[Suggested music - Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix - Starring Wario: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkIScb5BWyA ]

Wario looked over his options. He had to go big for this: steal from the richest parts of the world. A little traveling wouldn't hurt if it got him closer.

First on the menu: Peach's Castle. With all the coin-grabbing Mario and Luigi did, they had to have loads of treasure stashed away for no one to use; and of course, they'd let ol' Princess Toadstool have it. Peach and her minions would be too naïve to suspect anything. That sweet princess in pink didn't get angry very often. You could kidnap them twenty times, and they'd still invite you to parties! In fact, Wario suspected, there was a good chance the princess would already be in another castle by the time he got there! Or busy baking a cake for that red-and-blue idiot. His mouth watered thinking about the unattended money. He could maybe even pluck the glimmering gems right off her crown, without her noticing!

But for all their idiocy, the castle's staff ran a clean ship. No holes or cracks in the walls to sneak in through. No messes on the floor to hide behind. It was a pretty huge place; where DID they hide the treasure room? And since they kept inviting people for sports and parties, what if they had guests already? That could put him in the way of pounding feet, or unwanted attention...

He scratched under his cap, thinking about a spot nobody ever went: the Sarasaland Capital. The home of Princess Daisy. Why was that? Was it full of cracks and messes that a tiny rat could sneak through easily? Did she have a secret practice room or training routine to keep her body in shape for tennis and golf? Or were there treasures there she didn't want anyone to see - like the go-kart trophies Wario and Waluigi SHOULD have won, if the tournaments were any fair? The tomboyish princess could have riches a-plenty.

But Princess Daisy was another deal. The redhead could get pretty scary sometimes, even if she was upbeat. Was she still angry about that business where Wario hired an alien to take the kingdom over as a distraction? Ancient history, sure, but she had enough energy in that slim, orange-dressed body to chase him for a while. Also, Sarasaland's GDP was going down; the castle probably wouldn't have AS much cash as Peach's.

That was a dealbreaker. The man had to get from the biggest source possible. So back to his first selection...

[Suggested music - Super Mario 64 - Inside the Castle Walls - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpOP0L3A7_Q ]

The jewels in Peach's castle - a perfect target!

Wario took another stinging cycle through his shrink machine. He leaped into the cannon, and set its sights for a magnificent old building of white bricks and red roofs. Carefully, he aimed for an open window on the second floor, and fired.

"Waaaaahahaha!" The breeze blew past his facial hair; he clung to his cap as winds pelted his body. What great riches were hidden in there? He could practically feel it flowing through his mitts, the money he could make from this. Across great valleys he flew, watching as the titanic castle approached.

A rebellious gust from his side made him growl. "Hey, stop that, wind!" The turbulence sent the launch partly off-course. Nothing too far off; but instead of the window, Wario's minuscule frame slammed into the pale bricks, cracking an indent into it.

"Gah... Stupid... BAH!" Smashing through the wall, he spat out stone, and rubbed rubble off his flattened torso. A successful entry - even if he ached, nobody saw him. Clear coast.

...At least, he thought so, until a rhythmic pounding swept him off his feet. A pair of ruby dress shoes clacked around, entering the room. They came closer and closer - the heels taller than the miniature thief himself. A beautiful pink dress, with careful embroidery, slipped through the door. For as long as he'd known this woman, Wario had to look up to see her face; but presently, her height was just ridiculous, a riveting climb towards her blonde locks. Her lashes batted far away in the distance.

Princess Peach - at a scale as if she'd eaten a mega mushroom - entered in, happily humming. Her gloved fingers swept a table as she turned in room

The scoundrel kept his lips zipped. You haven't botched this yet. She hasn't spotted you!

Wario scanned the titanic room's details, determining where he'd landed...

[Suggested Music - Mario Party - Birthday Cake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4GJ0FRVfUk ]

The room's walls were yellow, with white clouds printed across it. The far left had an old-fashioned stove built into it, while the far right had a shelf full of cookbooks; cabinets and tables lines up in order between them. At the center of the room was a table dusty with white powder.

The castle's kitchen! Wario drooled at the delightful scents wafting into his prominent nose. He had to focus, though: treasure awaited.

The massive royal leaned to said table, stirring away at cake batter. She snuck her glove into the mixture, letting it slide into her awaiting tongue. "I think it needs something more." With a giggle, she spooned sugar into it, and spun it into the bowl.

Her blonde hair was in a net, to prevent anything from falling in; she'd put her crown up top in the counters. Wario instantly zeroed in on the glimmering gems embedded inside it. He needed it, and now!

Silently, and with superhuman grace, Wario crawled up to the lumbering footwear. He clung to the heel, beginning to climb up. His head raised to the meters and meters legs he'd have to ascend, touching the delicate skin without getting noticed. Even now, he was sliding off the spotless surface. "Oh, boy. My work's cut out for me." He spat on his palms, and tried crawling up.

Peach bent her bosom over the ingredients, taking another taste of her cake-to-be. "Delicious!" This nibble was so sweet that it made her heel pop! The bandit clinging to the smooth shoe flung into the air, launched by her maneuver.

It flung him high in the air, right towards the cabinets; and the crown that rested atop it. He flailed hopelessly as he passed her hair, ready to take the offensive. Yet, with how she ducked and turned, taking care of her dessert, she didn't even spot the little creature flying by. As soon as he reached the crown, he ducked behind a single point.

"Now, for some strawberries!" The Mushroom Kingdom's princess stepped out, her delicate soles shaking the world.

With her gone, Wario snapped up. He peeked to the left, then right. No sign of any toads, or Mushroom Kingdom toadies. He dove for a sapphire on her crown, and began unscrewing it. "Come on, come on..." It took him longer than he expected; he had to put his whole little back into it. With one deft twist, the man had it in his hands. One of the Mushroom Crown jewels, finally his!

He was ready to escape, when the sound of the monarch's return pierced his pointed ears.

[Suggested Music - Paper Mario - Hang In There, Peach!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9Piwe2Q3qs ]

Peach, returning with her fruits, had a spring in her step. A fateful, minuscule spring that translated to a little creak in the floorboards as she trotted along them. A creak that became a wiggle across the castle wall. A wiggle that became a wobble in the cabinet. A wobble that became a jolt in the tiny thief's spine.

In surprise, the jewel slipped from his iron grasp. "H-hey!" His gloved paws juggled it for a solid ten seconds before it dropped. He watched from the tabletop, shaking his cranium rapidly, as his treasure fell to the counter below - right into the cake icing.

Instantly, he leaped to its rescue - but overshot the jump. Falling past kitchen cabinets, he landed in a measuring cup. He shoulder-checked the clear glass barrier. It shook a little... But not from him. From enormous red heels re-entering the room.

The towering chef entered, bearing a bowl strawberries each larger than Wario. The scoundrel pushed harder, his glare glued to her smile. It was innocent, calm, and dangerous. Her apron made small swooshing noises, responding to her hips as they swayed towards the table. The princess loomed carelessly above the bowl, sliding a tongue over her painted lips...

"Wah, what to do..." Wario scratched his head. Reveal his location and risk royal punishment? Or watch helplessly as she baked his well-earned dough? He decided to wait; that lumbering giantess was so clueless, she'd likely leave for another ingredient.

Unfortunately, his theory was never proven. Peach had already stripped her arm of its comfortable glove, the material sliding down her flawless skin with a sickening swipe. Her dainty, slender fingers each dangled near the mix greedily. The intruder hid his eyes in both palms, cringing - but couldn't help but keep watching, as he heard a soft PLOP.

She was ready to taste-test it, and dipped her index in the mix. A heaping portion (to Wario) came out, attached to her hand - bearing the jewel's glimmer. He pushed his hands to the glass' measuring marks in despair, pushing and pushing, but it was useless.

The treasure became a lump in her throat. As the bandit stood with his jaw agape, she smacked her lips. "More sugar?"

"Gah! GAH!" In a single puff of air, Wario dashed right out of the glass, breaking it apart. "You swallowed my treasure, you idiot!"

The Mushroom monarch hummed inquisitively, blinking - and the expanse of her body flung back, dress making sonic booms as it wooshed below. She beheld this small thing that generated such a loud noise. Minuscule, but with a yellow that stood out from her other tabletop items - and signs of glass shards poking from out of him.

"Wario?" A titanic, dainty hand reached out, carefully navigating past the counter's sweets and seasonings, and casting a slender shadow from the lamp's warm light. Her head leaned in closer, mouth open in curiosity. "Who did this to you? Poor thing..." The voice, even at its loud pitch, was a gentle breeze of creamy sweetness that floated refreshingly into his whiskers. Her finger crossed his hat in sympathy, trying to ease this little thing's obvious pain.

In there, in the charming face that betrayed a cruelly-churning emerald sea, his gemstone lay. It lay, and wailed for him. If he waited too long, it may already be forever lost, flushed down the princess' "throne".... He called to his love: "Wait up, I'm-a comin' to save you!"

With wild abandon, Wario flung himself into the pink lips. Peach's thin neck recoiled backwards, her pupils widening to perfect saucers as she felt the uninvited visitor enter her maw.

His wide hips caught between both plump masses. "Urgh, come on..." Both legs wobbled violently, tiny-but-still-manly shoulders inching backwards and forwards. With a clumsy grip, his tiny hands grasped the blonde's titanic taste buds, and snapped himself forward deftly. The tongue shot him forward like a slingshot, free from the wet masses squeezing him, forward into her uvula. He bounced in a zigzagging pattern through the muscular tunnel of her throat, finally landing solidly into a creamy glob of batter.

Wario dusted himself off, gobbling a healthy bite of the creamy goodness himself. There was no way he could forgive this mega-sized ditz!... Even if she WAS a good chef. Licking his lips and dodging his mustache, he wadded through in the swampy inner land, hunting for the stone buried within. Wetness clawed at his green-shoed ankles...

Peach stood blankly for a moment. Following that, she sat blankly. Having sufficiently experimented with both of those problem-solving methods, she lay down blankly. Her face cast up to the ceiling, looking at the shelves. She tapped her stomach as if it was going to explode, finger shaking. "Toadsworth?..."

With the stealth of a ninja, and the grace of an elephant, her trusted servant slid in the kitchen. "At your service, my lady?"

She placed a hand on her forehead. "I've either eaten something I shouldn't have..." It moved to her abdomen. "Or someone I shouldn't have?"

WWW

Wario, within the bubbling gut, had just unearthed the jewel from its glob prison. He cheered for victory, holding it in the air - just as the emerald seas surrounding him roared with volcanic fury. As the massive monarch went horizontal, torrential acids washed across the tiny scoundrel. It poured into his chiseled features and firm abs with such unyielding force that he cringed. The acidic wave sent him crashing into a pink wall, jamming his posterior end into the tender tissue.

"WAH! Watch where you're going!" He grumbled, wringing out his yellow cap, then doing the same with his mustache. As he wiped the remains of a mushroom off his overalls, he noticed something missing. What? His clothes had a hole, sure... The stinging enzymes were starting to melt his feet, that was a given... But the treasure! The raging ocean of Peach's tummy had cruelly pulled the gem from his mitts!

A blue glimmer caught his ready eye. The gem bobbed in the liquids, tormented by the waves. "HEY! Give that back!" His arms went instantly into overdrive, doggy-paddling against the current. Great waves of green soaked him further, pushing back - only hardening Wario's resolve. He rowed faster and faster after the treasure, shoveling back waves of sticky half-melted sweets with each splash.

Thundering quakes below. The woman was stomping off somewhere - and rubbing her immense belly. The simple action churned the mushy waters, and sent the soaking thief up and down with each fall of her red heel.

*SPLASH*

In midair, Wario still paddled for the jewel, ignoring the stinging in his limbs. He dove into the sea, then -

*SPLASH*

Taking a sniff of the sickly-sweet air, the shrunken bandit eyed his prize, grabbed his cap for support, and dove forward. He plunged underwater again, before -

*SPLASH*

"Hah... Hah... Hold still!"

What was Peach doing, anyway?