shade now. Looking up, he saw that some grey clouds had blown over them; it looked like it would rain soon. At least the heat'll die down some, Snake thought, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. But at he continued to stare upward, he noticed something falling through the clouds. A few seconds later, he could make out a shape. Oh no, not again! he thought angrily. Aloud, he shouted, "Everyone get back!" as he pushed them back.

The Juggernaut crash-landed into the street with the force of a falling meteor, creating a crater twenty-feet wide. He slowly stood up, his body ablaze from the heat of re-entering the atmosphere. "OK you bunch of freaks, THIS IS IT!" he bellowed as he leered at the four of them. The two Pokemon were ready to lash out with their attacks again, and Snake reached for his stinger missile launcher. But before anyone could make a move, something struck the Juggernaut with incredible force, causing him to skid uncontrollably across the street, digging up the asphalt for a length of over thirty feet.

Pikachu and Charizard stared at the downed Juggernaut in bewilderment. "What...the hell...did that?" Snake asked in disbelief. Otacon simply pointed far down the street. "Uh oh, here we go," Snake muttered. About a mile down the street, in the direction opposite the way Juggernaut had been forced back, was the gigantic form of Sniper Wolf, aiming her equally huge PSG1 and looking through her scope. Though he couldn't be sure at this distance, Snake thought he could see Wolf grinning mischieviously at all of them.

For a while, Wolf merely stood there, no doubt savoring the moment as she looked upon all of them through her scope. "No one move," Snake whispered to everyone else. Wolf could easily blow them all away from her vantage point. There was no point in trying to flee.

Eventually, Wolf started to slowly make her way down the street, each of her footfalls creating a minor tremor. Panicky people ran around everywhere as she advanced on them, and cars and trucks swerved to avoid her feet. Wolf paid them no notice as she kept walking toward them. Snake's face was one of all-consuming horror as Wolf drew nearer and nearer. Pikachu and Charizard's expressions were ones of curiosity. Otacon's, predictably, was one of complete and total enrapturement.

Another few seconds, and she'll be all over us, Snake thought nervously, wondering whether or not he could whip out his stinger missile launcher before Wolf could fire off a shot. Wolf was now less than a block away.

"Alright, I don't know what's going on and I don't care, but goddamnit, I'm gonna...." Juggernaut began, having finally gotten up. "HEY! Are you even listening to me!? What the hell are...."

His voice trailed off as Wolf stepped over all of them, her footfalls now so powerful they almost lost their footing. She turned around and glared down at the Juggernaut. "Don't think for one second I'll let you interfere with my hunt," she said dangerously, leering at him. "Snake and his friends are mine, and mine alone. You had better cut out now, or things will get...ugly."

"You can't be serious! You're talking to me!?" Juggernaut shouted up at Wolf furiously. "Damnit, bitch, don't you know who I am!? I'M THE...."

But Juggernaut stopped his rant when Wolf lifted her foot and brought it down right on him, burying him deep into the concrete. "Finally, SOMEONE shut him up," Snake said as he shook his head.

But of course, anyone who could duke it out with the Hulk couldn't be downed that easily. Wolf's foot was slowly forced upward as he Juggernaut struggled to free himself. "Damnit, you got a lot to learn. You can't beat me that way! You can't hurt me at all!" he shouted.

However, Wolf merely smirked as she looked down upon him. "No, but there are other ways to deal with you." In one lightning-quick move, she scooped up the Juggernaut in her left hand. Then she twirled around a few times, and chucked Juggernaut toward the horizon.

"But I'm the Juggernaut biiiiiiiitch...." Juggernaut cried out, his voice fading away as he flew further and further across the city and out of sight.

"Well, that takes care of that problem," said Snake. "Now I just have to find a way to bring down a 100-foot tall, crazed assassin with unwavering patience and an obsession with catching hey 'prey'. Yeah, nothing to it." Snake looked back up, shuddering under the weight of the ice-cold stare Sniper Wolf sent down at him. It was enough to even distract him from how she always kept her coat partially unzipped for everyone's viewing pleasure.

After what seemed an eternity, Wolf softly uttered a single word: "Run."

"Eh?" Snake said blankly.

"You heard me, Snake. Run," she replied silkily. "You forget, I'm a hunter. There's no satisfaction in taking prey stumbled upon by accident, drawn out by some interloper. So run. I'll catch you eventually."

Snake still did not move, even though his every instinct was to run like hell. His new partners, however, felt differently. He heard Pikachu charging up an attack, and Charizard took to the air. He barreled toward the titanic huntress, howling, but Wolf dispatched him with a mere flick of her finger. He landed with a crash a few blocks away.

Snake watched as Charizard fell and vanished. He only looked up again when Wolf said, "But as for Hal, well, I have SPECIAL plans for him." Snake watched helplessly as Wolf reached down and plucked Otacon off the street, unable to do anything as he cried out in surprise. He watched as Wolf placed him snugly in her cleavage and then zipped up her shirt a little more, no doubt making it even tigther for Otacon. Snake shook his head. He doubted that was something Wolf hadn't been programmed to do.

Wolf glared back down at Snake. "Are you STILL there!? I said RUN!" She punctuated her command by slammed her boot down into the concrete again. The overpowering tremor finally coaxed Snake to turn and run, Pikachu following close behind, wailing. After running like mad for a few blocks, they turned a corner. Snake looked around, only just remembering about the cameras. Luckily, there were none.

For a moment, Snake and Pikachu stood in place, desperately trying to catch their breath. "Well, any ideas?" he asked the Pokemon. Pikachu made a gesture that might've been a shrug. Loud grunting made Snake look back up. Charizard was lumbering back toward them with a large sea turtle biting down on one talon. "I'm not even gonna ask," Snake muttered as Charizard pried the turtle off and tossed it away. It flew over a building, out of sight.

More of Wolf's thunderous footsteps, and more screams from everyone else in the simulation, goaded the three into running and hiding. They ducked behind a parked truck and watched Wolf warily trot down the street they had turned from, carefully eyeing the ground.

It was around then that Snake heard that beeping in his ear again. He ducked down and activated the Codec.

"You'd be able to tell if she's found us. You're VERY close to her now," Snake replied sarcastically.

Otacon ignored the jibe, and said, "Snake, I'm certain that there's something about the construction site that'll let you beat her, though for the life of me I can't remember what. You have to lure her back there."

Snake didn't say anything for a moment. "Fine, if you're that certain. Hang in there, Otacon."

"Well, it's not like I'm GOING anywhere," said Otacon.

"No, you certainly aren't," Snake replied with a sly grin. Otacon shot him a sour look before he terminated the connection.

Snake drummed his fingers on the side of his stinger missile launcher, waiting impatiently. He looked down at Pikachu, noticing the silly smile on his face. "Yeah yeah, it's all fun and games, until you get splattered underneath some giantess's shoe," he told the Pokemon. Pikachu's expression still didn't change. Snake was about to say something else, but a loud rumbling noise kept him from doing so.

"Here we go!" Snake cried out as Sniper Wolf stepped into view. As she stepped back into the construction site, Pikachu cut loose with a lightning bolt that struck her in the face, blinding her. Snake followed up by targeting her knee and firing. The missile's impact forced Wolf to sag to one knee.

So far so good. If only we knew exactly what he were supposed to do here, Snake thought. Still, his hopes were rising, but they were dashed again when Wolf started to stand back up right away, glaring down at Snake maliciously. He caught a brief glimpse of Otacon, trapped snugly in Wolf's bosom. Whether he was frightened or in total bliss, Snake couldn't tell. He had a feeling it was a mixture of both, though.

Pikachu tried firing more lightning bolts at Wolf's face, but the element of surprise was gone and they barely slowed her. She advanced on the two of them, and they split up, avoiding her foot with time to spare. Snake targeted her face and fired another missile, but Wolf shifted suddenly, and it struck her shoulder. Nevertheless, the impact fazed her, for she covered her shoulder with her hand.

Wolf turned to Snake, reaching for one of those bizarre grenades. She was about to throw it, but Pikachu let out an explosive, blinding flash that dazed Wolf for a split-second. That split-second was all Snake needed to target her knee again. Once again, the explosive impact almost knocked her off her feet. She dropped the grenade, and sticky taffy spread out all over the ground. Not only that, she accidently stepped in it. As she tried to pull her foot free, Snake used the opportunity to fire another missile, which hit her lower leg.

The rat and I actually make a good team, thought Snake as he watched Pikachu dart about, no doubt waiting for another chance to attack. But how much longer can we keep this up?

Snake noticed another box with extra missiles nearby and picked it up. Meanwhile, Pikachu dashed around Wolf's feet, firing bolt after bolt. That's it, keep her busy, Snake thought as he looked through the launcher's scope. He saw Wolf's huge face glaring with a look of annoyance down at the speedy mouse that evaded her every stomp, but then also caught a glimpse of Otacon nestled between her breasts. Can't risk targeting her face again until he's clear. Come on, where are you....

At that very instant, Charizard dove down into the construction site, right for Wolf. To cover his advance, Pikachu angle another blinding flash of lightning up at Wolf's face, and Snake followed up with a missile aimed at her elbow.

"ARRGHH!" grunted Wolf loudly, completely disoriented. For a moment, she just stood there, her eyes tightly shut. And Charizard used that opportuntity to fly up to her bosom toward Otacon. With his feet firmly planted on either breast, Charizard grabbed Otacon's hands and pulled him free on his fleshy prison. Otacon quickly mounted Charizard, and the Pokemon flew away, barely avoiding Wolf's attempt to grab them.

Snake picked up another box of stinger missiles lying around, loaded one, and while about a hundred feet away, targeted Wolf's face and fired. Pikachu kept sprinting around with blinding speed, avoiding Wolf's crushing feet and attacking with all the electricity he could muster. This kept her distracted long enough for Snake's missile to find its mark. Wolf screamed again as her hand flew to her face. She turned to Snake, glaring down at him as she stomped toward him. But just then, Charizard reentered the fray after getting Otacon to safety, flying right for Wolf's face. He unleashed his flame breath at her, causing her to turn away. She blindly raked the sky with her PSG1, but fortunately, Charizard deftly avoided getting swatted out of the sky by her giant gun.

Snake and Pikachu stood side-by-side, watching as Charizard kept Wolf occupied. He looked down at Pikachu, who nodded. Snake targeted Wolf's knee again and fired, while Pikachu cut loose with his biggest lightning bolt yet, aiming for Wolf's gut. The double-whammy easily brought Wolf to her knees again. She grunted and muttered something that was probably unprintable in Kurdistan, and Snake could tell she was ready to get back up and stomp them flat. Taking down Metal Gears was never THIS hard, Snake mused. What the hell do I have to do to keep her down?

But as Snake was wondering that, as Wolf was about to stand back up, he heard some machinery spring to life. Snake looked around, not sure where the noise was coming from. Then he saw it: sitting at the crane's controls was Otacon.

And he swung the crane so the wrecking ball smashed right into Wolf's face.

The crushing impact had Wolf fall flat on her back, making the entire construction site shake as if a volcano had erupted nearby. Both Snake and Pikachu winced. That HAD to hurt, he thought, but Wolf was grunting and swearing again, already trying to get back up. Charizard landed nearby, and Snake saw that his expression matched the frustration he felt. Just how the HELL do I....

His thoughts trailed off as he felt raindrops lightly fall on his head. Looking up, Snake noticed it was indeed starting to drizzle. He looked closely at the grey clouds, and a possibility occured to him. He looked back over to the crane, then back up at the clouds, then down at Pikachu. "Pika?" he said curiously, looking up at Snake expectantly.

"I think I finally doped out what Otacon forgot," Snake told Pikachu. More of Wolf's booming, vehement swearing made Snake look back up. Wolf had finally propped herself off the ground, and was slowly but surely getting back on her feet. "OK, listen up you two. This is how it's gonna go down...."

Wolf moved forward, reachng down to grab Snake. But Snake rolled to the side and targeted her knee yet again. Just as the missile impacted her knee, Charizard flew down again and breathed a wide volley of flame, blinding Wolf and singing some of her hair. Wolf sagged yet again, and Snake followed up with another missile, simply aiming blindly at not bothering to target anything. The missile smacked into Wolf's side, eliciting another hiss from her. It was important to keep her distracted just a little bit longer....

It didn't take long for Wolf to stand up again, ignoring how Snake kept pelting her with stinger missiles. But just as Wolf was about to rush at Snake, Charizard zoomed in; he had used his talons to cut off the wrecking ball and was now holding the end of the cable. Snake fired another stinger missile into Wolf's face, and that bought Charizard enough time to do what he had to do. He circled Wolf three times, wrapping the metal cable around her torso. Once that was done, he flew clear of Wolf, not wanting to stick around for what was coming next.

"What do you hope to accomplish with this!?" Wolf's sultry voice thundered as she struggled. Snake glanced over at the crane, spotting Pikachu standing on top of it. Snake knew Pikachu only had seconds to do the deed, for Wolf would snap the cable in no time. He squinted to get a better look. Pikachu indeed seem to be concentrating hard, and sparks were emanating from his cheeks.

"Come on, do it, do it," muttered Snake. "Just give that crane enough of a positive charge, so...."

And then, it happened. A huge bolt of lightning lanced downward from the storm clouds and struck the crane. The countless amperes of electrical energy travelled up the crane and through the cable...and right into Wolf.

"AAAAAHH!!!!" screamed the giant assassin as the electrical shock overwhelmed her. Maybe it was Snake's imagination, but he swore he saw Wolf's skeleton once or twice. But as quickly as it had begun, it was over. Wolf's hair was standing comically on end and steam was rising from everywhere on her body. Then, without another word, she fell backward, crushing the crane underneath her weight and creating the hugest tremor yet.

Snake slowly rose after getting knocked off his feet, brushing off some dirt and wiping rainwater off his face. He stared at the downed Wolf, amazed that his crazy hunch was right on the money, and even more amazed that his plan actually worked.

"Pika pika pika!" came the cries of a certain yellow mouse. Snake glanced down to see Pikachu looking up happily at him, looking quite pleased with himself. Charizard landed nearby, and Otacon walked up a second later.

"Well, I was right about the construction site, wasn't I?" Otacon offered weakly. Snake just glared at Otacon, then noticed the self-satisfied looks of the two Pokemon. Snake shook his head. Now that the thrill of combat was abating, the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing was sinking in.

"Whatever. Can we just go now?" Snake asked impatiently. Now that Wolf was finally out cold and flat on her ass, he saw no reason to stick around, not when they could supposedly move on to the next scenario.

"Oh, oh yeah. The exit point has just appeared, right over there," said Otacon, pointing back toward Wolf. Sure enough, near her gigantic, unmoving hand, a floating, upside-down red pyramid had appeared out of nowhere.

"Let's go then," said Snake, heading for the exit point without preamble. But a loud cry of "Pika!" from behind him made Snake turn back around. Both Pikachu and Charizard were waving goodbye, and Pikachu still had that goofy, happy-go-lucky expression on his face. Oh please, it's like that fight didn't freak him out in the least!! Snake thought disbelievingly. Not being weirded out after fighting a 100-foot tall Sniper Wolf trying to crush you to death was like not being weirded out by Revolver Ocelot dancing to a Michael Jackson album in a speedo.

Otacon seemed to know what Snake was thinking. "Hey, let's face it, they were pretty useful. Hell, they were ESSENTIAL. Too bad you can't have allies like that in the field, and too bad they won't be around in any other scenarios."

"A mixed blessing," said Snake, unable to stand looking at that overly happy face of Pikachu's any longer. He headed for the exit point again. Fighting side-by-side with Pokemon was just too out there for him. But despite himself, he found himself wishing he'd have support that talented in the rest of Otacon's scenarios.

It wouldn't make the rest of this messed-up adventure any less disturbing, though.