----- The week after the incident

My leg was getting better but it would take a long time to get over losing Jill and that wasn't going to start until at least Thursday -- that's when the funeral was set.

Erin was taking care of me for the most part with the others helping out. I wish she would let the others help her more but Erin insisted that it was her duty to be my primary caretaker. I took a shower Tuesday morning. I could take showers but no baths due to the stitches in my leg. Erin again insisted that she be in the shower with me as I did so. She was afraid I would fall, or pass out, or get athletes foot or something. It was fun leaning against her in the shower though, looking up at her beautiful boobies, the water cascading over them down on my head. I let her dry me off too.

Even though that damned bullet left a third of an inch of a hole in my leg, it seems my leg likes being whole rather than having a hole. It was healing faster than I thought it could. By Wednesday I was almost fully walking. But then I learned an awful truth.

I was up early that morning and met Cindy in the living room.

"What? No naked tea this morning?"

"Would you like naked tea?"

"It's just unusual seeing you with clothes on in the morning, Cindy."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "If you had been up early the past few days you'd know it's not unusual for me to wear clothes."

"If my leg was better I would be up walking around early."

"I noticed you're not in the chair this morning. Your leg must be feeling better."

"It is. So, why are you clothed?"

"I figured it would be less stress on you."

"Thanks for thinking of me."

"Give me a hug."

We approached and hugged in the middle of the living room. Then we almost immediately stepped away from each other. Cindy looked me up and down. We both knew.

"Sam?"

"Shit! Not again!"

"You shrunk!"

"I know."

"Come close, let me see."

I did and she measured where my head was in relation to her. It was below her chin now, whereas before the top of my head was about eye level. I lost four or five inches.

I should have known; every time I get hurt or sick this happens. FML!

"What're you going to do?"

"What the fuck can I do? Nothing. Just get used to it."

"I feel bad for you."

"I feel worse for Jill."

"I wish there were something I could say."

"Something to make me taller? Like abracadabra?"

"Abracadabra."

"Eh. Didn't work."

"Ohhh, Sam."

Cindy, who used I used to consider petite, was now roughly a head taller. Damn getting sick and hurt! I just have to take consolation in the fact that I have so many wonderful people around me who care and are trying to help me.

Gail had stayed even though the danger of Billy coming after her had been eliminated. She really wanted to take care of me, she felt an obligation to do so, she said. I assured her she had no such obligation, but I'm happy she felt otherwise.

"Good morning, you two." Gail said.

We both looked at her, not saying anything.

"I see cat's got both of your tongues."

Cindy and I looked at each other. It was then that Gail suspected something wasn't right.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Cindy looked at me. I looked at Gail. "I shrunk. Again."

"What?"

"I shrunk, Gail. It always happens when I'm sick or injured. It doesn't matter if I take PDQ or not. I only missed the meds one day, Friday. But look." I said standing and holding my arms out.

Gail came closer.

"Oh my God, Sam. You're right."

I rolled my eyes.

"Wait. It could be your leg. Maybe when it heals more you'll get a little taller. Or, it's making you bend. That's it. It's like you're slunching over or something. It'll straighten out and you'll be taller when it heals some more."

"Slunching?"

"You know what I mean."

"Whatever but no, Gail. I'm shorter. Period."

"I'm so sorry."

"Eeyup."

"If it weren't for me, Billy wouldn't be coming after you."

"Gail! Let's not go over this again. It's not your fault."

She sat down on the couch looking dejected. I took a seat next to her.

"I wish I could do something for you, Sam."

"Me too. But there isn't anything that can be done."

I looked over to the dining room and saw Zoe standing at the threshold to the living room.

"Did you hear that, Zoe?"

She nodded. Her face was sad. Then she turned and walked away. I didn't see her until much later.

I got up and started for the bedroom.

"Where are you going, Sam?"

"The funeral's tomorrow. Just my luck, my dress suit won't fit anymore. I'm going to find out. You might have to drive me to the store to buy something new, Gail. That is if I can find something that fits there."

"Okay, I'll drive you."

"Let me make check first. I'm still moving slow so it will take a moment before I reach the room."

Gail had taken off from work, but Cindy still had to go in. Time was moving fast toward her last day at the school where she worked and the day that she'd be moving to Arizona. Zoe had taken the week off too.

I let Erin take the car this week and she was out since last night with Fred. I suppose Fred's parents are getting used to her if they let her spend the night there with him. She needed some time away from me with all that she had been doing for me nearly twenty four hours a day. I insisted she go out. She would be back tonight after work and we would be going to the funeral together tomorrow.

I was up but I still moped around all day. Zoe had been mostly avoiding me, or at least not talking to me, all this week. She talked to others but for some reason didn't say much to me. I'll have to rectify that.

That night I asked her to help me find some sheet music in the office. I shut the door and locked it. No, I didn't lock it, but it sounds dramatic, doesn't it? I did have her cornered though. It was time to talk. So I thought.

"What's wrong, Zoe?"

She shrugged.

"Did I do something?"

"No."

"Did I say something to hurt you?"

"No."

"Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I'm talking to you."

"You haven't been the last few days."

"Yes, I have."

"Not much. Is it Jill, Zoe?"

"Not now. Later, okay?"

"Are you okay?"

"Sam, we're all hurting over Jill. Save it for later."

"Fine."

"It's not you, Sam. Not directly. It's me."

"Okay."

That went really well, didn't it?



----- Funeral

My suit barely fit but I pressed it yesterday and at least looked decent enough. I decided to bring the wheelchair since I didn't know how long I'd have to stand for the services and the funeral and such. I could walk, but standing in one spot for too long made my leg hurt. I had the pain killers with me but that was just in case. I didn't want to fall asleep.

I knew most of the people that showed up for Jill's funeral. Everyone from the clinic was there. The staff. My group. Tee's group. And Julie was there.

It was so sad. Everyone was crying. I certainly couldn't hold back.

Everyone walked up to me and said how sorry they were. I felt like shit because I knew exactly what happened. I knew I didn't save her when the time came. They were treating me as if I were the victim. As if I were her family. Yes, I loved her as a sister, but Julie was her family. Everyone, please go tell Julie how sorry you are instead of me!

Seeing Jill in the coffin one last time was horrifying. Seeing Julie's mother cry over her was even worse. My heart felt so low I thought it was going to just stop. If it had stopped I wouldn't have cared.

I spied Caleb standing off to the side when we were all leaving. I approached him.

"Hi Caleb."

"Oh, hi, Sam."

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"My loss? What about you?"

"I tried, Caleb. I really tried to save her. Forgive me."

"You don't need my forgiveness."

"On Thursday, before the, uh, incident, I invited Jill to come over that Saturday. She asked if she could bring you and of course I said yes. I don't know how close you two were but I'm sorry that it's now gone."

"That's what she must have meant."

"Meant about what?"

"She said it was time to come out in the open about our relationship. It doesn't matter anymore."

"I'm so sorry. Look, I want you to know that you're always invited over to my place. If you just want to talk about Jill, or anything, or just want to hang out. Whatever. You were a friend of Jill so that makes you my friend too."

"Thanks. I don't know what I'm going to do now."

"At least, take care of yourself."

They had a thing going after the funeral at Julie's house -- a wake. I didn't feel like going but Julie would be there. We'd have a chance to talk, so I went. I don't know if I could have squirmed my way out of going anyway; Erin would have dragged me there against my will.

I found Julie but she didn't want to talk. I should have known. This wasn't the right time.

"Hi, Julie."

"Sam."

"I ..."

"Yeah."

"Can we get together and talk sometime? Soon?"

"Maybe."

"Can I call you later? Say in a couple days?"

"Nothing's stopping you."

"Will you answer this time?"

"Okay. I'll answer."

"Did you get my message last week telling you about Jill?"

"I did. I wished I had answered it sooner. I promise I'll answer from now on. We heard about Jill from the police."

"I'm so sorry, Julie." I said. My eyes started getting wet.

"It's ok, Sam. Please don't cry."

"Okay." I said wiping the tears out of my eyes. "I tried. I'm sorry. Give me a second." I found it hard to talk.

"Take your time."

"I should be the strong one. You're the one who lost a sister."

"I have to stay strong for Mom but if you keep that up I'll lose it."

"I feel like it's my fault about Jill. I should have done something earlier."

"Not now, Sam."

"Julie, we need to talk. Can you come over to the house this weekend?"

"It depends on how Mom feels."

"Well, when you have time. I miss you."

"I ..." then she turned away. I got the message and left her alone for the rest of the time we were there.

I did get a chance to give my condolences to Mom. Getting the chance to talk to her, even a little, helped me emotionally. Funny how that works. I started the conversation for her to feel better instead.

All in all, a pretty shitty day. I was physically tired and emotionally drained when I got home. I went to bed early.



----- Friday

I got up early the next day too. In a way, now that Jill was buried, I felt a little better. I felt I could get on with life once again. Hopefully, Julie felt the same.

I had a visit with the surgeon at his office, a couple blocks down from the hospital. After filling out tons of paperwork and waiting for an hour I finally saw him.

"Let's see what it looks like, shall we?" he said as he took off the bandage.

I had to remove my pants first. Erin was in the room with me. They had asked if it was okay with me and of course I said it was.

"It's healing nicely. Let me take these few stitches out for you."

"Can I take one out?"

"Why?"

"Just to prove I'm tough."

"Ok, tough guy."

"I'm planning on getting back into martial arts. This will make a good story."

"Are you going to tell them you only took one out?"

"No way. I took all of them out. With my teeth."

"I see. There are more stitches deeper down but they will dissolve soon if they haven't already."

"When can I take a bath?"

"Tonight. You like baths?"

"I usually take showers but it's just being allowed to take baths that's important."

"Going to take one today?"

"Yep. Because I can."

The surgeon chuckled. "I want you to make another appointment at the receptionist's desk for next week. Everything looks good on the outside but we want the inside to heal too. Don't practice martial arts until I say you're ready. I don't want you busting anything inside, okay?"

"Sure."

"If everything keeps healing like it has been you should be fine. How much are you using the wheelchair?"

"Hardly any. You see I don't have it with me today."

"I suspected. I have to say: I have never seen a bullet wound such as yours heal so fast. You keep taking care of that and you'll be doing spinning kicks in no time."

"Spinning kicks make me dizzy, but thanks, doc."

I made Erin stop at the ice cream shop. Ice cream would not only taste great, I was hoping it would lift my spirits. That and the good news from the doctor did just that.

"Erin."

"What?"

"I figured while I have you eating ice cream I'd break the bad news to you."

"What bad news?"

"I'm going to put the pedal extensions back on tomorrow. You won't be able to drive the car anymore."

"Please. Just one more day."

"Okay. Sunday then." I could resist almost anyone, but not Erin.

"Thanks, Sam."

"What are brothers for?"

"They're for lending their cars to their sister when in need."

"How about we see about buying you your own car."

"Really?"

"It's about time. How much do you have saved up?"

"A thousand dollars."

"That's all?"

"Well I have to buy dresses for work."

"Okay. We'll work this out."

"Oh, thank you, Sam." she said hugging me and kissing me on the cheek.

Helping her buy a car was the least I could do for her after all she's done for me this week. Honestly, I've never seen her work so hard without a complaint. Not a squeak or grumble. Nada. She's the best, ya know!

I was happy to tell the other gals at home about the doctor's visit. They were relieved if not surprised. The burial had given us closure. There was still one more thing left. But the good news from the doctor did pick the mood up a bit for everyone.

I was in bed Friday night when Zoe came to see me.

"Hey. Whatcha doin?" I asked her.

"I was just online."

"Okay."

"I notified everyone in the group about the passing and burial of darknose."

"Oh, I see."

"And I told them about Julie."

"What about her?"

"That she and ... I mean that Jill wasn't really to blame."

"No, she wasn't."

"I didn't treat Jill right, did I, Sam?"

"You weren't mean to her."

"No. But I could have been nicer. I should have been. We could have been good friends."

"I know. Is that why you haven't been talking to me? You feel guilty?"

"No."

"Oh?"

"I ..." she couldn't finish her sentence and tears came to her eyes.

"I-I, ah-haaaaaa." Now she was outright wailing.

I pulled her to me and held her. "It's ok, Zoe. I'm here."

She stopped and wiped the tears away. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"No. No. You didn't."

"They said ... they said you might not make it."

"Who said that?"

"The doctors at the hospital."

"I made it. I'm fine."

"Sam, you're all I've got. Please don't leave me."

"First, I'm not going to leave. Second, I'm not all you have. You have friends here. You have a job. You'll make it no matter what."

"It's not your choice. Things happen. We were lucky this time."

"Actually, it was my choice."

"What if you get shot again?"

"I'll come back to you again."

"I was so scared. I've already lost one lover, I can't lose another."

"Well she told me to take care of you so that's what I'm going to do."

"Who?"

"Your other lover, Samantha."

"When?"

"I guess it was when I was on the operating table. I told you it was my choice."

"What choice?"

"To live."

"How?"

"You know how they talk about the big light?"

"A near-death experience. I know."

"I saw it."

"That was your brain reacting to all the chemicals that course through it when you're dying. See? You were close, Sam."

"It was more than that."

"I'm sure it seemed that way."

"Remember our dreams together?"

"Yes."

"It was like that."

"It was?"

"Yep."

"You know what this means? This is scary."

"Sammie was there."

"She made a big impression in your life. I'm sure she was on your mind."

"She asked me to choose the light or the other way."

"And you chose the other way?"

"She said there would be suffering if I went back, and you know what?"

"What?"

"She was right. So right."

"I'm sorry."

"Samantha also had a message for you."

"She did? What?"

"Let me see if I can get the right words. She said to tell my little daisy that spring is here and it is time for her to bloom."

"What?"

"Spring has come, yeah that's it; spring has come and it's time for my little daisy to bloom. And for me to take care of you."

"You've been reading my diaries."

"I didn't even know you had a diary."

"How did you know Sam's pet name for me? I never told you."

"Sammie told me."

"No. No, no, no."

"Calm down."

"No. It can't be!"

"What's wrong?"

"She said time to bloom?"

"Yeah."

She stared at me for a few seconds, then more tears came to her. She ran out of the room.

What did I do now?