----- Zoe fesses up

"Sam. I'm pregnant." Zoe said.

"Uh ..."

"As in, with child."

"I know what it means. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Is it mine?"

"Who else?" She looked mad. I probably should never has asked her that.

"How?"

She stared at me like 'you gotta be kidding'.

"I thought you were on the pill."

"I stopped taking it."

"When?"

"After you'd been shot. The first time we did it without being on the pill was the day Julie and you talked about her mother's house."

"So you heard all that about Mom's house?"

"Yes, I heard that. I hear everything."

"You just couldn't stand me getting back with Julie could you? You wanted me all to yourself. That's why you did this." I was a little peeved as I said this.

"No, it's not."

"Oh, I get it. You want a baby so bad and it had to be from me."

"No, Sam."

"And if I got back with Julie you'd miss your chance."

"Sam..."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I only knew for sure since a little more than a week ago."

"Why didn't you tell me a week ago?"

"The time was never right."

"Your timing sucks."

"I know."

"Really, Zoe. I would have expected something better from you."

"It's your baby too."

I rolled my eyes.

"It's not what you think, Sam."

"Obviously. What now?"

"I'm not going to abort the baby."

"I don't want you to."

"You don't?"

"No. You know how I feel about that sort of thing."

"I was scared you wouldn't want it. That's why it was so hard to tell you."

"But you did this on purpose."

"I did this for Samantha."

"You're having the baby that she threw away? Is that it?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of? Well why don't you tell me the whole story."

"I will. Sit down."

I didn't know I was standing, but she was right. I sat.

"Remember the light?"

"What light?"

"Your near-death experience."

"Yeah."

"Samantha asked me to do this. I-I couldn't refuse."

"She asked you to get pregnant?"

"After you told me about your experience talking to Samantha, the one with the light, I knew. I wanted to deny the whole thing as a coincidence, but I couldn't. The dreams are too real, Sam. They kept haunting me."

"Then you stopped taking the pill."

"I'm her little daisy. Remember?" Zoe began crying. "And-and-and we talked ..."

"Take your time. I won't be mad, Zoe. I can't be mad at you for this."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Go ahead. You talked?"

"After the abortion. We decided that I would be the one to have our baby, the next baby, for real and that I should bloom into ... a woman by having ... the baby." Then she started balling her eyes out.

I got up and sat next to her, holding her in my arms. My eyes were wet too.

"It would be our spring ... ah-hu-hu."

"It's okay."

"We would have our baby when the time was right. The spring time. I was ... I was ... I was her little daisy-hee-hee-hee."

Boy was she a mess. I'd never seen Zoe this way.

"Oh God ... Oh God ... Oh God. What have I done, Sam? Ah-hu-hu-hu."

"It's okay, Zoe. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry. Ah-hu-hu."

It took a long while for her to calm down. I had to retrieve a box of tissues from the office. I decided it would be best to distribute boxes of tissues around the house from now on.

"Are you feeling a little better now, Zoe?"

"I don't know."

"I want you to listen to me. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Look at me, Zoe."

"Okay."

"I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

"No. It's ... sudden."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop being sorry."

"Okay."

"It's wonderful."

"It is?"

"Yes. The baby, our baby. It's a gift."

"You're not going to make me get rid of it?"

"I'm not going to let anyone try to take our little gift away from us."

"Not even Julie?"

"Not even Julie."

"What're we going to do?"

"I don't know. There's plenty time to figure it out."

"You won't leave me?"

"I won't leave you."

"But what about Julie?"

"I don't know. I'll have to talk to her."

"I'm breaking up your marriage before it begins."

"Not necessarily."

"She won't want you when she finds out."

"We'll find out later if that's true. Give her a little credit."

"Do you still want her?"

"Yes, Zoe. I do. Is that okay?"

"Yes."

"But I want our baby too."

"Oh God." she said then shut her eyes tight and gulped. Her eyes were still wet.

We just sat, thinking silently for a few minutes. A terrible thought then came to me.

"Zoe?"

"What?"

"Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"I used the strip. They're accurate, especially when they show positive."

"So, you haven't seen the doctor about this?"

"No, not yet."

"Oh, no."

"What?"

"Well, what if?"

"What?"

"What if the baby is normal size? It would destroy you."

"I-I will ... I want it. I'll sacrifice if I have to. Promise me you'll take care of our baby if I can't." She said this frantically. I understood how much the baby meant to her.

"Oh God, Zoe. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you."

"If it's me or the baby, save the baby."

She was getting scared now. I was getting scared.

"Okay, we need to calm down, Zoe. I'm sure we're not the first. Someone else with the virus has had babies before, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure of it. We can't be the first."

"We can ask Leslie, right? She'll know."

"Yeah, we'll ask her."

"God I hate to ask this, but do you know her number, Zoe? Can you call her?"

"Yeah. You want me to call now?"

"It's Saturday. I don't know."

"It can't wait, Sam. We have to do this."

"Right. You're absolutely right. Let's call her."

Zoe ran to get her phone then came back to the sunroom where I waited. I don't know why I waited there. I could have gone with Zoe and called from her bedroom. Whatever.

Zoe sat next to me and dialed.

---- ring ---- ring ---- ring ----

"She's not answering."

"Just wait for the message."

---- ring -- "Hello."

"Oh, hello. Um Leslie please."

"Speaking."

The speaker was turned up loud and the rest of the house was quiet. I could hear the other end.

"Oh hi, Leslie. This is Zoe. You know, from the clinic. Little Zoe."

"Yes, Zoe. How are you?"

"Fine, well that's what I'm calling about. I'm okay but we, I mean I have a question."

Zoe was stumbling and wasn't handling this too well.

"Go ahead. I'm listening."

"I was wondering if, well, Sam is here too and we ... here."

She shoved the phone in my face. Good move, Zoe, --rollingeyes--. I took it.

"Hi Dr. Sarson, I mean Leslie. This is Sam."

"Hello, Sam."

"Sorry about that. Zoe wanted to ask a question -- a medical question."

"I'll try to answer it."

"Do you know of any person with the virus that has become pregnant or, uh, given birth?"

"Not personally."

"But it has happened?"

"Likely."

"Can you find out?"

"I can."

"Would you please?"

"Yes, I will. You two don't sound at all well. Is there something else I should know?"

"Is it possible that a baby might not have the virus but the mother does?"

"Hmm. My opinion, that is my medical opinion, is that the baby is very likely to have the virus. Does the father, that is hypothetically speaking, would the father have the virus too?"

"Sure. I mean yes, if the father has the virus and the mother does too."

"I would say with ninety-nine point nine-nine and a half percent confidence that the baby will have the virus too."

"So then the mother won't have to worry about the baby being normal size?"

"Ahhhh, I see. No, that should be the least of the worries."

I gave Zoe the thumbs up.

"Oh good."

"But, Sam."

"Yes, Leslie."

"It's not advisable for those with the virus to be having babies. We tell you this right up front at the sessions."

"Right. That's a good thing. I mean, we don't want to be having itty bitty babies all around."

"We don't have many data points, that is, there isn't enough information to go on to say for sure that it's a safe thing to do."

"So, there aren't too many such babies yet?"

"Right. Zoe would be one of the first."

"Zoe." I whispered. "She knows."

"Oh." I said to Leslie.

"Sam, don't worry. I will keep this in confidence."

"Thank you."

"Is there anything else?"

"No. Not now anyway."

"It's been a pleasure to talk to you two today. You will keep in touch, won't you?"

"Yes. We will."

"And give my congratulations to Zoe."

"I will."

PHEW!

I hung up and we looked at each other. Then more tears -- tears of relief this time. That's what you call dodging a bullet.

"So, what do we do, Zoe?"

"I haven't a clue."

"You really thought this through, didn't you."

"Sam!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I said putting my hands up in surrender.

"No, I'm sorry. I really complicated things this time."

"That's a fair assessment."

"This is not fair to you."

"Nevertheless, I want the baby, Zoe. I want to be there to raise the baby. I don't want to be a two weekend a month dad. Let's get that settled right now. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"You're going to be the best dad ever."

"I don't know anything about being a father."

"You have your own. You at least have something to go by."

"He was never really around when I needed him. And don't even start on my mother."

"My mom was a drug addict and an alcoholic."

"You're not."

"But I'm ..." she said stroking her hands down in front of her to accentuate the fact that she was diseased -- forever diminutive because of a virus.

"That's special. Our baby will be special. In a good way. I won't leave, Zoe."

"I'm having second thoughts about this, Sam."

"Now? For the first time?"

"Yes. Please don't be mad at me. I can't take it."

"I'm not mad at you. It's just, my emotions are running high. Let's say on a scale of one to ten that it's a fifty-thousand right about now."

"I feel the same."

"I don't know what will happen with Julie, but whatever does happen, Zoe, it'll be you and me together in this. We'll stick together, okay?"

"Thanks. I need to hear that."

"It's not just words. I promise."

"I know, Sam. I didn't expect you to but it's good to know."

"Still gonna go to school?"

"Yeah. I'll take some time off once the baby comes but there's no reason to do that while I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant. Ha. That's funny."

"No, it isn't."

"Zoe's pregnant. I can't believe I'm saying that out loud. And I'm going to be a father. That's pretty cool when you think about it."

I looked at the time on the phone.

"What time is Julie going to be back?"

"I don't know. I'm sure her and her mother will be talking, hugging and crying about this most of the day."

"Do we sit here and wait for her?"

"Nah."

"What will we do?"

"What we always do."

"Skinny dip?"

"Hahahahaha." We both laughed. We needed that.

"Hey? Can you swim?"

"Of course I can swim. How many times have you seen me?"

"I mean in your condition."

"Yes. I can swim. It's actually a good way to get exercise when you're pregnant."

"Really?"

"You never heard that piece of advice?"

"No."

"They tell you that all the time. Swimming is the best exercise. It's not only whole body and aerobic but it's a non-impact exercise. It's good for mother and child."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I haven't even told Erin about the engagement yet."

"Where is she?"

"Fred and her went out early. They're doing something special today. I think she may even be spending tonight with him. Goodness, she could be the last to know. Do you think I should call her?"

"Let's break the news about the baby to Julie first."

"Okay. Knowing Julie she'll tell Sharon and some more friends about the engagement, they'll tell their friends and the next thing you know, the whole town, including Erin, will already know. Not to mention her mother going around telling everyone. Still, I wish I could have told Erin face to face before she left this morning. Where's Gail?"

"At home."

"We should tell her about the engagement."

"I'll tell her."

"Aw. I wanted to."

"Okay. You tell her."

"No. You tell her. Does she know about the baby yet?"

"No."

"Oh, then you have to tell her. That's more appropriate."

"About the baby or the engagement?"

"Both."

"Okay."

"When will you see her next?"

"This afternoon. She's coming back. She just had to take care of a few things at home."

"Okay. I hope this doesn't ruin things with Gail and you."

"I hope not. I think it'll work out alright."

"I hope so too."

"I think we made her smile, Sam."

"Gail?"

"Samantha."

"Oh yeah. I'm sure you're right."

We were both silent for a moment then I caught Zoe staring off into space.

"You doing alright?"

"I was thinking about you."

"I'm right here."

"I was thinking about holding you in my hands."

"Oh?"

"Like in the dream where I picked you up."

"You saved me that time."

"You saved me first."

"Your hands were soft and warm like a satin covered bed."

She cupped my face in her hands. I looked into her eyes.

"And I was so relieved when I looked up to see that it was your face staring down at me, Zoe."

"You were so precious."

"You had a worried look on your face. It gave me pain inside to see that."

"So fragile, you were. I thought you were dying."

"I thought I was too. But your face was a big comfort. You'll be a caring mother."

"Thanks. I hope I can live up to those expectations. I'm nervous."

"You'll do fine. I wonder what it will be: a boy or girl?"

"I don't know. What do you want?"

"I don't really care. But if it's a little girl I want her to look just like you."

"She'll be small like us, won't she, never growing tall?"

"How will this work? Will they give her PDQ right away? Will it even work? Will her shrinking stop enough so she can grow?"

"I wish I knew, Sam."

"We'll find out soon enough."

"In the library..."

"Do you think we can find the answers in the library?"

"No. The library at school in that other dream."

"Oh?"

"Samantha told me that ..."

"Told you what?"

"That she thought you liked me better but I didn't tell you the whole story. She wanted me to take her place. And she said that you and I were going to make history together. To have a baby, you and I."

"What does that mean, make history?"

"I don't know, Sam. Back then I thought the whole idea of sleeping with you and not telling you about the virus, when we knew about it but you didn't, was repugnant. I was against the whole idea of that right from the beginning. At least with me and Samantha I knew and consented. You had neither. Nobody should be subjected to that. Maybe with me doing the deed, I don't know, I would have told you and it never would have happened. I don't know what that dream means."

"You know that if it weren't for Julie ..."

"I know. Let's not talk about it. There's too many emotions with Julie being brought in now. That's over. Let's move on."

"Okay."

We spent time just looking at each other. Touching each others faces. Kissing. Hugging. Holding. I was newly engaged to Julie, but Zoe was going to be the mother of my first child. This was weird. Nothing at all how I thought my life would turn out.

We ended up not swimming even though it was just us in the house. We had coffee and tea and a little to eat. Neither of us were very hungry. We just bided our time doing mostly nothing but being together waiting for Julie.



----- Telling Julie

We were waiting in the sunroom when Julie came back in the early afternoon and we were nervous. So nervous I almost threw up.

"Over here in the sunroom, Julie." I yelled. She showed up with a mile-wide smile on her face.

"Hi, Sam. Hi, Zoe."

We were leaning against each other side by side. We both sat up when Julie said hi. One look at our faces and she knew something was up.

"Hi, Julie." I said.

"Are you okay, Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Zoe?"

"She's fine. Mostly."

"What's wrong?"

Zoe and I looked at each other.

"Sit down, Julie."

"Uh, oh. That bad?" she said taking the love seat.

"So ... I, I mean we, that is Zoe, um ..."

"Yes?"

"Well, you see ..."

"Something happened?"

"Yeah."

"Is it bad?"

"No! No, it's not bad. Not really."

"Then what?"

"Well, uh ..."

"Julie, I'm pregnant." Zoe blurted out.

"Oh." Julie said. It took her second to process this. We didn't say anything, just sat there with worried looks on our faces waiting for Julie to respond.

First Julie's eyes went wide. She looked at Zoe. Then her eyes closed down to slits. Then she had a confused look on her face. She stared at me, pointed, then stared at Zoe. She then had a pained look on her face and then she stared out into space for a few moments. She put her chin in her right hand and her right elbow in her left hand. She looked like Rodin's Thinker. Julie finally sat up straight, cocked her head to the side and looked at us.

"Uh ... congratulations." she finally said after about a minute, which felt like an hour to me. It sounded more like a question. She still looked stunned.

"I should be telling you that." Zoe said.

"Oh yeah. Thanks."

"Julie?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"I-I still want to marry you."

"Good. I was worried you weren't because, I still do."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do."

"Just like that?"

"Sam, I've wanted this for the past year. I won't let anything get in the way this time. Not now. Before it was that thing that kept stopping me."

"Thing?"

"What I did to you. All of it."

"Oh."

"I've convinced myself that I can handle this and that I'm ready. I don't want to blow it again. Even with Zoe's baby coming, Sam, I still want to marry you."

"So the marriage is still on?"

"If you'll have me. I have to admit, I don't know how this is going to work."

"Neither do I."

I looked at Zoe. She said "Go, Sam." and pushed me over to Julie. I sat on Julie's lap.

"This is recent?" Julie asked Zoe.

"I started about a month ago."

"Oh ... Ooooooh, I see."

"I'm sorry, Julie. Sam was clueless the whole time."

"Figures. Zoe, I'm happy for you. Are you ..."

"I'm keeping it!"

"Uh, good. Well, Sam, it looks like you're going to have a little family."

"I want a big family."

"We can work on that."

"Good."

"So you had no idea, Sam? How long have you known?"

"Zoe told me this morning right after I told her we were engaged."

"Wow. That must have taken you for a loop."

"A quadruple gainer with three and a half twists on the half shell."

"The half shell?"

"I don't know. Sounded good."

"How long have you known, Zoe?"

"A week and a half for sure."

"Did you plan this?"

"It's complicated. I would do this even without Sam helping but yes, I planned it. I'm not sure you'd believe me though."

"She told me and I believe her, Julie. It's a long, long story. I'll tell you sometime soon." I added.

"I suppose that's going to have to be good enough for me. How do you feel about this, Sam?"

"I feel like nothing in my life is ever simple."

We laughed.

"But I also feel ... giddy. I'm going to be a dad. And I'm going to be a husband. Wish me luck."

"Good luck."

"Will you support me, Julie?"

"You can count on that."

"Julie." I said. "I love you. I love you too, Zoe."

Group hug!

Gail came to the house later that afternoon and we let Zoe and her have their time alone.

Then Julie and I talked some more about the baby and our future and how we might make all of it work. Frankly, I was mentally prepared, if not completely frightened, of Julie totally going the other way and leaving me for good. At least I still would have had a family but there would have been a big hole left in my life if it happened that way. But things worked out this time. It worked out the very best way.



----- Sunday

We went to bed early that night and were awakened early on Sunday morning by Zoe showing up in the doorway to our bedroom. She made no sound but we felt her presence and sat up in bed.

"Good morning." we both said to her.

She nodded. She was wearing her nightie and it looked like she had a half smile on her face. Or maybe she was stifling a smile. I couldn't tell because she kept her head down and wasn't speaking. The only thing missing from this picture was a teddy bear.

"Are you okay?"

Another nod.

"What is it?"

"Gail."

We didn't know what she was talking about. I was worried for Zoe. "Did she leave you?"

She shook her head this time instead of nodding but still didn't speak.

"Is everything alright?"

Another nod.

"Come here, Zoe." I called to her. She jumped up on the bed between us.

"What did Gail do?"

"She-she asked me to marry her."

Our eyes went wide.

"And?"

"I said yes."

"Where is she?"

Zoe pointed to the door. Gail stood there waiting.

"Come on over, Gail." I said, patting the bed next to me.

"Is this true?" we asked.

"Yes."

"I have to ask, is this because ..."

"Because she's pregnant? Yes and no. I was thinking about this for the past two weeks but when she broke the news to me I had to pop the question then and there."

"Congratulations. We love you guys."

Talk about another big group hug! It must have looked like a weird pajama, slash nude party in that bed -- three little ones and one huge one. It was more like one big hug though: Julie hugging three little people in her immense arms.

But then we were abruptly stopped mid-hug.

BANG!

We heard the front door slam.

Clomp-clomp-clomp-clomp!

We heard the foot steps running. We heard heavy breathing.

When we looked up Erin was standing in the bedroom doorway, panting.

"Sam, Sam, look!" she said.

She held out her left hand to reveal a shiny new engagement ring.

"Fred and I are getting married!"