TIMG: CHAPTER 4
"Alright, so I'll just head straight to the kitchen and grab us some snacks; you go upstairs into the attic and get that brand-spanking new Mew Mew Kissy Cutie DVD of yours ready!" Undyne informed Alphys, heading up the stairs onto the second floor and rummaging through the pantry and refridgerator; meanwhile, Alphys bolted her way up the rest of the stairs onto the third floor, went into her additional bedroom to grab the very same DVD case that Undyne was referring to, then opened up the ceiling hatch and climbed up the magical ladder into the attic (in other words, her official woman-cave and sleeping place), in which she had an incredibly large number of anime-themed posters covering the walls from top to bottom.
While Alphys was busy opening the DVD case and meticulously inserting the disc that it contained into her Playstation 3 (just one of many classic gaming consoles that Alphys secretly owned, along with a hacked Wii) with her often-irritatingly sharp-clawed and rather clumsy fingers and accidentally dropping it multiple times in the process, Undyne was equally busy trying to find a suitable snack for the watching of a Japanese animated series as epic (or in this show's case, epically overrated, just like most animes in general) as Mew Mew Kissy Cutie...which was proving to indeed be a much more difficult task than she had initially realized.
"Hmm...you know what? Screw it; let's just settle for potato chips and Dr. Pepper and call it a night, shall we?!" Undyne whispered irritatedly to herself, losing her patience and simply grabbing the first few things that immediately came to mind out of the fridge and pantry; one big bottle of Dr. Pepper and one ridiculously big bag of barbecue potato chips, to be exact!
"Alright, what'd I miss?" Undyne sighed and shrugged dejectedly as she carefully brought both drink/snack items right up the ladder into the attic and gently shut the hatch behind her.
"Oh, why, nothing, my dear; in fact, I'm afraid we're literally just getting STARTED right now!" Alphys laughed merrily as the two of them sat on the couch together, lovingly wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders and set down their extremely junky food stuff onto the coffee table, pouring the chips into a ridiculously large bowl and...leaving the soda in the bottle?
"What? I just LIKE sharing my DNA with you whenever we eat and drink together!" Undyne chuckled awkwardly and humiliatedly in response to Alphys' sudden Futurama Fry glare at her.
"Sigh...you know what? Me too, Undyne, me too." Alphys shrugged reluctantly, grabbing the Playstation 3 remote off of the sofa's right side-table and promptly hitting the PLAY button.
As the show began, on came the wonderful theme song...which Alphys and Undyne, of course, simply could not stop singing along to literally every single time it came on to save their lives.
"Life was such a wreck everytime I would check!" they sang as the titular main protagonist of the show, known as none other than Moumou Kissy Cutie, leapt onto the screen and introduced the audience to the incredibly overused world that her show took place in...why, Tokyo, of course, and it was even full of giant monsters and robots, just to add icing to the cliché cake!
"I had homework all day but I just wanted to play!" they sang as Moumou sat at her desk and frantically scribbled her way through her math homework in only the most melodramatic of fashions, solving equations with her right hand and writing names for her party invitations with her left while Alphys and Undyne took numerous potato chips from their bowl and ate them.
"And everyone at school would always make fun of me!" they sang as Moumou went to school all decked out in her ridiculously pink and skimpy weeaboo-catgirl outfit and wondered why not a single other person in her entire high school was able to take her even remotely seriously.
"Because my neko-chibi costume was so kawaii!" they sang as Moumou chased after a ball of yarn like an adorable little kitten, causing all of the villains to mindlessly, droolingly fawn over how ridiculously cute she was...which, of course, is pretty much how Alphys' fans treat her.
"I'm just MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE! It's a new way I'd like to be!" they sang as Moumou spun around like a fluffy sharp-clawed tornado and shredded the skin off all of her bullies' faces.
"I'm just MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE! Poor cute and adorable me!" they sang as Moumou began smooching almost every single person in town on the cheek, effectively hypnotizing them.
"We are MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE! We love everyone and everything!" they sang as Moumou led a gargantuan, world-class parade of thoroughly brainwashed citizens through the city without warning while cars of all shapes and sizes swerved, crashed and burned all around them.
"We are MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE! Won't you come and sing with me?" they sang as Moumou flew all the way up onto the very top of the tallest building in Tokyo and saluted the audience with a teasing wink, prompting Alphys and Undyne to involuntarily wink and salute back.
Anyway, long story short, the entire movie went pretty much like this (just like any regular old episode of the show, disappointingly enough)...up until one particularly infamous new scene, that is.
"Hey, wait a minute, wasn't this scene supposed to be DELETED?!" Undyne gasped in shock, covering her mouth with her hands at the mere thought of something like this being in a kids' movie.
"Well, I did get the Director's Cut edition for a REASON, you know!" Alphys chuckled and snorted as one of the main villains, Count Octopus (because Doctor had already been taken, of course) ominously approached Moumou, whom he had just recently bound and gagged, in his private barn, with his tentacle-arms wiggling and waving excitedly in the wind as he walked.
"Um...Octo? WHY exactly are you doing this to me, again?" Moumou asked Octo nervously and rather naively as Octo forcefully ripped the obligatory strip of duct tape off of her mouth while Alphys and Undyne sat on the edge of their seat, their hearts pounding with excitement.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Since when were you NOT the freaking Little Miss Fanservice of this godforsaken show?!" Octo sneered angrily at her, pulling down his pants as he untied her from the ropes, wrapped her up nakedly in his tentacles and let the madness begin.
"OHHHH...OOOH...AHHHH...OH YEAH, I WANT YOU TO SQUIRT YOUR F%#&ING SQUID INK IN THERE LIKE YOU F#$%ING MEAN IT...OH, YES, RAVAGE ME IN EVERY SINGLE ORIFICE OF MY ENTIRE BODY, SENPAI! FONDLE ME FROM HEAD TO TOE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW! COME ON, HONEY, F%#&ING PET ME! MAKE ME YOUR ALMOST-LITERAL F#$&ING BITCH! WHAT ARE YOU F#%&ING WAITING FOR, SENPAI?!" Moumou moaned and screamed with pleasure while Alphys and Undyne just stared blankly at the screen, their jaws hung open in disbelief as they struggled with all of their might to comprehend the freakish horrors that they were currently witnessing.
"Uhh...no offense, but I REALLY don't think we should be watching stuff like this at our current age!" Undyne warned Alphys, putting her hands over the poor thing's eyes and covering them.
"Gee, ya THINK?!" Alphys yelled angrily at her, smacking her hands away as Octo grabbed a nice, big, juicy horse from one of the local stables and proudly displayed it to Moumou.
"OH GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT HORSE...OH, GOD, NOT THE WIENER! NOT THE WIENER! AUUUGH! HAGGGH! BLEEEAUUUGHHH!" Moumou gagged and vomited while Alphys and Undyne tilted their heads and stared awkwardly in speechless wonderment at the absolutely horrific things that were currently happening, with only the most priceless of looks on their faces as Toriel, who had just recently regained consciousness, arrived back at the house, heard them up in the attic and decided to go up there and check on them.
"Those two had DAMNED better not be watching hentai while I'm not looking again!" Toriel growled frustratedly, clenching her hands into fists as she stormed up the stairs...and then immediately quivering her knees and shaking in fear as she approached the entrance hatch to her attic and suddenly began to very clearly hear all of the incredibly loud and disgusting screaming, moaning and whinnying noises that were currently coming from up there.
"OH, GOD, TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!" Alphys begged Undyne desperately, burying her head in her pillow and screaming in horror as her fish girlfriend fumbled frantically with the remote.
"I'M TRYING, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Undyne screamed in a fit of panic as she hit the POWER button and shut the Playstation 3 right in the nick of time, just as Toriel was reluctantly coming up through the entrance hatch into the attic to see what kind of disgusting and depraved drivel her adoptive daughters had been secretly watching together without her permission THIS time.
"Um...heh heh...uh, w-we were just w-watching a Halloween t-themed episode! EHEHE!" Alphys stammered, blushed and giggled, crossing her legs and wagging her tail and twiddling her fingers awkwardly while Undyne pretty much did the exact same only without the tail.
"Yeah, I mean, no offense, but honestly, what in the world could have made you think that we were secretly watching PORN up here?" Undyne sarcastically teased Toriel, grinning awkwardly and patting Alphys on the back while Toriel put her hands on her hips and glared profoundly disappointedly at the two of them, causing both of them to tremble and gulp with fear.
"Sigh...you know what? Just go outside and play or something; honestly, I really don't have the time and energy to deal with you two right now, let alone all of the other stuff that's currently going on around here at the moment. At least be good, okay?" Toriel politely requested of the two of them, simultaneously patting both of them on the shoulders and wrapping her arms around them in a nice, big, warm and motherly hug.
"I WILL...IF YOU'LL PLEASE...STOP SQUEEZING...MY LUNGS!" Alphys choked and coughed, gasping for air as both her lungs and Undyne's alike were ferociously squeezed shut.
Once they had gotten their toy military gear out of the toybox in the attic's closet and strapped it all on, Alphys and Undyne then proceeded to forcefully kick the front door of Toriel's open for the second time in a row and proudly display their incredibly (not) badass attire to the desolate, postapocalyptic urban world of City 17 (or just the forest, whichever you prefer), backpacks and all!
"Greetings, evil space army from another planet! I'm Alphys; Alphys Freeman!" Alphys, who was currently wielding a crowbar from the garage and wearing a cheesy orange tracksuit from probably the 1970s or 80s, greeted her imaginary (and incredibly humanoid, and hazmat-suited, and glowy-eyed) extraterrestrial Combine enemy valiantly, posing dramatically as a multitude of pistol-wielding Combine police officers surrounded her and Undyne on all sides.
"And I'm Undyne; Undyne Vance! No matter how much punishment I take, no matter how many times you shoot me, no matter how many times the next game of this series gets delayed to hell to back, I WILL NEVER DIE!" Undyne boasted in only the most badass manner possible as she reached into the holster of the blue jeans she was wearing right underneath her grey hoodie and pulled out her pump-action revolver, which in real life was just an empty Maverick.
"And together, with the powers combined, we are THE COMBINE TO END ALL COMBINES!" Alphys and Undyne laughed triumphantly as they both charged headfirst into battle.
"Hey, how many hits does it take to beat a moron to death? WHOOPS, SORRY, TIME'S UP, YOU'RE DEAD!" Alphys laughed smugly as she ran up to one of the Combine officers and bashed his face in with her crowbar while he just stood there pointing his gun at her absentmindedly; meanwhile, Undyne ducked behind cover, got out her binoculars and called down an airstrike onto the rest of the crowd, with them somehow being too dumb to even realize what she was doing while Alphys, being the smart one, fled quickly to safety.
"F%# ing early-2000s video game AI..." Undyne muttered under her breath, shaking her head disappointedly and facepalming as she followed Alphys into the next borderline-scripted segment of the assault, in which an alarmingly large and divided group of Combine soldiers was standing on easily breakable wooden platforms jutting out of several crumbling and heavily broken-down nearby buildings at frighteningly high elevations off of the ground...and of course, they were all surrounded by explosive barrels, because why not?
On a semi-related side note, there was also another moderately large and incredibly stupid formation of Combine soldiers arranged behind a blockade of broken-down car wrecks down on the street level, completely oblivious to the fact that Alphys had a gun that could THROW such things AT them!
"BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM!" Undyne chuckled as she ducked behind cover, took aim and shot each barrel one-by-one with her revolver, blowing up large chunks of the buildings (sending said chunks lethally crashing down onto several particularly unfortunate soldiers down below) and sending the explosion victims flying through the air with their limbs flailing about like those of ragdolls, officially making the entire situation impossible to take seriously.
"STEE-RIKE!" Alphys laughed uproariously as she reached into her backpack and pulled out her Ghostbuster cannon, I mean, gravity gun, picked up several cars with it, and hurled them all simultaneously at the Combine soldiers in one massive cavalcade of scrap metal, bowling the poor soldiers over like pins as she and Undyne were suddenly ambushed by none other than-
"A GIANT ORGANIC ALIEN HELICOPTER!" Undyne and Alphys screamed in terror as they immediately leapt behind the makeshift cover provided by all of the destroyed buildings and vehicles, reluctantly reached into their backpacks and pulling out their Nerf ball bazookas, I mean, rocket launchers, aimed them directly at the beast, and took fire...only...
"GOD DAMN IT, our freaking BAZOOKAS are empty!" Undyne groaned, facepalming herself in shame as the helicopter eagerly charged up its deadly machine-gun cannon, when suddenly...
"Oh, RIGHT..." Alphys shrugged as a ragtag team of rebels hiding in various background buildings fired all of their laser-guided rockets at the beast simultaneously, causing it to break down and crash into the ground right where Alphys and Undyne were grouped together!
"HOLY SHNIKES!" Alphys and Undyne screamed, reflexively sprinting and lunging out of the way right before the helicopter hit the ground and exploded into fiery bits; of course, said explosion left an unsettlingly large hole in the ground, through which a swarm of headcrabs crawled out through the sewer system and lunged straight for Alphys' and Undyne's heads one after the other!
"BATTER UP!" Alphys laughed excitedly as she fiercely swung her crowbar back and forth with perfect timing, hitting each headcrab right out of the air to their death in mid-lunge-at-her!
"UNDYNE PUNCH! UNDYNE KICK! YES, COME ON, SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!" Undyne roared valiantly as she deflected nearly every single headcrab that came at her with her bare fists and feet, then finally smashed the last one's nonexistent face in WITH HER HEAD, effectively killing it in the most ironic manner possible while Alphys just stood and gawked in amazement.
"Alright, here comes the FINAL BOSS! BRING IT ON, MOTHERHUBBARDS!" Undyne laughed as she and Alphys approached the Citadel tower, which Dr. Breen's massive, fifty-foot-tall, obviously evil robot of death and destruction was currently busy eating for some odd reason.
"Wait...THIS game had an ACTUAL final boss?" Alphys scratched her head in confusion as the massive, iron giant turned his head over to the side and curiously gazed upon her and Undyne.
"Of COURSE it didn't, which is actually one of many reasons why the first Half-Life was ACTUALLY kind of a better freaking GAME than this one in retrospect! NOW YOU DIE!" Dr. Breen laughed as he grabbed the entire Citadel and swung it at his assailants, knocking the both of them right back into reality!
Giantess World
