“Come on… come on!!!” Muhammad screamed at no one in particular in his Middle Eastern accent. He laid on the horn of his yellow cab, backed up in wall-to-wall traffic. He flicked the nearly spent cigarette in his left hand out the driver side window, grumbling to himself. He’d been a cab driver in New York City for nearly three years now, and he knew all about the early morning congestion, but this was beyond ridiculous.
His passenger in the back seat, a middle-aged man in an expensive suit talking on his iPhone, looked at his wristwatch and rolled his eyes. He wrapped the back of his knuckles against the clear plastic barrier separating him from Muhammad.
“Yeah, yeah…” Muhammad grumbled, taking another cigarette out of his chest pocket, fitting it between his lips and lighting it with a cheap lighter. He exhaled a large plume of grey smoke, and with his free hand, grabbed the charm on his necklace – a calligraphic representation of the word Allah - and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger unconsciously. He knew he had to stop smoking, for his kids, but it sure as hell wasn’t happening on a day like this. The entire street was frozen like a parking lot, causing Muhammad to grind his teeth. Every second he wasn’t on the move was another fare he wouldn’t be getting.
Muhammad started twisting the radio dial, trying to find a local road report. There had to be a major accident or something to freeze traffic like this. He figured if he knew where it was, then maybe he could get around it. As he zoned in and out of 90s hits, dance pop, and static, he noticed in his peripheral vision more than a couple of people running on the sidewalks in the direction his cab was facing. “Finally,” he sighed, landing on a 24/7 news station.
“…multiple reports have been surfacing confirming the same unbelievable news. The NYPD has already released an emergency bulletin encouraging everyone to remain calm, and seek shelter immediately in an orderly fashion. Again, reports have emerged of a giant woman…”
Muhammad was only half-listening to the radio as he noticed dozens of people not only running on the sidewalks, but between the gridlocked cars as well. One ran right into his driver side mirror, causing it to snap and hang down the door with a clank.
“Hey Asshole!” Muhammad yelled, “Are you gonna pay for that?!”
The guy just kept running. Muhammad then realized people weren’t just running, but screaming too. He also thought he felt a slight vibration, like an earthquake. The Yankees bobble head on his dashboard rattled up and down, proving at least that Muhammad wasn’t crazy.
“What the hell is going on…” he mumbled under his breath, reaching out to re-attach the driver side mirror to the car. When he popped it back in, he was confused by what he saw in the reflective surface. It looked like a beautiful, naked blond woman, only she was the size of a skyscraper. She was blocks away, yet Muhammad could make out her individual features without even squinting – her round hips, her incredibly shapely breasts, and even the slight smirk on her plump, pink lips.
Boooom
The woman stepped forward, and Muhammad for sure felt and heard the impact this time. With a single step, she had gained so much ground that he couldn’t even see her face in the small mirror anymore. Instead, it was completely filled by the two gravity-defying boobs sitting high on her chest. Muhammad couldn’t fathom how true the sticker reading “objects in mirror are larger than they appear” was at this moment.
Boooooooooooooom
The giantess took another slow step forward. Muhammad gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles threatened to pierce through the skin. He slowly sunk down into his seat, now staring into the rear-view mirror. All he could see were the woman’s calves, which looked like the trunks of two enormous redwood trees, only skin coloured. Muhammad’s trembling mouth opened in terror as he briefly saw one of the gigantic feet raising into the sky, and quickly out of the mirror’s view range.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
“HEY JACKASS!” the passenger in the back screamed at the same time the giant foot landed a few car lengths behind them. He was nearly frothing at the mouth he was so angry, too indulged in his cell phone to even notice what was happening around him. “If you don’t get this piece of shit moving, you’re gonna cost me a million dollar deal. Hey. Hey fuck face! Are you listening to me?” He saw Muhammad staring into the rear-view mirror, but could tell he was looking past him, not at him, and that really pissed him off. “Look at me right now, or so help me God I will get out of this car and stomp the sh…”
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Muhammad couldn’t even hear the squealing of metal, the shattering of glass, or the popping of every bone in his passenger’s body as a giant toe completely sheared the back half of his cab off, crushing it into oblivion. Blood poured from Muhammad’s head as his ear drums exploded in unison with the windshield and side-windows, which misted into a million shards from the impact. Shaking as if dying of hypothermia, Muhammad slowly turned around, and was face-to-face with what had to be a ten foot wall of flesh. At the top, he noticed a different type of matter that was semi-transparent. As soon as he realized he was actually staring at her enormous toenail, the impossibly giant toe started lifting into the air again.
Sticking his head out of the window, Muhammad looked up at the unimaginable view above him. The giant woman’s crotch was now directly overhead, over a hundred feet in the air. Muhammad refused to blink, his eyes glued to the gigantic, pink pussy that could easily accommodate a commercial airplane like it was a smaller-than-average penis. Even sitting directly under this colossal woman, he couldn’t believe his own eyes. Seconds ago, he was sitting in traffic like any other day on the job. And now he was sitting in a half-destroyed cab, with the blood and guts of another human splattered over the back of his head.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Now deaf, Muhammad couldn’t even hear the terrifying boom as the woman’s left foot landed, crushing God knows what. He could feel the vibrations though, rattling every bone in his body. He was now looking up at her tremendous ass. His brain had enough sanity left for him to recognize how attractive her butt was – impressively curvaceous, plump, and stunning. However, he also realized that all she had to do was sit down and he would turn into a red stain, just like his former passenger under her big toe.
With the door frame bent and destroyed from her single step, Muhammad crawled out of the window as the giant continued sauntering down the street. He hopped up on the hood of his car and surveyed the path of destruction she had left. Her gargantuan footprints left craters in the street, filled with flattened cars and what Muhammad assumed were piles of clothes that only seconds prior contained people, before they were squished into nothingness. Some survivors huddled together on the sidewalks, while others ran around, screaming in utter chaos. He could even see body parts of people just around the edges of the giant craters, clearly from people not as lucky as himself – completely obliterated and unnoticed by this giant bombshell.
Muhammad thought he was looking at a warzone, only worse. This was worse than anything he had ever seen in his home country… worse than anything he ever thought was possible. He slowly turned around to look at the source of all this destruction, and was once again greeted by the sexiest ass he had ever laid his eyes on, which just so happened to match the height of the surrounding buildings. He wondered how something so incredibly beautiful could be so calamitous. She turned to go down another street, however before doing so, she turned her head around to gaze over her own path of destruction.
The first thing Muhammad noticed was the big smile on the giantess’ face as she looked down at the tiny street. He swore that her crystal blue eyes were staring directly at him, like he was the one that got away. The one that should’ve been effortlessly grinded into dust under her inconceivable weight. Yet here he was, staring up at this blown-up playboy bunny who appeared to be not only unstoppable, but proud of the chaos she was sowing. Slowly, her lips joined together before forming an ‘O’ shape.
“BOOOOOOO!” she rumbled, mockingly. Muhammad could feel the ground tremble beneath him, all from the low vibrations of her enormous vocal cords. As the behemoth turned away and slowly continued her death march down another street, Muhammad’s trembling fingers crept up to his faithful necklace. With a deep exhale, he ripped the charm off the cheap chain, and threw it over his shoulder into the giant’s footprint. Muhammad’s new goddess had just spoken directly to him, and there literally wasn’t enough room in this world for two deities.