----- After thirty some odd years

Sam is ...

No, I can't do this.

I promised him, but I just can't. Give me some time, please.


----- A week later

I'm sorry. This is Julie. I wrote that bit above last week, and I just couldn't finish it though, I have to. I promised Sam I would do this for him. He knows how much everyone would like to hear the rest of his story. I left that bit up there to let you know how hard this is for me.

It pains me to inform you that Sam passed away two weeks ago. I'm having such a hard time keeping it together. I have to be strong for the kids. They're not kids anymore but they'll always be our kids. I can't imagine what they're going through. They adored their father.

It's been about thirty years since Sam wrote last and so much has happened. We've been so busy raising kids and priorities change when you become a parent. He wanted you to know all about it but there's too much to touch on other than the high points and I'm not sure where to start.

First, I want to tell you something that Sam was always bashful about: we're rich. He didn't need to work but he loved his job. He made well into the six figures at work but that's not why we have so much money. Sam wrote, sang and published songs throughout his life and this brought in tons of money. Millions! He rarely performed in public except at Mike's. It no longer belongs to Mike but we still call it that. You see, we own it now. I run it, among other things. We've made investments in real estate and that's a large part of our fortune too.

I stopped working for others long ago and have been taking care of our business for many years. I do all the work but I've always had Sam there to guide me or help with any questions and he's always been an inspiration to achieve more.

Zoe became a partner in a therapy group. She has her PhD and despite the fact that Gail and her have been threatening to move out forever, they still live with us. And we love that they do. I love that they do. It's going to be hard to say 'me' rather than 'us'.

Gail and Zoe have been great trying to console me and the kids, even though I know how much grief they've been going through over this. They're the greatest.

Sam was so proud of Daisy; we all are. She received her own PhD in political science from Yale and her JD from Harvard. She's been in politics ever since and is now running for a Senate seat. She's the leading candidate so it looks like she'll be our next Senator!

In a move that's ironic, given her mother's distaste for guns, Daisy competed in all sorts of shooting sports including skeet and trap, and something called 3-gun, all through school. She's won all sorts of contests and has been a national champion more than once.

Jill teaches high school English in the next district over. She lives close enough to us and comes over often; especially to use the pool. She's a swim team coach in the summer and it was swimming on the college team that put her through college. Just like Daisy, she had a scholarship and we didn't need to pay her tuition, although we've given grants to their respective schools.

Since I'm talking of grants, I'll say that we also fund an operation that coordinates research into Borgford's disease. I'll be proposing to them next week that they change their name to the Sam Cook foundation. It seems Bettina got her wish about bringing about such an organization, only it's a bit different than her original vision. She'll be running it mostly, by the way, and Taylor is the lead researcher.

Gabe is a cop. I don't like that he's putting his life on the line every day but it could be worse. With war looming on the horizon, he could have been drafted. However, by being in public service he's exempt from the draft. Just like his sister Daisy, he's a top shot with firearms. That's what got him interested in law enforcement; it's a profession where he gets to use his gun. Fortunately, he's never had to shoot it except for practice.

I believe that when Sam wrote last Vincent hadn't been born, or even conceived. Gail wanted to have her own child so much and her and I discussed it amongst ourselves privately for months. Then Gail talked to Zoe about it I broke it to Sam. Gail wanted no one other than Sam to be the father of her child and seeing how successful Sam's other children turned out, despite the virus, she became nearly obsessed about the subject and the two finally had a baby boy they named Vincent.

He's no longer a boy, though you wouldn't think that to look at him. At twenty five years old he looks more like a short eight year old. The PDQ didn't work well, but we all suspect Vince didn't take his meds on purpose. You see, he doesn't want to be tall. He thinks being small is special and I can't disagree with that sentiment although we all admonish him for not taking his meds regularly. At least he reminds me of Sam and I get to hold him in my arms whenever I want. Vince loves this and I love him as if he were my own.

Vince is pretty smart too; he has a bachelor of science degree in mechanical engineering. We're all proud of him too, but none prouder than Daisy. The two have a special bond. And Vince also has a special bond with Sue. I shouldn't tell you this but Sam wanted you to know that we suspect the two have been having sexual relations. Like his father, I'm sure the boy is giving off those pheromones. Even I can feel it, the way he reminds me of Sam. But it seems Sue can't help herself. And neither can Vince -- Sue is very pretty and she looks like an even shorter eight year old child than Vince does. Only one with breasts.

Vince loves cars and wanted to design them as a career, however his life took a different turn and he's become a journalist instead. What's worse, he's a political journalist. This puts him in a unique place to help Daisy: he's on her team to become elected.

Mom loves all the kids, including Vince. She cannot stop talking of the grandchildren and loves the fact that she's a grandmother. Mom doesn't come over to the house as much as she used to since the kids have all moved out, but she's been here the past week to help me since the funeral. It's going to be lonely around this house, even with Zoe, Gail and Sue still here. It's been that way since the kids grew up but now so much more so that Sam is gone.

Before Sam left us we became grandparents. Our daughter Jill who has two children: a two year old girl, Sharon, and a seven year old boy named Harold after his father. Sam loved and spent lots of time with all of our grandchildren, writing and singing songs for them. Thank goodness he recorded them. It will be his eternal gift to the grandkids.

Big Harold, Jill's husband, is not so big; he has Borgford's too but caught it late in life and dwindled down to four foot nine inches tall, whereas Jill is six five. It's a big disparity in size, but nowhere near that of Sam and I. We are proud of Jill for everything. She doesn't make as much money being a teacher but we feel that she's worth as much as any of our kids.

Then there is our son Gabe who has a little boy, Lucas. Gabe and his wife were high school sweethearts. She was a cheerleader and Gabe played football in addition to shooting in high school. Sam wanted him to wrestle but Gabe always said that football, shooting and the martial arts he learned were combative enough. At the college where Gabe majored in criminal justice, he was in the drama club instead of sports. He kept in shape though. After college he married and they waited until they had bought a house before having kids. He refused any monetary help from us, although we could have afforded it quite comfortably.

We all want Daisy and Vince to have kids, but Daisy is too busy and Vince, I don't know, he's too young or carefree or just enjoys being single -- take your pick. Daisy has been dating a boy, or I should say a man, who's a federal prosecutor. Zoe doesn't like him very much but it's Daisy's life and she's done exceptional with it so far so I have nothing to complain about. Zoe thinks Daisy should at least go for someone who defends against federal prosecutions if she's going to date a lawyer. Zoe's set in her ways though. I wish them lots of luck. He is going to need it.

I should tell you about Sue. She's been living with us off and on, mostly on, for the past few decades. I believe Sam told you about her special situation. Sam and I had decided to remain faithful to each other after getting married, but that didn't last long. Every once in a while he'd spend the night with Zoe or Gail or both. In fact, so did I. You can condemn us for it, but I could tell you that you that I bet you have something scandalous in your life too. They're not skeletons in the closet, it's just a lifestyle we have all chosen as informed adults. Plus, there's that PDQ libido enhancing thing going on in our house, but no excuses; we know what we're doing.

Anyway, Sue started having problems. It led to Sue having no friends in her life and she was wasting away. She would replace taking PDQ with other drugs and then the inevitable would happen: she'd shrink. We took her in. She was too good a friend not to help.

At first she wouldn't stay. She'd go away for days but always would find her way back to our doorstep and we'd take her back in, get her back on PDQ, and try to keep her from disappearing again. The only way we could ensure she'd stay here would be to promise her sex; Sam to the rescue. But also Gail and Zoe and sometimes even Ava would spend the night with her; I have too. We all really do love Sue and hate what happened in her life.

I have no idea how Sam's death is going to affect Sue. She's still here and hasn't left the past few years, and is here even now after Sam's passing. That is a good sign. Vince is here for a few days and I know it cheers her up. But I don't know how she'll handle things when he's gone. She doesn't do much but take care of the pool, the house and the yard for us; the little bit that she can do. The pool is a constant maintenance nightmare so it's a good thing, but the best is that it gives her something to do. It seems Sue and Vince are the only two to have used the pool since Sam's passing.

But you should have seen Sue trying to convince Ava to skinny dip that first time many years ago. Sue is now much smaller than her and kept trying to pull Ava's clothes off but Ava was too strong. Ava finally did relent and the two spent a whole evening skinny dipping together that night before disappearing into Sue's room. If I recall correctly, Vince disappeared that night too. To give you an idea of their sizes, because I know Sam would have wanted me to tell you: Ava is three nine, Sue is one foot and eleven inches tall, and Vince is down to two foot eight inches. The only one I know smaller than Sue is Tee.

Sharon and Caleb have one boy and one girl: Ethan and Abigail. She's in high school and he's working as a cook like his father. They used to come over and play in the pool a lot. I'm hoping that won't stop now that Sam is gone. I'm so happy for Sharon that she found someone to spend a lifetime with, and to have and raise kids. Their children are so sweet, just like their mother and father.

Their son Ethan is like Sam: short. The trouble is that Ethan's younger sister, Abby, is not -- she's over a head taller then him, despite the fact that she has the virus too. She teases Ethan about it. To say he doesn't like it is like saying torture doesn't hurt very much. Jill used to spend time with Ethan and make him feel good about his height and he has since grown to love his stature. Now he's dating a girl who is much taller. They're a cute couple. Ethan also sings with his mother. That's something his sister cannot say for herself; she's tone deaf. As with the others, I love all of them to no end.

Cindy and Gabe are still in Arizona but they came back here for the funeral. They have three lovely kids: Sam, Theresa and Julio, but they're all grown too. Their Sam came with them to the funeral. He always did take to his namesake even though they saw each other little. But every time we'd visit, he'd run up to to Uncle Sam and hug him.

Tee is still living in Arizona too, and she came back for the funeral with Cindy and Gabe. She brought Kaycee with her this time; the two have become very close. I don't know why, after all these years, they haven't been married. They're staying at Tee's parents house and have planned to stay here for another two weeks. I think Tee's parents have accepted the fact that she lives with a girl, but that's the least of the curves Tee has thrown them, not that they're all her fault.

Tee has a special bond with Ethan. If you've read Sam's story then you know how close she is to Sharon, Ethan's mother. I believe Tee being so small has given Ethan inspiration and has helped as much as Jill has in getting him comfortable with his own stature.

Tee's saga is a long one, and she's written about it, but I must say, the poor girl is shorter than Zoe now. I love holding her like all the others -- she's like a baby in my arms -- but she's also my hero. You'll understand why when you read her story.

And speaking of babies, all of them look so young, unlike me. I may have the height but that just means that I'm now eight feet four inches of wrinkles and gray hair. Sam never seemed to get older and still looked like a teenager as do the rest of them. He kept his stamina in bed too. I couldn't keep up with him and the nights he spent with others would be the nights I could get a long restful sleep. I'm not sure if its the virus itself, or the drugs or even the pheromones, but Sam kept it up until his death.

Sam had wondered a lot why I decided to marry him so readily when he asked. It is simply because I love him. He was everything to me in high school but then we broke up, I hurt him for it, not knowing at the time how much or even caring. My heart was lifted when we reunited after he had come back from school. I moved in with him and finished my schooling and things were going very well. I started growing, which at first made me elated, but then I began to realize that not only was I different, people were treating me different.

Some wanted to be near me and treated me with respect. Some wanted nothing to do with me. That hurt but I now that I'm older and wiser I realize that they were being petty.

The worst part was when Sam started shrinking. I tried to tell myself it wasn't my fault and to ignore it but it kept eating at me and kept changing my behavior. It wasn't enough that everyone was treating me different, I felt different. I felt bad. Elation gave way to sadness. I did some mean things to Sam and others and I didn't like this new dark side of me. Before, I dare not act in such a way, but by becoming bigger I could get away with it. It was just too easy. I didn't tell Sam this until we had been married for several years but I began to hate myself. I, at one time, even tried to seek out someone with the virus so that I could catch it and become closer to Sam's size and become part of his group. I realized very late that I was always a part of Sam's group.

Many bad things happened and I kind of left Sam but always stayed in his life and I told myself that I could always go back whenever I wanted but that never happened until one night I pissed Sam off and he threw me out of his house and out of his life.

That time it was his decision, not mine. That time I couldn't go back by my own choice. That time it would be forever if Sam wanted it and it seemed like that was exactly what he wanted. I had strung him along way too much and I know Sam does not make decisions lightly. I thought that was it and I felt the worst I'd ever felt in my life.

Fortunately, it was, as Sam said himself, a mistake on his part, and I was so relieved when he apologized to me. I knew that one day he would ask me to marry him and I knew all along that there would be no way I could refuse. Maybe he waited too long, or maybe I pushed him away with my actions after he started shrinking. I knew I had hurt him greatly and he never deserved such pain. Nobody does.

But Sam didn't let the shrinking stop him and he didn't let my growth get in the way of our relationship. I did, because I couldn't handle it. In my defense, it happened too fast for me. I blamed it on the inversion table and it got to where I didn't even want to be near one. Sam inherently knew how I felt and would tease me about my growth in an effort to lighten my mood. It didn't always work, but sometimes it did and I love him for that. We gave the inversion table to Sharon for Ethan to use in the hopes that he would get taller; the poor boy deserved it at the time.

So what did I see in Sam you might ask? I'm not sure I can answer that. He was always kind to everyone. He was honest and worked hard. He was smart. He was handsome; even when our sizes changed I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. I can barely remember the time when I had to look up to him physically, but our sizes changed so much that it got to where I was afraid I would accidentally hurt him. I knew I must be intimidating to him; I would have been in his shoes. But I loved being able to pick him up and cuddle him like a baby.

I can't explain love and I don't think anyone can so I won't. I loved it when Sam spent time with other girls and if they made him feel good then that made me feel good. But he would have sex only with those that we both knew and loved. It's true -- I love Zoe and Gail. I even love Sue. And Tee and Cindy and especially Sharon. I didn't realize it at the time but Cindy had such a big influence on our lives.

I had slept with other guys, mostly as an experiment and later in the hopes that someone might give me the virus that had infected Sam and his friends. None of them meant to me as much as Sam did. Sleeping with Sam's friends however were different. I have to thank Erin, Sam's sister, for introducing me to sex with other girls. Sharing Sam with the girls that I slept with and loved gave me a warm feeling inside. I'm not sure how else to explain it but I could never convince Sam of this, however I knew he couldn't resist sex with them anyway, so it didn't matter much whether he understood that or not.

Gail, Zoe and I have been comforting each other by sharing a bed since Sam passed away. I know Sue would be too if it weren't for Vince. It would break the hearts of the two of them if I or Gail prohibited Vince from being with Sue. I do love each and every one of them and that would never had been possible if it weren't for Sam. I loved Sam so much and that should explain everything.

I don't want to talk of his death, that is, how he died. It's too painful for me. Let's just say that I'm going to be fighting to toughen the laws against drunk dump-truck drivers. Sam suffered little but left behind many loving family, friends and fans. His funeral was huge -- people flowing outside and around the road outside the cemetery. Many were his fans and I didn't know even ten percent of them. But it made me happy to see them. It will be so hard to function without Sam but I know he would want us to.

To close, I want to leave you with a verse from one of Sam's favorite songs.

         There's no place in this world where I'll belong when I'm gone
         And I won't know the right from the wrong when I'm gone
         And you won't find me singin' on this song when I'm gone
         So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

        -- Phil Ochs




----- Somewhere else

"Over here Sammie, run."

"Slow down. I'm running as fast as I can."

"Hurry, you'll be late."

"Phew. You're fast."

"We're here."

"Where?"

"There. Look. It's time to go."

"I want to go back, like last time."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"There's no going back, only forward."

"Are you coming with me?"

"No, Sam. I have to stay."

"Why?"

"I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"I'm not sure, but I can't go with you. Those are the rules."

"You were going to go with me last time."

"I had to say that."

"I want you to be with me."

"Some day I will. This time it's for you alone. All you have to do is walk through."

"I'm scared."

"There's nothing to be afraid of, my sweet Sammie." She cupped his face gently in her hands. "We'll be back together soon. I promise."

"No! I won't go without you. Not again." He took one her hands in his own and held tight.

"This won't work, Sammie."

"I won't let go. I won't. We're going together or I'm not going at all."

"But it ... huh? What happened?"

"I don't know."

"Hello, Samantha. Hello, Samuel." A voice said. The two turned towards a beautiful lady dressed in a long white dress.

"Do I know you?"

"Yes, Samantha. I'm darknose. Remember now?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Jill? Is that you?"

"Yes, Sam. It's really me."

"Jill! You're, I mean we're ... the same size."

"I can be bigger." she said, and in an instant Sam was knee height to her. "Or I can be smaller." and the next instant she was knee height to Sam. "And Samantha, we can play Sword of Lakatos until our hearts content." she said, this time the same height as both of the Sams.

"How did this happen?"

"You were waiting for Sam, Samantha."

"That's it?"

"Not exactly. It was his choice."

"So, I did that just by holding her hand?"

"You did that by forgiving her, Sam. It was your mercy that saved her. You saved her like the others. Like Zoe, Tee, Sue. Even Julie."

"Julie?"

"She was going to kill herself. If it wasn't for your talk amongst the trees she'd be in the same place as Samantha."

"Mom's responsible for that."

"Yes. But she didn't know until the little birdie told her."

"What little birdie is that? Is it Zoe?"

"No, it was Samantha. She told her to bring Julie to you."

"Samantha? How?"

"The same way she kept you and Zoe together."

"I don't understand."

"Dreams."

"I knew it. I knew they weren't just ordinary dreams."

"Samantha saved others too, Sam. She helped to bring Daisy into everyone's life and Daisy will make history."

"She did that by being the first child born with the virus, right?"

"No. War is imminent, Sam. You know this from talking with your daughter. She will become President of the United States, and then it will be her that will bring peace."

"My Daisy?"

"Everyone's Daisy. Thanks to both of you, she's going to save the world just like her father saved so many."

"I didn't save you, Jill."

"It was my time. You tried with all your heart and that is all that is important. I missed you and now you're here."

"I'll miss the others I left behind."

"You will be with them soon enough."

"I'm so happy to see you again, Jill. We have so much to talk about."

"And I am so happy to see you too. But we have all the time in the universe."

"What about Julie? I miss her already."

"Patience. There's so much we can do here; you'll like it while you wait. Would you two like to play now?"

"Sword of Lakatos?"

"Sure, Samantha. Would you like to play with us, Sam?"

"I don't know how."

"We'll teach you and we can do it for real this time. Would you like me to play the giant amazon?"

"I think I would."

"Cool! And I'll be grinder, the enchanted fairy. Sam, you can be the farmer that finds me in your garden. Then darknose, I mean Jill, will ..."