PART 6

"Um, HELLO, new stars of the show; is there anything the two of you delightful sweethearted lovelies would like to ASK us, by any chance?" Chuck and Leon immediately dashed across the room and teasingly asked Filburt and Hutchison.

"Um, YEAH...first of all, WHAT IN THE NOW OFFICIALLY EIGHT-AND-THREE-QUARTERS NAMES OF HOLY MOTHER FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Filburt furiously grabbed Chuck by the neck and screamed into his ear in a fit of pent-up rage. "ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH JEWISH PEOPLE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!"

"No need to worry, my dear turtle-dove; EVERYONE is FAPPING IT to our INCREDIBLY tasteful and thought-out FILM! HAVE AN ESPRESSO, BABY!" Leon gaily encouraged him, attempting to hand him a nice big steaming-hot cup of the stuff, which Filburt immediately smacked right out of his hand and into his unsuspecting eyes.

"GAAAH, MY EYEEES! THE CONTACTS DO NOTHING!" Leon shrieked blood-curdlingly in agonizing pain and writhed on the floor like a lunatic while Filburt and Hutchison very, very, VERY angrily pushed their way through the crowd toward Rocko and Heffer.

"THERE HE IS! LEMME AT 'EM!" Filburt yelled enragedly, his mouth rabidly frothing with saliva as Rocko fearfully backed himself up against the wall and did the jazz hands in response.

"DEAR, DEAR, PLEASE DON'T, THEY'RE YOUR BEST FRIENDS!" Hutchison screamed in horror, desperately tugging against his left arm with "both" of her hands in a fruitless attempt to stop him.

"HMPH...friends, SCHMENDS!" Filburt growled in seething rage and ever-so-lovingly-gently shoved Hutchison away from himself, steam pouring in boiling-hot jets from his ears as he furiously lunged onto Rocko and beat the ever-loving shit out of him in yet another good old Looney Toons "dust brawl" while almost everyone in the audience begun chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

"YOU FUCKING PERVERTED, RELIGION-BASHING, DEPLORABLE SCUM!" Filburt screamed infuriatedly at Rocko, punching approximately an entire quarter of his teeth out, kicking him in the crotch so many times that he actually went completely numb in that area for at least two entire hours after, kneeing him viciously in the ribs and even biting roughly half of his left ear off. "DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO FUCKING STRANGLE YOU WITH MY BARE FUCKING HANDS RIGHT NOW?! WELL?! DO YOU, MOTHERFUCKER?!" he continued screaming and laughing maniacally as he wrapped his hands horrifyingly tightly around Rocko's neck, causing the poor wallaby's face to turn a VERY sickly shade of purple and his eyes to bulge CONSIDERABLY out of his skull as he desperately struggled to try and pry Filburt's surprisingly strong hands off of himself.

"OH MY GOD, I CAN'T WATCH!" Heffer covered his eyes and wept loudly in dismay.

"Now YOU just stop this RIGHT NOW, mister!" Hutchison sneered lividly at Filburt, pulling him away from Rocko (who now had TWO black eyes and at least one broken rib and was being VERY worriedly watched over by Heffer) and roundhouse-kicking him across the face, which in turn caused him to once again collapse head-over-heels onto the ground, completely unable to get back up.

"Let me TELL you something, PAL; not only did those two engage us in without a doubt some of the best sex we've EVER had, but they also cured not one but TWO parasitic head infestations that I had been afflicted by for QUITE some time, KAY?!" Hutchison put her hands on her hips, glared straight down at Filburt and growled aggravatedly at him, also kicking HIM right in the groin ridiculously hard just to see how HE liked it.

"OOO...(squirms and writhes in pain, humiliatedly clutching his balls)...m-may I please ask WHAT parasitic infections you're referring to?" Filburt asked Hutchison curiously, rocking helplessly back and forth in fetal position from how much his crotch now hurt.

"First of all, GOD-knows-how-many MITES in my left ear, which I must say you really should have SEEN when you were washing it out after busting my god-damned eardrum..." Hutchison exasperatedly explained to Filburt, folding her right arm behind her back and pointing to the corresponding ear of hers with her left...

"And second of all, a blasted HOOKWORM that just so happened to be living in my BRAIN for crying out loud!" Hutchison explained, pointing directly to her forehead with "both" of her hands. "Don't you GET it, Filburt? These two saved my LIFE! They're HEROES for fuck's sake!" she continued explaining even further, giving the both of them a nice, warm, blush-inducing smooch on the cheek.

"Okay, two things!" Filburt requested impatiently of Hutchison, rolling his eyes irritatedly. "First of all, how in the name of FUCK did you manage to end up having a damned hookworm living in your BRAIN..."

"I dunno, must've mistaken it for intestines or something! Look, just PLEASE DON'T ASK, o-KAY?!" Hutchison answered somewhat embarrassedly, shrugging her shoulders and tossing her arms out beside her.

"Second of all, HOW IN THE HELL DOES THIS MAKE UP FOR HOW MUCH FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT YOU TWO HAVE ALREADY CAUSED ME AND MY WIFE?!" Filburt suddenly sprung right back up onto his feet and yelled infuriatedly at Rocko and Heffer, shaking his fists at them in a remarkably distinct fighting stance.

"Simple; it allows US to make BIG money!" Chuck leapt onto the scene and explained to him.

"YAH! INDEED! EVERYONE who wishes to look HIP and ARTSY will WANT ONE...OF OUR ELEVEN THOUSAND COPIES!" Leon also leapt onto the scene and explained to him. "ONLY $8.95! Plus tax!" (In other words, each DVD would basically cost Filburt exactly $9.82.)

"Well, that's just fine and dandy, because I SWEAR TO GOD, if it's the LAST fucking thing I do, I am going to take the next million dollars' worth of my parents' inheritance, BUY EVERY SINGLE FUCKING COPY OF THAT FILM (except for my own personal masturbation copy, of course), PILE THEM UP, POUR GASOLINE ALL OVER THE RESULTING PILE AND BURN MY WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING COLLECTION TO THE GROOOUUUNNND! MWAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!" Filburt got down on his knees, threw his arms up to the sky and began laughing maniacally while everyone else in the joint just annoyedly walked out as if nothing had ever happened.

"Hey, why's everybody LEAVING? Don't you like my amazingly epic evil LAUGH? Hey, FUCK YOU, I don't need to donate to some stupid-ass charity! Those kids can go FUCK THEMSELVES!" Filburt broke down screaming and crying as he was "tragically" left all alone in the shop.

ONE INCREDIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE USAGE OF APPROXIMATELY ONE-TENTH OF THE LAST REMAINING THIRD OF FILBURT'S INHERITED FORTUNE (DIVIDED BETWEEN NEARLY EVERYONE IN O-TOWN JUST TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS) LATER...

"Okay, Filburt, here's the data we've got so far, KAY?!" Hutchison explained as presumably the last remaining portion of the 10,999 DVDs that Filburt had ordered to be destroyed were busy roasting like a great big campfire in the massive storm-drainage ditch behind Filburt's house (boy, THAT sure sounds good for the local water supply).

"So far, you've collectively spent approximately $108,020 and bought exactly ALL 11,000 of the DVD copies, KAY?" Hutchison briefly looked down at her clipboard and continued explaining to Filburt, offering up the back of her non-hook hand so that Filburt could kiss it (and kiss it he did, believe me).

"Alright, so how many of them are calculated to be in the great big flaming pile I just made?" Filburt asked Hutchison INCREDIBLY nonchalantly, leaning teasingly against her shoulder while numerous surrounding people (also including Heffer but strangely not Rocko himself) came screaming out of their houses yelling "O-TOWN WATER IS MOVIES" at the tops of their lungs.

"Exactly 10,998, sir!" Hutchison confirmed with an equally teasing wink. "KAY?!"

"Um, okay...so, uhh, wh-WHERE exactly did the last one go?" Filburt asked nervously, audibly gulping.

"Oh, don't worry, I just sent it off to your parents in the Kerplopitgoes Islands! KAY?!" Hutchison informed Filburt, leaning over and smooching him on the cheek in a miserably failed attempt to ease the pain.

"You did WHAT?!" Filburt shrieked at the tops of his lungs, pulling out a machete from his pants pockets and getting ready to slit his neck with it while Hutchison cryingly and screamingly urged him to stop...when all of a sudden, at nothing short of THE most convenient possible moment, the friendly neighborhood mail-delivery van came screeching in with a letter for him!

Opening up the letter, which was addressed precisely to his house from his mom and dad in the aforementioned Kerplopitgoes Islands, Filburt reluctantly but obligatedly cleared his throat and read its contents.

"Dear Filburt, we saw your sex tape of you and your wife and we must say that we are extremely proud of you for achieving such an astonishingly healthy relationship with your new spouse (*COUGH* AHEM, RIGHT *COUGH*...) and making such an incredibly beautiful and avant-garde film out of it. We wish you luck and extreme fortune for all eternity; here's $108,020 dollars for your trouble. PLEASE spend it wisely." Filburt read, taking the enclosed money in the envelope and immediately stuffing it into his pocket before anyone else could get to it.

"I don't BELIEVE it!" Filburt crumpled up the letter, tossed it unceremoniously behind him and gasped in equal parts shock and amazement. "This actually ended WELL for me!" he began laughing maniacally. "IT ENDED WELL FOR ME! IT ENDED WELL FOR ME! FOR ME! FOR MEEEEEE!" he got down on his knees and continued screaming like a constipated banshee, crying dirty, sweaty tears of joy and pounding the concrete floor with his fists until blood began leaking out from them.

"Well, yeah, except for the fact that you poisoned our entire freaking WATER SUPPLY, douchenozzle!" Heffer shook his fist and yelled angrily at Filburt, placing his hands on his hips.

"Well, just know that it's true what they say, Filburt." Rocko sluggishly and painfully crept his way toward Filburt and stammered through broken ribs, coughing up and sputtering blood from his missing teeth onto the pavement all the while. "History never changes, and neither do people." he reluctantly, agonizingly finished as he finally collapsed onto the floor and was immediately loaded right back onto his stretcher and taken straight back to the local hospital on the exact same van that had previously taken him.

"Aww, AIN'T WE STINKERS?!" Hutchison and Filburt warmly caressed each other and began laughing maniacally in unison as they gleefully ran at full sprint from the angry pitchfork-and-torch-wielding street mob (also carrying numerous "CLEAN UP OUR WATER" and "BRING BACK THE SEX TAPES" signs) that had already begun frantically chasing after them while the screen faded to black in classic Looney Toons style.

APPROXIMATELY TEN YEARS LATER, IN THE YEAR 2005...

"ROCKO ISAAC MCFLEA!" Doc Blue (Filburt), who was now wearing a very obviously fake white wig with classic science-fiction goggles, suddenly parked his new DeLorean right next to Rocko just as the poor wallaby had barely even stepped off the front lawn of his house, with his lovely wife Hutchison proudly in tow in the front passenger seat, STILL bearing her iconic slasher smile as she VERY unsettlingly turned her head over toward Rocko and waved at him.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Blue, what is it NOW?" Rocko rubbed his eyes and exasperatedly asked Filburt.

"It's my SEX TAPES, Marty- I mean Rocko! They've gone VIRAL!" Filburt suddenly reached out of his wide-open driver's seat window, grabbed Rocko by the shoulders and shook the ever-loving crap out of him. "WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO STOP THEM, ROCKO! SOMEHOW!"

"And uhh, tell me, Blue; how exactly are we supposed to do THAT?" Rocko asked confusedly, shrugging his shoulders and even more exasperatedly throwing his arms out beside him.

"More on that later, Rocko; there's simply no TIME!" Filburt explained hastily, glancing extremely frantically around himself in a manic fit of paranoia as he forcefully pulled Rocko behind him and tossed him into the back seat. "Just know that when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, we are gonna see some SERIOUS cat tits!"

"Oh, dear God, I AM SO GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!" Rocko screamed for dear life as Filburt's flying DeLorean took off at ridiculous speeds, leaving literally not even a single trace of itself in its wake.

"Oh, Rocko, you poor naive BUTT-HEAD!" Mr. Bighead, who had literally just finished trimming the salmon bushes out in his front lawn, clutched his chest and laughed uproariously, also very naively assuming that this meant his arch-nemesis Rocko was officially gone for good as he obnoxiously self-confidently marched back into his house. "Now where exactly did I happen to leave that 1990s SPORTS almanac of mine?"

THE END...?